There Is A Strong Possibility I Find Your Brain To Be Super SEXIE
by YamiHirugashi
Summary: LXOC contains detailed violence and lemons (chapters are marked). This takes you through L's childhood and adolescence pre-Kira case with his lifelong friend and love Tsuki. See how they learn to grow together while facing some of the most difficult trials of their young lives. Stick around to see how they handle the Kira case together. Follows anime plot but uses manga timeline.
1. The Moon's Glow Chapter 1

Wide sapphire blue eyes stared up at the large building in front of her. She couldn't see much of the building for it was 2:01 am, the sky was a twinkle with the stars over London and the building didn't have many lights on. She was nervously clinging to the man's arm beside her. A kind, gentle older gentleman that had just picked her up from the last orphanage she was at, despite the odd hour.

The young girl looked to be no older than seven or eight years old, but her eyes held an age far beyond her years. If shown just her eyes, some would believe she was in her 20's.

The gentleman beside her looked to be in his late 40's perhaps early 50's, but she estimated he was a little older than he looked. He stood a few feet taller than the young girl and had her black and purple bag draped over his opposite shoulder. He looked at her with gentle, knowing eyes. She had a checkered history of bouncing from orphanage to orphanage and quite frankly he knew this would take some time for her to feel comfortable here.

She was an unusual child though her appearance was anything but. Pale skin, large sapphire eyes, black wavy and unruly hair, a little on the short side for her age and her body already was maturing with A-cup breasts and already adorning the beginning of her womanly curves.

"Are you ready to go inside?" The gentleman asked her gently. He knew some of the children that came to the Wammy House were uneasy about more change, another place to live; a new start.

"Yes sir I am." She said quietly, her voice betrayed her nervousness.

With a gentle smile the man beside her, she was told to call "Watari", led her inside the gates of the Wammy House Orphanage. She looked around inspecting what she could of the area with a small smile as she slowly started to relax grateful for the company of Watari beside her.

She hadn't known him terribly long, only two weeks, four days, 11 hours and 32...33 minutes. Over the short time since she had met him she had several visits from the gentleman at the previous orphanage she resided in.

He would bring her all kinds of puzzles, random tests asking her a variety of things such as: "What is the meaning of life?" that she had to answer in as much detail as possible as well as giving her examples, reasons, beliefs and inspirations for said answer. "If someone has committed a horrendous crime, and you were confronting them, what would you do if you had a gun at your disposal and risked them getting away if you didn't shoot them?" This was a question she found particularly difficult to answer, not because of the content...but because she hated the thought of hurting someone...it brought back painful memories...Some of her favorite questions were when it would be a detailed scenario and she had to evaluate how each person would react and give detailed explanations of her conclusions. She loved to analyze people and take in everything about people, she never quite understood them so she loved to learn and observe. Because of this hobby she never really fit in with other children. She would rather watch them than interact with them.

Her thoughts and memories were broken when they arrived at the door of the Wammy House and she looked up at it its elegant design. With a slight nod to Watari's silent question she went inside with him and stopped to look around the large interior of the Wammy House Orphanage.

It looked like a place no child belonged and given the time of night, no child was in sight except herself. She let her eyes slowly scan the room and found she didn't much care to remember the detail of it, to her surprise. She looked up at Watari with a questioning gaze but a kind and polite expression.

"What now Mr. Watari?" she asked pleasantly.

"I'll show you to your room for the night and we'll take care of things in the morning." He said in a warm gentle tone. She simply gave a small smile and nodded. He escorted her to her room and motioned to a bathroom that was at the head of the hallway, all the children in the hall shared the bathroom at head and end of the hallway...at least there were two bathrooms per the, looked like, eight rooms. They continued on after she nodded, not interested in inspecting it at the moment, finally they stopped outside a plain white door with a simple brass doorknob that was the second to last door on the left side of the hallway. It was now that she finally let go of his arm and slowly reached to the doorknob.

Once she let the door silently open Watari flicked on the light switch revealing a simple eggshell colored room with a desk on the opposite wall from the main door with a horizontal rectangular window over the desk reaching the entire span of the desk with white, elegant lacey curtains pulled over the window blocking some of the moonlight; a computer chair, a small, simple black iron lamp adorned the desk, a small dresser on the left-hand side of the room, an elegant black iron clock hanging above the dresser revealing the time as 2:25, a simple bed that had a bed spread over it that was against the right hand wall and lastly a closet door on the left-hand side of the room that led what she assumed was a closet. Looking up at Watari she let a small smile slowly grow into a happy look. "I have my own room?" she asked with excitement.

He let out a chuckle as his eyes sparkled with a warm fatherly glow and he nodded. Older eyes widened slightly as she suddenly embraced him in her joy, he let out a chuckle and put a hand on her back. He was happy to see her joy of the surprise.

She looked up at him with a light blush coating her slightly rounded cheeks as she grinned up at him. "Thank you Mr. Watari!"

"You are most welcome dear. Now you need to get some rest...but before I go I have a request for you for tomorrow." He continued at her simple nod, "I need you to think of a name for yourself. No one in this home uses their real name, you will be no different."

The young girl nodded listening to him with a serious gaze, losing her childlike moment instantly. "Yes sir, I'll have one picked out."

He smiled kindly at her. "Goodnight then." He said gently and headed away from the room down the hall and finally out of sight.

She watched as he slowly left her alone, staring at the mouth of the hallway with an aged sadness in her eyes. She hated being alone, while she was excited she had her own space, she wasn't used to the idea of being alone...especially somewhere new. Slowly she dragged her eyes along all the doors and gave a little shrug to herself and slowly she started heading down the hallway looking at all the doors taking in their designs and locations. Each door was personalized except for the one on the left of hers at the very end of the hallway. She found it odd but then figured that there was no one in the room.

Finally after a few more minutes wondering in the hallway she went into her room and closed the door, slowly she looked around it to take in the details of her new temporary home.

Her eyes fell to the desk of the room, where she more than likely would spend the most of her time at. It was a simple antique cherry wood color with two drawers on each side of it. It had nothing on it, save the lamp, and she assumed nothing in it and by the looks of it, it was brand new. The computer chair perfectly tucked away against the desk was a simple black leather, or it was imitation she couldn't tell from the head of her room.

Moving her eyes towards the bed in the room she took in the comforter that adorned it. It had blue and white patterns covering it and she slowly walked over to it looking at the pillows as she pulled back the comforter. There was one blue pillow and one white to match the bed set. The sheets her blue with white trim, slowly she ran her hand across the sheets and couldn't help but smile at how soft they were, they had to be at least 500 thread count...how odd to give that to a child. She inspected the tag and smiled to herself seeing she was correct and that they were Egyptian cotton. She couldn't wait to curl up in the inviting bed.

She looked around her room and realized Watari had set her bag down, she assumed it was when she was quickly inspecting her room. Smiling to herself she went over to her bag and grabbed it moving over to her antique cherry wood dresser. She set her bag atop it and quickly opened it smiling seeing her stuffed raccoon sitting on top of her clothing. It was the only possession she had besides her bag, clothes, and shoes. She let a small giggle escape her lips as she hugged the beloved stuffed animal.

"Hello Coony! This is our new home...for now." She whispered to the stuffed creature as she moved the creature making it "look" around the room smiling to herself. "What do you think?" she asked it with a cute smile that only Coony saw. After a moment of silence she nodded to herself and smiled wider embracing the creature once more. "I love it too!" she giggled as she moved Coony over to her bed to sit on the white pillow on the left side of the bed.

Smiling fondly at the creature she moved to her dresser again and resumed her attempt of putting away her clothes stopping only for a moment pleased to find a couple of towels neatly folded in the top drawer with a full two-in-one shampoo bottle and a bottle containing body wash along with a tooth brush still in the package and regular mint toothpaste. There were two large towels, two hand towels, and two wash cloths. Pleased with her discovery she decided she would take a shower tonight after she got her room settled more.

Once finished putting her clothes away she moved her bag to the closet and tucked it away inside. The closet had a few black hangers in it and a small wicker basket she assumed was for dirty clothes. Taking off her shoes she tucked them in the closet beside her bag and closed the door quietly. Even though she was sure no one could hear her she didn't want to risk waking anyone. Looking around the room she let a small smile creep onto her face.

"I have a place that feels a little more like home than I've ever had..." she whispered to herself gazing around the room with a mixture of emotions hitting her. Walking over to the window she smiled as she reached up and pulled open the curtains smiling at the moonlight hitting her face.

Finally, she moved to her dresser and fetched herself some pajamas and fresh underwear along with a large towel and a wash cloth. Looking around her room again she smiled, nodded to herself and headed out of the room silently going to the bathroom across the room to the left of hers. She couldn't help but smile at the convenience of being close to a bathroom. Once she opened the tan bathroom door she looked around it quickly as she set down her towels and pajamas on the counter of the sink.

The bathroom was white and tan. The tile on the walls covering the entire bathroom was a white and tan pattern; there was white tile on the floor with a matching tan rug by the shower, which had a white curtain with tan designs covering it. The sink was white but had elegant tan designs stained onto it, the fixtures in the bathroom were silver and upon better inspection of the door it was tan but the carvings in the doors design were painted white. She hung her towel on the little rack by the shower and looked around the bathroom again. It was an interesting color scheme she admitted, who did a bathroom with white and tan? She turned and went back into her room to get her shampoo, body wash, toothbrush and toothpaste and noticed when she came out of her room, the room's door to her left was slightly ajar.

Curiously she took a step closer to the room and the door slightly moved. She couldn't see inside but she could hear the faint breathing of what sounded like a child coming from inside. "Hello?" she quietly called to the room only to feel as if she was being watched for a few silent moments before the door quickly closed. Silence followed the door closing and she shrugged to herself. She figured whoever it was, was just shy or didn't like to interact with others. Either way, it was 2:59 am...probably woke up hearing her shuffling around, she would have to apologize another time since they probably wanted to get back to sleep.

Finally she moved the rest of her things into the bathroom, followed by her closing and locking the door behind her entry. Setting her shampoo and body wash in the shower she turned on the water to a lukewarm then quickly moved her hand under the crying shower. Smiling feeling the water quickly warming to what she preferred she stripped herself and grabbed her wash cloth and got into the shower letting out a slight giggle as the shower's flowing tears tickled her flesh.

Closing her eyes she stood under the water and let her body relax. She had been awake for almost 22 hours and she could feel the effect it had on her body. She was never one to sleep much, this she assumed due to her acute insomnia, but she was actually tired tonight. She decided she would rest once clean and took a quick shower softly humming a tune to herself as she washed her body, sure to keep her tone low enough no one would be disturbed more than she apparently had already done.

Once finished she slowly dried herself as she looked over her flesh, pail and full of freckles, but not in a coating way. You could almost play connect the dots with her skin, she let out a slight giggle as she made random designs on her flesh as she dried. She dressed and brushed her teeth slowly as she inspected her face. Her eyes twinkled with life and contentment but held an aged tired gleam to them. She had dark circles under her eyes she estimated would go almost completely away after four, perhaps five good solid nights of sleep of roughly six hours? She wondered if she would even get six hours tonight, probably more along the lines of four but she knew she would be fine. Rest was rest.

She quickly dried her soap bottles and gathered her things in her arms and went into her room, making two separate trips to get her things. Once in her room for the remainder of the night she put her dirty clothes in the wicker basket, set her soaps along with her toothbrush and toothpaste on her dresser. She hung the towel and wash cloth in the closet over the titanium bar that remained bare, save the 12 hangers adorning it.

Looking around she tried to figure out if she could get any personal possessions or change anything about the room so it was more...hers. She finally climbed into her bed and let out a pleased sigh as she slowly melted into the bed, instantly snatching Coony into her embrace. She glanced to the light switch debating whether or not she wanted to brave to turn it off and quickly decided against it. Slowly she curled under the covers as she continued to relax, exhaustion fully hitting her.

"Wait" she mumbled sleepily to no one trying to stop herself from falling asleep. "A...new name..."

Her birth name was Takara Hirukashita...but she never cared for her name to begin with. It was the name _they_ gave her. She smiled thinking about all the horrible things she's been called by other children as she bounced from foster home, to orphanage, to orphanage, to foster home, to orphanage to...it seemed to never end...she didn't think she'd be in this home very long but she figured she would go with it for as long as it lasted.

Turning over in her bed to look out the window looking out at the starry night sky with the beautiful full moon in the sky shining brightly into her room, she smiled. She got out of bed reluctantly clutching Coony tightly and turned off the light stiffly then smiled as she saw the moonlight entering her room illuminating it as if a light was on. The moon was so incredibly bright and comforting, letting her relax enough to loosen her grip on Coony slightly.

"That's what my name is...Tsuki...I'll call myself moon." She said with a small happy little giggle. She couldn't wait to shed her tired name and all the memories it adorned.

Content with her decision she smiled up at the moon shining brightly back at her. "Thank you Mr. Moon" she said with a soft happiness on her face, "for inspiring my new identity...I promise I'll only add to your wonderful reputation!" she giggled childishly. She didn't have too many childish moments but when she did she was always alone and thoroughly enjoyed each one as if it were the last.

She happily climbed back into bed and hugged Coony to her as she cuddled under the blankets. She softly started to hum Beethoven's Moonlight Sinatra as she let her body relax enough for sleep to take her into the exclusive club of non-night dwellers. Softly she pet her beloved companion as if it was alive as she continued to hum letting her body relax more. Slowly she drifted off to sleep falling into a deep restful sleep for the first time in weeks.


	2. I Have A Name, Now What? Chapter 2

Sleepy blue portals slowly opened to the ever growing glow of the morning's rays of light that cruelly stole sleeping zombies from their nightly rest. With a soft whine of protest Tsuki sluggishly rose from her bed to a sitting position stretching lazily. Eyes slowly blinking as she tried to rub the sleep from her eyes as she took in the sight of her room in daylight and a ghost of a sleepy smile made its way to her face.

"Oh yah..." She said to herself as she looked at her precious Coony. Smiling widely she picked up the stuffed animal she had discarded at night at some point that rested close to her feet and hugged it tightly. "Morning Coony!" she giggled happily.

Hopping out of bed she pulled the sheets up and quickly made her bed, not that she cared for the chore but she was always hassled about it, she closed her curtains, went to her dresser, grabbed a fresh change of clothes for the day and smiled to herself as she retrieved her shoes from the closet then stopped with a pout. She hated shoes, she much preferred to be barefoot but decided the first day she should probably wear shoes around the home. With an annoyed sigh she quickly put her shoes on and looked around her room with a smile.

"This is...my room." She giggled happily looking at Coony. "I'm going to go explore this place I'll be back later!" she chirped happily and headed for the door.

Right as she opened the door she stumbled back slightly to see a girl about her height in front of her. Her hair was a wild, unruly rusty-red with purple-red eyes, her skin paler than mine and her face was blank. She wore a white simple dress that hung loosely around her and was holding a black teddy bear with one of its black fake eyes missing and it had a few holes in it where stuffing was coming out of it.

"Hello." she said in a quiet, almost eerie voice.

"Um...hello..." Tsuki said quietly.

"You're new here." She said in the same almost eerie tone.

"Um...yah...I just got here last night..." Tsuki said slightly unsure of this girl's intentions.

"I know I saw you last night..." she said.

Tsuki's eyes slightly widened, "So you are in the room next to me?...Sorry did I wake you?"

The girl gave a slight uncaring shrug, "No you didn't..." she tilted her head slightly, "do you know where you need to go to see Watari and Rodger?" she asked quietly.

"No...I don't actually..." Tsuki admitted slightly reluctantly.

"I can show you...if you want..." the girl said quietly.

At this Tsuki beamed at her, "You will! Oh thank you!...Um...I'm sorry what's your name...or...should I say nick-name?" Tsuki asked awkwardly not understanding the alias thing.

With a light chuckle that gave Tsuki a slight chill she simply said, "I'm Martha, but you can call me M." Martha turned and started heading down the hallway to the mouth of it.

Tsuki smiled and nodded to herself. M...ok that's weird going by a letter...but whatever she wanted to call herself "moon"! Tsuki quickly followed her down the hall taking in the sights as they walked quickly through the winding building. Even with her photographic memory...she knew it would take her some time to learn this place from top to bottom.

The entire building seemed to not be made for children...well not normal children, or perhaps she was just seeing the areas children didn't often venture into. Finally Martha stopped outside a door that said "Rodger" on it and turned to look at Tsuki.

"I'll see you later No-Name." She said as she started walking off.

"Wa-wait I have a name it's-"

Martha stopped and looked at her, "No you don't, not until Rodger makes it official. Until then, you're No-Name. To EVERYONE you meet." She said in an almost icy tone then quickly disappeared within a few moments...as if she had never been there.

Tsuki had a perplexed expression on her face and then shrugged slightly. Everyone was a little strange...looking at the door she slowly reached a hand out and knocks.

"Come in." a tired, almost gruff yet gentle older voice called. It was clearly obvious this person was not Watari and he was significantly younger than him.

With a polite, yet curious expression she entered the room closing the door behind her. She took in the sight of the man behind the desk. He offered her a warm polite smile and gestured for her to sit in one of the two chairs in front of his desk. She moved and hopped into a chair on the left side of his desk and gave him a pleasant smile.

"You must be Takara..." He said quietly earning an unsure nod from the girl. "I'm Rodger, it's a pleasure to meet you." He said gently as he offered his hand for her to shake. Tsuki smiled politely and shook his hand in a firm handshake a girl her age shouldn't have.

After a moment of taking in the girl's presence and behavior he spoke again, "As I'm sure Watari told you...you were to pick a name for yourself." Again, she nodded. "Have you decided one?"

"Yes, I would like to be called Tsuki." She said quietly.

"Are you sure about that? Once you have chosen a name you cannot change it." Roger said gently but firmly.

Tsuki nodded, happy with the idea of always being called by her new chosen name.

Rodger nodded and gave her a little smile before his face grew serious, "There are a few rules here...One: no photos of yourself or any of the adults or other children here. Ever. Two: never tell anyone your real name, birthdate, country of origin, no personal information such as that. No matter what. Three: you are to clean up after yourself and be responsible for attending any classes you are in as well as any tasks any of the adults here assign you. Four: respect the other children here, whether they rank above or below you. Everyone is gifted in their own light and deserves the utmost respect for it. As for anything else, you will learn as things go. All the staff will know you are new and will help guide you accordingly. Any questions?"

Tsuki sat there silently with a pleasant yet serious look on her face, "Yes sir, what's the point of an alias?"

Rodger gave her a kind smile, "This is the name the world will know you by from now on because of what the Wammy House does. The Wammy House is a special orphanage. Children here are extremely gifted in some way, they shine above other children in their age groups and have been taken in here to learn to hone their skills and talents to better the world somehow. The need of an alias...well quite frankly you could be involved in dangerous situations as you mature and an alias is just another way to protect yourself from the dangers you may encounter as you handle the work you will be handed."

Tsuki smiled and nodded listening to him, "I can't wait for what the future hands me." She said with child enthusiasm but an adult air of sincerity surrounded her.

Rodger looked at her and smiled with amusement dancing in his eyes. "You will be a pride of the Wammy House I can already tell that much." He chuckled as he made a few notes on a paper and finally looked at her again. "You won't be enrolled in classes for a few days so you have time to adjust to the home and meet new people. Any questions you can come find me or Watari whenever he is around. He is a very busy man so if you need to address him make sure it is very important. Above all you need to respect him young lady...always remember if it weren't for him you would still be in the orphanage you were just taken from." He said in a kind tone but it held serious warning.

Tsuki's eyes held an aged quality to them as she silently looked at the man in front of her, "Yes sir, I have nothing but the highest respect and gratitude towards Mr. Watari...I will be forever grateful to him for finding me and bringing me here. You need not worry about my showing any form of disrespect..." She said with an aged, almost sad smile as the whispers of memory tickled the nape of her mind.

Rodger nodded understandingly and gave her a reassuring smile, "Now go on, Tsuki. Go explore the Wammy House, introduce yourself, and make friends."

Tsuki smiled at him and nodded, "Yes sir Mr. Rodger." She said as she hopped out of her chair, offered her hand to shake his again with a warmness in her handshake that had not been there the first time and with that she silently went to the door. "Have a nice day." She said casually as she exited the room closing the door silently.

Looking up and down the hall she pondered where to go for the kitchen. She wasn't one that enjoyed breakfast too much but in her excitement and nerves of coming to the Wammy House she hadn't eaten much the pervious sun cycle. Curiously she started to wonder from whence she came and slowly took in the sights of the surrounding areas only to be startled from her thoughts as a familiar voice caught her attention, her head snapping in the direction of the owner. Martha was leaning against a wall a few feet from her hidden in the shadows of a bookcase holding wide encyclopedias, atlases, dictionaries, biographies of some of the most famous people in history, and little odds and ends type books.

"So, have you been named, No-Name?" She asked in a casual tone that still gave off an eerie quality to it.

Tsuki beamed happily at her and quickly walked over to her, "Yes I'm officially Tsuki." She said barely containing the giggle the desperately wanted to let out.

Martha felt a small amused smile dance across her features as she observed the girl now known as Tsuki. "I like you Tsuki..." She said quietly then slightly tilted her head looking at her. "I think I like calling you No-Name better though..."

Tsuki blinked at her surprised then curious as she gave a small laugh, "Fair enough, if you like you can keep calling me that!" She said cheerily, "and I like Martha instead of M." She said almost uncertainly.

Martha gave her a small smile and nodded, "Acceptable, you are the only one that can call me Martha...and I am the only one that can call you No-Name." She sated matter-of-factly.

Tsuki giggled with a happy nod, "Of course!"

Martha smiled slightly at her and started heading off, which Tsuki followed her quietly for a few moments and then her stomach grumbled its protest against her prolonged hungered state. Pouting she gripped her stomach hoping to fruitlessly soothe and quiet her stomach of its protests and demands for food.

Martha let out a low eerie chuckle and looked at Tsuki over her shoulder, "We're on our way to the kitchen now." She said, amusement coating her soft tone. Tsuki grinned sheepishly at Martha then nodded, a pout slipping out again as her stomach growled louder, to this Martha just let out another eerie chuckle.

Silently, with the exception of Tsuki's stomach voicing itself periodically, they made their way to the kitchen. Once they reached it Martha looked at Tsuki then slowly tilted her head in curiosity.

Staring at the kitchen in surprised awe Tsuki looked around and smiled excitedly. It was so big! She could tell there was a lot of food and many different ways she could cook, excited she looked at Martha. "We make our own food right?"

Martha nodded still perplexed by her behavior; she was this excited to cook? "Yes, if you can safely cook and know how you make your own meals. If you do not you eat at the scheduled times."

Tsuki grinned happily and nodded excitedly, "Great! What do you want for breakfast?" She asked cheerily, "I'm a decent cook with a vast amount of knowledge of different dishes." She said happily.

Martha looked at her in slight surprise but smiled softly at her, "Pancakes would be nice...with chocolate, pineapple and grapes in it...please."

Tsuki blinked at her then grinned happily, "Alright!" She hurried about the kitchen and found the necessary ingredients, utensils, cookware and plates necessary then began to cook with extreme precision and calculations. She made simple blueberry, strawberry, banana, and chocolate pancakes for herself while also preparing Martha's request.

Martha watched her interested and perplexed, making a slight face at Tsuki's fruit selection. How odd...combining those fruits...why not do something normal like what she was having? Shrugging to herself she watched quietly with a small smile gracing her lips.

Tsuki grinned happily and set a plate of pancakes on the small nearby dining table and went to retrieve her own plate. "Hope you like them." She said with an extra amount of cheer noted in her tone, she returned into the kitchen making herself a quick cup of hot chocolate and getting lost in her creation she failed to notice Martha appearing behind her.

"What are you concocting now, No-Name?" She asked curiously.

With a slight jump Tsuki turned to face Martha with a slight sheepish smile, "Hot chocolate! It's my absolute favorite thing to drink. Want to try it?" she asked offering the cup to Martha who silently took it with a small smile and took a light sip. Slowly she blinked with the most adorable form of surprise and looked at Tsuki with a cute little smile.

"I would very much like my own cup of this No-Name." She said with a slight cheerful edge to her voice.

Tsuki couldn't help but giggle at Martha's reaction. It was too priceless! She smiled warmly and nodded, "You can have that one I'll make myself another...go ahead and eat I don't want your food to get cold!" She happily piped as she went about making herself a fresh cup. Without argue Martha went to her place and began eating her breakfast sipping her drink cheerfully. Breakfast was a time she looked forward too, many children weren't up by the time she awoke and by the time she had returned to her room most children were just emerging from theirs for their morning feed.

Tsuki happily buzzed about the kitchen preparing her cup of hot chocolate with a content smile plastered on her face. Today was a good day; she felt it in every atom of her being. She was happy where she was, and if her assumption was accurate, she had made her first friend. Nothing could ruin the morning for her.

Once her cup was finished she returned to the dining area and sat across from Martha, quietly joining her silent battle against the food upon their plates. It seemed like an easy mission...but with food you just never truly know.

Silently Martha finished her battle on the plate of bizarre pancakes and offered a warm smile to Tsuki as she sipped her cup of hot chocolate. "Thank you No-Name...breakfast was delectable and this hot chocolate you made is making my stomach quiver in joy."

Tsuki looked at Martha and flushed slightly surprised by the compliment, with a light embarrassed smile she responded happily, "I'm glad you enjoyed breakfast and the hot chocolate Martha...I love to cook so any time you want I'll make us food."

Martha gave her a sweet little smile, "I would like that very much No-Name."

Tsuki giggled quietly and nodded as she resumed her battle on her plate. So far half their army had been demolished and conquered by "the tummy" as it preferred to be known. She let out a slight giggle at her thought and smiled for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.

She couldn't get past how happy she was, how at home she felt for the first time...how she felt like she had belonged. It was as if all the pains of the past were being stripped from her very soul and were put in the recycle bin of life.

"You know, Martha..." Tsuki said after a few minutes of silence as she gazed at her newfound friend. "I feel as if I was handed the reset button of life..."

Martha looked at her silently for a moment then slowly a smile formed and she gave a single nod at the notion, "Yes I concur with you...today does feel undoubtedly different."

Tsuki held up her mug of hot chocolate, "To the "great reset"!" She cried happily.

Martha let out a low giggle and clanked mugs with her, "To the start of a new game file." She said with a slightly louder giggle.

Both girls let themselves go for a minute and laughed at their notions. For the first time they felt the joy of connecting with another they were constantly deprived in their short lives. Finally they knew what it was like to have a friend that was happy just to be in your company, taking you as you were. At last...they weren't alone any longer.


	3. Happiness And Pain Aften Go Hand-In-Hand

I didn't think to put in a warning beforehand because the story is labeled M and it does mention violence, however I realize this is a touchy subject within this chapter. There is bullying and then a **suicide**. I apologize for not posting a warning sooner.

* * *

Once breakfast's battle was successfully over, both girls cleaned up the kitchen with content little smiles adorning their faces and an aged happiness in their eyes. It felt nice to have a friend; it needn't be said as such. Both of them left the kitchen as spotless as it had been before they even entered it and Martha had insisted on showing Tsuki around the Wammy residence. Tsuki happily agreed and both girls made small talk as they walked around the area completely oblivious to everything except each other.

Tsuki knew what it meant to have a friend she could honestly speak with, not to mention it was someone on her intellectual playing field. She could have an open, witty, deep conversation with someone that she could also have a pointless, silly, giggly conversation! No words could describe her joy that quickly bloomed that day.

Martha was all atwitter too, she had been at the Wammy House since she could remember, around the age of four or so...now being almost 10 years old, she had all but given up hope of someone actually enjoying her company rather than shun her and flinch away when she entered the room. Tsuki was startled by her sometimes but she emitted such a happy warmth it almost made Martha shed tears of overwhelmed joy. She had had friends before, but never had someone made her feel so _wanted_, so happy...so...full of life.

A day together slowly turned into two, then a week slipped by, slowly it moved to a month, then six months and then a year had passed them. Both girls still remained incredibly close and an unstoppable team.

Martha excelled in her computer, literature and philosophical courses while Tsuki excelled at everything she got her petite hands on. Tsuki quickly took the Wammy House by storm as she blazed through instantly at the top of her classes. No one could compete with her. It astounded all those around her, Wammy House was a place for children that are ranked at the genius level, if Tsuki was at the top...what had that marked her as?

Due to her excellence at her academics she was assigned cases that many were unable to solve. She loved the challenge, the puzzles, the endless amount of knowledge she had to pour into each case. It made her feel almost alive as when she would spend time with her only friend Martha.

Sometimes it tore them apart for a few days or weeks, and it was hard on both of them...but especially on Martha. She quickly grew terribly attached to the feeling of someone there for her and when she had to be away from Tsuki it was very hard on her...the other children said and did horrible things to her, she was different and not accepted by anyone other than Tsuki.

On a day not long before she turned 12, almost two years after she met Tsuki the children were horrible to her unlike any other time...but this time it was a new extreme. Martha was outside relaxing in one of her favorite spots of the Wammy residence, it was a place her and Tsuki would go just to sit and talk when they weren't busy. Today was a quiet day outside, it was warm out so many of the children preferred not to be outside on such a day. She loved days like this, she loved the weather keeping most people away from her, she anticipated another quiet day alone outside in her and Tsuki's spot enjoying the day. How wrong she was...

Some of the bullies of the Wammy House started towards her and when they got within a 100 meter radius of her she quickly got up and fled towards the Wammy House. She was never bold enough to report who was harassing her and they only did it when Tsuki wasn't around. They feared her after a boy had harassed Martha one day not long after she arrived. The boy had upset Martha and even tried to hit her...Tsuki was livid. She instantly sprang to Martha's rescue, shocking all those around and by the end of the day every soul of the Wammy House had heard of Tsuki's protective antics.

Martha ran as fast as her little legs could carry her and before she could shout for help she was tackled to the ground by the four large boys. They were all in their early teens, one in his pre-teens, Martha was petite and they were large for their ages, the odds were never in her favor.

"Hey Freak Girl where's your girlfriend now?!" the leader of their little group demanded as he gave her a sharp kick to her stomach.

Martha coughed out in pain and winced as she tried to curl to nurse her pained stomach. "She's" cough "not my girlfriend...and you know she's working an important case...please just leave me alone..." She requested weakly as she gazed up at them. "I've never done anything to any of you...why do you torture me like this?"

At this the four boys laughed and moved so they were in a circle around her, giving her no hope of escape. She was trapped once more and at their non-existent mercy.

"You're the Freak around here...no one except your little lesbian friend likes you...why don't you just go back to where you came from?!" Another commented to her coldly.

"Yah go away Freak Girl!" called another.

"I think she needs more of a reason to leave, don't you guys?" the leader said with a dark smile on his face.

Martha stared up at them in the slight hope she could get away and run to safety. Her hope was quickly crushed as the boys kicked her roughly letting their dark laughter freely fill the air. They didn't stop when she cried, they didn't stop when she begged, they didn't stop when she passed out, but they did stop when she stopped breathing. Panicked realizing how far they took it this time they fled inside.

A short time later one of the gardening staff found Martha, blue from lack of oxygen and in terrible condition. She was rushed to the small hospital on site at the Wammy House and after what felt like hours to the doctors, but was truly only 10 long, tense minutes, Martha was breathing and in stable condition.

She was conscious but played the part she was not. She didn't want to talk to anyone until Tsuki had returned home. She couldn't take them constantly doing this to her...she just couldn't take the pain and agony she went through every time she was stripped of the only support and strength she had. She just couldn't do it anymore.

However, that night she let Rodger see she was awake and refused to confide in him about the incident until Tsuki was present. Frustrated as he was he complied, not wanting to stress the poor girl more than she had already been.

It was days before she was able to return to her room. She had a fractured leg, a few broken ribs, her innards were badly bruised and she was still recovering from the concussion she had. She was out of the danger zone but she still needed to take it easy.

She rested for a few days and for the first time since the incident, she cracked a smile at the news Tsuki would be home the next day. She wanted to hold on that much longer...she had to say goodbye at least.

That night the realized Tsuki wouldn't leave her side once learning how much damage she had suffered. She knew it was just a matter of time before the next time Tsuki had to leave again. She knew she just couldn't take another assault.

She wrote a letter for Tsuki and, after some effort, she staggered into Tsuki's room putting the letter on her bed with her black teddy bear on top of it.

"I'm sorry No-Name..." She said silently as she stared at the things in Tsuki's room letting a few tears fall freely, a bitter-sweet smile crossing her face.

Tsuki's room had changed considerably since they had met. The room was painted black with glow in the dark shapes, stars, quotes, and random lines. She had black out curtains replace the ones the room came with, there were random colored rugs all over the hardwood floors that still remained their light oak color. Her furniture was the same but drawings, sayings, random trinkets, and little things of memories scattered about the room. The only part of Tsuki's room that wasn't personalized was her desk; it had a computer on it with four stacks of paper, books surrounded her desk, the trashcan she acquired was in the corner and overflowing with tossed out ideas, theories, plans, and endless seemingly meaningless sheets of calculations.

Martha took in the sight of Tsuki's room and smiled to herself. She had been happy knowing Tsuki...what more could she have asked for? Slowly she made her way back to her room and waited until she knew she wouldn't be disturbed anymore that evening. She knew what she was going to do and it was going to take her time...and a lot of effort from her battered, weary body.

That night Tsuki and Watari returned to the Wammy House. Tsuki had just cracked the toughest case she had worked on yet and all she could think about was catching up with her best friend. She bid Watari goodnight and almost sprinted to her room to drop off her bag. When she arrived she grinned happily as she opened the door of her room, she opened it and flipped on the light. She stopped all movement seeing Martha's teddy bear sitting on her bed. Confused she made her way over to it.

"What are you doing here Captain Cuddles? Martha never leaves you anywhere..." She whispered quietly as she reached down to the bear, her hand freezing seeing a paper underneath the bear. Carefully she pulled the paper free of the bear and stared at the folded paper, in elegant script was simply written "No-Name".

With a slight grin Tsuki opened the letter, no matter what Martha was consistent on calling her "No-Name", she had only called her Tsuki once, but ever since that day it's been the same "No-Name this" or "No-Name that".

Sapphire eyes sparkled as she started reading the letter, but slowly her eyes widened in horror as she continued to read. "No...it...it can't..." she whispered with horrified tears falling.

"Dear No-Name, I hope this last case went well for you. I've missed my favorite nameless shadow. I still often think about the day you arrived here, how happy I was to meet you. Before I met you no one really even looked at me. I was always alone and it was always the same thing, sadness, pain, loneliness, crying...so much crying. I did my best to hide it from you since you started working on these cases but, every time you would leave I would get horribly bullied and beaten up. This time was no different, it was worse actually. They fractured my right femur, broke five of my ribs, gave me a bad concussion. I didn't tell anyone about this, I couldn't. I'm sorry Tsuki, I really tried. I just...I couldn't take it anymore. You were all I had and whenever you weren't here those bullies reminded me no one else liked me or cared about me.

But it's ok now, I'm fine now. I promise I'm better and that they'll never hurt me again. I'm safe from them no matter what. Please don't cry for me, ok? I don't ever want you to lose that spark for life you have.

Hey, remember how we always said everyone had a beautiful soul, no matter what they did? How beautiful do you think my soul is now? Think God will be happy to see me again? I hope he understands...

Please take care of Captain Cuddles for me. I trust no one more with the most treasured belonging I've ever had. Thank you for always being there and being a true friend to me. Know that, even though I never knew what it was like to be loved, I did love you very much. You were my first real friend and the only person that mattered to me.

All my love and friendship forever,

Yolanda Espalza AKA "Martha"

P.S. Now I can watch over you and help keep you safe just like you would do for me! I'll always be there, I promise."

Tsuki could only stare at the letter as she slowly reread it to be sure she was actually seeing what she was seeing. This couldn't be...Martha...she couldn't be _gone_.

Finally gaining control of her body she stiffly moved as quick as she could to Martha's room. Glaring she found it locked. "MARTHA! Open this damn door!" Tsuki roared not caring who heard, she had to see she was wrong.

After getting no answer she violently attacked the door until it broke open, not noticing all the people gathering in the hallway she rushed in the room and turned on the light, she stopped dead in her tracks with a horrified gasp as more tears freely fell.

Martha was hanging from the ceiling, her body limp and lifeless. "M-MARTHA NO!" Tsuki ran over to her and pushed her body upward hoping that she was still alive. "SOMEONE HELP ME!" She cried out as children form the hallway and a few adults crowded around the room. Watari pushed his way through the crowed as staff members hurried the children back to their rooms. He quickly helped her get Martha down and checked her vitals as Tsuki hovered nearby waiting for the first sign there was anything she could do. Martha couldn't be _gone_. She _couldn't_ be.

With a grave expression Watari turned to Tsuki letting his eyes do the talking. Martha was gone, her body was already growing cold, she had been dead a few hours already.

Tsuki stared at him in disbelief, she wasn't gone...she wasn't...Martha wasn't gone...

"No!" Tsuki wailed throwing herself on her friend's body clutching her tightly. "Why?!" she cried out desperately for an answer she knew, but wasn't satisfied with. She felt a deep, depressing emptiness filling her. She had never felt such a strong hurt and she couldn't let go of Martha.

She would never see her purple-red eyes sparkle when she laughed, that crooked little smile she had when she schemed, the way she never seemed to be able to tame her rusty locks, the way she seemed to skip more than run, the way her laugh sounded like happy bells ringing signifying her happiness, the way she spoke so quiet and elegant but childishly. She would miss everything about her friend. She would always regret not being there. She would always regret not saving her. She would always regret not being there when Martha needed her most. She would always regret Martha getting away. She would always regret she couldn't save the person most important to her.

June 16, 1990 was a date Tsuki would _never_ forget.


	4. Life Is Easy, What A Lie Chapter 4

Martha was _gone_. I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around this catastrophic bit of information. It had been two long painful weeks...every night when I couldn't sleep, even after crying for hours, I would go sit in her now empty room. All her things were gone, all that was left was Captain Cuddles, which I had yet to let leave my sight.

Sitting on her bed holding her beloved bear, I stared down at it. I wished it was a portal for me to talk to Martha, to tell her how sorry I was for not protecting her...for not being here when she needed me most.

It was soon discovered which boys had attacked Martha; they were forced to leave Wammy House and were quickly replaced with four other children I didn't care to meet nor get to know. I didn't want any friends. I didn't want to car about anyone but Watari...after losing the only friend I had...I wanted to curl up and let myself be taken by Shinigami. At this ridiculous thought somewhere in the back of my mind I laughed at myself. Shinigami! What ludicrous idea!

But the fantasy was nice, joining Martha and being by her side for all eternity as I wished I could be. To be by each other's side forever, always protecting the other, always laughing, always smiling, never another day of sadness and loneliness.

With Martha gone I circled the drain of loneliness and misery endlessly it seemed. Not only was I mourning the loss of someone I had grown very close to and extremely fond of, I was also alone once more. I hadn't had much kindness in my life, my story isn't exactly a happy one...

Slowly I felt my eyes close as I felt sleep claim me that night. I didn't want to sleep because I knew what my dreams would be of: Martha. I dreamt of her lying there on her death bed battered as she described and crying out for me and by the time I get there...it's always too late. I'm always too late. I can't save her...or even be there for her...not even...in my...dreams...

I awoke sometime later that night with a startled cry, the same dream I knew would appear did. I got there 27 seconds too late. She was gone, again. I felt tears curving along my facial structure as I desperately tried to reclaim my breath.

I wiped my face as I slowly calmed and got up swiftly leaving the room closing the replaced door behind me, the cold of the floor sending a slight chill up my body. For a long moment, I stared at the door and after moments of silence I reached up a heavy hand and placed it flat against the door, as if willing to feel the life that had once pulsed within the room. This room, it had once been the portal to my best friend's little space. It had once been a place I loved to reside in whenever offered the luxury. It had once...held a beautiful life. Now it never would again. I knew down the line it would have to be reused by some other child, but no one could ever match up to _Martha_.

I let out a sigh as my arm dropped. Nothing I could ever do would bring Martha back. No matter how much I wished she would come back or how much I cried. No matter how badly I wanted it, it was improbable to the highest degree.

Slowly I started to quietly shuffle down the darkened hallway. I could tell it was late, considering I had gone into Martha's room sometime after midnight and it was still dark outside, the rooms were all quiet, no signs of life were evident anywhere and some portion of my battered heart relished in that knowledge.

As I made my way through Wammy House silently holding Captain Cuddles I looked at all the sights I had taken in hundreds of times. When Martha and I couldn't sleep we wondered the hallways. We would spend hours going over each portion of the orphanage in agonizing detail and once we completed our rounds of the entire length of the inside, since we weren't permitted outside at night regardless of who you were, we would begin again looking for new differences since we had last visited the spot.

I almost felt a smile break its way to my face; mind you it was the tiniest of smiles but a smile none the less. Still, nothing. The last time I smiled was when I saw the letter from Martha I still had in my room. They were her last words to me. To anyone. You can't just throw away something like that.

Every day I reread the letter a few times and I can hear Martha's voice talking to me. I cling to Captain Cuddles and will myself to believe I'm holding her tightly like I did before I left on the last case I was assigned. Each morning I make myself hot chocolate and almost smile thinking of Martha's routine reaction to drinking it every morning, if nothing else could bring out the animation of her personality, that did.

I refused to let Martha become a ghost of my past, I wouldn't let her go. I couldn't let her become just a memory no one cared to cherish but myself. She couldn't be gone like that. The part that saddened me the most is I had no picture of her. I begged Watari and Rodger that they had to have at least one on file, nothing. I knew her face would grow fuzzy over time and I was no artist. I knew eventually I wouldn't remember Martha as she deserved.

This is the reason I still cried as if I had just discovered her letter.

I ambled along the main corridors of the orphanage and if I had been more of the flinching sort, I would have jumped when the main doors opened just 20 feet away from me. To my surprise Watari was there holding the hand of a young child. I felt the wave of nostalgia smack me as if I was a new nervous surfer entering the water for the first time. It had been almost two years ago I was in the exact same spot, holding onto the man beside that child for dear life.

The boy, I'm assuming it was a boy, was hidden under clothing fit for the weather, even in merry old Winchester, England we were having a strange wave of cold weather...it was snowing...

I pondered if it was Martha...she knew my love of the extreme cold...could this be her true goodbye?

Watari gave me a warm inviting smile and motioned for me to come closer. "Tsuki," he spoke in a gentle voice as I grew closer to them, "this is our newest resident."

Upon closer inspection, my deduction had been proven accurate. It was a young boy, seemingly younger than me. I was going to assume he was eight. Watari held his gloved hand securely and he looked at me under messy black hair with wide black, almost empty eyes. They were emotionless but at the same time they held an aged sadness.

He looked so lost...so lonely...so...much...

I broke from my thoughts and gazed at the boy, unblinking, just as he was. I could see Watari examining us curiously in my peripheral vision. As I looked at the boy I felt something I thought would forever tickle my memory come to me, a smile.

It was a gentle smile, something about this boy made me want to. "Hello," I said in my usual quiet tone but I surprised myself at the warmth in my tone, "I'm Tsuki as Watari mentioned..." I said with growing warmth and comfort. I felt the most like myself I had been since Martha's death. "I'm pleased to be the first to welcome you to Wammy's House." I said kindly, and maybe a bit of pride. I did for him what I wished someone had done to me, though I got a Martha...so I believe this is my version of what she did.

The boy blinked at me and a slight dust of pink sprinkled his cheeks as he looked at me. "Hello." He simply said in a quiet monotone, a slight softer look on his face but if you weren't looking closely you missed it.

Watari smiled happily down at us as he spoke, "Tsuki...could you show him to the room beside yours?" He asked gently, understanding and apologies in his soft eyes.

I looked at him and gave him a long unreadable stare. So...it had finally happened...already Martha was being written over. Finally I nodded and looked at the boy giving him a little smile of reassurance. I wanted to be angry at him for having her room, wanted to be angry for the fact he was going to _replace_ her. But I couldn't be mad at him...for all I knew the person that had resided in my room before me had a tragic end as well. I had to be mature about this.

I held a hand out to the boy kindly, still clutching Captain Cuddles closely to me. The boy stared at me for a moment then slowly reached his gloved hand out to me taking my hand. For what felt like several minutes he held both my and Watari's hands as he stared at me with those wide, emotionless black eyes.

Watari waited patiently and gave an encouraging smile that he wasn't sure either of us were even aware of, I was, as for the boy I wasn't sure myself. Something about him made me feel as if I had never sized anyone up before...I almost felt shaken with him near me, especially by the fact he was holding my hand tightly.

Moments later he slowly let go of Watari's hand and gave me a very small smile of thanks. I looked at Watari and gave him a little smile knowing my eyes were telling him a few things I was feeling. Maybe I could stop crying as Martha had wished I wouldn't do. I wouldn't let her go...but I could try to stop crying for her at least.

Watari turned his gaze to the boy and gave him a gentle look. "Remember to pick out your name and in the morning we will take care of the rest." He said to the boy, almost identical to what he had said to me.

The boy turned his head slowly to Watari and gave a solitary nod with a blank expression. Watari smiled at us both once more, "Goodnight you two...and thank you Tsuki." He said kindly as he headed off in the direction of his room in the Wammy House, though he wasn't here often he had a room for occasions such as this.

Gently I squeezed the boy's hand and gave him a small reassuring smile. "Come on let's head to your room now." I said, he said nothing but gave a slight nod. Silently we started walking in the directions of our domiciles.

I glanced at him a few times as we walked, his wide almost unblinking eyes scanned everything slowly, taking everything in as if he was mapping out the entire residence he was exposed to. I felt a tug at my heartstrings. He was going to live next to me...

"So, Newbie," I said quietly, a slight pained smile crossing my face calling him that remembering when Martha called me "No-Name"...how I missed that. "how old are you?"

The boy was silent for a moment but was staring at me as we walked upon me breaking the silence. He hesitated before he said in the same monotone, "Almost eight."

I smiled at him, "Really? I pegged you for eight already, when's your birthday?"

"October 31st." He said simply, once again in a monotone. I was going to assume that was just how he spoke. "Yours?" he asked with mild curiosity, surprising me slightly.

I smiled wide at him; his birthday was a few months away. I loved birthdays. "That's a unique birthday. Mine is January 26th. I'm nine and a half."

He remained silent for just a moment, "3443."

I blinked at him slightly perplexed then smiled, nodded and said, "2800."

He grinned very slightly at me, he appreciated intellect. I thought Martha was the only one that would indulge in the days old someone is rather than years. Martha would be 4352 today, since it appeared to be early morning I could claim the day now.

Finally I got to the hallway we would be sharing, for how long I wasn't sure though. I hesitated for a minute before stepping into the hallway with him. He looked at me silently but I didn't miss the curiosity in his gaze. Tightening my hold on Captain Cuddles and his hand I started into the hallway, as we went by the bathroom I pointed it out to him to which he gave no indication he had even heard me.

With slowed steps I approached where our rooms were located. I gestured to mine, "My humble abode." I said casually and then stopped in front of Marth-the Newbie's room and looked at him. "This is...your room." I said with some difficulty.

He looked at me silently when we stopped, not once had he gazed to the door, plain as it was. His eyes wouldn't leave my face as if he was searching for things he couldn't possibly know. I could see the age in his eyes now; he looked so old from his gaze.

Gradually I took in more of the boy's appearance. He had dark shadows under his eyes; he must not sleep much for his bags rivaled mine. His flesh was pale; he must go outside less than I do. His coat hung heavily around him, he must be small framed.

For a long moment we just stood there staring at each other; neither of us making a movement of going in our rooms or starting a conversation. We were just staring.

Finally, I ended the silence with a question, "Why didn't you have a bag with you with your stuff?"

"I don't have any more than what I'm wearing." He said simply as he continued to stare at me.

I gave a silent nod and looked at him in a slight longing way. I didn't want to be alone, and I didn't engage in conversation with anyone but the teachers lately. Though he was only 643 days younger than me, I liked his mind already. He was bright, that was easily deducible from his eyes, his careful movements he made. Everything seemed to be calculated down to the microseconds his breaths lasted.

I could tell right away: I had a rival here at Wammy House.

I was tugged back to reality, literally, as the boy moved to my door instead of closer to his, slightly dragging me with him. I made a slight sound of protest as I was dragged but let him do as he wished.

He stared at my door that was painted black with slight neon swirls, shapes and lines. It had "No-Name and Martha BFF" pained across the top of the door, a new addition I added after Martha's passing. I wouldn't let her go.

He stared at the door silently then with his free hand reached out for the door handle and turned it not once glancing at me. "Hey!" I let out my annoyance at him. Martha was the _only_ one permitted in my room unless it was an adult, then I had no choice...

He looked at me with a gaze and simply said, "What is it?"

I gave him a slight annoyed look, "This is my room." I said quickly calm once more.

"I know that." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Dumbfounded and slightly irritated I slightly snapped at him, "Who said you could go in then?"

He stared at me for a moment with those wide eyes, a hand on the door handle, the other in mine. "Do you have something to hide?" he said finally.

All I could do was stare at him. Of all things to say, _that_ was his reply?! "If I did what concern is it of yours?"

He turned his body more towards me while keeping his hand on my doorknob and his other hand in my own. "Is it such an inconvenience to let me have a peak in your room?" he asked, a slight perplexed look in his eyes while his face gave away nothing.

"Am I such a fascination that you must see my room at this ungodly hour of the morning after just arriving?" I asked him with a challenging tone, I knew my eyes nor my face revealed my curiosity, my interest.

"Yes." He said simply, as if it was no big deal.

I looked at him unsure by his sudden surrender. Why would he just give in like that? Why-

Before I could stop him he quickly turned back to the door and opened it pushing the door open. He gazed at what he could see of my room in silence. I let out an annoyed sigh, he got me.

"Interesting." He said quietly as he rested a gloved thumb to his lip as he gazed around the room. The glow in the dark paint illuminated my room nicely, along with the glow from the hallway you could see about half of my room. He removed his hand from his mouth and moved it to flip on the light switch. Leisurely he turned his eyes to my room, taking in everything carefully.

I stopped being so proper within a few weeks of being at Wammy House. I no longer made my bed, it was a mess of tussled sheets and a comforter, clothes were put away but were sticking out of my dresser in random spaces, things that had an obvious place were close by but not quite on the mark, my closet was side open, nothing was out of the ordinary but my closet was disorganized to the untrained eye, shoes were visible and shoved under things. How I hated shoes...and socks! Files, stacks of paper, a computer, thick books and balls of various sizes of paper surrounded my desk, the only place that could truly be labeled as messy.

I slightly shifted my bare feet as I stood beside him. Might as well let him examine my room, he was just going to keep trying to get into it just to see what I was "hiding".

"Very interesting." He said as he looked at me with a small smile on his face, his thumb back to his lips.

I looked at him curious, what was so interesting? My room looked like the average 9-year-olds, save for the extensive workload on my desk that would rival a high-profile lawyer's. How could anything in my room be interesting? Maybe he meant my desk...

"What exactly is so interesting?" I asked with a smooth tone.

"You." He said easily as he moved to turn off the light and closed the door. As soon as the door softly clicked he dragged me back to his door and looked at me quietly.

I slightly flinched at being pulled to Mart-his room. He was going to erase her, unintentionally of course.

He slightly tilted his head at me, eyes full of carful curiosity, "What's wrong?"

I looked at him carefully, my eyes quickly becoming guarded. I didn't _need_ some Newbie feeling sorry for me. I didn't _want_ some Newbie feeling sorry for me. "Nothing's wrong." I said carefully, my tone perfectly even.

He gave me a disbelieving look. "There is a 99% possibility that you are lying to me." He said casually.

I gave him a hard stare for a moment then moved to get closer to the door; he made no effort to stop me as he continued to hold firmly to my hand. I twisted the nob quickly while still holding Captain Cuddles and pushed the door open, my arm frozen in mid-air as I stared into the room I had been weeping in just hours prior, the bear dangling from my hand by a little paw.

The room had been repainted; it looked almost identical to what mine had when I first arrived. I assumed it was the standard design for the rooms until a new resident took matters into their own hands. Everything that made this room scream _Martha_ was gone, replaced by some standard design. I lowered my arm and moved it so I could hug Captain Cuddles to me once more.

My mind only echoed one thought_: Martha_.

"Did something occur this room to bring you such pains?" the boy asked quietly, I flinched when he mentioned the room.

"Please do me a favor and drop the subject, Newbie." I said quietly, my tone slightly uneven from my emotions.

He looked at me silently, "Very well." He said as he moved to go in the room, lightly tugging my hand to follow him. At first I remained rooted where I was at the gaping mouth of the room but shrugged off my hesitant feelings. This was no longer Martha's room...I had to accept that knowledge.

He glanced at me quietly as I followed him in, his eyes not taking in the room but my reactions to the room. I knew it was a burning question in his mind why I was so unnerved by this room. I couldn't blame him...but...

"I know you want to know about...this room." I said quietly, my voice caused him to stop his movements and stare freely at me, he said nothing so I continued. "I'll tell you...just...not now..." I almost whispered. "Don't listen to anyone else about this room...they don't know...the truth...I'm the only one that does." He silently nodded then gave my hand the lightest squeeze. He understood.

I gave him a weak smile of thanks and reassurance. My eyes slowly traveled to our hands. He had been holding my hand since I met him. I didn't want to let his hand go and from the look of it, he didn't want to either.

He motioned to the bed and I silently nodded, he trudged over to it and I followed a step behind him. He took off his shoes and socks quickly along with pulling his scarf off with one hand. When it came to his coat he paused for a moment then looked at our hands with what could be sadness. I looked at him with a smile and gently pulled my hand from his. He stared at his empty hand for a moment and pulled off his coat, revealing a long sleeved white shirt and blue jeans, tossing it on the dresser across the room along with his scarf, his gloves quickly followed them.

His gaze met mine with a questioning look making no more motions to indicate movement. I gave him a warm little smile and took his hand gently. I slightly gasped at how cold and soft his skin was. Despite being in gloves his hands were cold, perhaps poor circulation? His hands were incredibly soft; he wasn't the playing outdoors type apparently. I could detect no scared over blisters on his hands that almost every child had, even I had a couple on each of my palms. I felt my face warm slightly as I looked at him holding his hand. I _liked_ this feeling. It was...new. I felt as if I had a connection with him.

I received a shy smile, which I returned then he moved and sat on the bed in the oddest position I had ever seen. For a moment I looked at him perplexed. His feet were pressed firmly against the bed tucked to his thighs; it appeared as if he was sitting when in actuality his rear wasn't touching the bed. He was balancing on his feet alone, his knees pulled to his chest, his free hand moved so his thumb was against his lip. He watched me watching him. Again, he caused me to do something that I hadn't done since Martha passed: giggle.

He looked at me in surprise and then evaluating curiosity as if intrigued and interested in the sound I was emitting. I calmed myself and gave him a sweet little smile. "You're quite interesting Newbie." I said with a slight giggle in my voice.

He looked at me intrigued, as if no one had been friendly towards him before. Finally I noticed a slight blush on his cheeks. Why was he blushing?

"Thank you." He said turning his gaze away from me as the blush faded. I moved and sat down beside him.

"How many homes have you been in? I've lost count..." I asked randomly, it was quite common with the children in this home to bounce from foster home to orphanage and to constantly repeat the pattern. Children that were brought here seemed to have a knack for intimidating and detouring others from interacting with them, both fellow children and adults.

"I never cared to remember such a thing but I suppose it would be in the dozens." He said nonchalantly.

I nodded, "From my observations and interrogations that is common among us oddities." I said with a slight distant smile.

"It's human nature to shun what is different." He said seeming to not much care about the homes he's been in never sticking.

I nodded, "But it's what's different that should truly be treasured, for the people that touch your life never truly leave it. However, when they are no longer around...you realize just how precious and important they were. Treasure each day and every person in it as if each day is your last." I said feeling my eyes burn slightly at my words with flashes of Martha's smiling face in my mind.

The boy looked at me silently, his eyes holding almost a sad look. "You've lost someone very important recently." He said quietly, his tone sympathetic, almost sad.

I silently nodded willing my eyes to stop their insistent burning. "My best friend..." I said, no longer caring to keep it a secret. Martha's voice echoed in my mind so many of her words overlapping and muddling together making no sense at all. "This was hers..." I gestured to Captain Cuddles with a sad smile, my lip quivering slightly.

His face actually morphed into sadness as he gazed at me. "This was their room." He guessed easily only earning a nod from me. "I won't push the subject further and I won't listen to what anyone says about the matter." He tried to reassure me.

I gave him a weak smile and looked away quickly to wipe my watering eyes. He sat beside me silently, his grip on my hand never changing. He wasn't overly expressive but he at least understood pain enough to be sympathetic.

After I calmed down we sat there in silence for a while, I asked if he suffered from insomnia and he simply nodded. I gave him a small grin and told him I suffered from it as well, earning a slight smile from the boy. I joked that we could keep each other company on the nights sleep evaded us to which he just nodded with a slightly bigger smile.

We sat in silence for a few hours, neither of us speaking, moving, or doing much of anything other than blinking and breathing. We never let go of the other's hand, I didn't think we could. It was his reassurance being new, I assumed anyway, and for me it was the comfort I had been desperately longing for. The adults tried to help me, but they couldn't understand it as an odd child such as me or the boy next to me could. After all, we were equal parts child and adult. We were teenagers without the raging hormones or the smart mouths. We were a constant imbalance to a world that was even more off balance than us. We would never truly belong except among each other.

I glanced to the window seeing more daylight coming in and I looked at the boy again, to my surprise he was looking at me a curious expression in those dark eyes of his. "We should go see Rodger, the caretaker here. He handles everything when Watari is away or busy. He's a nice man but he's strict. Did you think of your name yet?" I asked with a small smile.

He nodded and slowly moved to stand. It was then I realized he stood with a slight hunch, I hadn't much noticed it when he had his cloaking coat on. We silently headed out of the room and I was able to take in more of his behaviors now that he wasn't shrouded in clothing. He hunched over as he walked, his legs moving in a fluid but lazy shuffle. Bare feet padded softly against the hardwood floors just as silent as mine. His free hand was in his pocket while the other held my hand firmly in his grip. It wasn't a painful grip, it was...warm...protective almost.

I sped up slightly so I could show him the way instead of breaking the silence between us to which he made no form of an objection. Finally I stopped outside of Rodger's office and looked at the boy with a soft smile. "Go in there and talk to him, it won't take long. He'll just tell you about picking your name and a few basic rules. Of course he'll answer any questions you have."

He silently nodded and then looked down to our hands with an almost pout look on his face; he still didn't want to let go. I gave him a small smile and lightly pulled my hand from his, earning some resistance as I did so. I did what I could to hold back a giggle and I was mostly successful, only the breath I would have used for it escaped me with no sound.

"I'll be right here when you get out, I won't move a centimeter." I said with warmth. He looked at me and nodded with a small smile on his face. Slowly he looked at the door and shuffled to it, opening the door not bothering to knock. He closed it behind him but not before glancing at me once more. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his childishness. How rude!

I closed my eyes and hummed a random little tune that sounded like the beginning to an epic ballad. The door opened slowly after an undetermined amount of time and my eye instantly went to the door to see the boy coming out, instantly silencing my humming. "So, Newbie...what's your name?" I said with a small grin.

He got the cutest smile on his face looking at me as he closed the door, walked over to me and said, "I'm L."


	5. L The Entertaining Panda-Boy Chapter 5

Just so there's no confusion the portion in italics is a flashback.

* * *

I giggled slightly; I was the first to hear his new identity. "Well L it's a pleasure to meet you!" I said with fond nostalgia in my tone, it hadn't been but 22 months ago I had gotten my new identity.

His smile grew slightly and he looked down at my hand, then to his and then back to mine. He lifted his hand in hesitant uncertainty then slowly took my hand in his, a light blush on his little face. I smiled warmly, though I could feel my shyness at the motion, and gave his hand a light squeeze. Something about the feel of his hand in mine made me...happy.

"You must be hungry." I said with a friendly smile to which his eyes seemed to light up slightly and he gave a single eager nod. I couldn't help but slightly giggle at the motion. He seemed distant from the world in an emotionless, uncaring way but dashed into his interesting concoction that was the main identifier of his personality was adorable childishness. What an interesting combination he was. I gave his hand a light tug and moved us down the hall from whence we came and stopped by the bookcase Martha had startled me at once I had gotten my name; L paused with questioning in his eyes unsure as to why I stopped.

I smiled at the memory; I could feel my eyes grow sad as it replayed in my mind. I felt my eyes slightly burn as I turned to L beside me. "I like you L." I said hearing Martha's voice saying once more to me, "I like you Tsuki." The only time she voiced my new identity...until her letter...

L looked at me in curiosity, then surprise and finally slight uncertain embarrassment. I couldn't help but let a soft giggle escape me; he was such a shy boy. I leaned over to him and gave him a light kiss on his cheek, causing myself to slightly blush. L's eyes widened in surprise with a small gasp, his mouth slightly agape and his face instantly reddened, his free hand going to his cheek as he looked at me.

"Why...did you do that?" he asked with a mostly composed tone, shyness was detectable and noted.

I gave him a small smirk and gave his hand a light tug as I started walking again; silently he followed me with his hand on his cheek still. Why spoil the fun and tell him right away why I did it?

Though I guess being honest with myself I wasn't entirely sure, maybe because I was curious of his reaction? Perhaps I just wanted to make him blush again? Maybe...I have the beginnings of this "crush" I've heard about...I would have to further ponder this conundrum at a later time.

We arrived at the kitchen and I felt my eyes grow slightly distant as I thought back to the first morning I was at Wammy House. I was retracing Martha's steps with me on my first morning here...with my own little additions of course. I turned my gaze to L and gave him a friendly smile, noting the blush that seemed to reapply itself when I looked at him. How...cute.

I slowly pulled my hand from his gesturing to the kitchen when he gave me a questioning gaze, why was he so insistent on holding my hand constantly? I didn't mind this at all, but I was curious and slightly concerned as to why someone as emotionally distant as he seemed to be was so reluctant to let go of my hand. Did I make him feel safe, secure in a new environment? Did he perhaps view me as someone important to him?...Was he like this with people he considered his friend? Was I his friend? At this I quickly ended my half focused mind's wonderings. No friends. I would be nice to him and help him as best I could, but no friendships. Not again.

"What would you like for breakfast L?" I asked with gentleness, his expression held uncertainty as he slowly dropped his hand to his side. Did it bother him that much I let go of his hand? Why was he so clingy? What happened to him before the early hours of this morning?...What pains had little L survived?

"Something very sweet...with fruit." He said simply, he had no objections to someone else preparing food it seemed. Note made. I had a feeling this could come back to bite me in the bum but I shrugged it off. I liked cooking and I had done it for Martha and a few others in the orphanage. I even made birthday cakes for all of the staff when their birthdays came about. I couldn't wait for his birthday in a few months' time. What a surprise he would be in for.

I gave a nod and moved to the kitchen, setting Captain Cuddles down on the counter out of my way. I slightly swayed with dancer like movements about the kitchen as I thought of what to make. Something very sweet...that could be anything. I shrugged to myself and looked at him, "Are loaded chocolate chip waffles alright?"

He gave me an interested stare as he watched me sway about then looked at me silently for a minute. His wheels were always turning I had noticed that the moment I laid eyes on him. However, this time his wheels seemed to be slightly slower than I had initially noticed. Was I the monkey wrench in his workings?

"Yes that is fine." He said still staring at me with wide unblinking eyes. L's eyes glanced around the room as his head turned with the speed of a zombie, his eyes landed on a dining table chair and he shuffled over to it retrieving it. He moved it over so he was at the entryway of the kitchen and moved to sit in it as he had when we sat on his bed. One hand rested on a knee while the other had a thumb lightly perched to his lips. Seems this was his preferred style of sitting, I decided to call it "L style".

I got a better look at how he sits, since he was in a chair instead of on a bed. His feet are pressed firmly to the seat, his knees bent up towards his chest; he seems to keep his knees shoulder-width apart. His hand almost cupping his knee while the other is curled to his face by his chin with only this thumb on his mouth, his lower lip specifically but how he positions his thumb it looks as if it's pressed against both lips.

I nodded and turned my attention to the kitchen. Quietly getting out things I needed and moved with movements more smooth than a calm stream as I worked making our food. He was an odd thing, but I think that's why I felt so comfortable around him. He was very different, more different than I was for sure. He was beautifully unique. I smiled at that, pausing my once fluid motions I turned to L, who in turn just stared at me with a mostly blank expression, curiosity in his seemingly empty eyes. I simply smiled at him, slightly shook my head and returned to what I had been doing. I would tell him that later I decided. Note made.

I began to hum Beethoven's Fur Elise as I busied myself about the kitchen, I could feel a smile making its way to my face. Music was something I was passionate about as well as deeply engrossed in. It calmed my mind and relaxed me like nothing else. I had yet to find anything else that even came close to the effect music had on me. Beethoven was my favorite composer. I liked to play all of his music and I often found myself humming it as I worked, yet it was something I mostly did in the shower.

Within my first two weeks at Wammy House I mastered the piano, not having started until the moment Martha forced me to once she discovered my deep love for the art. It was a skill I mastered as if I was a bird learning to take flight, a fish embarking on its first solo swim. Martha had said my fingers seem to dance along the keys. After seeing my graduating passionate performance at the end of the two week period she demanded I play for her every week...it's been a month since I played the piano...I had been gone Martha's last two weeks of life...

As the waffles were busy tanning in their personal tanning booths I made fruit bowels for us both, without pausing my motions this time I addressed L, "Have a favorite fruit? And what would you like to drink?"

"Strawberries. Something sweet." Came his quiet reply, his tone reviled he was thinking something for it was coated in careful curiosity.

I nodded and resumed my humming as I worked. Something sweet to drink as well as eat what a sweet tooth he seemed to have. I smiled to myself in memory. I would make him hot chocolate, curious if he would like it anywhere close to how much Martha had. I doubted it of course but...if he didn't it would help seal her memory with the drink. That no one could be like her. Not that I thought someone could be...she was Martha. No one was Martha except Martha.

I ghosted to the table setting down his plate of chocolate chip waffles with much more chocolate chips than appropriate with a chocolate and syrup type drizzle covering it on the table with his bowl of fruit, heavy with strawberries. I gave him a glancing smile as I went back into the kitchen quickly preparing him a glass of hot chocolate, with extra chocolate, vanilla, caramel and sugar. I brought it over to the table where he was already perched at L style eating his breakfast carefully, already a tenth of his meal gone. He ate holding his fork with his thumb and forefinger. How was he able to cut the food holding his fork in such a way? He was just full of interesting quirks it seems. I set the cup down and gave him a soft smile.

"How's your breakfast?...Is it too sweet?" I asked unsure. It had time and a half of the recommended sugar and chocolate in it. Perhaps I took his "very" too far.

"It's excellent thank you." He said with a cute little smile at me as he took a bite again, quickly swallowing he moved to the hot chocolate and picked up the cup by the handle with his thumb bracing it on one side, his forefinger on the other. I watched in fascinated curiosity as he moved. He was so...interesting. As more of his drink was consumed he move from his entire forefinger bracing the cup's handle to just the pads of his index and middle fingers. Interesting? No more...indescribable. Who could label L as anything but an exquisite oddity, and even that I knew was a grave understatement.

The realization of something hit me: Martha and L would have gotten along in such beautiful harmony it would even make God cry.

He looked at me after taking a long sip of his drink; over half of it was gone already. "I hope you've made more." He said with a small cute smile.

All I could seem to do was stare at him and slowly I laughed. Really laughed. Martha are you watching me? Look at what this strange boy made me do! I hope you can hear my laughter...are you laughing too?

His smile melted into a look of confusion as he looked at me; slowly he set down the cup and watched me laughing. I couldn't stop. It felt so _good_ to laugh again. Martha...are you proud of me?

"What is so funny?" he asked perplexed. I just laughed more. Seeming to realize I wouldn't be useful for conversation while in my laughing fit he remained silent, wide black eyes watching me, evaluating.

I slowly gained control of myself and wiped the budding tears from my eyes, once properly composed to speak again I gave him a warm smile, perhaps the warmest since I last saw Martha. "Of course I made more. I love hot chocolate." I turned and went into the kitchen and saved my waffles from tanning too long. I came out putting my plate on the table with my bowl of fruit, returned to the kitchen and quickly altered the remaining hot chocolate to how strong I had made his. A few moments later I came out with my mug full of hot chocolate and the tea kettle I had made it in. I glanced to the counter where Captain Cuddles sat in my line of view, reassuring me of his safety. I sat it in front of him with a kind smile. "You can have whatever's left if you like, L. I altered it so it resembled the special blend in your cup." I said before diving into my breakfast.

He silently obliged, taking the kettle filling his up to the edge again. I couldn't help but observe him quietly as I ate. How was he not feeling sick from all the sugar he was consuming? Was it simply because he had a big sweet tooth that was never satisfied? How...odd...

Martha...I wonder what you would say about him.

We ate in silence but watched each other the entire time. L drank the rest of the hot chocolate after he finished his food. Not only did he like sugar, maybe a little too much, he also had a large appetite. Note made.

As I finished I brought my dishes to the sink and looked at L sitting at the table staring at his empty plates. With a playful smile upon my face I addressed him, "Well don't just sit there lazy bones! Come bring your dishes in here! I need to get this place cleaned up."

L just sat there staring ahead of him, at what I wasn't sure from my position in the kitchen, I wasn't even sure he had heard me. I shrugged to myself as he stared off, probably lost in thought, off somewhere that Captain Cuddles couldn't even find. I softly giggled then closed my eyes for a second, letting the warm water weave through my fingers. I smiled thinking of a tune to hum and chose Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. I lightly swayed to the tune I was humming and continued to clean up the kitchen from my breakfast escapade.

Moving into a spin to put something in the sink lost in the trance of the song I was humming and I almost bumped into L putting his dishes the sink, at the last second I avoided him twisting my body. He blinked slowly at me in surprise then I couldn't help but giggle at this. "That's the first time I've almost bumped into someone!"

"I apologize." He said unsure as to why I giggled I speculated.

I shook my head and smiled warmly at him, "No need to be...I get lost in my own world easily, especially when I'm in the kitchen. If I had been paying attention I would have heard you."

He just stared at me for a moment then gave a small smile. Smiling seemed to be something he didn't do very often but I found it looked rather good on him. Something else I needed to tell him later. Note made.

I grinned at him and quickly finished the kitchen then walked to the window he had migrated to while I finished. Currently he was staring out it and I looked out it curiously, maybe trying to see what he was...or perhaps I was letting myself see where Martha had almost died from her attack. "You don't go outside much do you?" I asked quietly.

"No I don't particularly enjoy the outdoors." He said as if bored by the subject.

I nodded. "Yes...I never much cared for it either..." I said and turned starting to head in the general direction where our hallway was.

I felt something grab my hand and I turned my gaze to see L looking at me with an uncertain look as he held my hand. I stopped and smiled at him reassuringly but gave him a questioning look then looked down to our hands slowly as I spoke. "L, is there any particular reason you like holding my hand? I don't mind it before you let that concern you, I'm just...curious." I said finally as I looked at him.

L was quiet for a few minutes then lightly squeezed my hand, as he did I looked at him curious. He gave me an unsure look but said in a tone as if it were the most obvious thing, "I like you as well Tsuki."

I looked at him for a long moment, unsure of what expressions or emotions passed along my face. However, I do know that I eventually smiled at him. I lightly squeezed his hand and we silently started walking again headed back to where our rooms were.

He liked me too? I could feel the ache in my chest at the thought of having him as a friend. I couldn't allow such a thing. What if he died? What if...I couldn't protect him? I couldn't take loosing someone else. The thought of Martha still sent a wave of pain and jumped emotions through my nervous system.

"I bet you want some rest L." I said with as even a tone as I could. "After all you had a long night and didn't get any rest..."

"I'm fine, thank you for your concern. I don't sleep every night, perhaps four nights a week and only for a few hours at a time." He said smoothly.

I glanced at him slightly surprised. And I had thought my insomnia was bad. I could at least sleep most nights, perhaps only one night a week I was up all night. I nodded and as we got closer to the rooms I looked at him unsure. "So what are your hobbies?"

"I don't have too many. What about yourself?" he said just as smoothly as he had spoken before.

I looked at him slightly curious. Either he was being standoffish or he really had no particular interests. Either way I could believe it true. "Well...I deeply enjoy the subject of Psychology as well as music." I said with a little smile.

"So I have noticed." He said with some amusement. "You haven't stopped analyzing me yet. Also you have been humming classical tunes while in the kitchen." He said with interest in his tone.

I smiled slightly, "Yes, I enjoy cooking immensely and music is a love I have known for years now. I often combine the two because it's a form of relaxation that refreshes me as if I slept a full eight hours."

He said nothing but looked at me interested, his black eyes urging me to say more. Usually I never opened up to anyone. Martha had been the only one I would tell anything to, especially anything that could be seen as personal. I smiled at him; I would indulge in his curiosity for a few more moments.

Do you understand this Martha? I'm not too sure why but I have some theories.

I looked ahead as we walked and I spoke, "I learned how to play the piano-" I was jerked to a sudden stop at this and I turned my gaze to L.

Upon his face I saw the oddest look; it looked like a mixture of excitement, uncertainty, confusion and I believe hope. "Could I hear you play?" he asked with a tone matching the expression I construed.

I looked at him for a long minute then smiled. "Of course L. I'd be happy to play for you." I turned our direction to that of the music room. I slowed my pace slightly the closer we got. I had only come to this room privately with Martha.

Would she mind this? I hoped not...

Once we got to the room I stopped for a moment before opening the door. I turned on the light and let my eyes slowly cross the room taking in the memories of the entirety of it. "It's been a month since I came in here..." I said mostly to myself.

L understood what I meant and without missing a beat said, "Since before your friend passed away..." I simply nodded as my eyes fell on the grand piano in the room. I walked slowly to it, as if being pulled by the piano itself. It was a simple black grand piano with the standard ivory keys.

I was surprised as L let go of my hand and sat on the furthest portion of the bench, L style mind you, I gave him a little smile and sat down next to him, sitting Captain Cuddles on my opposite side. I let my fingers trace over the keys slowly. Thankfully the piano's back was left open so the younger residents didn't have to call an adult every time one of them wanted to play the piano, though I was said to be the youngest that knew how to play it. I felt the past two years in my mind as if I was rewinding them.

I could see Martha sitting next to me in L's place, tightly embracing Captain Cuddles as if it were only yesterday...the last time in particular was crisp in my mind's eye.

_"Come on No-Name!" Martha exclaimed excitedly as she dragged me to the music room. I laughed freely and let her pull me along. I loved how enthusiastic she got when she had the promise of me playing. It was enjoyable, how happy it made her._

_"I'm coming Martha!" I called to her even though she had a tight grip on my wrist. _

_We arrived to the music room and she eagerly pushed me to the bench in front of the piano. As I sat she plopped herself beside me and smiled at me expectantly. Before I left on each mission I had to play her favorite tune, Danubio Azul. I smiled at her and slowly ran my fingers along the keys with a fond smile._

_I played a few random notes that didn't belong together and closed my eyes with a slow inhale. As I exhaled, I began to play the tune flawlessly. _

_Martha sat beside me silently and smiled happily as I played. At the end she squealed in excitement and hugged me around the shoulders, "I love when you play that song No-Name!" _

_I smiled in return and put my hands on her arms hugging her arms to me, leaning my head on her as she hugged me. "You've never told me why you enjoy that song so much." I said casually._

_"Oh I haven't?...Well...it's because the tune reminds me of life..." she said, her voice growing faint..._

"Life..." I whispered with a sad smile as silent tears fell from me as I ran my fingers along the ivory gems. Martha was so full of life...

"Tsuki?" the gentle, unsure voice of L broke my thoughts. I looked at him slowly and gave him a sad smile. I gave into the desire to and I hugged him around the shoulders tightly. He stiffened unsure of what to do. He slowly moved an arm and put a hand on my back unsure of why I was upset most likely. Or perchance from the fact I hugged him. Though the possibility it was both was the strongest. "Are...you alright?" He asked unsure.

"I'll always protect you L...I won't let anything happen to you...I promise...no matter what...I'll always keep you safe...and be there for you." I said in the most serious tone I could muster, my grip on him tightening slightly. He stiffened once more then slowly moved to sit normally, well what someone besides L would call normal, and wrapped his arms around me in an unsure and awkward embrace.

"Tsuki..." He whispered quietly, unsure of why I said such a thing. "I won't let anything happen to you either." He said firmly. To this I just smiled and rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes enjoying the warmth of his body. It had been a while since I let anyone close enough to touch me, let alone hug me. And while he had been holding my hand constantly since we met, his hands were cold so they gave off an almost lifeless feel. His body however, gave off such warmth I didn't want to let him go.

My tears eventually stopped their travels and even though I didn't want to I slowly let L go. I gave him a weak grateful smile as I wiped my eyes. I saw a different look in his eyes than I had faced in the past few hours I'd known him. It was searching but it had an almost...protective quality to it? What was going on in that adorable little head of his?

I smiled and slightly giggled as he moved to sit L style once more. "If I may ask L..." he nodded, "Why do you sit like that?"

He looked at me, a thumb pressed to the corner of his mouth and his eyes wide, staring at me. "It helps with the circulation of blood, therefore oxygenating the brain more efficiently. To this it helps improve my mental capabilities by roughly 40%. This also allows me to process the food I ingest so the sugar powers my brain more than the rest of my body."

I couldn't help  
but giggle that was the most he had said at one point so far. I smiled and nodded in happy approval. "So that's why you enjoy sugary foods, for the glucose to power your brain. I wondered if it was just a sweet tooth or something more."

He gave me an amused little look, "Please don't mistake my enjoyment of the sweets, and I am only seven after all. Children like sweets." I grinned at him and nodded.

"I'll be sure to make everything for you with extra sugar." I said with a wide smile.

I got a small chuckle from him and an approving nod. I felt my face warm slightly and looked at the piano quickly. Why was my face warm?

"Any requests?" I said as I lightly pressed a few keys on the piano, making it sing an off key, miss-matched song.

"Yes actually, do you know Shostakovich's Piano Concerto Number Two, 2nd Movement?" He asked curiously, not much hope in his tone.

I looked at him in slight surprise, "Yes I know that one..." I said softly. Why would he request such a somber tune?

L gave me a slight surprised look then a small smile and with his hand that was rested upon his knee gestured to the piano in an asking manner. I gave him a small smile and nodded, my attention went back to the piano as I played a few more obscure notes.

I noticed he moved his hand back as I moved my hands along the keys; both hands were rested upon his knees now instead of one to his lip. "You're probably wondering why I requested such a tune...the truth is I find beauty in its gloom. Not everything that appears sad is such."

At his words my hands froze, a wave of anger crashed into me hard and I felt my body tense. I took a slow breath to calm myself and glanced at him out of the corner of my eyes, "Don't be so sure L." I knew my tone came out harsh but at the moment I didn't much care.

I turned my attention back to the piano once more and played the first couple of notes before a hand gently grabbed my arm. I stiffened at his touch and glanced at him once more. "I apologize." He said quietly, sad realization in his tone, "I did not mean to sound...insensitive..." he trailed off, seeming to be unsure whether he was making matters worse.

I let out a sigh and shook my head. "No...I'm sorry L...it...it's only been two weeks...since my friend..." I closed my eyes tightly seeing her body hanging from the ceiling, my body tensing with my eyes instantly burning with a fresh wave of tears. I let out a small gasp as I looked at L; his hands were on my shoulders holding them in a gentle but firm way, his body was turned facing me, he was sitting "normally" once more.

"I understand Tsuki...but you need to realize she is no longer here...and wherever her soul may be...whether it is in a heaven with a supposed God or drifting about us watching us all...would you want her to know you can't let go of her?" he spoke gently to me, trying to show he was doing his best to be sympathetic.

I looked at him with wide eyes, "What do you mean?"

"Just because someone is no longer here...doesn't mean you hold onto them forever." He paused for a moment, his black eyes holding my sapphire ones in their dark stare. Was this boy really only seven years old? "You can remember her fondly and look back on her with care...but if you don't let go...allow yourself to live and be happy...you will just cause her more sadness." He said with the most gentle tone I think he could muster.

I stared at him with wide eyes. He...was right...Martha wouldn't want me to be like this...she wouldn't want me to shut down and be sad...guarded...alone...hidden...she would want me to live. To be happy...enjoy life for not only for her...but myself.

For the second time that day I hugged L. I locked my arms around his chest hocking them around his back holding him tightly to me. He was stiff at my motion but slowly wrapped his arms around me, holding me just as tightly. I felt so many emotions coursing through me. "Th-thank you L...you're right...will...you help me...let her go?" I said quietly.

He rested his head on my shoulder and I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke, "Yes I will...that's what...friends do, isn't it?" his tone held it's smile still, but I could see the confusion of his tone's expression.

I stiffened at the word "friends". I swore no more...but Martha would want me to have friends again...I looked at him, moving enough away from him just to see his face and I smiled. "Yes...that is what friends do..."

His face broke out in an adorable wide smile, his eyes held a slight sparkle to them. "Friends..." he repeated happily.

I felt my face grow hot as I took in his smile, "You...should smile more often..." I said shyly.

He looked at me in curiosity then smiled even wider at me, to which my face warmed once more. Why was he making my face get hot?!

"The same applies to you." He said simply still smiling at me as he let his arms drop, I followed his example. He moved his gaze to the piano and then looked at me with a questioning look, his smile melting away into his usual flat line of a mouth.

I gave him a shy smile at his words then cleared my throat; once more I turned myself to the piano, taking notice of L moving to sit L style once more. I lightly ran my fingers across the keys from one end to another, slightly giggling listening to the piano sing its lovely chorus.

I closed my eyes resting my hands on the beginning keys of the tune slowly inhaling. As I exhaled I began to play pouring all my sadness from these past two weeks into the song, turning the somber piece into the most passionate thing I have played in quite some time. I felt myself smile as I played the song, I could feel it comforting me as music often did, this time however seemed different, new.

I struck the final keys and opened my eyes looking at the piano's glistening treasures; I could feel a reignited spark within me again. I looked at L slowly and gave him a genuine smile, the first I had had in two weeks. His expression was one of intense astonishment and awe. I easily deduced he thoroughly enjoyed my performance.

"That was exquisite, it was so passionate and moving..." he said staring at me. I felt my face grow hot as I blushed from his comment. I couldn't help the slight shy giggle that escaped me.

"Thank you, L." I said shyly.

"Will you please play more?" he asked quietly, hope and awe on his face.

I giggled quietly and gave him a slight grin, "Sure thing, Panda-Boy." I said with a playful smile.

His expression melted before my eyes into one of confusion, "Panda-Boy?" he echoed confused.

I giggled more at his face and smiled, "Yah...I thought it'd be a nick-name I could call you...if...you don't mind that is?" I questioned quietly.

"I suppose not...but please don't call me it around others..." He said with a slight awkward blush looking off slightly, to this I giggled more. He was _adorable_.

"I won't!" I chirped happily.

After a moment of silence he looked at me, "Will you please play now, Moon?" he asked with an almost pout look.

I blinked at him when he used the English version of my name but smiled. Seems he didn't want to feel left out. "Any other requests?" he shook his head slightly and watched.

I smiled and looked at the ivory keys glistening under the artificial light. They were so incredibly beautiful...I played a few notes once more, closed my eyes, slowly inhaled and began playing another song as I exhaled. I grew lost in the passion of the moment. All that existed was the piano and me.

I noticed a faint pressure on my shoulder but thought nothing of it as I continued to play song after song. Time meant nothing to me as I played; all I could focus on was pouring emotions into the music I played making it more passionate than the last time I had played it. I wanted my music to hold _life_.

After an unknown amount of time I stopped playing to take a small break and opened my eyes. The pressure on my shoulder had never faded and now I knew why. L was asleep leaning against me, still in L position. His face looked calm, peaceful; tired...he almost looked as if he were dead. His breathing was silent but his chest was steadily moving.

I smiled watching him sleep and gently brushed some hair from his face. From how he made it sound, he hardly slept at all...and now he was getting some much needed rest. I felt my eyes burn with happiness knowing I could relax him so much so he could rest.

I quickly turned myself back to the piano carefully moving so I wouldn't disturb him and I started to play again, vowing to play until he woke up whether it was in five minutes or not until the next morning. L would rest and sleep well. I would make sure of it.

I felt a deep happiness swelling within my chest. My new friend was asleep on me, relaxed and at peace. I was playing for his resting mind and to further relax and sing to my own soul.

Time truly meant nothing now, but I knew this was a moment that would last in my heart forever. And it was all thanks to L...because...that's what friends do for each other.


	6. Time Waits From No One Chapter 6

Eyebrows, I realized while L was asleep the first night that I played for him, he didn't have any! I thought that was the most astounding and baffling thing I had ever heard of. How does someone _not_ have eyebrows?! I still to this day have no conclusion to this matter.

Playing the piano for L so he could go to sleep became a regular thing. Every few days I would go with him to the music room and play for him and every time he would fall asleep leaning on me like he had the first time. I didn't mind it, I enjoyed the contact and the fact he was resting peacefully.

Time slipped by us quickly, I got to know L very well very quickly in just a few months' time from him arriving at Wammy House. He wasn't very vocal but was the most talkative with me and Watari. I could see it right away, he looked up to Watari...maybe even viewed him as a father figure. I knew some part of me did, though I couldn't actually call him a father figure. I had too many reasons to shun the idea.

I finally started moving on from Martha's death, it was hard, and I stopped carrying around Captain Cuddles. I placed him and the letter she had left me in a special box, the letter in a sheet protector with Captain Cuddles in a small plastic bin to protect them. I couldn't get rid of the letter Martha had left me. Something about the letter made me keep it. I assumed it was so I wouldn't forget my promise to L.

No matter what it took I would protect him, even if it cost me my life. I would gladly give it up for someone that meant so much to me; especially after what he did for Martha's birthday...August 1st. She would have been 12 this year.

I was in my room alone most of that morning and without warning L came in the room and sat beside me silently. The dam finally broke and I told him about finding the letter after being away for two weeks, and finding Martha. I told him how she was so different and how much I loved my dearest friend for that; at this L gave me a look of deep understanding. He put the pieces together on why I was so dangerously protective of him. I was afraid I would lose him too...

He listened to every little thing I said that day about her. It felt _wonderful_ to talk with him about her. I spent a lot of the day crying as I relived memories of my precious little time with her. He sat beside me silently, holding my hand letting me cry, at some point I leaned on his shoulder and he moved an arm around me awkwardly holding me to him as I continued to cry, still holding my hand with his free hand.

I fell asleep leaning on him that night, exhausted from crying so much and he _stayed_ right there with me the _entire_ night, despite the possibility of getting in trouble. I asked him about it the next morning and he simply smiled at me and said that "nothing was more important than being there for me when I needed him". I was so moved by his words. He said them so genuinely that it almost moved me to tears. That moment showed me how wonderful of a friend I had in him. I knew our friendship would be life-long and that he would _always_ be there for me.

From that day on we were inseparable, just as I had been with Martha but it was different with us. We were incredibly close but there were little...snags in our friendship we were learning to get around. For example, I'm close to 10 years old, and I have B-cup breasts already, that make things a little awkward at times...

Anyway, it was October 30th and L was busy working on a case for me. I had busied myself with a few other cases and he offered to take this one off my hands. Watari had no problem with passing the case to L considering he was just as skilled, though I believed more so, than I. It astounded all of us how bright L was for such a young age. The boy was still only seven years old! Well...for three more hours he was.

I busied myself making a birthday cake for him and Watari had given me his word that he would keep L busy the entire night. I was ecstatic that I could do this for his birthday. L hadn't tried to be social with other children here; I couldn't blame him exactly considering I wasn't too outgoing myself. I preferred the company or only one or two people and quiet activities, other children here did not. That's one of the reasons L and I grew so close so quickly, we understood each other, we could sit together not talking about anything for extended periods of time and it was fine with us. That's just how we were.

I grinned happily down at the cake and looked up in time to see Watari coming to the kitchen to fetch some snacks for L so he wouldn't discover the cake I was making. I smiled happily at him as I continued working on the cake. It was and 8 x 11 strawberry shortcake, that he had voiced he was particularly fond of. It was eight layers and was shaped in an L, both of which I did for the humor of the matter and because I thought it was a cute idea. It had three times the amount of sugar necessary for the recipe and I made the frosting from scratch. The strawberries had been picked only a few days ago and were perfectly ripe. I had timed it where the cake would be finished at 11:25 exactly, this way I had plenty of time to clean up the mess I had made in the kitchen and bring it to L right as the clock struck midnight.

"Enjoying your project?" Watari said kindly, a hint of amusement in his voice as he maneuvered around the kitchen getting things for L.

I grinned childishly at him and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes very much! Thank you so much for keeping L busy...if it weren't for you this wouldn't be a surprise!" I couldn't contain the excitement from my tone; it almost made me blush how incredibly immature I sounded at the moment but I was far too excited to care!

He let out a light laugh and smiled down at me, stopping to pat my head for a moment, a warm glow in his eyes as he looked at me. "I'm glad you are enjoying yourself." He said warmly as he left the kitchen with a large tray full of sweets to the adorable Panda-Boy.

I knew there was a slight shyness to my face as I watched him go. He was a kind man that I admired and looked up to. I was grateful every day that Watari had found me in Italy like he had. I would never forget Watari either. The man was just too important to me.

I turned my attention back to the cake and busied myself with it once more. I became lost in my project and before I knew it, it was exactly 11:25 when the cake was finished. I ecstatically set the finished project aside and cleaned up the kitchen. It was 11:50 when I finished. Enough time for me to make a quick kettle of hot chocolate, made to L's liking, and bring it to L's room.

I smiled as I put the cake and kettle on the cart along with a plate, knife, fork, the cover to the pan the cake was in, a cup and a couple of napkins. I headed to the location of my favorite sugar junkie and smiled widely as I passed Watari as he left the room to "get more snacks". He returned the smile and continued on his way.

I walked to L's room and knocked on the door right as the clock in the hallway chimed midnight. L opened the door while it was still ringing and I smiled happily. "Happy Birthday L!"

He stared at me surprised then dumbfounded. His eyes moved to the cake and then back to me and he slowly smiled that adorable wide smile at me. "Thank you Tsuki...this is very kind of you." He said stepping back so I could wheel the cart into his darkened room only illuminated by the computer at his desk.

I couldn't help but giggle and as soon as I was in the room I hugged him tightly giving him a friendly kiss on the cheek giggling all the while. He hugged me back almost instantly and I could feel his face quickly heating under my lips, this gave me slight amusement. He was used to me being affectionate towards him while we were in private, so it was no longer a surprise, but it did still make him blush.

I grinned at him as we let each other go, "I'm so happy I got to surprise you!" my grin widened, "Next year is going to be a big challenge!" I said with laughter in my tone.

He smiled at me with eyes showing interested happiness and gave a simple nod with a look of challenge in his eyes. Next year would be fun. He had mentioned a few weeks ago his birthday hadn't really been celebrated so I was even more ecstatic to make him this cake. He moved over to his computer chair and sat down admiring the cake. "So this is why you spoke of a 'heavy workload' hm?" he turned his gaze to me with a slight amused smirk.

I grinned at him and poured him a cup of hot chocolate then got the knife and moved to cut him a piece of cake. After the amusement of him shaking his head a few times when I tried to guess the size he wanted I slightly laughed at his approval nod. I put the cake on the plate and moved the cart in front of him.

He wasted no time and quickly took a bite of the cake, the smile that crossed his face when he chewed the cake made my face grow hot. It also made me smile a silly little muss of a grin as it made my heart have some funny feeling. He was adorable...no matter how many times I mentioned it to myself, it never stopped being true!

"This is the best cake I have ever eaten...no...the best thing I have ever eaten. Limiting my statement to just cake does not do it justice." He said once he swallowed his bite, an adorable happy smile on his face. I felt my face grow hotter as he smiled at me and at his words.

"I'm glad you like it Panda-Boy." I said shyly.

"I love it." He corrected as he continued to eat occasionally sipping on his hot chocolate. I smiled and sat on his bed watching him quietly. He was just as quiet eating his cake. I suppressed a giggle watching him chasing strawberries around his plate as he ate.

In no time at all he had half of the cake disposed of and I smiled when he set down his fork. Quietly I got up and got the cover for the pan covering the cake. I gently took his hand and gave him a playful smile. "You didn't really think that was it did you, Panda-Boy?"

He stared at me in slight confusion then gave me a small smile, "No I suppose not." He silently stood and followed me out of the room and I led him to the music room. He sat beside me silently and after my little pre-performance ritual I played him Happy Birthday and sang to it as well. L smiled at me in thanks and then sat there silently as I continued to play, eventually falling asleep on my shoulder.

I smiled watching him fall asleep. He was going to have a great birthday; I was going to make sure of it. And each year I would do what I could to top the previous year. No matter what L was going to feel special at least one day out of the year.

"Goodnight L...sleep well...and happy birthday." I whispered to his sleeping form as I continued to play.

The rest of his birthday was me spoiling him making him whatever he wanted in terms of actual food or little treats; I had made a little scavenger hunt for him to participate in, none of the other children were allowed to play and L happily indulged in the game. I played the piano for him again that night and was his pillow all through the night. It followed with me using him as a pillow the following morning, considering I had been up for two days straight planning his surprises. L was a great friend that I always wanted to have.

Speaking of L...things have been very stimulating and complicated with him lately, I couldn't believe it had been two and three fourths years since we met. It was March of 1993. I had just turned 12 this year and L was almost 11. Our friendship was stronger than ever...as well as our rivalry.

November of the year he came to Wammy House, 1990, Rodger and Watari started pitting us against one another. We agreed it wouldn't change our friendship and enjoyed the rivalry we had now.

It was painfully obvious from the get-go who was the superior in terms of intellect. L surpassed me in every aspect by just enough to be on top. If I got an A on an assignment, he got an A+, it I solved a difficult equation in a minute's time, he did it in half a minute. I wasn't enthusiastic about this fact but I was happy for my friend. Not long after that Watari started putting L on more cases and soon L became known as a great detective throughout the world, despite his young age. His reputation was still building of course; it would take time for him to be more widely known. Though given how the "internet" was now becoming something more widely used, it would make things with the sugar junkie's work load more interesting.

On top of that he proved to be surprisingly athletic as he took the tile of British Jr. Champ in the tennis league, and he also practiced some form of martial arts, which variety I wasn't sure exactly. I was very surprised seeing the level of physical activity L could do. I mean to look at the guy you would think he never ventures outside or moves much. This is true, but he can be quite the pleasant surprise when he wants to be.

L would take on cases and work hard on them having no problems doing them himself but he always requested my help with them, enjoying my input and my company as he worked. Unlike L, I was kept a secret, an ace up the sleeve if you will. I had no problem with this, it always gave me amusement that people would talk about L but never knew I was working alongside him in the shadows of his or my room.

Recently things have felt different between us, my heart starts beating faster, my palms get sweaty, I trip over words sometimes and when he initiates a hug, which is extremely rare, I can feel a funny tingling feeling in my stomach. Even when we held hands, which was a regular thing we did when alone together since it was something we had always done, I was all nervous and did my best to make my palms not sweat. I wasn't very successful in that. I haven't voiced any of this to anyone, especially not L. I had a sneaking suspicion what it was and after some research I realized I was undoubtedly correct.

I liked L.

Now how to go about this? This was still a mystery to me. I had also done research to see how to know if it is reciprocated and of this I was left clueless. L showed none of the signs that he felt anything for me other than friendship. I was a little disheartened when I learned this but I was determined not to give up. I would tell L how I felt...eventually...though how and when I wasn't sure.

Leave it to HIM to make me a nervous, stuttering, questioning mess! UGH!

I got dressed quietly for the long day ahead and looked at myself in the mirror that had been added to my room recently. I started experimenting with different styles of clothing and altering my appearance and found I had no style other than it had to be comfy. I could wear dark colored sweats one day and a bright neon dress the next, I didn't care either way.

I let my eyes trail over my reflection slowly. I had a slight heart-shaped face with my eyes slightly larger than they had been, my hair still waist length, but was less wild now as I grew older, it had some wild flare to it but fell into nice waves down my back. My lips had grown full and pouty, my breasts had grown to a C-cup now, my figure was curved but not in the typical "hour glass" formation. I had womanly curves but they weren't over the top, though considering I was still developing and physically maturing I was afraid this would change soon. My waist wasn't super thin or too large; I was a healthy weight and waistband size. I had a slightly round bum that I always fussed was too big but I knew it was average size. My arms and legs complimented my womanly shape but had a slight awkward skinniness to them.

Overall, I was an "in progress" to which I was content with.

A knock at the door broke me from my thoughts. I knew it was L from the speed, loudness and location of the noise from the door. As much as L hated the change he learned he needed to knock for my room now since we were getting older. I voiced he could enter and I smiled at the colossal surprise of it being L.

He had grown a bit too; his body was no longer so stick-like and fragile feeing, he had grown a healthy amount of muscle over these past couple of years but it still wasn't obvious from the baggy clothes he wore. His face grew a little longer, the bags under his eyes more pronounced despite the fact he got sleep, however it had dropped down to every few nights now; maybe two times a week I could get him to fall asleep, rarely was it three nights. He walked and stood with more of a hunch now, his voice slightly deeper, never having experienced that awkward cracking boys seem to go through. I assumed it was because he mostly spoke in a monotone. If he stood straight he stood a head taller than me already, I was only 5'1" while he stood about 5'5" now, however since he hunched most of the time we were mostly eye level. The only thing that hadn't changed: his wardrobe. It remained constant the entire time I've known him.

"Hey Panda-Boy." I said casually, trying to suppress my blush.

He gave me a little smile, "Hey Moon." He responded in his usual monotone, but with a hint of warmth in it.

I smiled at him then glanced away starting to lose my scuffle against my blush. "So what brings you here so early?" I asked trying to break the silence and take my mind off of the fact all I wanted to do was tell him I like him.

"I was bored and wanted to come see you." He said as if it was nothing worth mentioning, "Is...that a problem?" he questioned accusingly as he shuffled over to me.

I looked at him trying to give him a look but felt myself blush darker as he got closer to me. "No of course it isn't...I was just making conversation." I said and I inwardly winced at the defensive edge in my tone.

"You've been acting strangely around me lately and I've concluded that there is a 98% chance it is because of _me_." he said suddenly as he got even closer to me, his face inches from mine. I felt my eyes slightly widen and I took a nervous half-step back.

"Wh-what?" was all I could nervously stutter out. I saw this coming but not _today_. Today we were going to America to help with a case that had the nation on edge that had become a "cold case". Now was _not_ the time to have this conversation.

"Tell me what it is Tsuki. I've drawn up a few conclusions and I am fairly certain I know what it is but I would rather hear it from you." He said not moving from the close proximity to me he rooted himself in, his eyes locked with mine seeming to search my very soul.

I stared at him with uncertainty and nervousness. I still couldn't gage what his stance on the matter was. I wanted desperately to speak, for someone to come in the room, the Boogie-Man, a derailed train, some form of a distraction so I could compose myself. But this was life and no such things happen in real life.

"L...what...do you think it is..." I managed to whisper to him, wanting desperately to tear my eyes from his. This is not how I wanted this conversation to go.

He tilted his head very slightly still keeping his eyes on mine. "That you have some form of romantic feelings for me." he stated evenly. I felt my eyes grow wider, which I hadn't thought possible, and my breath caught in my throat. "Given how you are reacting I am now absolutely certain of my conclusion." He continued when I said nothing. Still I was silent. "Can you at least confirm if I am correct on the matter?" he probed leaning slightly closer to me, our faces were so close...

I felt sadness fill my eyes listening to him talking. His tone was the same, a monotone that reviled nothing. I found it safe to assume he did not return my feelings and I gave him the best smile I could, though at this point I think I looked like a sad and lost puppy.

"Y...Yes L...it's true...I...I like you." I said in barely a whisper. I said it...now what?

He gave me a perplexed look as he watched the sadness creep into my face and eyes. "Does this knowledge upset you?" He asked puzzled.

"You haven't said your feelings on the matter L...how would you feel if you were in my position?" I questioned trying to will myself to keep calm.

He looked thoughtful for a minute then I could see some sadness on his face and in his eyes, "Devastated."

I gave him a sad smile and nodded, "Exactly." I said as I was finally able to tear my eyes from his. I couldn't stare into those dark eyes of his anymore.

He continued to stare at me unmoving for a few agonizingly long moments. Slowly he brought his hands to my face and gently cupped it making me turn to face him. "There's no need for you to be sad Tsuki." He said quietly.

I looked at him hesitantly then confusion crossed my expression. "What do you mean?" I asked in a slightly uneven whisper.

He said nothing but stared into my eyes for a minute, I stared helplessly back and slowly he leaned closer to me. I tensed slightly at his movements and my eyes widened as I felt a pair of warm, slightly rough lips brush mine in the gentlest way. "There is no reason to be sad because there is a 100% possibility that I reciprocate your feelings of affection." He said with a gentle tone and a small smile as he removed his hands from my face slowly lowering them to his sides.

I stared at him in disbelief. L...L felt the same for me? I smiled at him, my eyes slightly burning as I leaned forward and kissed him sweetly. After a second of hesitation I felt the pressure from his end as he kissed me back. My heart fluttered uncontrollably, my mind felt like it was going blank. All I could focus on were his lips against mine. I could feel him move closer as he kissed me and gently wrap his arms around me pulling me closer to him, I returned the gesture hugging him close as we kissed.

I broke the kiss and looked at him slowly as I slightly panted for breath from the kiss and nervousness; he gave me a small awkward smile that had shyness thrown into it. I smiled shyly and moved to rest my head against his shoulder as I hugged closer to him. He said nothing but returned my embrace holding me close to him.

I couldn't believe the joy I was feeling right now. I had agonized over L finding out and it went better than expected. "L Lawliet." He whispered in my ear.

I moved back suddenly and looked at him with eyes wide in surprise. I knew instantly that was his true name. I smiled warmly at him and kissed his cheek as I leaned close to whisper in his ear. "Takara Hirukashita."

I could feel the skin of his face move indicating the muscles moving. He was smiling. I knew it. I moved to look at him again and took in the site of him as if for the last time. We showed each other how much trust we really had in each other. We knew each other's names now. Of course we wouldn't mention it to anyone but...it gave our friendship...our bond that much more strength.

"Treasure, correct?" he asked lowly.

I nodded, "I love the ingenious of your choice. You chose a new identity by remaking your original. How wonderfully clever." He blushed at my words, a small shy smile on his face as he looked away slightly. A small giggle slipped out as I moved to lean against him once more, our arms still securely around one another.

"What is our next course of action Moon?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

Perplexed I looked at him. "What exactly do you mean Panda-Boy?"

He looked at me finally his eyes curious and unsure but his face betrayed nothing, his tone slightly unsure, "We've admitted romantic feelings towards each other and have kissed. We are incredibly close friends but this is more than friendship."

I smiled at him, for someone so smart he could be almost dense at times, "Well...one of two things generally happens apparently. One: we enter into a relationship and begin dating, you would be my 'boyfriend' and I would be your 'girlfriend'. Two: we forgo the relationship and let things continue as they are now until we are more sure of things and then we come to a decision at a later point in time." I said with a slight shyness in my tone.

He looked at me for a minute, his arms tightened slightly around me and then he gave me a small smile, "If you were my girlfriend that would make things much simpler wouldn't it?" He asked with a slight amusement to his tone.

I blushed slightly and felt a small giggle slip out, "I suppose it would L, however we would have to keep the relationship secret or we would be separated more often and under close surveillance." I said, a slight mischievous look making its way to my face.

L gave me a small smirk and kissed my cheek as he leaned closer to me whispering in my ear, "I suppose we will have to work together on another case Moon, perhaps the most important yet."

I felt a blush make its way to my face when he kissed my cheek and I slightly giggled as he whispered to me. "Does that mean the great detective L wants me to be his girlfriend?" I asked trying to be coy.

He let out a very light chuckle and moved gently touching his forehead to mine, "There is a strong possibility nothing would make me happier."

I smiled shyly and kissed him sweetly. "Well with that logic, how could I say no my beloved Panda?" I asked shortening his nick-name to be more cute.

He looked at me for a second, a simple happy look crossing his face as he looked at me, "I'm not sure Moonbeam." He said with a hint of uncertainty in his tone at the new nick-name.

I giggled and blushed at the nick-name, "That was almost as adorable as you. However, I don't believe anything could come close to the amount of cuteness you seem to possess." I said with a laughing smile. He blushed and gave me a shy little smile.

We both looked to the door hearing footsteps coming towards our end of the hall and we quickly moved to where L was sitting in my computer chair and I flopped onto my bed. L began speaking about the upcoming trip we were going on to America and after about two sentences time a slow gentle knock interrupted him. I smiled knowing it was Watari.

"Come in Watari." I called quietly, sitting up as he opened the door, a warm smile on my face; he returned it with a gentle look and a soft smile.

"Good morning to you both. Are you ready to depart for the airport?" I nodded and L simply stood. Watari nodded in approval and moved to stand in the hallway waiting for us.

I moved over to the bag I had packed and slung it over my shoulder while L quietly shuffled out of the room into his. He returned a moment later awkwardly holding a small bag I assumed only had one change of clothes, two at most along with his toothbrush. He had learned quickly if he was going to be traveling I was not going to let him leave without at least a few essentials.

Watari looked at both of us with a kind look and turned leading us out of the hallway to the main entrance. There a limo was waiting and he opened the door for us then took our bags and put them in the trunk of the car. I climbed in first and L followed me. Watari came and closed the door then moved to the driver's seat where he started the car and made the hour long trip to the airport.

I sat curled up on the seat, something I hardly did, while L sat in his preferred position. I glanced at him and gave him a little smile. I leaned on his shoulder and closed my eyes as I listened to his slow breathing and the hum of the engine. It was a long silent ride to the airport, but it was comfortable.

Once there we boarded our plane within the next hour and were seated in first class. Watari was on the left side of the plane since there were only two seats on each side of the aisle making up a row of four. L sat on the aisle seat on the right side while I sat on the right of him by the window.

I looked out the window contently as the plane was being boarded and I glanced at L when I felt a tap on my left hand. I gave him a slight surprised look to which he just gave me a slightly pouty stare. I smiled and took his hand holding it where Watari couldn't see, however we weren't going out of our way to hide it from Watari. He had seen us holding hands countless times since L came to Wammy House never once commenting on it. L gave me a small smile with a slight warmth in his eyes and turned his attention to the window staring out it.

I looked out the window as well and contently let my mind wonder to thoughts about the upcoming case. It was estimated we would be in America for a month, possibly longer. L and I assumed it would take us three weeks at most, provided the local authorities processed the evidence in a timely fashion.

As they closed the doors preventing any further boarding my grip on L's hand tensed. I hated flying. My first time on a plane had been very bad turbulence and the plane almost went down because of it. To say I was afraid of flying was putting the matter lightly. L squeezed my hand back keeping a firm grip. I glanced at him with a slight embarrassed look to which he just gave me a small smile and started to lowly hum Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. I smiled at him and moved to lean on him for comfort and to hear him better.

After seeing how badly I reacted to flying he started to hum to me to soothe me. It was always my favorite tune. I felt myself slowly relaxing as I listened to him. Though he spoke in a monotone most of the time he sounded lovely when he hummed. I often wondered what his singing voice sounded like, if he could harmonize enough to sing that is. A slight sound escaped me as I felt the plane start to move, in response L moved slightly to face me more and hummed slightly louder.

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek since my face was hidden against him and closed my eyes allowing myself to only focus on the fact of being close to L. L was beside me and no matter what. "Get some rest..." He whispered softly to me as he moved to hold me to him, surprisingly not sitting L style.

I gave him a small smile and nodded, I preferred to sleep on long flights and since we were going all the way from the United Kingdom to America, specifically Winchester, England, United Kingdom to Washington D.C., United States. The entire trip would take roughly eight hours and we would be traveling about 3500 miles, give or take. It irritated me I couldn't get the exact mileage but I knew I had to make do with the estimate I was able to scrounge up.

I felt myself slowly relax against L, his constant low humming a soothing melody to my disorderly nerves. My mind slowly felt like it was fogging over with the allure of sleep. I hated flying...but when L did this I often wondered how much I truly hated the mode of transportation. Perhaps flying wasn't so bad after all...


	7. This Can't Be Godobye! Part A Chapter 7

Ok first I want to say there is a slight Lime scene in this chapter! Secondly I want to say thank you to AngelChick1432 for reviewing! It meant a lot to me to hear from someone that likes my story (besides my friend that has an account on here).

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"Tsuki...it's time to wake up..." I heard the unintelligible voice of L say to me as I slowly stirred from my sleep as his hand lightly shook me.

"That seems highly improbable..." I said as I tried to surrender again to the bliss of sleep.

A soft chuckle came from L and another shake followed this one not as light. I let out a slightly irritated sigh as I sat up from my sprawled out position on my half of the couch and looked at him rubbing my eyes. "Did he say something finally?" I asked as I turned my attention to the video feed we had been watching for just over two days straight.

"Yes he started talking about an hour ago but it was just pointless mumbling...at least I thought so until I remembered what you said yesterday...how he could be speaking in code." L said with his eyes glued to the monitor.

I listened to him carefully as I woke up quickly. I nodded and looked at him, "What did he say?"

He wordlessly handed me a paper and I looked at it slowly. It had a few random words on it, nothing that stood out. I stared at it for a minute in complete silence.

Store, brick, chicken, game, tasty, desert, favorite.

I looked at him with narrowed eyes, "You said that he's never left the immediate area dude to his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, correct?"

L looked at me slowly. "Yes, he has lived in the same house for 13 years and hasn't gone beyond the city limit."

I nodded looking back at the paper quickly. "I know where they are." I looked at him again. "They are in the restaurant he frequently visits."

His eyes narrowed slightly, "How are you so sure?"

I gave him a little smirk, "Look at the words he mumbled L. He said specifically, 'chicken, desert, favorite, tasty'. That indicates his favorite restaurant. The owner said when interrogated that he always orders a chicken dish and the same desert."

"What about the other words then?" He asked, a slight annoyed and tense edge to his voice as he looked at me. This case had rattled him, all of it made sense to me while it seemed to completely elude him.

"As for those words, 'store, game, brick', they're stored behind the brick of one of the walls. All of this is a game to him to see if we can save them." I said calmly.

He stared at me for a minute then brought his thumb to his lip slightly biting it. Finally he nodded, got up, walked over to the secure phone on the dresser of the room and called Watari to tell him my deduction.

After the call was made I sat back down beside L as he rejoined the couch. I hugged him around his shoulders and kissed his temple, he tensed very slightly. "Why has this case gotten under your skin Panda?"

"I would rather not talk about it." He said almost coldly. I looked at him for a moment then nodded.

"Whatever it is...it's ok now L..." I said as I kissed his cheek gently trying to comfort him. What happened to him?

"Nothing happened to me Tsuki." He said quietly, answering my unspoken question. I looked at him puzzled.

"Why don't you want to talk about it?" I asked concerned and confused. He always talked to me...about everything.

"To be entirely honest I don't know how to, even less of what to say exactly." He cryptically said with a slight annoyed and cold edge to his voice.

"Well...do you even want to talk about it?" I asked quietly.

"If I knew the proper words to describe what it is I would tell you..." He said staring ahead, his tone no longer cold, almost sad; longing.

I looked at him curious, "Could you show me?" Suddenly he looked at me, his eyes blazing with the most emotion I had ever seen in them. I slightly jerked back in surprise, even though I was holding him to me. The emotion in his eyes surprised me, though he showed little emotion, it was never so intense. His eyes held a few different emotions: uncertainty, confusion, longing and some other emotion I wasn't entirely sure of its identity.

"Yes, I could show you." He said in a forced bleak monotone, his eyes slowly going to my lips, the same intensity and emotions still there, perhaps even stronger now.

I nodded slowly, not entirely sure why he was watching my mouth. "Then do it." I said simply.

As soon as those words left my mouth he pulled me into a kiss. My eyes slightly widened, not from the surprise of it but how rough and clumsy it was. I gently kissed him back and he twisted in my arms quickly wrapping his arms around me tightly causing me to let out a small sound of surprise. Usually when he kissed me it was as gentle as a whisper and as sweet as all the sugar he consumes, this however went completely against the norm; it was rough, needy, demanding, passionate.

What had come over L? Why was he kissing me when I asked him to...wait...what was he trying to tell me exactly?

I held L close to me as I continued my gentle return of the kiss. As much as I was tempted to return the kiss in full force, I wanted him to tell me exactly what was going on. He slowly slid his hands down my back and as he did he lightly licked my lips causing me to gasp in surprise. He took the opportunity and slid his tongue in my mouth surprising me further as the sugary muscle quickly whipped about inside my mouth dancing around my tongue.

Sure we've made out before; I mean we had been together two years now, but something this time felt different. I shivered as he slid his tongue along mine, something about it felt different than before. Every time before L was exceedingly shy and unsure of his movements. His kisses were always so sweet and gentle. I wasn't fully sure about what this had to do with the case getting to him but I couldn't help but return the kiss full force. It was slightly rough and demanding, I had to admit I _liked_ it.

We fought each other for dominance of the kiss with him slowly pushing me back on the couch crawling on top of me. I let out a soft moan feeling him over me and slightly shifted my hips feeling a familiar tingling starting in my lower stomach region. I could feel him slightly smirk against my lips as he continued to battle me for dominance before I surrendered shivering slightly. As he kissed me I gripped his back with one hand and his head with the other, trying to desperately deepen the kiss. L made a small groaning sound as he slightly slipped and his body pressed more against mine, causing me to softly moan out in pleasure as well. I pulled my hands to his front and slid them up his chest lightly gripping more of the muscle there causing him to let out a small sound. He broke the kiss and kissed all over my face quickly then worked his way down to my cheek. I slightly giggled causing him to smile slightly. Slowly he started kissing along my cheek working his way to my neck causing me to gasp slightly and grip his arms in surprise.

All logic was lost to the wind now; I knew I didn't want this to end, L's mouth felt so _good_ against my skin. L slowly kissed along my neck and shoulder; of course I was wearing a tank top today, lightly licking and nipping the skin causing me to softly moan and writhe under his actions, the only tangible thought I had playing through my mind was, _don't stop_. As he was attacking my neck his hands were lightly teasing my sides at the base of my shirt. I tilted my head back slightly as he continued his assault on my neck and shoulder letting out a soft moan. L worked his way across my shoulder and back a few times with his tongue and lips then slowly dragged his tongue to my other shoulder starting to give it the same torturous pleasure he gave my left side and as he did he slid his fingers under the base of my shirt causing me to gasp in surprise.

I shivered under his touch and slightly moaned as he began to lightly tease my stomach with light caresses. I arched to him enjoying his touch and the sensations it was stirring in me. He got bored with my shoulder and then moved slowly starting to kiss on the exposed flesh of my chest, dragging his tongue to my cleavage. He started to lightly kiss above my breasts when the room's phone rang suddenly causing us both to freeze.

L made a slight annoyed sound as he got off me without a glance and went to answer the phone and began talking to Watari in his usual monotone, no hint of emotion was detectable in it. I sat up slowly as the realization of what was happening hit me. That was the most that has happened between us so far. I made a slight face as I shifted my hips uncomfortably. I had gotten worked up enough to grow wet and now I needed to change my underwear...great. I wordlessly moved over to my bag and got a fresh set of clothes and was about to go into the bathroom when L's voice stopped me.

"Tsuki...could I shower first?" He asked quietly not looking at me.

I glanced at him with a slight blush on my face and blinked at him curious. I was about to ask why when I noticed there was a slight bulge in his pants, I looked away quickly blushing hard and nodded. He grabbed some fresh clothes for himself and went into the bathroom without another word. I awkwardly sat on the couch again and pretended I was interested in something that was in the room that I had looked at, at least 100 times by now.

I felt my face darken hearing slight sounds from the bathroom. I knew full well what L was doing in there and tried hard to block out the sounds by humming to myself. After what felt like an hour I heard the shower stop and a few minutes later L came out in clean clothes that looked identical to the ones he had just been in with a towel on his head covering his face from my view. I felt bad he was embarrassed but I was terribly uncomfortable and wanted to get cleaned up.

I went into the bathroom quickly with my clothes and stripped down as soon as I set them aside. I made a slight face seeing the wet spot on my underwear and got into the shower fighting a blush knowing what L had just been doing in here. I showered and cleaned myself quickly blushing at the lingering feeling of L's sensual touches. I finished in the shower and got dressed quickly. I noticed an air of slight annoyance coming from me. I hadn't got worked up enough for me to have my own release but my body felt jipped, I sighed and shrugged it off. I grabbed L and my dirty clothes and hesitated before going back into the room. How exactly do you talk about this? I moved back into the room putting up our dirty clothes and moved to sit beside L on the couch where he waited for me sitting L style.

"I apologize if that was too much Tsuki." L said after a few moments of awkward silence.

I looked at him then gave him a small reassuring smile as he looked at me, "No...it...I..." I sighed, what exactly was I supposed to say? After a few moments of awkward silence as I mentally floundered trying to grab an at least half sane thought I tried my hand at speaking again, "I...didn't mind...I was...enjoying it..." I said awkwardly glancing away from him.

He gave me a shy little awkward smile, "I was as well..." He said in a matching tone.

I looked at him with a shy look feeling my face warming, "Is...that why...you've been...tense on this case?" I asked slowly, unsure.

He looked at me for a moment and then looked ahead of himself. "Yes."

I looked at him quietly for a few minutes. So he was starting to struggle with those feelings now too, at least to the point of having a hard time dealing with them. I gave him a small smile and kissed his cheek lightly. "It's alright Panda...those kinds of feelings are normal. We _are_ teenagers and we're growing up as well...situations like the one we were just in are bound to happen again."

He looked at me slowly, "I know that Moon, but...I was unsure how you would take me expressing those...feelings...toward you."

I gave him a soft understanding smile and hugged him lightly. "It's alright L...we'll figure this out together." I said with a shy smile kissing his cheek again. He said nothing but gave me a small smile, a soft happiness in his eyes as he kissed my cheek hugging me back.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door, L got up and answered it revealing Watari. I smiled at him in greeting and he returned it. He informed us that the children we had been searching for were found in the location I had said and that he was going to trial. The case was air tight. We would return to Wammy House in the morning.

I smiled hearing that, I was glad to be going home, we had been here close to a month looking for this man, dealing with mishandled evidence, sketchy fingerprint analysis, witness statements contradicting findings...the list went on. I was ready to return home to my own bed in my own room. Sharing a hotel suite with L and Watari was enjoyable, but trying as well. Watari treated us like child adults, which is essentially what we were but that was beside the point. He would slightly get onto us about petty things but we had the freedom to make decisions like adults would. Such a confusing and slightly irritating situation if you asked me.

The day ended uneventfully and L sat with me in my room for a while as we talked about what we were looking forward to when we were of legal age to be completely independent, per my request. I blabbed on about so many trivial things that sounded like fun to do and when the topic turned to L he simply said, "I know I will want to spend that time of my life with you as well. Anything else besides that is irrelevant and trivial to me."

I felt happy, moved, and slightly embarrassed by his words. I had said I wanted to be by L's side at that point too, but his answer was so sweet when mine had seemed selfish and silly. I knew that was just how L was, blunt and sincere, at least with me he was. Most others he could be called a chronic liar, if he were ever caught in a lie that is.

I yawned and laid down feeling my body grow heavy with demands of sleep. I had slept earlier but I had been pulling a lot of all-nighter's on this case and I was exhausted. L's ability to sleep had declined to only two nights a week now for approximately five hours at a time. I didn't know how he did it. I pouted at him as I felt my eyes grow heavy; I didn't want to sleep yet. This was the last time for a while that L would get to stay in my room so late without adult supervision.

No one at Wammy House knew about our relationship but because we were teenagers now we weren't allowed to stay in the other's room so late, standard Wammy House policy. Teenagers had a curfew of 10:00 pm and it was in effect until 10:00 am the next morning. Teenagers could spend time together later at night of course, but if they were caught somewhere without supervision they would face punishment. As to what that punishment was I had heard it was personalized for each resident of Wammy House.

L looked at me as I started to fall asleep and gave a little smile. He moved and laid down next to me but not touching me. It wasn't the first time I had seen him lie down but it still was an interesting sight to behold. He gave me a sleepy smile and I gave a knowing look. He was about to fall asleep, he just needed a little nudge. I smiled and softly started to sing I Swear by All-4-One. L gave a sleepy smile listening to me start to sing, not fully processing what I was saying I was sure. He closed his eyes slowly and his breathing quickly evened out. I brushed hair from his face and looked at him for a long time once I finished singing.

Love...how did that feel?

I smiled and got up quietly making my way to his and Watari's room. I explained L actually fell asleep and he gave me a small smile. He honestly didn't mind us spending time together late at night, especially if I got L to get some sleep. I bid him goodnight and went back to my room. I covered him up with a soft smile and laid down next to him, with some respectable space between us. Though Watari didn't mind us spending the night together, considering most of the time we were working on a case, we still needed to be cautious of how we were behaving, i.e. respectable space between us unless we were working on something.

I watched him sleep for a long while. I _was_ exceedingly tired but...getting to watch L sleep it was such a rarity that I relished the moment greedily. He looked so peaceful in his sleep; dead, but peaceful. I gently run my fingers through his hair and smiled softly watching him. He didn't move, snore, mumble, or talk. He was so boring in his sleep. I giggled softly at my musings, L was anything but boring.

Gradually I lost my battle against my eyelids and closed them. As my last coherent action I moved my arm and lightly gripped one of L's hands holding it in mine. I smiled at the cool sensation of his hand as I started drifting into the harmony of dreams that I knew would have him in them. I gave L's hand a small tired squeeze.

I felt my body grow more heavy as the brush of dreamland faintly caressed my body. My mind was fogging more and I tried to speak to the sleeping form of the sugar junkie beside me. My mouth seemed to humor me as I was able to get a slurred sentence out. I'm not sure what I said exactly or that it was even a sentence. But I do remember the last thing to pass through my mind...

_L...do I love you? _

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Please review and tell me how the Lime(ish) scene was. Also I have a spoiler for the next chapter!

It's in our favorite Panda-Boy's perspective it's going to be intense! :D Stay Tuned for This Can't Be Goodbye Part B! (hahahaha I feel like it's a TV show XD)


	8. This Can't Be Godobye! Part B Chapter 8

**Lime** in this chapter! Also this entire chapter is in **L's POV**!

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A soft knock at the door roused me from my sleep; I sat up slowly looking at my hand in Tsuki's. I gently let it go, earning a slight frown from her and walked over to the door to see Watari standing at it. "Yes Watari what is it?"

"We leave for the airport at 10, please wake Tsuki up for me." he said gently.

"Yes of course." I said as he turned to walk away, I closed the door and moved back over to the bed, glancing at the clock as I went. It was only 8:00 am. I felt a small smile make its way to my face as I sat on the bed in my preferred position watching Tsuki sleep.

She was lightly snoring with a small frown, her hand that had been holding mine twitched slightly as if she was searching for me. I felt my lips tug upward increase its intensity by 12%. I reached for her hand slowly but hesitated before touching her. I didn't want her to wake up just yet and the probability of waking her by touching her was just over 60%. The odds were not in my favor and I enjoyed watching her sleep.

She mumbled slightly in her sleep most of the time, it was never tangible what she said exactly but it was entertaining to listen to. Her snoring was faintly humorous as well, at times it sounded like she was almost snorting. She often twitched in her sleep and shifted slightly but most often once she was asleep she generally stayed in the same position.

My eyes slowly wondered over her form taking in her growing beauty. She had grown up a lot since I met her, had it truly been five years now, almost six? Her face was that of a mature young woman, she had high cheek bones and a heart shaped face that was getting more defined as she matured. Her body had distinct womanly curves that were _very_ inviting to observers. Her breasts were a D-cup size now and often drew my eyes to them. They looked very round and supple, I often imagined their softness and what it would be like to hold them in my hands. I gripped my knees harder at the thought trying to suppress my desire to investigate at the moment. I forced my eyes to move away from her chest, though their next destination was no better. She had an average waistline; she wasn't too thin nor too large. Her hips developed well, they were temptingly _curvy_...

I forced my eyes back to her face and looked at her once more. She was wearing a sleeping tank top that was a slight V-cut showing a teasing amount of her appealing cleavage as well as show some of her mid-drift that along with the matching shorts that went to her mid thighs. Overall her appearance could be summed up in a number of words: tempting, alluring, appealing, attractive, enticing, inviting...mouthwatering.

I swallowed hard as I shifted slightly feeling an uncomfortable aching sensation in my lower abdomen and groin area. I glanced down to my groin area and made a slight face seeing a bulge forming. Damn it. Hearing a soft sigh from Tsuki my head shot up and I looked at her intensely. She was still asleep; I let out a small sigh of relief. The last thing I needed was for her to wake up and see me in this _state_.

I had an almost painful grip on my knees as I looked over her form again. The more I tempted myself the sooner I could relieve myself and have composure once more. However, I was risking her waking while this was ongoing; my chance of her not waking until I did so directly was just under 30%. The chances of Watari coming in and discovering what I was doing were at 65%, at this stage of my discomfort however, I decided I would risk it.

I looked at her form once more and she turned over on her left side facing me, just my luck. My eyes instantly were drawn to her now exaggerated cleavage. You could see most of her breasts now, I let my eyes slowly scan over her chest and did some quick calculations to figure out where her nipples were; they was dangerously close to peeking out. I shifted more as the aching became slightly difficult to ignore and my eyes slowly wondered over her form stopping again at her stomach, which happen to be showing more.

I looked at her stomach showing slightly, enough for her belly button to be showing slightly and the curvature of her pelvic bone inviting my eyes to follow it. My eyes stopped at her shorts and I withheld a groan at the thought of what lie beneath. I shifted again and slightly moved so I could lower a hand to my uncomfortable groin. I lightly brushed my fingers against my clothed member and bit my lip slightly to keep silent.

She smiled slightly in her sleep and let out a small sigh, I felt myself shiver slightly as she sighed and increased the pace and pressure of my rubbing. I stared at her intensely letting my mind go over the agonizingly short make out session we had yesterday. I could hear her moans and sighs of pleasure in my mind and rubbed myself harder. I winced slightly feeling myself be too restricted within my jeans and got up slowly, my face I knew, was contorted in discomfort as I awkwardly shuffled to the bathroom in her room.

I quickly closed the door and turned on the shower. I stripped myself and got in the shower eager to relieve my discomfort. I glanced down at my hardness and then closed my eyes as I started to stroke myself once more. I let my mind wonder to how it would have felt to continue yesterday; to slowly remove all of Tsuki's clothing and touch and kiss every inch of her body. I shivered remembering the feel of her skin as I teased her stomach, my member twitching slightly under my touch. I thought about how I was so close to removing her breasts from her cruel concealing shirt; how it would feel to slowly grip them. I felt my mouth water slightly as the thought of my tongue tracing her curves ran through my mind.

The thought of her beautiful bare form in front of me writhing in pleasure as I slowly licked, kissed and teased every inch of her curves made me moan out slightly and my member twitch. I clamped my mouth shut tightly as I continued to please myself with the desperate feeling of needing my release. The thought of how her voice would sound moaning my name came to mind and it sent me over the edge. I let out a low moan as my member jerked in my hand with my release.

I panted slightly as I felt my body slowly start to recover from my aroused state as my member returned to its limp state. I opened my eyes slowly and stared at the shower wall as my body fully relaxed from my pleasure. I needed to learn how to control these urges better, Tsuki may understand given we are teenagers and our bodies are changing...but I didn't want her to think I couldn't control myself. I knew I could, I just needed to learn how to. How long that would take I didn't know and was unnerved by the lack of knowledge.

The entire time we were working on this case, all of the three weeks, four days, 16 hours, 42 minutes and 23 seconds of it was agonizing. I couldn't focus on anything but how much I desired to touch Tsuki, to cause her pleasure and to make her emit the sounds she was yesterday. I quickly broke my mind from recalling the memory in fear of it arousing me once more.

My hair thankfully wasn't wet, so after I quickly washed my body and got out I dried off and dressed. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought of when Tsuki would be beside me, when we could actually see how we looked together. I often wondered why me. She was exceedingly beautiful and intelligent, her heart full of love and concern for others. Many of the other males in Wammy House, both older and younger than her desired her attention, but I was the only one she gave it to. **(Manga information here, if you do not know about him see Death Not Wikia)** Even Birthday Beyond, my would be clone, desired her affections but was constantly spurned. I wondered why, we were almost identical in appearance and were just as close in levels of intellect. He mocked all my strange quirks and habits, even my manner of speaking and general awkwardness. All of it was identical to me, or as close as possible since he is not my actual clone...as much as he tries anyway this leads further deductions to be drawn.

Why? What made me so special to capture her affections as I had? IF no one else, why not BB [Birthday Beyond]? What made me so special to her?

I smiled slightly at the thought of her arms around me, about how happy the feeling made me. I didn't care for physical contact with others; I never really had even as a small child. With her however, I couldn't get enough. I constantly craved her touches, her words...more than my body craved the constant sugar it was used to. I knew I had reached a crucial point: I couldn't live without her in my life in some form for that wasn't living; it was existing, if a life without her could be considered existing that is.

Everything about her made me feel alive, more alive than I ever thought possible. I wasn't overly emotional or expressive, but with her I _wanted_ to be. I wanted to feel, to laugh, to feel and experience everything out of life; to not look at everything in numbers or percentages but for the emotions, the thoughts, and the feelings. She made the hallow shell I was upon our meeting almost six years ago become a distant memory and something not quite full of life, but not quite lacking it either.

Tsuki had become the most important thing in my life the moment she voiced we were friends my first day at Wammy House. No one had ever made me feel important or that I mattered. I was always an ignored oddity. I made most uncomfortable with how strange I behaved; this was painfully obvious to anyone. Tsuki never made any form of discomfort at any of my strange habits, in truth it seemed as if she enjoyed them, looked forward to them.

I imagined us older, would we still be together? Would we fall in love? Would we get married? Would we have children?

Tsuki mentioned a few years ago how much the thought of having a family meant to her. She always wanted to be a mother, even when she was a small child she held the dream tightly. Would I want children? If I had children...could I be a father? How could we have a family, a future together?

I am L, the greatest detective in the world. This meant that I would always be busy, always be working, always be dragged all over the world solving problems most seemed too thick to comprehend no matter how simply it was broken down. How could I have a future with her? How could she fantasize a family with me, if she did that is, when that would be the rest of my life? I have a successor at the moment but he is only to take over when I die, not when I get tired of being L.

Why was my head spinning of thoughts of a future with her suddenly? Is it because of the discussion we had the previous night? I had admitted to her that I wanted to be with her when I reach adulthood alongside her, but what kind of life...of future could I give? Could I love her as she deserved? Would she be happy down the line with me or would she resent what little time I have been and could make for her.

My mind wouldn't seem to stop reeling with these questions. I was being incredibly childish and selfish with Tsuki's life and heart. I felt the smile that had formed on my face quickly melt into a look of sadness. How could I do that to someone so important to me?

I stared at myself for a few silent moments, evaluating, and came to a conclusion. I would leave Wammy House and end things with her.

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Please review and tell me how I did with L's POV! I hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter will be in L's POV as well and things are quickly going to heat up!


	9. DUMMY! Chapter 9

**Long detailed lemon** in this chapter! This is my first lemon! Hope you enjoy! Feedback is appreciated and motivates me to write more!

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I felt sadness, the deepest sadness I had ever felt swell within my chest. I would wait until we returned to Wammy House so we could have a private conversation. I dreaded the thought of waiting so long, sitting beside her on an eight hour flight only to return home and break her heart. But...I couldn't live with what I was doing to her any longer.

I turned slowly and walked back into her room and stopped staring at Tsuki asleep, pain swelling in my chest as I gazed at her with a sad smile. From this moment on, my life would be an existence; I wouldn't know the joys of living after this moment. My heart and head were battling for who was right, something I wasn't used to experiencing. However, in my head and my heart I believed what I was doing was right. I couldn't hurt her anymore.

I walked over to the bed slowly, my eyes never moving from her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful...so happy...so...full of life. What I was doing to her was slowly robbing her of that life. I wasn't sure about what my future would be and I couldn't let her follow me into the vortex of uncertainty that was my future. She deserved to know all the joys she's dreamt about since childhood. Real love, happiness, a home, a family, dreams, and most importantly...a life away from me and the harsh evil that surrounded my existence. Someone so warm shouldn't have to face the evils she has been.

I stared down at her sleeping form and reached out to lightly shake her then stopped myself. I should tell Watari my decision so I can have some privacy with her when we return home. I quietly shuffled to the door and closed it behind me as I left the room. Watari was sitting in the living room reading the morning paper finishing his coffee and looked at me slowly, his kind face warm and concerned.

"L what's wrong?" He asked me quietly.

I silently debated for a moment if I should sit or not but I didn't want this to be turned into a large discussion now. I looked at him staring at him for a few moments before I spoke, "I am going to leave Wammy House after we arrive back in England." My tone came out even, with no hint of the pains that statement caused me.

He looked at me surprised and his face melted into one of sadness and understanding, "I understand L. Before we set anything in stone talk it over with Tsuki first..." He said in his usual gentle voice. I stared at him for a moment and nodded silently. I turned and started shuffling to her room once more, stopping in my tracks hearing his voice once more. "She deserves a say in the matter too L. Just because you believe you are doing her a favor by making this decision does not mean you are actually doing so."

I felt my eyes widen as I let out a small gasp, he knew about us. I had deduced based on how secretive and intellectually bright we both were that we could hide our relationship entirely, the probability anyone would find out was under 5%, Watari alone however, his chances of knowing were around 10%; seems I underestimated him. I said nothing and continued into the room. I closed the door behind me once more and looked at Tsuki sleeping. I slowly made my way over to her again watching her face, her beautiful, peaceful, smiling face.

I sat beside her with my feet flat on the floor watching her sleep for a few more moments. It was only 8:29 now; I still had time to watch her sleep, possibly for the last time. I felt annoyance pulse through my body at my lingering selfishness and put a gentle hand on her shoulder lightly shaking her. "Rise and shine Moonbeam." I uttered the phrase that was at a 98% success rate for producing a smile from her, more than likely for the last time, the odds of this being a correct assumption were just over 94%, the flight home was not included in this calculation.

She made a small sound of protest and mumbled something intangible. I felt a small smile cross my face as I shifted to face her more. Her gems slowly fluttered open and she smiled at me, I slightly returned it. The moment she sat up I pulled her to me hugging her close burying my nose in the crock of her neck breathing in her scent. She smelled like old books, chocolate, flowers and a hint of spice; I loved her smell more than any other. I felt saddened again at how much I would miss it. I felt her shift in my embrace and slowly hug me back, she gave my cheek a gentle kiss and leaned against me heavily as she slowly peeled away the remains of sleep. I relished in the feel of her body so close to mine for one of the last times. This was getting harder by the moment and I had only come to the conclusion minutes ago.

"What's wrong Panda?" She asked gently as she moved a hand up to massage the nape of my neck. I let out a small sigh as I slightly relaxed, closing my eyes as she continued her actions. The simple action had a great calming effect on me and it calmed me 62% of the way.

"It's how I was yesterday..." I said, technically a half-truth. I couldn't tell her the truth right now, I looked at her slowly and she gave me a small smile.

Thankfully she wasn't completely awake yet so she gave a little nod, "I understand, but keep in mind I said I was alright with everything and that we would figure it out together." She said sweetly.

I no longer felt the relaxation of her affectionate action. Together. That word hit me very hard. I gave her a small smile and nodded slightly. "We leave for the airport at 10." I said quietly.

She nodded and slowly pulled herself from me, giving me a gentle kiss as she did. She got up smiling and went to her bag to get prepared for the flight home. I got up and headed out of the room sitting in the living room on the couch across form the chair Watari was sitting in. He looked at me silently and I stared at him blankly. He gave me a small nod and got up calling room service ordering Tsuki's preferred breakfast since we had started the case, French toast with hot chocolate and extra little things so she could "make it _real_ hot chocolate" as she preferred to word it. He also ordered a multitude of sweets for me to scarf down as my first of many meals of the day.

A few minutes later Tsuki came out of the room much more awake, dressed and with her packed bag that she set down beside Watari's and mine. Watari gave her a warm smile as he bid her good morning and took his place in the chair once more reading the paper. She smiled and plopped herself down next to me, leaning on me silently as she often did after she woke up. I felt nothing but sadness at the normally comforting action. I had a feeling today was going to be exceedingly painful. I couldn't imagine how horrid the conversation would be later. I dreaded the pain I would feel once I could talk to her once we arrived home, but I agonized over the pain Tsuki would feel.

Our food came and we ate quietly. Soon after we finished we departed from the hotel to the airport. We boarded the plane in the first class section with her sitting by the window, her preferred place on a plane and me sitting on the opposite side of her. Watari was seated further ahead of us. It was a last minute flight so our three seats couldn't be together.

I wrapped an arm around her to help prevent her aviatophobia, or flight anxiety from starting. No matter how many times we fly she still has a strong fear of it. I couldn't blame her, a bad first experience on a plane when only four years old, even though it's been 11 years, it is still with her and mostly likely would always be. She gave me a small grateful smile and moved to curl to me, I held her closer and when the plane began preparing for takeoff I began to lowly hum Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, for the last time. She gripped my shirt slightly and gave my neck a light grateful kiss. I felt a small bittersweet smile form on my face as I held her close to me. I was going to break her heart just like I was breaking mine.

But isn't this what you do when you love someone? No matter how much it pains you to let them go, you do it for their betterment?...wait...love...do I love Tsuki?

What does it mean to love someone exactly? Of this I remained unsure despite memorizing the definition of love. The definitions I found confused me immensely:

-Love (verb form): [definition one]: to feel tender affection for someone such as I close relative or friend, even an animal, place, ideal, etc. [definition two]: to feel romantic and sexual desire and longing for someone.

-Love (noun form): [definition one] a passionate feeling of romantic desire and sexual attraction. [definition two] very strong affection i.e. an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion.

I tried to research the amount of time it takes people to fall in love along with ages to determine the probability that I was actually in love with Tsuki. My research and deductions had left me unsure of the result, with how selfish I've been with her; I can't definitely say I do love her.

She made a small sound as the plane hit some turbulence. I felt her body tense as she gripped my shirt tightly, slightly shaking in fear. I held her tightly to me and ran my hands soothingly along her back. "It will be alright Tsuki." I said firmly, she shakily nodded and clung to me tightly. I felt sadness hit me again, harder than it had yet as the front of my shirt started to get slightly wet.

She's so frightened she's crying.

I felt enraged that I could do nothing to comfort her and calm her nerves, my anger only amplified as the turbulence increased. Her breathing started moving into short nervous gasps as she made a pained sound holding me tightly with one hand and gripped her chest with the other; she was starting to have a panic attack. I removed one hand from her back and grabbed her hand on my shirt following suit with my other hand moving it to the one on her chest holding both tightly.

"Tsuki you need to clam down." I said gently, I got her to let go of her and my shirts and placed her hands gently to her face. "Slow breaths." I said as I exaggerated my breathing slightly so she could follow my breathing pattern. She gave me a scared nod, with her eyes full of tense fear, and slowly followed my breaths until she calmed down. I gave her a small smile and kissed her face gently a few times, finally kissing her lips as she removed her hands.

She gave me a small grateful smile and hugged me tightly. I hugged her closer and lightly nuzzled her cheek and neck. She let out a slight giggle at my actions and it made me smile a little more. She relaxed in my arms and I resumed my humming. She lightly gripped my shirt and quickly fell asleep against me, exhausted from the extreme panic she was in.

I continued to hum and hold her to me as she slept peacefully. Watari came to check on us as soon as it was safe for him to move about the plane. I told him what happened and he was relieved she was alright, this wasn't the first panic attack she had had on a plane and the pervious one was much worse... He stayed for a few moments then returned to his seat leaving us be. I rested my head on Tsuki's gently stroking her hair as I held her.

This was all going to be over. It would be best if I never saw her again. There was a 6% chance she would hate me after our conversation. I almost hoped she would... Tsuki slept a fourth of the flight and the last three fourths we spent conversing about trivial things. I hung on her every word and made her do most of the talking. I was going to miss her voice, her thoughts, especially how she would rationalize her conclusions, the slight rambling she did when I pushed a subject enough, the way her eyes would slightly sparkle as she laughed, the way she managed to sound perfectly mature and childish at the same time, everything was relevant and more important than any knowledge I would ever come across.

Kahlil Gibran once said, "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

I silently evaluated my feelings and thoughts toward and about Tsuki during the rest of the flight home. It kept coming back to the same base point and the knowledge only caused me greater pains:

I love Tsuki.

I wanted her to be happy.

I had to let her go.

We returned to Wammy House early the next morning, roughly 1:34 am, due to the time conversion. Tsuki and I departed to our rooms, after Tsuki bit Watari goodnight, and she went into her room dropping off her things, I did the same then knocked on her door slowly after a few minutes reminding myself how crucial this was, for _her_. She called for me to come in and after hesitating for a moment I went into her room closing and locking the door behind me.

She gave me a perplexed and concerned look as I wordlessly went over to her and sat in my preferred position on her desk chair. She moved to sit on the edge of her bed and looked at me in worry. I only locked her door when it was a very serious matter.

"L...what's wrong?" She said in concern.

I looked at her slowly trying to keep my emotions at bay; they would only compromise the situation at hand. I needed all my strength if I was going to do this right. "I am going to leave Wammy House." I said finally. She stared at me silently, mixtures of emotions passed through her eyes as she continued to stare at me. I could see her eyes starting to shine more, she was close to crying.

"Take me with you." She said firmly, her voice slightly cracking.

"I can't do that." I said in my usual monotone, I couldn't let my emotions betray me.

"Why?" She demanded doing her best to stay calm with her eyes shining more and her tone cracking again.

"It would be best if we ended things between us and got on with our lives separately." I said after a moment of silence, my tone not betraying the heartache I felt saying that or seeing her expression.

She looked at me with a hard, pained look, a few tears falling before she stood glaring at me in anger. "What the hell are you saying?!" She cried in anger finally losing her temper. "Best for who L?!"

I looked at her with a calm expression using every ounce of will I had to not mirror her obvious heartache. It had to be done, "You want things for your life I could never have because of who I am." I said simply.

She looked at me, she was instantly calm, her eyes watery but calculating as she quickly pieced together what I was really saying. Her expression became one of aged sadness. "L...why not just talk to me? Why...just leave?" She said as she heavily sat down overwhelmed.

I looked at her for a long moment before I spoke again, "I'm not sure..." I admitted finally. I did know but...I felt as if I hadn't thought the matter through.

She looked at me and slightly smiled, "L...just because I talk about things I want doesn't mean they're going to happen. They're fantasies, hopes, and dreams. Those change all the time. Just because I talked for a week I wanted a pet Tyrannosaurus Rex when I was 11 didn't mean I _actually_ wanted it. It was just a nice idea at the time."

I looked at her thoughtfully for a long while. She was correct. However, "Tsuki...what if you continue to want those things later in life? My life is as the detective L; I cannot make time for anything else. I hardly can devote any time to you now as it is."

She gave me a small smile with her eyes shining, though not with tears, with determination. "L, nothing is for sure in life. If I do end up wanting those things later on." She shrugged slightly, "I'll figure them out as I go." She finished with a smile.

I looked at her in confusion, was she brushing aside the subject not fully grasping what I was saying after all? "Tsuki..." I felt some of the pain I had been struggling with enter my expression for a moment. I needed to let her go. "When you love someone, you let them go." I said finally trying my best to maintain all emotion.

Her eyes widened hearing me, "You...love me?" She whispered.

I looked at her and felt a small smile cross my face, "Yes." More than I could adequately express or voice.

She smiled at me with a few tears threatening to fall; a small laugh escaped her letting the dam holding her tears break. She grabbed my arm and pulled me lightly; I followed her silent command and sat next to her on the bed not in my preferred position. "If they return, they were always yours. If they don't they never were." She recited reaching a hand out to cup my face. "No matter what happens to us in life L...I will always return to you."

I slightly leaned into her touch and looked at her in slight surprise. She loved me as well? I felt a strange burning sensation in my eyes and blinked once trying to rid the feeling, this did nothing and I stared at her in confusion trying to understand what was happening. She gave me a small smile as she wiped away a wet substance from my cheek. It was a tear...I had cried?

"I love you L Lawliet." She whispered leaning close to me capturing my lips, I eagerly responded feeling the immense emotion I had been suppressing for almost an entire day taking over my senses. I _needed_ her.

I moved to push her down on the bed, which she did not object, and kissed her feverishly. This feeling, I never thought I could need her touch so..._badly_. I trailed my hands over her curves trying to memorize the feel of her body. She slightly shivered under my touch and let out a soft sigh as our tongues battled in the warm caverns that were currently smashed together. I felt an intense need for everything about her. I needed all of her.

She surrendered control and let me do as I pleased, to which I greedily took advantage of the situation. I let my tongue explore every detail of her mouth in agonizing detail; she gripped my back holding me firm to her. I pulled my mouth from hers and attacked her neck as I had done the day before. She gasped slightly and moaned slightly arching her back as I teased her neck slowly. I felt a great satisfaction hearing her soft sounds of pleasure as I began the slow process of worshiping her body.

I kissed along her neck slowly working my way to her ear kissing around it a few times I paused my motions to whisper to her. "I love you Takara Hirukashita."

She let out a slight emotional sound and hugged me tightly to her not allowing any space between our bodies. I complied and laid myself carefully on her, as I did she began kissing my neck slowly causing me to shutter slightly. I closed my eyes enjoying the sensations she was stirring within me. Is this how I was making her feel when I did this?

She surprised me by flipping us over pinning me to her bed. I looked at her with wide eyes, wider than my eyes normally were, and she gave me a playful smile in return. Seems she wants to make this more fair. She kissed me gently as her hands slowly traced over my chest through my shirt. I slightly shivered at her actions feeling my body arch slightly into her tough. I hated to lose but letting her be in control felt like I was winning.

I could hear a faint breath of a giggle emerge from her as I arched into her, her fingers continuing to dance along my chest slowly. I tried to kiss her back wanting desperately to make clear just how badly I needed her. She smirked against my lips, she knew. I felt a slight growl emerge from my throat, only causing her to giggle more. She enjoyed my torture, making me completely compliant to her.

Tsuki took her time slowly kissing me, never increasing the intensity or deepening the kiss. I fruitlessly tried to change that but to no avail. She broke the kiss and slowly kissed down to my neck lightly nipping and licking it as she went stopping at the collar of my shirt. I slightly jerked and shuttered under her touch, arching more to her as she continued.

"Tsuki." I breathed wanting to feel more of her skin, her touch, _her_.

She slightly giggled and slid her hands down my chest to the base of my shirt causing me to slightly groan. She moved my shirt up slightly and lightly teased my lower abdomen with delicate touches. I clamped my mouth shut tightly to keep quiet. Her touches were making me lose all self-control. I closed my eyes feeling my pleasure increasing along with a slight familiar aching in my groin area. She continued her torture on my neck as her hands teased my stomach slowly.

I looked at her in desperation and seeming to take pity on me she leaned back enough to push my shirt up more. I took the opportunity and sat up enough to pull it off myself and kissed her demandingly. She let out a small gasp of surprise and kissed me back sliding her hands up my chest. I felt a small groan building and fought to keep it back. She broke the kiss and pulled her shirt over her head. I gave her a small shy smile, which she returned, and claimed her lips again.

I pushed her against the bed once more and shuttered feeling my chest against hers, of course her bra was in the way but it wouldn't be a problem for long. I ended our kiss and moved to a kneeling position over her so I could look at her exposed flesh letting my eyes drink her in slowly. She was wearing a sports style bra that was green with zebra print on it. It was quite cute on her; however I was displeased with how modest it was; it covered the entirety of her breasts. It came down about two inches on her abdomen and went roughly an inch above her breasts. I felt both happy and aroused as my eyes were more free to wonder over her form. I noticed she was slightly blushing as I looked her over, I smiled at this.

She let her eyes wonder over my exposed upper body and hesitantly reached a hand up to touch my chest but stopped short with an unsure and shy expression. I felt myself smile more as I gently took her hand and placed it against my chest giving her a small reassuring look. She smiled shyly and placed her other hand on my chest lightly running her fingers along the faint muscle tone I had. I closed my eyes shivering slightly at her touch. Each visible dip or line my torso possessed she traced slowly, seeming to try and memorize my body as I had been trying with hers.

I shivered with my breath slightly catching as she ran her fingers over my lower abdomen stopping just short of my waistline. I lightly grabbed her hands pushing them over her head as I leaned down careful to not touch my chest to hers as I apprehended her lips once more in a demanding kiss. She slightly shivered as I kissed her, fidgeting her arms trying to get free and slightly arched herself pushing her body against mine. I let out a small groan feeling her hips slightly rubbing against my clothed, aching member. She slightly gasped feeling it brushing against her since I was painfully erect.

I released her lips and kissed over her face slowly. I loved this woman beneath me, and for some reason she felt the same for me. How had I ended up so lucky? The odds I would ever have found love if it not for Tsuki were under 2%. I had never believed a god existed, but in the depths of my mind I was thanking any form of a god there was.

I returned to my slow torture of her neck and shoulders eventually moving down to kiss her exposed torso. Each time I licked a small area of flesh she shuttered and moaned under me. I felt quite the ego boost hearing her reactions to my light touches. I wanted more but I was unsure if this was more than she wanted.

Looking at her finally I whispered as I released her hands still hovering over her, "Tsuki...would you rather we stopped? I don't...have a condom." I admitted regretting I was not prepared for this.

She looked at me slightly dazed from the pleasure she was in and then gave me a perplexed look. She said nothing but instead pushed me back on the bed once more. She started a quick assault of kisses, lickss and nips down my chest working her way to my stomach slowly as her hands wondered over my upper body shamelessly. She stopped once she reached my stomach then trailed her tongue along every line of muscle I had working her way to my chest once more stopping only to lightly lick my nipples, causing me to shiver and moved up to my neck. "Does this answer your question?" She whispered to me as she lightly bit my neck.

I let out a small groan and shivered beneath her. "Y-Yes." I said a little uneven. Tsuki let out a small giggle and slowly pleased my neck as she moved her hands down to the button of my jeans undoing it. She pulled down the zipper and gave my jeans a small tug.

"Don't forget that I'm on birth control to regulate my menstrual cycle, it will prevent pregnancy as well." She whispered as she worked.

I looked at her slightly surprised but felt a small grin making its way to my face. There was a 99% chance she was enjoying this as much as me. I flipped us over pinning her arms down once more and she pouted at me when she realized what I did. I gave her a small grin, which she blushed at and moved kissing over the top of her bra and on her shoulders, arms and maneuvered myself so I could kiss her stomach, completely ignoring her bra. She shivered and slightly arched into me. I smiled slightly against her skin and moved my hands from restraining her to her jeans unfashioning them as well. I gave them a small tug and she picked up her hips slightly so I could remove them. I moved momentarily getting off the bed pulling off my jeans quickly leaving me only in my blue plaid boxers. I pulled Tsuki's jeans off the rest of the way and looked at her slowly. She was in matching green zebra print underwear; I noted the wet spot on them when she shifted her hips again. She leaned up slightly looking at me, her eyes traveling downward to the bulge in my boxers, causing her to blush slightly.

I got back on the bed leaning over her, a knee on each side of her hips and kissed her, she wrapped her arms around me as I slid my hands down her sides. I stopped their travels and moved them to her chest, lightly groping her through her bra. Tsuki gasped and moaned breaking the kiss at my actions. I moved to her neck sucking on it lightly and I slowly abused the spot with my tongue. She shifted her hips and made a sound of protest that she couldn't move, I felt a small smirk tugging at my lips. I shifted so I had a knee in-between her legs so she could move and she moved her free leg to wrap it slightly around my lower back pulling me closer. I groaned slightly in the kiss feeling my clothed member brush against her warmth, she moaned at the action arching more to me and pulling me closer.

She broke the kiss holding me close, "Please L..." She said breathlessly. I smiled slightly and gave her a quick kiss. I moved to let her up enough and she quickly removed her bra, her beautiful full breasts falling free from its evil constraints and laid back down on the bed. I felt my member twitch slightly as I gazed at her. She quickly pulled me back down to her in a heated kiss, both of us shuddering at the contact of our upper bodies pressing together. I moved my hands to her chest once more and groped her gently as we kissed, she moaned softly and pulled me closer with her leg around me. I let out a soft groan and she gasped as my member brushed her again. I took the opportunity and kissed her deeply, my nibble fingers exploring and pleasuring her breasts.

Her nipples were very sensitive I discovered. Each time I gave one of the bundle of nerves direct attention with my fingers she moaned lowly into my mouth and pulled me a little closer. I pulled away slightly from her and kissed quickly down her neck causing her to slightly shiver at my actions. When I reached her breasts I gave each one a light kiss then I softly nuzzled them earning a giggle from her. I grabbed her hands restraining her and licked around her breasts slowly giving the flesh light nips as I went carefully avoiding the nipple. She made a slight begging sound and I took one of the buds in my mouth gently suckling on it. She gasped in surprise and clamped her mouth shut doing everything she could to be quiet. I watched her slightly as I tortured the bud with my tongue and teeth, her leg's hold around me strengthened considerably.

She softly moaned my name and I shivered at the sound of it rolling off her tongue. It sounded better than I had imagined just this morning. I switched to her other breast and maneuvered her arms so I could restrain her by the wrists with one hand moving my now free hand to her breast I was just pleasing. I lightly pinched and twisted the sensitive nub while I tortured the other with my tongue. I glanced up at her again and was very pleased and content with the sight before me. Her eyes were closed in the bliss of pleasure she was experiencing, her face was slightly flushed and she was panting hard, her chest heaving under me. Tsuki's leg suddenly pulled me closer to her and I groaned against her breast as my hips ground into hers, I could faintly hear Tsuki's moan, I felt as if I had momentarily been knocked senseless. I froze my actions for a minute as I recovered from the pleasure of that movement.

No words could adequately describe how _good_ that felt but I knew I wanted much more. I let her hands go and straitened myself indicating I wanted to be let up but I was not permitted to. Thinking quickly Tsuki removed her leg from me and pinned me beneath her, she held my arms down and was straddling my hips. I slightly bucked to her feeling her warmth against my pained erection; she slightly moaned and grinded her hips against mine. I gasped in pleasure and my eyes instantly shut in surprise.

She let out a slightly evil giggle as she repeated the action, causing herself to slightly moan again. I bit my lip and moaned out in my mouth. She leaned down, her chest brushing mine, and lightly licked my lips. I kissed her instantly engaging her in a fierce tongue war as she proceeded to grind me once more, slowly working her way to riding my clothed member. I could feel her juices through my boxers and it made my member slightly jerk knowing how incredibly wet she was. I helplessly bucked up to her meeting her hips movements as we kissed. She let my arms go to slide her hands up my chest; I took the newfound freedom of my arms and placed my hands on her hips gripping them tightly. I pulled her down harder on me as she rode me and she moaned out in the kiss, her pace becoming more erratic and desperate.

She made a needy sound as we continued our tongue war and I gripped her hips tighter, she pulled her mouth from mine and moaned my name with complete desperation. I used my underestimated strength to once again have her beneath me. She slightly gasped in surprise and shifted her hips in obvious need. I moved and kissed down her chest slowly stopping at the base of her underwear. She shuddered under the feel of my lips against her lower abdomen. I looked at her with a questioning look, she nodded lifting her hips for me and I pulled her underwear down removing them from her body quickly. I looked at her completely exposed form and felt a groan form from my throat.

She was breathtaking.

She looked at me then glared at my boxers. I removed them with a slight groan as my member gained its freedom. She looked at me and blushed seeing my exposed member. I had very little hair around my _very_ aroused member, though this made sense, I didn't have much body hair. I looked at her again and slowly absorbed the sight of her bare skin before me. She had a small tussle of hair around her vulva and it was soaking wet with her juices.

She gave me a shy smile and I gave her a small sweet one. I moved and leaned over her slightly to where my face was over her stomach. I gave her feather light kisses working my way down slowly adding little licks and nips as I went. I paid great attention to her hips and the sensitive flesh above her womanhood. As I teased her with my mouth I slid my hands along her hips to her thighs lightly rubbing them as I went. She shivered under me and arched into my touches softly moaning my name. I worked my way to her thighs and I started sucking, licking and nipping them a little rougher than I had been doing to the rest of her body. She let out a slightly loud gasp and covered her mouth tightly with both hands. I felt myself smirk at her response, _I_ was causing her this much pleasure.

I continued my assault on her thighs and she slightly spread her legs wider revealing more of herself to me. The smell of her arousal finally hit me and it sent a shiver through my body. She smelled so sweet with a slight bitterness, her body's natural fragrance, very slightly of musk and something else I wasn't able to identify. I licked my way up her thighs slowly, causing her to let out whimpering moans that were music to my ears and tortuous pleasure to my aching member. I stopped just short of tasting her and looked at her once form more. She was so stunning.

I looked at her swollen lower lips that gleamed with her juices and leaned forward enough to lightly lick them. She gasped behind her hands and her entire body jerked and simultaneously she spread her legs wider for me, I shivered at the taste of her on my tongue. She tasted _better_ than she smelled. I leaned closer and slowly ran my tongue from her clit to her entrance. She writhed under my tongue's actions and I couldn't stop myself from indulging in her warmth. She tasted divine and I wanted _more_. I dragged my tongue along her outer lips slowly tracing her warmth. She made a slight sound as well as moved her hips in a begging gesture. I decided I wouldn't torture her further and slid my tongue to her warmth instantly going for her clit. She moaned behind her hands bucking her hips to me, I moved my hands to her hips holding them down as I continued my tongue's abuse on her clit before I moved a little lower. My tongue came to her entrance and I slowly slid my tongue inside it. She gasped and I could feel her breathing halt for a moment. She shuddered and moaned as I slowly started thrusting my tongue into her slowly. Each time my tongue entered her opening she gasped out, I started to quicken my pace and her breathing got erratic and shallow, she was close to her release. I increased my tongue's pace as I slowly massaged her hips with slights moans from myself making my tongue vibrate slightly. She finally reached her peak shuddering violently with her orgasm as she released into my greedy mouth.

I licked her juices up not letting a single drop go to waste. She was the best sweet I had ever tasted and to let her fluids be wasted was the worst crime committable. She lay there limp and panting as I licked her lower lips. She moaned softly still very aroused at my tongue's continued actions. This made me smirk in satisfaction as I continued to thrust my tongue into her until she got wet enough again for me to stop. I removed my tongue from her and she made a whimpering sound at the loss of the pleasure. I licked my lips slowly as I traced her womanhood with agile fingers causing her to shiver and moan softly. I teased her lips slowly and cupped her warmth using two fingers to tease her clit. She moaned and bucked to my hand as I pleasured her. My member throbbed painfully desperately wanting to be relieved.

I moved my fingers lower to her entrance and teased it slowly; she shivered at my touch and slightly bucked her hips to my hand. I slid one finger into her very slowly; she only made a slight face as she shifted her hips to get used to the sensation. After a moment she moved her hips slightly and I carefully moved my finger in and out of her. She slightly moaned and before long I was thrusting my finger into her warmth, I gradually added another finger then a third as she grew used to the sensation of something inside of her. Either she pleasured herself often or I had managed to arouse her enough for her to experience little pain. She began to pant desperately as she reached her peak once more and I pulled my fingers from her quickly replacing them with my tongue. She hadn't even had time to make a sound of protest as I thrust my tongue inside her working her closer to her next orgasm.

Not long after I switched my fingers for my tongue did she release and I greedily drank her juices again. I shivered and felt desperate for my own release as my member jerked in its silent protest for attention. She recovered from her orgasm faster than she had her first and looked at me with a seductive smile that made my mouth water and my body shiver in anticipation.

"Come here L." She softly purred to me and I quickly climbed on top of her pressing my body to hers, groaning at the contact. She felt _wonderful_.

Tsuki claimed my lips in a kiss, only making a slight face as she tasted the remains of her juices on my tongue and gripped me close. I balanced on my hands and knees over her, the need for my release making it too painful for me to balance solely on my knees. She bucked up into me slightly and I let out a needy groan in the kiss. Her hands lightly gripped my back in an almost painful way as she lightly dug her nails into my back. I slightly bucked into her at the action and she softly moaned as I groaned out in the kiss. I couldn't take much more.

She seemed to realize this and once more I found myself underneath her. Seems we both enjoy being in control while in bed, future encounters with her would be _fun_.

She broke the kiss and held my arms down as she kissed my neck slowly. At the first desperate sound I made she quickly released me as she worked her way lower. I shivered and moaned softly under her touch tilting my head back in pleasure. She stopped at my member and looked at it slowly, just as I had done with her. She lightly touched it and it jerked as I moaned at the touch. She gave it a light lick from the base to the tip. She stopped for a minute then licked the head of my member; I gasped and arched off the bed in surprise and pleasure. She paused for only a moment longer before she lightly cupped my balls massaging them while she licked my member holding my hips down slightly with her free hand. It twitched and jerked under her touch I clamped my lips tightly shut to keep from moaning out.

Without notice she took me into her mouth causing me to gasp in pleasure. She slowly teased the head with her tongue and I was lost in the sensation of her tongue teasing me. I felt my release fast approaching and I tried to warn her but all I could do was moan behind closed lips. My entire body shook with my release as she continued to suck on my member, slowly drinking my essence. I felt my body relax slightly as I finally had some relief; however I wasn't completely satisfied yet. Though I had just released I could feel my member quickly growing hard again still in its imprisonment of her mouth. I shivered as she continued to pleasure me as she had quickly getting me aroused once more.

I enjoyed that I was helpless and at her mercy, my body shivering in pleasure. I felt her mouth release my member and she pulled her hands away from me as well. For a moment I couldn't feel her touch and I slowly gained some sense back and opened my eyes to see her moving to straddle my hips. I blinked at her once and she gave me a slow smile. I watched her move to slide my member inside her and I made a small sound causing her to look at me. She gave me a smile and nodded, I gave her a small smile and my member jerked under her touch once more. I felt my member rubbing against her lips and I shivered in pleasure and anticipation. She let out a soft moan as she slowly slid me inside of her, stopping only for a moment before I felt a slight pressure inside of her, her hymen. She took a slow  
breath relaxing herself and forced me all the way inside of her, I moaned out at the sensation quickly biting it off. She gasped and moaned in pleasure hastily cutting it off as well. From what she allowed to escape her I could detect no signs of pain.

"It didn't hurt." She answered my silent concern after a few silent moments of adjusting. I smiled at that and she slightly moved her hips adjusting further.

I bucked very slightly to her causing us both to moan softly. I gripped her hips when she started to ride me and helped her stay balanced. She braced herself with her hands on my chest, slightly digging her nails into my flesh as she did so. I grunted slightly at the feeling of her riding me, the exceeding pleasure I was feeling having her tight, wet walls around me, watching as her beautiful body rocked against mine, how her breasts bounced with each movement either of us made. She gasped in pleasure as she continued to ride me and I could quickly feel my release coming once more, I gripped her hips stopping her movements and she looked at me baffled.

"My turn." I voiced my husky demand and she nodded quickly.

I released my hold on her hips and she got off of me quickly, both of us making sounds of protest as we separated. She quickly lay on her back and I stood off the bed pulling her hips to me so her bottom was at the edge of the bed, her legs spread wide for me to take her. I teased her entrance with my member and pushed in her slowly, earning a sound of protest at my slow movements. She wrapped her legs around me trying to get me to move more and to go deeper. I let out a small grunt as I slowly started thrusting into her. She gasped in pleasure and covered her mouth tightly as she began to whimper and moan in pleasure, mostly staying quiet.

"Harder." She begged me trying to pull me deeper, I let out a grunt and quickened my pace. I could feel we were both close to our releases. She gasped as my thrusts became quicker with a clumsy roughness to them. I grunted out randomly feeling her walls slowly gripping my member, she softly moaned my name and bucked her hips to meet my thrusts still having her hands clamped over her mouth.

I felt my body shudder as her walls clenched around me at her orgasm, it being much stronger than her first two. She moaned my name behind her hands remaining justly quiet, thankfully the residence around us were fairly heavy sleepers. My thrusts became more desperate as her orgasm brought me closer to mine. I groaned out slightly, fighting to keep most of it held back, as I reached my peak. I felt my member jerking as it pumped out my essence into her.

We both panted staying as we were for some time, I felt my member return to its limp form and I slowly pulled out of her. Her legs dropped from me lazily making her body slightly jerk. I gave her a small tired smile and slowly she sat up. Once she got her bearings she stood and hugged me tightly, my body slightly shivered at the effort needed to return the embrace.

"I love you Panda." She whispered against my chest.

I felt myself smile widely, though tired, hearing her. "I love you Moonbeam." I said kissing her forehead gently.

We stood in silence holding each other for some time. I glanced at the clock and saw it was 3:46 am, just how long had we been fraternizing? I loosened my grip on her slightly and looked at her when she spoke.

"We should shower..." She said quietly. I nodded and she let me go shifting slightly as she moved to get her shower possessions. She peaked out into the hall and motioned for me to exit the room. I did so and quickly took my clothes with me to my room. I tossed them in my hamper and grabbed a fresh change of clothes along with a towel and my toothbrush. I went to the bathroom to see Tsuki already putting her things aside and she smiled at me as I closed and locked the door.

We got in the shower and embraced under the warm water, I smiled feeling her flesh against mine once more. The intimacy we shared was more than I could have imagined. Each second made my heart swell with happiness. I had one of the most intimate acts imaginable with someone that meant everything to me. I was a fool to think of leaving without her.

"Come with me...when I leave here." I whispered to her, I couldn't live without her. That was impossible, the chances I would survive a year were at 0%.

She looked at me and smiled, "I was already planning on it L." She kissed me gently causing me to smile more.

We quickly cleaned each other and got changed into fresh clothes, for her pajamas similar to the ones she had been wearing this morning and I was in my usual jeans and white long sleeved shirt. We erased any evidence we had been in the bathroom and I helped her bring her things back into her room after I put up my things. I helped her crack her window open to let the air freshener she had sprayed escape, she lit a few scented candles and left the door cracked as we moved to my room. She often forgot about leaving candles lit in her room so this was nothing new, along with the fact her door was cracked, an indication she was in my room, again nothing new.

She laid down in my bed under the covers and I laid down next to her hugging her close to me. I kissed her forehead and she cuddled to me with a sleepy sigh. I closed my eyes in contentment as I held her to me.

Tsuki mumbled something and quickly fell asleep in my arms holding to me tightly, a small smile on her face. I kissed her forehead letting my lips linger against her skin for a moment as I breathed in her scent. _I love you. _I smiled at the thought as sleep slowly claimed me. I knew I would sleep well this night, a panda bathed in the moonlight's warm embrace.


	10. Heartache Is Easy To Come By Chapter 10

**GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND INTENSE EMOTIONAL SITUATION!**

* * *

I woke up the next morning cuddled up to L and smiled smelling his sweet scent around me. He was looking down at me and I could tell he was slowly waking up himself. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I laid cuddled in his embrace. I glanced to the clock in his room and saw it was 9:28 am. Good not many were up yet, I gave him an apologetic look and pried myself away from him and got up quickly with only a slight twinge of soreness from our activities early this morning. I went into my room quickly and blew out the candles and closed the window. I smiled in victory that no one had caught us and that the smell of what we had done was gone. I left my door cracked and headed to the bathroom.

I went to the restroom and then went back to L's room to see him still lying in bed, which surprised me greatly. He gave me a small cute grin and lifted an arm to invite me to cuddle with him again. I smiled at him as I closed the door and moved to lay down in his awaiting arms. He hugged me close and lightly nuzzled my forehead. I laid with him for a while just enjoying being in his arms listening to his strong heartbeat and even breathing.

We finally decided to get up about an hour later. We decided that we would leave Wammy House today, so we needed to clean our rooms before we left, out of courtesy and so no one would discover what happened in the wee hours of the morning. We would ask Watari to come with us so the three of us could continue working together. I was only 15 while L was 13; I had just turned 15 early this year while L still had a few months to go before he turned 14. Neither of us was old enough to legally live on our own, at 16 I technically could but L still had some time to go.

Watari was the only adult figure in our lives we completely trusted. We decided we wouldn't really stay in one place too long; it wasn't safe for us to if we left Wammy House. However, we knew we couldn't stay here any longer. This was a place we spent some of our best years yet, but it was not our future. We agreed that we would move from place to place taking on cases as we were needed, though my existence would remain a heavily guarded secret. L would work in the shadows; I would work alongside him in complete darkness.

We went to the kitchen and I made us breakfast, waffles again as our farewell meal; as we ate our clothes and bed sheets washed. Whether Watari came with us or not we were going to leave and figure life out together. After we ate we cleaned up the kitchen, and ventured into the music room so I could play once more. I played my favorite along with L's, and Martha's, I played a song I had composed that started off somber but slowly melted into one of happiness and life. L smiled warmly at me hearing the tune and per request of playing it once more I did so, with him humming along to the tune of it. We left the music room, myself lingering for a few minutes staring at the instruments in the room, I would miss my friends of the music family. They had helped a lost and lonely little girl feel even more welcome after meeting her first friend only to extend their warm welcome to a lost little boy. Both of us found homes in the temporary home that was the Wammy House orphanage. I smiled and whispered a final farewell, knowing I would never see my beloved musical family again. I took L's hand and we walked to the laundry room to retrieve our clothes and bed linens. We quickly got our things from the laundry room and returned them to our rooms and packed our things. We went to Watari's office pleased to find him there.

We informed him we were going to leave and inquired if he would join us, he immediately said yes. I smiled wide at him in happiness and while L felt my level of joy on the matter he only let a small smile form, which in the company of anyone but myself was a huge deal. We returned to our rooms gathering the remains of our things and checked over it once more. I stopped and stared at my door remembering my first night at Wammy House and I smiled. I then turned my gaze to L's door remembering Martha. I didn't agonize over her death any longer; I have accepted it and moved on. I do still get sad sometimes thinking about her but I then think of all the joyous things that I've experienced in my life so far and it warms my heart to know Martha is watching over me and knows I am happy and _loved_; that I am living life for both of us.

I said my final silent farewells to the familiar place I had lived for half of my life and smiled at L beside me. I took his hand and we walked to the main entrance. All the children and staff from the orphanage were there and all of them bid us farewell and wished us warm touching things that we knew were not entirely sincere since none of them really knew us, but the effort was appreciated.

I glanced at Birthday Beyond scowling at L and looked at him curious. For someone that tries to _be_ L, he sure couldn't stand him. I never understood why he mocked L so much. His appearance to L was unnerving, but not accurate. He missed many details that made the man beside me. Birthday Beyond smiled at me and I gave a small unsure smile back. He tried to flirt with me often but I was never interested. Some gleam that was in BB's eyes made me feel rattled; this wouldn't be the last time we'd see him I was sure.

We looked to Watari as he said we should be leaving soon and we bid everyone a general farewell as we departed. We put our bags in the trunk of the car, I had two while L had only one, and Watari took his place at the driver's seat and we departed from Wammy House, for the final time.

I looked at the property surrounding Wammy House and smiled in memory. So many things had happened here, most were happy, only two experiences were truly sad. The first was Martha's death; the second was A's, L's first successor. (Los Angeles: BB Murder Case) He couldn't take the pressure he was under to succeed L and he committed suicide. Even though I didn't know him too well, his death brought back painful memories for me.

Birthday Beyond as a mystery I hadn't cared enough to figure out. He came to Wammy House just under two years ago and everything he did was _creepy_. He sat almost exactly like L as well as, almost sounded like him in manner of speaking, had the same constant bags under his eyes, had dark expressionless eyes, same monotone, similar dark messy hair, walked slightly hunched over, and had a strange obsession with strawberry jam. All of it seemed like a coincidence at first but at this point I wasn't entirely sure. BB unnerved me like no other, he got deep under my skin and I could never seem to keep my cool around him. something about him...it gave me the shivers.

Now, this isn't to say I've had only displeasing experiences while at Wammy's House, on the contrary I've had more happy times than I could count. The good memories almost completely block out the bad, leaving me with the mental comparison of Birthday Beyond as the annoying mosquito bite on my elbow. So many warm memories returned to me, such as: my first day there, meeting Martha, meeting L and all the time I've spent with him since. I learned how to speak four languages fluently while I was there, in addition to the four I had already known, I knew Japanese, Italian, English and Chinese; while at Wammy House I learned German, Spanish, Russian and Korean. I learned how to play the piano, the violin, the flute, the drums and the trumpet. I mastered the study of human behavior and perfected my ability to read someone's emotions with chilling accuracy. I also excelled in literature and mathematics, science I had an above average grasp (psychology and anatomy being acceptations). I was impressed with how much I had developed myself in the years I had been there. I was only seven when I arrived, almost eight and I was 15 ½ now. L had advanced far more than I had of course, but I never minded this of course, it was always fun to compete against him. He looked at me when I turned my focus to him and gave a small smile. I leaned on his shoulder and he slightly leaned his head on mine, his gesture slightly surprising me since we were in Watari's presence and this sort of behavior was saved for when we were alone.

"Where are we off to first?" I asked quietly, L had been in charge of choosing our first destination since he was the detective everyone knew of.

"Italy." He said quietly, I gave him a small smile and nodded. I hadn't been to Italy since I left it, when Watari found me. It would be nice to go back and look at it with a new sense of life and the man beside me. I looked forward to the trip and found myself counting down the minutes until our arrival...

Time seemed to slip by us as one case turned into dozens, then hundreds. Months turned into years passing uneventfully between our trio. L and I stopped pretending there was nothing between us, though come to find out Watari had known all along, but we remained professional...at least while Watari was around. L could be quite handsy...especially when we were alone.

L had quickly matured into a very handsome young man, his face grew longer and lost any form of a childlike quality to it, his eyes somehow grew darker, the bags under his eyes were more defined and permanent since he had digressed to the point of sleeping only one night a week now, or at the very least two nights of two hours each. He grew to be roughly 5'8" and his body thickened with more muscle that was hidden due to his constant choice of baggy clothing. He had more of a defined hunch now when he walked and hardly ever sat in any position other than L style. His shoulders had broadened slightly but he still had a slim almost boney appearance. He almost never wore shoes now, only doing so when he had to be outside and even then if he could sit they were off. His voice remained the same monotone, however whenever it was just the two of us he had whispers of emotions in his voice. His behaviors remained as they were but he progressed to the point of holding writing materials with only his fingertips now. It was entertaining to watch him type, his fingers wouldn't bend as a normal person's would, instead his fingers would remain stiff as he typed, even with this alteration to typing he still managed to be quite an efficient typer.

I had finally finished growing as well. I grew to only be 5'3" and my figure no longer had a "work in progress" feel to it. My face had a lovely heart shape to it and my body appeared soft at first glance but was solid with hidden muscle. I had a very curvy form now. My breasts had grown to a D-cup, unfortunately...though L didn't complain. I had an average sized waistband, roughly was a 14-12, and I was a healthy weight. My hips were wide, which I had no complaints with, and I still felt I had no butt, though L said otherwise...

L and I had talked about means for a future for us as years passed. We talked about having a family and settling down somewhere to live quiet, peaceful lives. He was well for the idea and we agreed if I became pregnant we would retire; we wouldn't try to have children, but we wouldn't prevent their conception either. We decided that we would settle down in either America, Italy, Japan or in Australia when the time came. Regardless L would retire when his newest successors were of legal age, until then we would work diligently solving cases around the world. We found out just last year that Birthday Beyond ran away from Wammy House late one night, no one has seen or heard from him sense. I often wondered what he was up to, after all he was to become the next L, so knowing he was out there unaccounted for was slightly unnerving.

Watari continued to be by our sides loyally, very attentive to whatever we needed. If he had to leave us suddenly or he was returning home to his family or to Wammy House he always made sure we had everything we needed. Sometimes we wouldn't see Watari for a month or two and we would have to fend for ourselves. Though it's not to say that is a difficult scenario, on the contrary it was painfully easy. Over the years working as the world famous detective, or should I say three famous since L created two aliases to work under as well, we acquired quite a small fortune. L had stopped putting money under his own name some time ago and it was all going under my alias of Tsuki Kagamino.

It was November 28, 2002; I was 21 now, almost 22, and L had just turned 20...that day changed my life...

L and I were in Germany working a serial killer case and we were close to catching the one behind it all. The mastermind we decided to label "Sticky Fingers" was, to put it simply, disturbed. Sticky Fingers would scope out intellectual couples that lived together and kill them in exceedingly brutal fashions. So far Sticky Fingers has claimed 10 lives, five different couples, all heterosexual.

We determined that Sticky Fingers would break into the house in the middle of the night on a weekend the couple had no plans to meet with others. Then would proceed to set off some sedative smoke bomb, that chemical remains of were always found, and he would bound and gag both parties of the couple. They would be in chairs across from each other in the master bedroom and we assumed that the woman would be forced to watch as Sticky Fingers proceeded to kill her boyfriend, fiancé, or whatever he was to her and would kill him in front of the woman. Perry mortem Sticky Fingers would remove the man's fingers, toes, his male genitalia, and stab him in the chest two times, one on each side of his heart. Finally his throat would be cut at the carotid artery causing him to die from exsanguination. Post mortem his Adam's apple would be removed and placed on his pillow on their bed. Sticky Fingers would leave his body tied up in the chair and place all removed body parts around the room, setting the male genitalia on the woman's side of the bed roughly where her hips would be resting.

Sticky Fingers would take their time torturing the woman; they would beat her in non-vital areas for the majority of the weekend; the autopsy would reveal layered bruising that corresponded with this theory. The woman would have black eyes, swollen busted lips, deep bruises and fractures all over her body and body parts were eventually removed. Perry mortem Sticky Fingers would cut off her nipples and place them over the man's closed eyes, as well as cut her earlobes off and put them in the man's mouth on his tongue in the shape of a heart. Finally, Sticky Fingers would tie her up and brutally rape her with a sharp object, after Sticky Fingers finishes with their degrading assault on the woman they would kill her quickly by chopping off her head with an ax. Post mortem Sticky Fingers would remove her breasts and put them in a bra that would be hung carefully on the refrigerator door so they wouldn't fall out of the cups of the bra. Also Sticky Fingers would slice her stomach open and remove her entire uterus and ovaries and put them in a pot of water on the stove and left them on a low temperature. Once both victims were dead Sticky Fingers would make sugar water mixed with red food coloring and using a paintbrush would write disturbing comments all over the house about the latest murder.

L and I were deeply disturbed by the case at hand; it unnerved us how thorough Sticky Fingers was. No hair, fingerprints, stray fibers or any form of DNA was ever found at any of the murder scenes. The killings were all spread out within a 100 mile radius so finding a pattern in location was not very simple. This case had gotten under both our skins with how graphic, disturbed, and detailed it was. None of the couples had anything in common except they were well off, highly educated, living with their current person of interest and had full time jobs.

I looked at L after going over the latest murder in detail and gave him a small smile, "I need a break...I'm going to the bakery to pick up our order. Do you want anything else?"

He looked at me and gave a small look of understanding then a small smile, "No, please be safe. Call me when you get there and when you are returning." He said gently.

I smiled and nodded giving him a gentle kiss, to which he tried to pull me closer. I gave a light laugh knowing what he was trying to start and swatted his hands away, "Can you keep your hands to yourself for a day?" I asked playfully.

He gave me a small smirk and lightly rested his thumb against his lip, "Now where would the fun be in that Moonbeam?" He asked with a low purring growl in his voice causing me to shiver slightly.

I gave him a look and quickly headed to the door, "Behave while I'm gone will you?" I called over my shoulder and left before he could reply.

I let a slight giggle out as I walked out of the hotel we were staying at down the street to the local bakery. We lived only a mile from a delectable family owned bakery. The owners were lovely and were happy with our business. I arrived uneventfully giving L, or as he was being called while on this case "Jozef Hanning" while I was "Bertha Hanning", a quick call to let him know I arrived safely, checking once more to see if he wanted anything new. As I expected he did and said he wanted a few extra sweets they always had in stock. I giggled to myself as I got off the phone and went inside. L was so predictable. I went inside, picked up the original order along with the 10 different other sweets L wanted now, a few things I wanted and left with a laughing smile. I gave L a quick call and felt exceedingly amused at how excited he was at the promise of his sweets.

I hummed a tune to myself and jumped hearing a familiar voice behind me. "It's been a long time Takara." The familiar voice said right as a large force hit me at the base of my skull causing me to stumble and drop everything I was holding. I turned as my vision started to fog and go dark in time to see L standing behind me with a large smile on his face before I felt my body dropping to the ground with everything going black.

I felt myself slowly coming back to my senses as my body slowly awoke. My head was pounding and I could hear a high pitched machine being powered close by. I could tell from the sound of it, it was sharpening metal. I was tied down to a soft surface, a bed I assumed. I was on my back with my arms and legs bound by a wire material to the four posters of the bed. I also realized that I was naked. I kept my eyes closed and my body still, I knew I had a better chance at survival if I could pretend I was still unconscious until the opportune moment arose.

The machine stopped and I could hear shuffling steps moving closer to me. I kept my body lose and relaxed as I forced my breathing to be slow and even as possible. I heard a chilling laugh from beside me and a blade of some sort was pressed against my neck, if I moved even the slightest bit too much it would cut into my neck.

"Come now Takara...surely you know I'm not stupid?" The familiar voice asked, "Open your eyes!" He demanded suddenly and I slowly opened my sapphire pools to stare into the familiar face of my Panda.

"Birthday Beyond." I said looking at him slowly, he matured over the years, looking even more like L now, so much so it was scary.

His smile widened as he looked at me, "I'm so honored you remember me!" He removed the blade, that I could now see was an ax and set it aside. I glanced around to my surroundings...I was in a warehouse made to look like a home. "Since L refused to leave the safety of your hotel room I guess I'll have to work a little backwards this time." He said looking at me, slowly letting his eyes wonder over my form.

I slightly squirmed under his gaze and I felt my eyes widen. He was Sticky Fingers...he was planning on killing me just like the women he had been. L where are you?!

"Why?" was all I could utter.

He looked at me suddenly, a slow smile made its way to his face. I could never picture what L would look like if he had evil within him...now thanks to this carbon copy above me, I could. I felt a shiver work its way down my spine. He reached out and lightly brushed his hand along my cheek slowly dragging his chilling fingers down my neck, in the valley of my breasts, to my stomach and stopped on my lower abdomen.

"Tell me Takara...do you want children?" He asked as he looked at my body slowly. I felt myself stiffen and I looked at him trying to hide my fear. What was he going to do to me? I said nothing but he gave me a chilling laugh. "Fine if you don't want to talk, we won't...I'll just start my game."

"Wait! What game!" I demanded, my voice slightly cracking in fear.

He gave me a crazed smile and said, "The game the great L will be dying to play, 'Can I Save Her In Time?'" I felt my breath catch at the seriousness in his tone.

He pulled my cell phone out of his pocket and called L with a wide smile. "Hello L! It's been so long! How are you? What? Oh yes she's right here I'll let you talk to her in a minute. So how are things going between you two?...aww don't feel like talking to me? Too bad...because of how rude you're being...I'm going to remove something precious from your girlfriend. If you can find me by midnight she'll live. If not" he gave a chilling laugh, "she dies!"

I shook listening to him, he was serious. L...please hurry...

"Oh hush already I'll let you talk to her in just a moment." He said then grinned wider at me and held the phone half way to me pausing for a moment. "If you try to give him any hints I'll kill you now. Understood?" I nodded shakily and he pushed a button so L would be on speakerphone. "Alright L, now she can hear you as well!"

"Tsuki! Are you alright?!" L yelled into the phone, I could hear how frantic he truly was. I hoped BB couldn't.

"L...I-I'm alright..." I said, I couldn't imagine how frightened L was. What was Beyond going to remove from me?

"I will find you Tsuki." L said firmly, an edge of dangerous promise in his tone. I almost smiled at his words, until Birthday Beyond smiled at me first.

"Aww how touching...ok L well I'm going to play doctor with Tsuki...and no I have no interest in playing with her body...though she is a beautiful sight...such soft skin I bet you enjoy her every night don't you? Well anyway remember you only have until midnight!" He chuckled and hung up the phone.

I slightly thrashed against the holds that bound me starting to lose my battle against my panic. BB had given me a true challenge in the field of anatomy. He loved it as much as I did, which made me _very_ afraid.

He looked at me with an evil smile and affectionately cupped my cheek. "Shhh little Tsuki...it'll hurt more if you aren't still..." He pulled his hand away before I could bite him.

I glared up at him defiantly, his touch reinstalling my resolve, "Don't touch me." I said in angry annoyance.

"Don't be so rude." He said coldly before shuffling away to an area I couldn't see. I pulled against my restraints and let out a frustrated sound at them not budging. He had made sure I wouldn't be able to get away, I gave him his due credit but I had hoped he had made a mistake.

He came back with a small cart stocked with different surgery tools and syringes. He held up my cell phone and then walked over to a see through container he had that had clear fluid in it. I looked at it in wary concern and he carefully put my phone into the liquid and jerked his hand back instantly. My phone started to dissolve right before my eyes. It was acid. I looked at him once more and he smiled pleasantly at me.

"At midnight, if L isn't here, you will take a nice little _bath_." He said glancing at the container as he spoke to me.

I shivered hearing that, being eaten alive by acid; a quick but excruciating death. L please help me!

He walked over to me and grabbed a syringe and looked at me, "Ready for the operation?!"

I stared at him with wide eyes and thrashed more against my restraints. What was he planning?!

He held the ax to my neck again ceasing my movements, I looked at him trying to hide my fear but I knew it was shining through. "This should calm you sweet little treasure." He said gently as he jabbed the needle in my arm, I slightly flinched at the pain of it.

He gave me a soft look and gently brushed hair from my face and I could feel my body becoming numb. I tried to move but found myself unable to, my breathing slowed to a steady, even pace as if I were sleeping. BB leaned down and kissed my forehead, I would have shivered if I could move.

"I promise you won't feel any pain." He said with a caring tone as he looked at me. He took a hand and ran it down my body, what he did exactly I couldn't tell but I felt a slight pressure of his touch before I felt nothing at all. I was completely numb to any physical contact now.

He moved over to his cart and my eyes followed him through half closed lids and he moved over to me silently. He leaned over me and pulled my eyelids open and placed a speculum in each eye. I stared at him with forced wide eyes and he gave me a pleasant smile. "I want you to be able to see what I'm doing Tsuki dear." He said gently as he picked up my head and placed a towel under my head propping it up slightly, I had full view of my body and more of a range of vision of my imprisonment.

He moved back to his cart and got a few towels, scalpels, and other medical instruments moving them closer to me and he stood over me. He wore white rubber gloves and traced my stomach lightly. BB grabbed a scalpel and held it over me and slowly cut into the flesh of my lower abdomen, I couldn't feel the pain of his incision but I was mentally panicking.

I watched helplessly as he made the incision wider and proceeded to use his extensive medical knowledge to professionally slice into me like someone would a holiday ham. He smiled and made a small "ah ha!" as he seemed to have found what he was looking for. He maneuvered around inside me seeming to remove something from me and my eyes widened in horror as he pulled out my uterus and ovaries.

He held the organ in his hands and looked at me, "You were pregnant." He said motioning to the slight swelling in my uterus. "Congratulations are in order I suppose." He said and then abandoned my opened abdomen to show me. He held the organ to me and slowly cut it open. Inside was a small bundle of what was the beginnings of a child.

I had been pregnant. Birthday Beyond murdered my unborn child. I could no longer have children. I lost my baby I hadn't even had the joy of discovering.

I couldn't feel anything but I knew I was freely crying at this point. Something I wanted all my life was literally right in front of me, now lost to the cruelness of the man that looked almost identical to the father of the lost life. My unborn child was gone.

I stared at the beginnings of what would have been my child crying freely. I didn't care about anything right now. I had never felt so much pain, not even when I found Martha did I hurt this much.

My baby was dead.

BB moved his hands from me and walked over to a pot of water that was over a Bunsen burner and dropped my uterus and ovaries into it. My baby was in that pot.

He killed my baby.

He walked back over to me and proceeded to stitch up my wound and placed some medical gauze over it. I stared at him uncaring what befell me next. I had lost one of the only things I had ever wanted in life, and now I would never experience that joy. I would never bring a child into the world. I could never have the family I dreamt of since I was a little girl. My dream died...just like my baby.

He removed my restraints and the speculum he had placed in my eyes, he then picked up my limp body carefully and he moved me to another bed where my clothes were. He carefully dressed me leaving my stomach exposed and brushed my face as he sat next to me in L's preferred position.

How do I tell L I can no longer give him the family he finally grew excited thinking about, that we wouldn't be parents of our own children, that I could never have a child, that our baby was dead?

I never wanted to believe that there was true evil in the world.

I believe it existed now.

The monster next to me that was brushing hair from my face and whispering sweet nothings to me had killed my baby before my eyes. Unknowingly he did so, but he had intended to take away my chance of ever having a family. I would never know the joy a pregnant woman feels, I would never feel my baby kicking me from within, I would never hear it's heartbeat, I would never get to know if my baby would have been a boy or a girl. I would never have a child.

My baby was gone.

"I didn't know you were pregnant...and I can tell you didn't either. What a shame. It was already too late to stop the operation by the time I had discovered it." He said sweetly.

I stared at him uncaring. What greater pains could he cause me now? If L was safe, there were none. He wasn't sorry for what he did. He was evil. Evil that looked like the man I loved. I could feel my body starting to gain its feeling back, but I didn't really care.

Nothing mattered because my baby was dead.

He looked at an alarm clock that was beside the bed that went off. He looked at me and gave me a pleasant smile, "He has one more hour." He said in a warm voice.

I stared at him uncaring still. I spent my whole life doing the right thing, being the good person I learned to be. My life had been hard and full of pain. I worked hard  
to turn into the woman I was. I helped L save countless lives and protected the innocent.

So why did I have to suffer this heartache?

Why did I have to lose the only thing I had ever wanted in life?

Why did I have to _watch_ my dream shatter before me?

Why did he have to tell me I was pregnant?

How do I face L?

Will I be able to look at him now? BB looks so much like L...he could never _be_ L...but...will his face haunt me?

Birthday Beyond jumped slightly hearing commotion outside and gave me a small sweet smile. He leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss on my lips before he quickly exited out the window that was nearby and was gone. I knew he would get away. He had planned this carefully and caught L off guard, L was focused on saving my life before midnight and that was all. If the person responsible for my kidnapping was caught he would be happy, if not he could live with the fact I was alright.

But...my baby was gone...I hadn't even known it was there. I felt my eyes watering again, when I had stopped crying I wasn't sure, I caught sight of the line on my stomach and felt my heart wretch in agony.

I had been pregnant. If I had found out sooner...my baby would have been safe and L and I would be somewhere together, away from all this. My baby would have lived. We had even picked out names for whenever I did end up pregnant, caught up in the excitement of the idea.

Michel for a boy, and Lucy for a girl.

But that didn't matter now.

Our baby was dead. Nothing would ever bring it back and I couldn't have children now.

I hadn't noticed an irregularity in my menstrual cycle, seems I had been spotting. If only I had noticed.

I'm so sorry Michel or Lucy...whichever you were supposed to be. I'm so sorry.

I flinched hearing L's voice calling for me. I looked at him approaching me silently, I could move slightly but not enough to speak. He saw me and his eyes widened as he saw me lying there, an obvious surgical incision had been made on my lower abdomen. He glanced over to the pot and his eyes instantly went back to me, a deep sadness and concern in them. He rushed to me quickly and carefully pulled me in his arms holding my floppy body close.

"Tsuki." He breathed as he held me closer, I could feel tears hitting my shirt. He knew what had happened.

I leaned against him slightly as held me close, tears freely falling. "L" I mumbled with difficulty. I couldn't tell him I had been pregnant, he felt bad enough he hadn't gotten to me sooner, probably blaming himself for provoking BB. I would carry this burden alone. He would never know, I couldn't let him hurt like that.

Michel...or Lucy...I'm so sorry...mommy loves you...


	11. Time Heals All Wounds Chapter 11

L's POV

* * *

I held Tsuki in my arms, a few tears falling from my face as the realization of what had happened hit me. Birthday Beyond had taken away Tsuki's dream of being a mother, of my new dream of being a father...

No Michel or Lucy, no children of our own.

I looked at Watari walking up to me and he gave me a silent apologetic look, he knew how much I looked forward to a family with Tsuki one day. He knew how I had liked the idea of being a father, how much this broke both my and Tsuki's hearts.

I looked at Tsuki in my arms, she had finally fallen asleep. I looked at the gurney the paramedics rolled in and let them put her on it. They rushed her to the ambulance and through some careful _persuasion_; I was allowed to ride with her.

I was forced to sit in the waiting room as they brought her to the depths of the hospital to check her injury as well as check for any undetectable physical pains BB had caused her. I sat in a normal position, my feet heavy on the floor as I stared ahead of me.

Tsuki...I am so sorry. This is all my fault. If only I had gone with you, if only I had protected you, if only I had been there in time. Because I provoked Birthday Beyond, because I hadn't found you in time, because I couldn't keep you safe you were suffering the worst heartache of your entire life.

Watari came in some time later and pulled me aside quietly. I looked at him silently. He had grim news by the look of his face. What more could he tell me? That BB got away?

"Jozef," He said using my alias while we were in Germany, "the detectives on the case made a discovery as her uterus was transferred to their department. She...had been pregnant, roughly six weeks. From the looks of it, the organ had been cut open, knowing BB's behavior, he showed her. I'm terribly sorry." I could hear the pain in his voice as he spoke to me.

I stared at him in disbelief. She...she had...been pregnant. She found out she had been with child after she had lost the baby. My head snapped to the doors they took her through.

If not for Birthday Beyond's evil plot, we would be parents seven and a half months from now.

I felt more tears making their way down my face. This was the third time I remembered shedding tears, all of them since I met Tsuki.

We had lost a child. The only child possible for us to have was now gone, because...of me.

I felt myself lose my balance and my back smacked against the wall I wasn't far from. I felt myself slip down and my bottom hit the floor hard as the news sunk into me deeper.

We shouldn't be here...we should be settled down somewhere, the two of us...with our child on the way. We should be happy and safe from the evils of the world.

Now the life we had been talking about for years was a distant dream, a cruel dream we could no longer have come true. Tsuki couldn't have children now; Birthday Beyond killed the child we both desperately wanted.

The future we both hoped for, the one shred of light to touch our dark existences was now forever extinguished.

I felt Watari's hand on my shoulder and I heard his muddled voice from somewhere beside me. I couldn't even tell which side of me he was on at this point; I couldn't make out what he was saying. Nothing mattered except seeing Tsuki as soon as possible.

She couldn't be alone in this. She couldn't suffer so much pain alone. She shouldn't have more pain in her life. Hadn't she been through enough?

I still didn't know the pains of her childhood, from the things she had let slip, it wasn't pleasant. Then losing Martha and being reminded of it in full force when A died, the pain of when I almost left her, and now this? How much more could she handle before she broke?

How was she ever going to pull through this?

How could I be there for her when the man that caused her this severe pain looked so much like me?


	12. Takara Hirukashita Part A Chapter 12

Fairy tales aren't real. They can't be, because life isn't perfect.

This was the first life lesson that a three year old Takara Hirukashita learned, from her mother no less.

She was the only child of Nami Hirukashita, a Japanese woman that fled her home country to be free to live her life as she wished, and Antonio Manfredi, one of the most lethal mob bosses in Italy.

It sounded like a fairy tale, their story.

* * *

Nami arrived in Italy in 1974 not knowing a word of the language and barely any money to her name. She only had one bag of belongings and it was mostly clothes. She wondered around completely lost and helpless, not realizing what she had gotten into when she chose to go to Italy.

Truth of it is she had fallen in love with the idea of Italy. She had always heard how it was a beautiful place with stunning artwork, exquisite food, stimulating people, and breathtaking culture. She developed the fantasy from a very young age, moving to this new place and getting free of her family's agenda.

She had it all planned out, she would find a Japanese to Italian dictionary and work her way from there until she could start over. She admitted it was a long shot but it was better than never breathing a sigh of relief in her home country.

She was the eldest child of seven in her home and because of this she always had a pressure on her to be _perfect_. Perfect grades in school, perfect social skills, perfect manners, perfect _everything_. Every moment of her life was decided for her. She never had the chance at freedom or control of her own life. Her parents had an arranged marriage waiting for her once she completed college and the man was completely for the idea he _owned_ her.

Nami was tired of never having control of her life, she was tired of people owning her, and she was tired of not living her life. So, upon her college graduation when she was 24 years old, she fled to Italy.

She had studied Architecture and was at the top of her class, said to be one of the brightest in Japan.

She was believed to have the perfect life and everyone that knew her thought her arraigned marriage would be perfect as well and together they would have perfect children.

It was a nice fairy tale. It was a nice lie.

* * *

Antonio Manfredi grew up with the ways of the mafia; his father had been a top member and his father and so on. The mafia was in his blood, so naturally, from a young age Antonio followed in his father's footsteps.

He was an all-around pleasant man, Antonio. He was a "man's man" and a "ladies man". He could befriend any male and charm any woman. He was the best at what he did and his leadership skills were phenomenal.

He knew how to get anyone in debt to him. Antonio could get any guy to do him a favor with nothing in return; he could get any woman on his arm with little effort.

He had everything, money, power, status, a clean police record and women. He had anything he wanted at his disposal.

But he wanted more.

He wanted a little woman to settle down with and to punch out a couple of kids.

He wanted to carry on the proud legacy of the Manfredi family.

So many of his fellow mafia members tried to sway Antonio into marrying their little girls, to make the mafia union that much stronger and for a while, he humored them. None of the girls were what he wanted, sure they were great to have around if he was hungry or horny but that was it. They weren't _enough_.

Everyone was questioning why he couldn't settle down and tried as they might he wouldn't choose anyone.

Soon he began looking outside of the mafia families to find what he wanted. Each was the same, they'd learn who he really was and take off...and then he had to whack them.

His parents tried to persuade Antonio to marry a sweet girl they had chosen for him long ago, to keep the family name strong, and he just wasn't interested.

Everyone thought they would make the perfect family of future mafia members.

What a pretty delusion.

* * *

Antonio and Nami's meeting was by complete chance. Honestly, if they had even been one second off their timing would have been completely off scale and they never would have bumped into each other.

On May 27, 1974 they met in front of the police station, of all places.

Nami had finally found a local police station she could go to. She had been going from station to station trying to find out where she could go to get some help getting on her feet. Each time they would send her somewhere, only for her to find out they only let her stay there for a few days. She spent her first two and a half weeks in Italy like this.

Antonio was on the way to a very important meeting to determine if they wanted to use the mole they had found in their little branch of the mafia or if they wanted to whack him. He hated going by cop shops, even though he had befriended almost every officer he had ever met. He gave a pleasant smile and a wave to the officers that happened to be looking outside as he walked by and looked down abruptly when he felt a light weight hit his chest.

Nami had been looking down at a map frantically making sure she was going the right direction and wasn't paying attention to where the people were. Startled when she ran into Antonio her head snapped up quickly.

For the first time ocean blue eyes met chocolate brown. Antonio was momentarily shaken up by the sight before him.

She was beautiful.

Nami looked up at the man before her shyly with an apologetic smile on her face with a light blush decorating it.

He was handsome.

Antonio gave her a charming smile, at this she tried to apologize in Italian and gave up at it coming out so poorly. She formally apologized to him in Japanese and gave a small bow.

Nami was surprised when he responded in Japanese telling her it was alright. Someone knew Japanese!

He asked her if she needed help, gesturing to the map in her hands to which she frantically asked him for help saying that she didn't know much Italian and had been helplessly lost since her arrival.

Antonio found it in his heart to help her out as best he could. Something about her drew him to her.

Nami found herself instantly charmed by his personality and was deeply grateful for his help.

Antonio escorted her to a coffee shop not far from the police station and helped her order. He told her he would be back in a few minutes and for her to wait here for him. She agreed and sat helplessly waiting for him, so relieved someone helped her out even this much.

Nami felt relief when Antonio returned maybe a half hour after he left. Antonio found himself happy she had stayed where he left her.

He ordered something and sat down with her.

That day, they spent hours talking with Antonio teaching her some basic words in Italian, which Nami picked up easily. When it came time for the shop to close Antonio escorted Nami back to the current place she was staying and promised her he would return the next morning. Nami happily accepted his promise and they said goodnight.

* * *

Over the next few weeks Antonio met with Nami almost every day and within a few months' time she became fluent with Italian as she was with Japanese. Not long after Nami was able to get a job and a place for herself, with Antonio guiding her all the way. They became completely lost within each other and just four months after meeting Antonio purposed to her, to which Nami happily agreed.

Within a year they married and Antonio told Nami everything about himself. Nami surprised him by completely accepting who he was, saying that no matter what she would love him and be by his side leaving Antonio deeply touched.

Nami's family was furious she married an Italian man. They accused him of being in the mafia, which she completely denied. Unfortunately, her family could not forgive her continued "dishonor" and she ended ties with her family completely.

Antonio was there for her through the heartache and his family welcomed her with open arms, even though they remained uncertain of an outside woman and over time they warmed up to Nami's kind personality. She was a breath of fresh air in their stagnant lives.

* * *

In the early spring of 1980, Nami was happy to discover she was pregnant with their first child. Antonio couldn't be happier.

Nami's pregnancy went smoothly and all the women in the community she found herself in were helpful and very supportive. She learned just how important a new life was to them and couldn't be happier. Finally she had the life she had dreamed of, a simple life with a man she deeply loved and a child on the way.

In no time at all it was January of 1981, their baby was due any day and everyone was happy for them. Nami found herself trying to calculate how much longer it would be until her baby had arrived, Antonio was working overtime so he could be there when the baby was born.

At last, January 26 of 1981 arrived and the couple found themselves blessed with a beautiful little girl they decided to call Takara Hirukashita. They went with Nami's family name to keep her completely separated from mafia association.

Antonio and Nami were both slightly baffled by Takara's eyes, she had neither of their eye color. She had Nami's hair but with Antonio's curls. She had extremely fair skin, unlike either of her parents. Her father sported a dark olive complexion while her mother had fair skin but it had a strong yellow undertone making her seem almost a light tan. Both her parents were confused as to why she looked so odd in comparison to them, but accepted and loved their daughter endlessly.

Antonio had a falling out with the mafia not long after Takara was born when Nami got deathly ill. She was now far too weak to bare anymore children, so Takara would remain an only child. The mafia tried to persuade Antonio to abandon Nami and take Takara from her feeling that Nami had become a liability to Antonio and the mafia. Antonio refused and with that he was exiled from his family, his home, and his very way of life.

Sensing impending danger if they remained close by Antonio packed the three of them up and they fled to China hoping to hide in the large Asian population. Antonio did his best to support his worsening wife and still very young daughter. Nami weakened so greatly that she could hardly walk from room to room, let alone care for her beloved daughter. Antonio showed no outward signs of the stress of his life getting to him but anyone could see it was gradually taking its toll on the man as it continued to weigh him down.

* * *

Over time Takara began her slow transformation into the beautiful young woman she would be in the future. She showed great displays of intelligence from a very young age and revealed she severely lacked in the ability to blend in with others around her. She quickly grasped her mother and father's native tongues along with the language of their current country of residence. She displayed depth beyond that of a young child, making many confused to how old the little girl was. She could have eloquent, in depth conversations with someone much older than her and keep them engaged.

Her father never ceased his pride for his young daughter. If anything else, she made the burden that had become his life bearable.

Even though their life was now hard, it still appeared as a fairy tale. What a pretty little lie her father worked hard to spin.


	13. Takara Hirukashita Part B Chapter 13

**Child abuse** in this chapter.

* * *

"Mommy mommy look!" cried a young raven haired girl with jewels for eyes as she climbed up onto her parents bed.

The ill woman looked at her daughter, a weak smile forming on her face at her daughter's approach. Takara grinned happily as she held up a crudely drawn picture of herself, her mother and her father standing in front of their house.

"It's a magic picture mommy! It'll make you feel better!" She cried happily.

Her mother looked at her with warm, slightly watery eyes as she reached to her daughter and lightly cupped her face. "It's beautiful." She whispered with a soft smile, she turned her head to cough and grabbed a towel from her nightstand to cough into it.

Takara tensed when her mother began coughing, seeing some red in the towel her mother was coughing into. She quickly composed herself and gave her mother a cute concerned look, "Are you ok mommy?" She knew her mother wasn't, but she knew it made her mother happy when she asked if she was alright.

"Yes sweetheart, I am. You made me a magic picture, remember?" She gently whispered to her beloved daughter holding the picture up. She carefully moved it so it was on her nightstand.

The girl smiled and moved so sit directly beside her mother. Her mother gave her a small smile and lightly pulled her blanket over her beloved daughter. She cuddled to her mother and in turn her mother held her close with a gentle arm.

Takara smiled happily being so close to her mother; it wasn't something she was able to enjoy much. She flinched hearing a deep voice from the doorway and looked to her father giving her a hard stare.

"Takara, what have I told you about bothering your mother?" He asked in a disapproving tone coated in anger.

"S-Sorry daddy...I...I just wanted to show mommy my new picture..." She whispered looking at him with wide eyes.

"Dear...it's alright...I'm feeling fine today." Her mother voiced gently.

The man's eyes went to his wife's and he gave a small smile with a light nod, "Yes darling."

Takara smiled up at her mother and then looked back to her dad with an unsure look. He gave her another hard stare and left the room. She made a small sound and her mother brushed hair from her face gently.

"Don't mind your father Takara; he's just worried about me not resting enough." She said softly as she started to "la" a tune.

Takara smiled at her mother and closed her eyes enjoying the moment she was having with her mother. She began to surrender to sleep slowly until she felt her mother's hand fall limp beside her. She looked up at her mother in nervous uncertainty then relaxed seeing her mother's chest rise and fall steadily. She closed her eyes once more and allowed herself to rest against her mother.

Sometime later footsteps roused her but she kept her eyes closed. She felt a rough hand remove her mother's arm from around her and pick her up almost forcefully. She felt herself being carried as the footsteps started again and continued down the hall, from what she could tell.

They stopped for a moment and she heard the familiar sound of her door opening followed by the footsteps starting again for about two seconds. She was roughly tossed on her bed causing her to bounce off her bed hitting the ground hard.

She looked up to her father and gave a nervous look at his expression. "Didn't I tell you to leave your mother alone?" He asked in a harsh tone.

"But...but daddy...I just-" she was cut off by a sudden hard slap to her face causing her to cry out.

"Don't backtalk me!" He yelled at her then gave her a harsh glare.

"S-s-sorry si-sir." She said nervously as she held her cheek with her eyes watering.

"Don't come out of this room until I say so!" He yelled as he made his way to her door, forcefully slamming it behind him as he went.

She made a small scared sound but cut it off instantly not wanting to anger her father further. Once she knew she was safe from her father's return she quickly crawled under her bed and hugged her knees. She shook in fear and softly sobbed at the fear she felt and the pain in her face. Most of all, she cried at the loss of her mother's company.

* * *

"Do you even know why your mother is so sick?!" the man asked.

"No-no daddy...why...why is mommy so sick?" a young Takara asked nervously.

"Because of you!" He roared as he made a move to hit her. She let out a small scream of fear and ran to the safety of her room. Her father made an enraged sound and quickly ran after her stopping at the doorway to her room. "GET OUT HERE NOW YOUNG LADY!"

Takara flinched hearing her father yelling and curled up more on the top shelf of her closet. She prayed that her father wouldn't find her, afraid of the last time he had hit her.

"TAKARA!" her father yelled as he began tearing apart her room looking for her.

After a few minutes it suddenly stopped and was silent. Takara shook in fear at either of the two reasons he suddenly stopped. One, he was going to return later and get her when she least suspected it. Or two, he was just waiting for her to come out of her hiding spot.

A large sudden sound in her room startled her causing her to let out a small cry. She clamped a hand over her mouth shaking violently realizing she just gave herself away. Heavy, quick steps made their way to the closet and yanked the door open. Takara froze in place silently begging her father couldn't see her.

A sudden rough grip pulled her down and dropped her hard on the ground, causing her to cry out in pain. She looked up at her dad in fear and shook knowing it was going to be worse since she ran. Much worse.

* * *

"Daddy!" a young Takara called as she ran into her parents' room. She froze in place at what she saw.

"Takara go to your room!" He yelled at her angrily covered in a red substance.

She made a face at the smell of iron hitting her delicate nose, her eyes burned as she took in the sight before her. "Daddy what happened to mommy?!" She cried taking a nervous step toward her father.

"I SAID GO TO YOUR ROOM!" he roared at her causing her to flinch. Still she remained where she was with tears starting to fall; she was too terrified to move.

Her father glared at her angrily and dropped the body he was holding before starting towards her. She shook slightly in fear finally seeing the knife in her father's hand.

"WHEN I TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU DO IT!" He yelled in anger as he grabbed her roughly by her arm dragging her down the hallway still holding the knife in his other hand.

The girl flinched and made a small sound of pain and fear as she was dragged forcefully by her father. He kicked her door open and threw his daughter into her room glaring at her almost hatefully. "Now be a good girl and stay in here. Understand?" he said darkly.

His daughter nodded shaking in fear and he forcefully closed the door and walked back down the hall. The girl looked at the arm her father had been holding and shook as she saw the blood on her arm transferred from her father's grip. She yanked off her shirt quickly throwing it in the trashcan in her room. She grabbed another shirt to put it on but stopped short feeling a wave of nausea hit her. She rushed to her trashcan and vomited with the scent of her mother's blood caked in her nose.

* * *

"Takara wake up!" her father's voice boomed close by her. She jumped awake in fear and looked at her father getting her bag throwing it towards her. "Pack all your clothes NOW!" he yelled as he ran out of the room with the heavy scent of iron still covering him.

She shook in fear seeing her father for the first time in two days since she learned her mother's fate. She quickly got out of bed and packed her bag of all her clothes and some pictures she couldn't live without. Lastly she got her beloved Coony her mother had given her for her second birthday and hugged it close before putting it in her bag.

Takara dragged her bag to the door and looked into the hallway, "Daddy...I...I'm finished!" she called nervously.

He came out of her parent's room suddenly holding a bag that had been hastily packed. He gave her a hard look before grabbing it and headed towards the front door. "Hurry up we're leaving!"

She felt her stomach wretch as the smell of decomposition hit her nose and she followed her father without a word. She glanced over her shoulder and felt a tear escape her eye. "I'm sorry mommy." She whispered quietly to herself before she left the house with her father.

Once outside he handed her, her bag and gave her a warm smile. "Come on darling we're going to the airport." He said kindly.

Takara wasn't fooled by her father's new behavior; it was always like this once they were outside. It was the only time she was safe. She nodded and they got in a cab going to the nearest airport.

"Daddy..." she whispered without a hint of fear, "where are we going?"

"To America hunny." He said with sincere warmth.

"Why there?" She asked confused.

"Because I have friends there that will help us get back on our feet."

Takara only nodded and was silent the rest of the way to the airport. The plane ride was agonizingly long but within the last two hours of the trip the plane hit severe turbulence and almost went down. Takara lost all control she had and felt the greatest terror she had ever experienced in her life.

Once it was over her father was kind to her reassuring her it was alright now but she knew better. He was embarrassed by her reaction and she would pay for it later. She shivered slightly, to which she quickly said she was cold to mask her fear in case anyone around them noticed.

After their arrival in America, Takara and her father went and stayed with some long-time family friends on her father's side. Whenever they weren't home, her father would be as cold and cruel as he had been before leaving marks that were easily hid behind her clothing.

* * *

After two years there her father moved them back to Italy, hoping to get his life back together and start over. Takara did her best to pretend everything was alright and continued to hide her battered body.

One day, her father just didn't come home. One day turned into two and then three, and then a week passed. It was normal for her to not hear from her father for extended periods of time so she thought nothing of it. Around the tenth day of his absence there was a knock at the door, she went and peeked through the window and smiled seeing someone she recognized. She only knew he was referred to as "Mr. Tall". She opened the door and invited him in.

Mr. Tall told her gently that her father had died in an "accident" and that they were all very sorry for how he had treated her. She knew instantly that was no accident her father suffered. One thing she knew the mafia was strict with was family and how it was to be treated. Mr. Tall told her that he was going to take her to an orphanage so she could start over and have a new life with a mommy that wasn't sick and a nice daddy.

Takara looked at him unsure for a moment but agreed not wanting to be close to the life she had any longer. She wanted it far behind her and to pretend it wouldn't happen anymore. Silently she went to her room and packed her things coming back a few minutes later.

On the ride there in a taxi she turned to Mr. Tall, "Why am I going to an orphanage instead of staying with family?" she asked using the hidden code she had been taught.

"Your relatives decided it would be better for you to go to a new home instead of being with family, since you didn't have a good one." He said gently.

She nodded and lightly gripped his arm on the way there. Mr. Tall dropped her off, staying for only a few minutes before kneeling down to hug her bye.

"Remember; never mention the family to anyone. If you do I can't promise you'll stay safe." He said with genuine care.

"I know." She whispered back, knowing this meant multiple levels of her safety. "I'll miss you." She said almost sadly. Mr. Tall was someone she had quickly grown fond of, but knew he couldn't take her in.

"I'll miss you too kid. Stay safe and have a good life." He gave her a final squeeze, "Never forget that phone number if you need serious help."

She nodded and they let each other go. She watched from the front steps of the orphanage as he got in a taxi and drove off. Her old life was finally over, now what was in store for her new one? She wanted to find out...

* * *

"Freak!"

"Weirdo!"

"Nerd!"

"Idiot!"

"Ugly!"

"Trash!"

Takara stared at the children of the latest orphanage she found herself in, this had been the fifth one in two years, almost seven she figured this one would be the longest home she'd have for a while. It had a low adoption rate and most people that came in wanted a boy, not a girl, and if they _did_ want a girl, they wanted a girl that _looked_ Italian.

This is my life for a while, she realized quietly. For a while she would know only this kind of treatment, but was happy that they weren't hurting her. She never understood why her father had suddenly started to hurt her but figured it was because he had gotten sick somehow too, if not physically, mentally.

It took her a little while to stop being so afraid of others, though she was still reluctant to get close to others she wouldn't flinch when touched anymore. She knew the children of the orphanages she was in found her intimidating with how she spoke and words she used. They often would tell her she reminded them of a "grown up" and they didn't want to hang out with a "small grown up".

Takara didn't much care, she knew she was different but liked that fact. She knew it would be very important to her life someday being as different as she was. She wondered what kind of people she would meet and if she would find someone that she would have a future with that liked just how odd she was. It made her smile at the thought and she often lost herself in the thoughts of what her future children would be like.

She vowed to herself, if she did nothing else with her life she would become a mother. She vowed that the father would be a good, kind and warm man that was always gentle with children no matter what.

Her thoughts of her future were often her lullaby. The sweet beautiful sonnets of her imagination lulled her into deep, peaceful dreams every night; dreaming of her possibilities, of love, and of family.


	14. Questions Even L Can't Answer Chapter 14

**L's POV**, takes place directly after **Time Heals All Wounds Chapter 11**.

* * *

I finally recovered from the shock of the news that Tsuki had been pregnant and stood slowly, still unsure if I could stand yet. Watari stayed beside me silently as I shuffled back to the waiting room where I heavily sat down, once more in a normal position, Watari sat beside me silently. I stared at my shoes not wanting to face the father and daughter that looked so much like him ahead of me.

That could have been me in a few years, but now that dream was gone.

I knew I had wanted to have children someday, but I never realized how badly I wanted that to be in my future. Not until it was too late. I had looked forward to the idea of settling down with Tsuki, to watch her blossom as a mother.

Now I could only focus on how ruthless BB had been with her. My mind had worked furiously trying to determine what he was going to do to her, and my mind came up with different scenarios, all of which she could survive with no problems following. This however, just might break her.

Could she handle losing her chance to have children?

Could she handle the knowledge she had lost a child?

Could I be there for her as she needed me to be?

Would my face haunt her reminding her of BB?

Could we-

I looked to a doctor that broke my thoughts by calling my name. I stood and moved to him quickly, he gave me a sad smile and moved over to a quieter portion of the waiting room so we could have a bit more of a private conversation.

"How is she doing?" I asked the second we stopped.

"She's in stable condition, she hasn't woken up yet. We did a CAT scan and ultrasound" my heart pulsed with pain hearing that word, knowing it'll never be used in the sense we both had longed for, "and both revealed that her uterus and ovaries had been removed, as well as reveal that whoever did it has extensive knowledge of anatomy as well as access to professional tools to do this sort of work. We're not sure if she has an infection yet or not from what happened, so we have her on basic antibiotics to prevent any beginning or spreading of an infection. We also took a blood sample to test her for any lingering drugs or chemicals in her body, we found none. Whatever was used left her body. As for when she'll wake up, we're not yet sure."

I listened quietly to him and gave a simple nod, "Thank you doctor...can I see her?" I tried not to sound desperate, but I could hear the pleading in my tone.

He looked at me for a long moment evaluating me and then nodded. He took me back to her room and I froze at the door, a small gasp escaping me. The doctor left my side leaving me alone with Tsuki.

She looked so fragile lying in the bed. She was slightly propped up and had an IV going into her vein on her hand. I walked over to her and looked at her face, feeling my eyes burn once more. Her face was contorted in pain, silent tears falling.

Even in her sleep it haunts her.

I reached my hand to her slowly and gently wiped her tears; she flinched at the contact of my hand but then relaxed slightly feeling my touch. I almost smiled and moved to sit on the bed beside her after removing my shoes. I moved so I could hold her to me and pulled her close. She slightly moved closer to me, somewhat relaxing in my embrace.

Again, I almost smiled, but I couldn't, I hurt far too much to smile.

I ran my fingers through her hair slowly and lowly hummed her favorite tunes as I held her close. Nothing would happen to her again. The memory of the promise I made her that I would protect her echoed in my mind and I felt my heart throb in pain.

I had let her down.

She was hurting because I had failed her.

I was supposed to be the greatest detective in the world...so how could I make such a painful oversight?

Because I wasn't as thorough as I could have been, Tsuki was paying for it...and would for the rest of her life.

Moonbeam...

I'm so sorry...

I love you...

I'll never forgive myself for letting this happen to you...


	15. Time To Come Clean Chapter 15

I opened my eyes slowly feeling my body still incredibly heavy from the exhausted sleep I had fallen into. Though I had been exhausted, my mind brought back all of my childhood before I had met Watari.

I thought I had buried those memories deep within me. Ironic they surface now.

I tensed feeling arms around me and felt a scream ready to form in my throat until a gentle voice stopped me.

"Moonbeam...it's alright...I'm here..." L said gently, his voice full of sorrow.

I looked at him slowly and felt my eyes line with tears once more. "Panda..." I whispered and moved to get closer to him only to wince from the pain on my lower abdomen. I felt a bitter smile form on my face with the reassurance it was not some evil nightmare.

It really happened.

"I'm so sorry...I..." he trailed off with sadness and slightly tightened his grip on me. I said nothing but lightly hugged him back careful of my wound. "I'm sorry...about Michel...or Lucy." He said after a few minutes of silence.

I felt my breath catch. How had he found out? Tears seemed to be instantly released from my eyes hearing the precious names we had chosen.

The reminder of our shattered dream...just like the eventual scar on my abdomen would always be.

I would forever have to wear the pain Birthday Beyond caused me and I'll more than likely never know why exactly.

"Panda..." I whispered again hugging a little closer to him, my chest heaving from my sobs tripping over themselves to form. "He...h-he show-wed-d m-m-me...af-fter he removed it-t..." I said shakily. "I didn't even know!" I cried out working my way to hysterical. Why?!

I could feel him slightly shaking as he held me; I knew he was crying too. "I know." He whispered holding me; I felt tears hitting my shoulder as he continued to shake.

For a while, we sat there holding each other crying. I faintly heard the door open and someone start talking; they cut themselves off and quietly closed the door with a soft click. They must have known what happened and knew we needed time to mourn the realization of what I endured.

I felt my tears run dry and I looked at L, he had stopped crying as well, his eyes slightly red and puffy. It was a heartbreaking sight, to see my Panda-Bear so hurt...upset...devastated.

I leaned up and gave him a gentle kiss, he softly returned it and we let our lips linger together for a short while. I kissed his face a few times and leaned against him once more.

"I haven't told you...about my past...before W-Rudolph found me I mean." I said using Watari's alias, silently cursing myself for almost slipping.

"No, and you don't need to." He said gently, he knew I didn't talk about it for a reason.

"I want to...I'm tired...of hiding from it...it's been 16, almost 17 years since I got away from that life...it's time I...face my past." I said quietly.

He gave me a gentle kiss against my temple and rested his head on mine, "If you want to I won't stop you." He said softly, I could hear the pain in his voice.

I shifted slightly and whispered as lowly as I could just so he could hear me, "I can't talk about it in public." I thought back to the mafia members, no telling where they were now. I didn't bare my father's name or look much like him but it wouldn't be hard to find me if I wasn't careful. He very slightly nodded and continued to hold me to him. I gave his neck a light kiss and closed my eyes to rest more, feeling exhaustion taking over me once more...

Over the next few days I was poked, prodded, interrogated, drugged, tested and given the pity treatment. By the time I was released from the hospital I was ready to throttle the next doctor or nurse I saw. I was silently glowering as L helped me into the taxi to take us to our new hotel. We had all agreed the longest we would stay in a hotel now would be four days, at the absolute most five.

Once we returned got there L helped me to bed and got me to sit carefully in bed, taking extra care to help me get comfortable. It would take roughly six weeks for my wound to heal, during which time I was at severe risk for tearing open my wound and possibly facing exsanguination. Fun right?

L refused to be away from me very long, which Watari and I understood completely. Watari had made arrangements where he wouldn't return to England while I was recovering so I wouldn't be left alone should either L or myself need something.

I felt slightly relieved knowing I wouldn't be left alone, but saddened by the knowledge of _why_ this was happening. I was able to act somewhat normally, but I felt a lingering sadness about me that I knew would possibly never fade.

I had a hole in my heart now, one that would never be filled. I longed for the life I had wanted L and myself to have, feeling distressed knowing it would never be. Sure, at some point we could adopt children if we wanted, but it wasn't the same.

I gave L a small smile and told him I wanted to talk about my family now. He nodded and called Watari into the room, he asked him to make sure everything around us was secure, more so than normal. After he got confirmation we could freely talk I told L everything sparing him no details.

I was tired of running from my past.

L looked at me with great sadness in his eyes, probably agonizing over the pain I had felt before and all of the pain leading up to now. I spent most of my life getting up from being knocked over. He gave me a silent hug and held me close.

I could feel everything he wanted to say when he embraced me: you are incredibly strong and brave, I'm so happy you survived, I'm proud of you for facing it, I'm sorry you've been hurt so much, I'm sorry I couldn't be there in time, I'm sorry about our child, our future that would never be, and so many other things even his emotions were tripping over.

I felt bad how upset he was, this was hard on me of course, but...it hurt worse knowing L knew the truth. I guess some part of me was relieved he knew, so we could move on from this together, but I agonized that he was hurting as much as I was. It would take us a long time to bounce back from this, but we would.

Together, as Panda and Moonbeam.

* * *

I promise after this chapter the darker stuff is mostly over. The same can't be said when we get to the Death Note series itself but as for Tsuki and L's pre-series drama it's OVER. I want to thank my readers that have stuck with me this far! Love you guys!


	16. Reflections And A New Face Chapter 16

**L's POV** Warning: MAJOR** CUTENESS! **

* * *

I looked at Tsuki asleep in my arms and felt a small smile form, the first one in days. I carefully rested her against the bed propped up on many pillows so she could rest comfortably. She had a slight pouting frown on her face when I moved away from her but slept peacefully.

I got up slowly and progressed at a sluggish pace to the other side of the room where my computer was. I hesitated before I sat in front of it, the last time I used it being that day...

I pulled up a few different websites and began conducting research, much more important than any other I had ever done before.

Tsuki had lost a shine in her eyes after what happened, even though she could smile and sound happy, I knew her behavior was not legitimate. There was a chance the shine would never return; this thought caused me deep pains.

After a few hours of researching I felt myself smile a little more than I had. I had the answer I was looking for and after glancing at Tsuki seeing her still asleep I shuffled out of the room to see Watari in the living room of our suite working on his computer. He gave me a small smile, his gaze held concern and then confusion when he saw my smile.

"Would you mind going to sit with Tsuki while I go run an errand?" I asked, my tone its usual monotone despite having a small smile on my face.

"Yes, of course." He said as he got up making his way to where Tsuki rest. He paused beside me and set a hand on my shoulder. "Please be careful." I gave a small nod and he went into the room, sitting in the chair that was at the desk on the far side of the room.

I grabbed my accursed shoes and slipped them on, making a slight face, also grabbing the wallet I was using with my German identification before heading out of the room. I knew Tsuki would be asleep for a few more hours, she was on strong pain medication so she wouldn't have much energy to move while asleep to reduce the risk of her wound opening, but I didn't want her left alone. In case she woke up, I wanted myself or Watari there at all times. She has had several nightmares in the past few days about what happened and I knew it was just the beginning.

The only upside to the strong medication she was on was the fact it fogged her mind, significantly so, so she was able to mourn the loss of our child and any future children...easier...Of course I knew this wouldn't be _easy_, but it helped dull the impact of the traumatic event. At least in this light, she could heal properly without the risk of more extensive injury in her continued mourning. She hasn't stopped crying yet, every day, several times a day, she breaks down in tears. Her crying fits don't last long since she uses quite a bit of her energy doing so. It pains me deeper than anything else to see her so devastated, knowing this pain was far deeper than any other she had suffered yet. I knew if something else happened to cause her pain, she might possibly shut down. I feared the thought of passing before her...the thought of it breaking her psyche completely.

The knowledge that I was the last thread keeping her grounded weighed heavily on my shoulders and made me fear the thought of death for the first time in my life...

I looked around slowly as I directed myself to my planned destination, I was close and I felt as if I wanted to smile. I deduced that if Tsuki had a companion, it might help her mood and recovery. Pets can be very therapeutic and good company for someone who has suffered a difficult time or recent surgery and is on bed rest. Tsuki fits both of these and I knew she had wanted a pet for quite some time, but at Wammy House pets were not allowed and with our constant travels and inconsistent schedules, she thought it would be unfair to get a pet.

I learned all the animals Tsuki liked most, that could become pets legally, and decided to go with the classic: a dog.

Obviously it had to be a small or toy breed as well as moderate to low energy level. Mostly, she wanted a companion to sit with her. I narrowed it down further to quieter breeds; since we were living in hotels we couldn't have a yapping pouch. This led me to the French Bulldog.

French Bulldogs have exceptional tempers, moderate energy levels, are exceedingly close with the one they identify as their owner, are generally easy going and well behaved, enjoys small bursts of play time, were excellent lap dogs, were very protective, are quite stubborn and difficult to train, are sensitive to the tone and emotions used against them, they snore, drool occasionally and shed. They only get to be roughly 12 inches tall, to their shoulders, somewhere between 20-30 pounds, and need to be regularly brushed. Overall, I found this breed to be a good match for Tsuki, especially at the moment. She needed something more than Watari or myself.

I stopped outside of a small family appearing business that the name translated into "Just Dogs". I found extensive documentation indicating these people took profound care of their breeds of canine and had dozens, close to hundreds, of satisfied customers since their founding 20 years ago. I walked inside and was warmly greeted by an elder woman that appeared around Watari's age. I gave her a small pleasant smile and mentioned I was interested in a French Bulldog for my wife as a surprise. She ecstatically escorted me to a small area where they were kept. She stood beside me watching me closely as I inspected the whining bundles of fluff.

All the typical colors of the breed where there, I knew she would prefer the usual tan with black accents appearance so I looked to those first. One was in the corner staring at me with wide eyes; it appeared to be the least social out of the group of nine. I looked to the remaining two tan ones and evaluated them slowly; one of them was playing with its littermates while the other was watching silently curled to another.

I looked at the one in the corner; it had only a 12% chance Tsuki would like it. My gaze found the more playful tan one and deduced it would have a 28% chance while the last one seemed to have an 81% chance. I turned my attention to the remaining ones and noted none of them seemed as good as the tan ones, all of them seeming exceedingly playful or lethargic. At this point Tsuki needed a quieter pup but thinking in the long run they would cause her up to 38% of excessive sadness with their lackluster for life.

I watched as the tan one that had been curled to the other pup joined the others in play, showing just enough spark to catch my full attention. I watched as it seemed to lead the group against the more rougher of the pups and together they pinned the pup getting it to calm down. The one of interest trotted over to the gate of the pen they were in and stared up at me with wide unblinking eyes. I felt myself smile, seems this one chose me.

Tsuki would like this pup, of this I was 98% certain; leaving only a 2% chance this would upset her to some extent. I mentioned I wanted the one staring at me and she happily retrieved it and put it in a separate pen for when I was ready to pay. I moved about her shop getting a basic small breed carrier, a small fuzzy blanket, a five pound bag of high quality puppy food along with a small rope and a ball that had a bell inside it, lastly grabbing a green collar for the pup, not knowing its gender I went with something gender neutral. I got a small black cat sized bowl that had a separation piece in it, one side for food the other for water.

I moved the merchandise to the front of the store where the pup was already in a small yellow box with holes in it, neatly closed with a large pink bow. She checked me out quickly and I gave her a small smile, feeling myself actually wanting to smile at her not out of pleasantries but because of the joy I knew this pup would bring Tsuki. She returned it warmly and I headed out of the store with the box securely in my arms and the bag of essentials around one of my arms.

The pup had cost over 3000 euros, a very reasonable price considering the business history. I hadn't cared how much the pup would be, Tsuki's reaction would mean more than money ever could. I tried to envision her reaction. If she was awake when I returned she would look at me perplexed and her eyes would take in the box slowly. She would look at me in uncertain surprise and her eyes would water hearing the pup within the box.

The other outcome is if she were asleep when I returned I would have time to set up the carrier and the rest of the pup's things. I would let her wake up telling her I had a surprise for her, she would look at me waking up quickly, with her love for surprises, and would try to guess what it was, until she would hear the pup.

I stopped myself from imagining further what her reaction could be, wanting it to be a surprise myself. I only knew this with ample certainty: she would love this pup.

I found myself pondering what she would name the pup the rest of my slow paced walk back. She had the oddest process for choosing names. For example, _I_ was Panda, Panda-Bear, or Pandy...how had she come to that conclusion to call me _Panda_? Did I look like a panda? Or perhaps I acted like one? Hm...

I arrived back at the hotel and went to our suite quickly; the pup was becoming slightly squirmy being trapped in the box for too long. I got back to the room setting the box down, unlocking the door, and going inside and was greeted by Watari. I set the box down once more on a nearby chair and looked at Watari.

"Is she awake?" I asked with a small smile.

"No, L...what did you..." He trailed off hearing a small whining sound coming from the box. "A...puppy?" He asked wanting to confirm he had heard right.

I still wore my small smile, "Yes, I thought Tsuki could use a new companion..." I said as I moved to get the bag I had set by the door to close it. I grabbed the bag and pulled out the carrier and started to assemble it quietly.

Watari gave me a pensive look as I worked, "You know L...it won't make up for what was lost." He said almost regretfully.

"I know that Watari, I just wanted to try to help her...to try to make it easier. She's wanted a pet for a while..." I said slightly floundering, it wasn't often I had to explain something to Watari that didn't involve a case.

He looked at me silently for a long moment before he nodded and bid me goodnight going into his room on the other side of the suite. I knew he was worried of how I was taking this situation too, perhaps concerning himself believing I was trying to fill the void of our lost child.

Perhaps in some sense I was, I wasn't sure. My mind's attention was on one detail: Tsuki's health.

I finished assembling the carrier and for now put one of Tsuki's dirty shirts into it so her scent would be there for the pup to get used to, I would have to wash the blanket later. I set the other things aside then brought the bowl into the bathroom cleaning it well before filling one side with water, I returned to the living room and filled the other side with food. I moved the bowl into Tsuki and my room setting it down in a corner then got the carrier setting it next to the bowl along with the toys.

Finally I got the box the pup was in and felt a slightly large smile forming at Tsuki starting to wake up. I sat on the bed with my legs tucked to me, surprising myself not wanting to sit in my usual position. I looked at Tsuki waking up and I smiled at her, she slightly returned it and then her eyes fell to the box in my lap.

"What's that?" She asked slightly groggy.

"Something for you." I said with some of my enthusiasm coating my tone. I moved the box into her lap, careful of her lower abdomen.

She looked at me confused and turned her attention to the box. Her eyes widened hearing a small squeak from the box and she looked at me again, I gave a small nod, my smile slightly wider. She reached to the bow and untied it slowly, almost hesitant, she let out a small excited and surprised sound at the box slightly wiggling. She took the lid off and peered inside, her eyes widened seeing the pup and I turned on the bedside table light so she could see it better.

She squinted for a minute then looked at the pup again, her eyes lining with tears, a small growing smile on her face. "L...I..." She trailed off as she reached into the box carefully taking the pup in her hands and pulling it out. She cradled it to her and I was finally able to see the pup was a boy.

A few tears fell from her eyes as she gazed down at the pup, the pup staring up at her trying to lick her face or any flesh near its face. "Hello little one," She whispered, a few more tears falling, she turned her gaze to me and beamed happily, a slight spark in her watery eyes.

It wasn't the same as a child, but it helped.

"You like him." I said more than asked, she nodded with a slight emotional laugh and looked down at the pup again.

"What should I name you?" She said softly to the pup, it make a squeaking sound in response followed by a slight bark. A small emotional laugh escaped her in response, she gently pet the pup's face as she gazed at it lovingly.

I watched feeling two emotions making my chest tight, happiness and sadness. To see her in this maternal state with a pup, how would she have been with a child?

"I know what to call you." She said after a moment of silence, "Sargent Justice." She slightly laughed at her own joke I didn't entirely understand.

"Sargent Justice." I repeated slightly amused, she looked at me with a wide happy smile, its appearance drew out my own wide grin, the first I've had in a long while. She slightly blushed at my grin, something I also didn't quite understand.

I knew every detail about the woman before me but I could only account for understanding her roughly 85% of the time. The other 15% still eluded me and I was content with this, she was a constant mystery, the one case I would never solve.

And I loved every microsecond of it.


	17. L Chapter 17

**L's POV!** Warnings: L emoness, **detailed lemon** and plans of torture!

* * *

Tsuki made a steady recovery over the next nine weeks, it was now February 3, 2003 and we were going to Australia to solve a case I really cared nothing about. Tsuki sat beside me on the plane against the window, a small bag in her lap with Sargent Justice in it. Watari had returned to England a few days ago, so it was just the three of us.

Tsuki was now 22, her birthday passed with difficulty; she hadn't wanted to celebrate and cried most of the day. She told me, "A birthday is really more for the parents...it is one thing to celebrate with loved ones, out of the joy they are alive...but...in this case...L I don't want to celebrate. How could I celebrate my life when my child's ended before it had even begun?"

I couldn't argue with her logic, I had wanted to tell her that I was happy she was there, that I wanted to celebrate her life...but it would just be cruel words...words that I would never get to say to my child.

Tsuki was doing a little better now, she was still in a fragile state and pregnant women made her lose any composure she had. She would be roughly 15 weeks now; she should be just starting to show...

I hadn't let myself fully process what had happened, I couldn't, not when Tsuki was...

When I did sleep, I dreamt of what our child should look like. I saw it being a little girl, she had dark unruly hair like mine but it held a slight curl like her mother's. Her eyes would be a deep blue, possibly even exactly like her mother's, sometimes her eyes would be dark like mine, but they held her mother's spark of life. She would have my skin complexion and her mother's beautiful smile. She would be sharp and an eloquent speaker; she would harbor my unusual quirks but suffered from her mother's less severe case of insomnia. Sometimes, when I couldn't sleep I would go to her room and hold her to me, watching her sleep peacefully knowing she was in the safest place possible. She would have her mother's laugh but it would also sound like mine. She would be a "daddy's girl" and I would be wrapped around her finger...I would have loved to meet her.

Sometimes my dream went further into the future; we'd have a son as well. He would have hair more curly than his sister's; his eyes would be just like his mothers' but held the dullness mine did, but his eyes would hold how much he loved life. He would bare his mother's skin complexion, with more yellow making his Asian decent more noticeable. He wouldn't take much after me in behavior but had my insomnia problems. He would be as awkward as me but loved to explain everything he deduced and anything that held his interest. On nights he couldn't sleep, he would lay beside his mother as she slept, wrapped in her arms smiling, knowing how much she loved him. He wouldn't be very outwardly expressive but he loved to make extra effort for his mother and sister. He would have been a "mama's boy". His mother would melt every time he smiled at her. I wished I could meet him.

* * *

The flight was uneventful, routine. I held Tsuki during the flight, soothing her fear now fully understanding it. She gave me a small grateful smile when we arrived and we departed from the airport. We were under the aliases of "Gavin" and "Shyla Williams", Sargent Justice was to be referred to as "Ace". Though we were not actually married, we portrayed it constantly.

On the taxi ride to the hotel we were staying at, I watched Tsuki out of the corner of my eyes. She was coddling Sargent Justice like she would a child. I knew she had somewhat adopted him as a surrogate child, I had hoped she would to ease her suffering. She took well to having his constant company; I took care of him until she was able to move about more.

Tsuki was fully recovered now, she showed me the scar she had, it was a slight pink against her pale, slightly yellowed skin. It stood out and Tsuki hated it.

She avoided being bare in front of me now, she dreaded changing, showering and any attention on her stomach. She was hiding from something on her own body.

It hurt me to see her like this.

* * *

Tsuki and I arrived at the first of many hotels we would stay at while we worked this case and set up Sargent Justice in the living room. He would stay in the bedroom with us of course, but his things stayed in the living room. Tsuki and I unpacked our things and set up to begin work.

We sat beside each other silently in the living room as we worked. She took witness statements, police reports, surveillance footage and time card stamps. I handled any other evidence.

Days passed by silently like this, we would talk about the case minimally and have very little other interaction. At the end of the fourth day we moved to a new hotel, repeating the same process.

After the twelfth day, Tsuki broke the silence that had become this case, our lives, and us.

"L...do you hate me?" She whispered quietly, a tight fist made around some of the fabric of her pants leg.

I looked at her slowly, my face revealed confusion, I believe. "What do you mean?" I asked. She looked at me, her eyes sadder than they had been as of late, why was she so upset all the sudden?

"Do you hate me now that I can't have children? Do you blame me? Do you-" She rambled with a thick emotional tone; I set a hand to her mouth to silence her.

"I could never hate you Tsuki, and I do not blame you. Please calm down..." I said, my voice seemed even more empty of emotion than normal.

She looked at me with a saddened expression, then it quickly turned to anger. She forcefully smacked my hand away and stood suddenly glaring at me. "Then what is it L!?"

I stared at her blankly, "What is it?" I echoed confused.

"What's happened to you?! You're just...there!" She spat with tears falling.

"I'm afraid I don't understand." I said, my tone came out dull.

She looked at me worried and then sat beside me again, cupping my face, "Where's the L I fell in love with?" She asked gently brushing my cheeks.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, I was more lost than normal with her.

"Panda-Bear...you're letting this kill you. You don't feel alive anymore..." Her tone was uneven, pleading.

I stared at her seeing her emotions and realized I didn't feel sad as I should. I felt nothing, numb...dead. When had I slipped into this state? When was the last time I felt something real? Why was I doing this?

"Tsuki...I'm sorry." I said trying to feel the words I spoke, it failed me.

"You need to mourn the baby L. You need to move on with it. It's hard to do, but you have to let go somehow. I can't...lose you too..." She said with a small sob, tears flowing freely and a look of complete desperation on her face, her tone sounded so fragile.

I looked at her taking in her expression, her words, her tone, her tears. Her tears. Something I have seen so many times as of late. The strongest woman I knew was in tears before me _for_ me.

"How?" I questioned quietly. I moved my hands to her face lightly cupping it, gently brushing her tears away. She dropped her hands and gave me a sad look.

"I don't know L...but you need to do so...I can't...watch you die. Especially not like this. All I have are Watari, Sargent Justice, and you. Panda, please...come back to me." She said kissing my hands gently.

I looked at her feeling her lips against my hands and felt slight shocks of longing dance through my body. How long had it been since I even held her, excluding the flight? When was the last time I kissed her? When was the last time I told her I loved her? When did I start to die?

I felt my eyes slightly burn at her words, "Help me." I said looking at her; I felt my soul longing for hers to breathe life back into it.

She looked at me for a moment before her lips crashed into mine. I stiffened in surprise and felt shocks of pleasure and longing go to every nerve of my body. It had been too long since I kissed her, god her lips felt like heaven. I kissed her back, pouring my growing longing into the kiss moving my hands to her shoulders to pull her closer.

She shivered feeling the longing in my kiss and moved to sit in my lap when I lowered my legs touching my feet to the floor. I felt my longing for her increasing dramatically. How long had it been since I felt her skin?

I slid my hands under her shirt quickly, teasing the skin; she turned on my lap so she was facing me. I broke the kiss pulling her shirt over her head, she did the same to me, we tossed our shirts aside and our lips locked in another kiss. I unhooked her bra tossing it aside in the room and gripped her breasts gently, giving her nipples extra attention. She moaned into my mouth and slightly grinded her hips against mine, I groaned out and tore my mouth from hers. I trailed feverish kisses down her neck working my way to her chest.

She gasped and shivered in pleasure under my touch, softly moaning my name as I worked. I leaned close to take a nub in my mouth when a small bark stopped us. We both looked to Sargent Justice staring up at us.

I felt myself laugh; really laugh for the first time in months. Tsuki gave me a warm smile and joined me in laughter. I felt my soul shiver in pleasure and joy, her laugh. I missed her laugh; it had been far too long since I heard it.

She got off of my lap, much to my disappointment, and sat beside me. She picked up Sargent Justice and wrapped him in her shirt. She pet him for a few minutes and put him in his carrier wrapped in her shirt, he instantly fell asleep. I looked at her and smiled, she looked a little better. She turned her gaze to me and gave me a seductive smile; I shivered and felt my groin ache in anticipation.

"Where were we?" She asked in a slight purr, I shivered again.

I was about to respond when she started walking to our bedroom, her hips swaying as she walked. I could tell she was exaggerated it slightly but I couldn't tear my eyes away from her body's movements, my member slightly jerked seconding the motion. I quickly got up and followed her to our room.

She was sitting on the bed completely bare, my eyes slowly wondered her form and I felt my mouth water. I quickly stripped the rest of my clothes off and went over to her quickly. She pulled me into a deep kiss, she laid back pulling me with her and we both moaned out as our bodies brushed together.

God I _needed_ her.

I moved to balance on my knees, one on each side of her hips, I gripped her hands holding them above her head and kissed her forcefully. She shivered under my actions and slightly arched into me. I felt my body ache slightly with how badly I needed her.

We broke the kiss for air; she leaned up wanting to claim my mouth for another kiss while I turned my head suddenly beginning an assault on her neglected neck. She gasped out and shivered as I nipped and licked her neck. I felt her try to break free of my hold as I continued my actions, feeling particularly cruel at the moment, I slowed my actions. I began gently kissing her neck giving it slow tortuous licks.

She gave a displeased growling sound and thrashed underneath me. I looked at her and gave her a slow smile; she glared at me and gave a small smirk. She bucked her hips slightly into mine, just enough for my member to brush her and I shivered at the feeling. She took advantage of this and managed to get her arms free, she shoved me to the side and quickly moved pinning me down underneath her.

I slightly glared at her and glanced at her hands holding my arms down by the wrists. She leaned down enough for her breasts to rub against my chest and let out soft moaning sighs as she slowly moved her chest against mine. I shivered and moaned softly enjoying the torture, my member jerked and ached more wanting her undivided attention. Every time I tried to break free she would move her hips enough where she would gently brush against my member causing me to freeze my actions from the sudden pleasure.

She slowly kissed down my neck working her way to my shoulder and I let out a displeased sound at her going so slow. I could feel her smirk against my skin and she suddenly brushed her entire body against mine emitting a soft sigh of pleasure while her action caused me to moan out. She let out a soft giggle and bit down into my shoulder causing me to involuntarily arch into her.

She moved down my chest slowly licking along the outlines of my chest and I let out a displeased sound wanting to move again. She gave me a small grin before she moved her hands from my arms bracing herself against the bed now. I pulled her head to me instantly kissing her deeply, she sighed in the kiss. I moved my hands to her chest groping her as my tongue battled hers. She fisted the blanket on the bed and shivered with a moan of pleasure. She grinded against me a few times and worked her way to riding me as I kissed and groped her.

I felt her juices slightly flowing from her slowly coating my member and groin area. I groaned wanting to be inside of her and flipped us over skillfully. She gasped and shivered in pleasure as I broke the kiss quickly working my way down her body. I stopped short at her lower abdomen seeing the scar closely for the first time.

I could sense her emotions changing as I gazed at it. The constant reminder of her pain, our heartache.

She made a sound as if she were to speak before I kissed her scar on the far edge of it. She tensed slightly as she looked at me. "L..." she whispered, her tone thick with emotions.

"I love you Takara..." I said as I kissed her scar right next to the place I had previously, "I'm sorry." I kissed her scar again, "You are beautiful," and again, "you are brave," and again, "you are strong," and again, "you are perfect." I whispered as I kissed the last section of her scar.

She made a slight emotional sound and looked at me with tear-filled eyes. "L...I love you." She said, her voice cracking slightly.

I gave her a warm smile, the warmest I had been able to muster in far too long, she gripped my arms trying to pull me back up to her and I complied. She hugged me close as I leaned over her, almost lying on her and kissed her intensely. She let out a slight needy sound as we kissed, I grinded against her and gripped her breasts firmly. She let out a moan slightly shivering in uncontrollable pleasure; she wrapped a leg around me pulling me close. She gasped feeling the head of my member brush her warmth, I groaned into her mouth fighting the urge to take her so soon.

She released her hold on me and put her hands on my shoulder pushing me to move lower on her, her eyes tightly closed in pleasure. I felt myself smile, feeling slightly arrogant knowing what she wanted. I worked my way back down her body slowly teasing her body. She let out frustrated needy sounds as I teased her flesh. I slid my hands along her body slowly, momentarily satisfied I was bringing her so much tortuous pleasure.

"L I swear-" she began to threaten until I brushed a finger against her warmth; she gasped jerking to me instantly. She spread her legs wider for me to have better access, a small begging sound in the back of her throat.

I licked her juices from my finger and bit back a groan at the taste of her in my mouth once more. My mouth watered and I moved so my head was between her legs. I gave her a slow, long greedy lick earning a long gasping moan from her. I held back a moan, only a slight shiver wracking my body, I never got tired of her taste. I gripped her hips holding them down and attacked her dripping wet warmth with my tongue.

She gasped and moaned under me as I worked, her hands slipping into my hair pushing me closer to her gripping it in an almost painful way. I felt myself throbbing in anticipation of entering her wet cavern again.

She quickly released with a loud moan, her body shuddering in ecstasy of her first orgasm in months. I greedily drank down her essence; once she was clean I slipped two fingers into her thrusting slowly as I teased her clit with my tongue. She moaned out loudly bucking her ups in time with my thrusting. Her breathing was labored and coated in desperation.

I pulled my mouth from her, wincing slightly at the pain of her pulling my hair, and licked my lips slowly, savoring her taste as I looked at her continuing to thrust into her warm entrance. Her skin was flushed and she had a light sheen of sweat on her skin, her head was tilted back with her eyes closed. Her mouth was halfway open in a constant gasping pant; her body shuddered as she bucked wildly to meet my thrusting. Her breathing got more erratic as she got closer to her release. I moved my free hand to her breasts and lightly teased her nipples, she gasped moaning out, making a slight desperate sound as she got closer to the edge, she needed a little push; I pulled my fingers from her. She looked at me with blazing eyes; I slowly licked my fingers clean of her and moved at a snail's pace to realign my head with her entrance.

Without warning, I dove my tongue back into her licking her greedily, gripping her hips holding her securely. I thrust my tongue within her slightly twisting it and putting more pressure against certain spots I knew gave her more pleasure. She let out a small cry of pleasure and emitted a needy whimpering moan moments away from her release. I let out a slight growl, feeling myself become painfully hard.

She released into my hungry mouth for the second time and I ravenously licked her warmth slightly moaning at her taste. She panted loudly as I licked her juices away, slowly cleaning her.

"Panda," She moaned softly, "please stop teasing me." she pleaded shivering slightly under my tongue's actions.

I groaned slightly and gave her one last lick; I couldn't take it anymore either. I moved to rest on my knees grabbing her hips swiftly I sheathed myself within her quickly. She gasped moaning, shuddering at the feel of me inside her. I quickly thrust into her with a firm grip on her hips slamming her against me, she moaned loudly as I forcefully took her, her breasts bobbing uncontrollably as she fisted the blanket. I closed my eyes losing myself in the pleasure of taking her, of feeling her walls slowly squeezing my member, her grip becoming almost painful.

She tried to meet my thrusts but fell short and shuddered violently as her body became overloaded with pleasure. I let out a groan of painful pleasure feeling her walls tighten more around me, she was so close. She cried out my name as I hit one of her more sensitive spots and gasped desperately as I increased the speed of my wild thrusts. She screamed my name in pleasure as she violently shuddered with her release, I groaned out momentarily stopping at her tightness. I quickly recovered and used the waves of her orgasm to bring forth mine. I groaned loudly as my member pumped my seed into her causing me to slightly convulse in pleasure.

She looked at me panting and gave me a relaxed smile, a look in her eyes I hadn't seen in too long: contentment. I slowly loosened my grip on her and pulled my now flaccid member from her with a slight slick sound. I let her hips gently fall to the bed and moved to lie down next to her. She hugged me to her making my head rest on her chest. I felt a small smile cross my face as I hugged her back, snuggling into her warm form.

"I love you Moonbeam." I said gently kissing her chest. She slightly giggled and tugged a blanket over us; I smiled feeling content, better, more myself, much more alive than I had been.

"I love you Panda-Bear." She softly cooed.

I closed my eyes heavily, feeling more tired than I had acknowledged. Since the incident I had only been sleeping one night a week for two hours at most. The strong beat of Tsuki's heart soothed me in a way no words could describe, it was one of the few sounds that I could never get enough of. She let out a small sigh of relaxation and lazily ran her fingers through my hair, her movements were slow and sleepy but the sensation it caused in me made my soul weep in joy.

It had been too long since we have had such a tender moment, too long since we both felt so alive. Our child was gone, and we were robbed of any future chances, but halting our lives wouldn't bring the baby or our chances back.

I felt body become weightier as I began to surrender to sleep. Tsuki was close to falling asleep as well, her hand barely moving now, but I didn't care, I was holding her close, she knew how deeply I loved her and how much she meant to me. Right now, we knew the first moment of peace we had had in months. Right now, we could hold each other tight and push away all the pain, only focusing on how much the other meant to us. Right now, we could sleep peacefully...

* * *

Over the next few weeks we restored our relationship to an almost normal status. Tsuki still cried often about the loss of the baby and any future chances and while I wasn't shutting down about this, I found I felt something else entirely.

Rage.

I wanted Birthday Beyond to pay for what he had done, but how I wasn't sure. I had managed to locate him in a short amount of time and was keeping detailed tabs on him. He was in America at the moment, in Wyoming to be exact.

Tsuki held more of a spark in her eyes lately and it soothed my rage enough to think logically, but I could feel my desire to lash out at him bubbling to the surface. I wanted him to pay for what he had done, for how much he had hurt Tsuki, for the continued pain he was causing her.

But what punishment was sufficient enough? Life in prison was too lenient. The death penalty? Hm...too quick. A lifetime of solitary confinement? Too convenient...

No...his punishment needed to be worse, much worse. He needed to suffer.

"Hey Panda-Bear!" Tsuki cried happily as she hugged me from behind one day while I was busy at work on the computer.

"Yes?" I asked curiously giving her a quick kiss on her hand closest to my face.

She giggled and kissed my neck sweetly, "Let's go out and do something today." She said with a cute smile.

I looked at her and felt a smile form; I could never deny her what she wanted. "Anything in particular Moonbeam?" I felt all thoughts of my rage slip away, I could always return to them later. They weren't going away anytime soon.

She gave me the cutest smile she could when she let me go, I turned to face her and she shrugged in the most adorable fashion. "No but I know I want a day with my Panda! No work today." She declared giving my computer a mean look.

I slightly chuckled at her cuteness and nodded slowly standing, my joints creaking from maintaining their positions for so long. Sargent Justice ran past the couch barking happily as he chased a ball Watari threw for him.

Tsuki gave Watari a warm smile and hugged him, "Thank you for agreeing to watch Sargent Justice today Watari." She said warmly.

Watari smiled softly at her, obviously happy to see more of the Tsuki we had both come to know so well, as he set a gentle hand on her back, "It's no trouble, I'm quite fond of the rascal." He said as he leaned down to take the ball back. Sargent Justice barked slightly and chased the ball joyously. Tsuki beamed happily as she released Watari and dove to the carpet collecting her beloved pup in her arms. He grinned at her and licked her face, his tail wagging ecstatically.

She gave him a great amount of attention before setting him down and smiling happily at me holding out her hand. I gave her a small smile and slipped on my shoes before taking her hand. She gave a warm look and headed to the door holding my hand tightly, I smiled as a wave of nostalgia came over me remembering the first time she held my hand at Wammy House my first night.

I knew right away, I never wanted to let go, and I now knew I would never have to.


	18. An Eye For An Eye Chapter 18

Hey everyone! Yah I know I'm back early but some of my b-day plans changed sooo here's chapter 18!

**L's POV** Words in italics are dreams. Warnings: L emoness, mild/implied violence.

Please keep this in mind while reading this chapter: I am making L more in depth, this chapter is meant to be read and thought over. I will have an explanation at the bottom of the chapter.

* * *

_"L can you get Lucy for me?" Tsuki's voice called from our study. I felt myself smile as I got up from my computer headed to Lucy's room, pausing my movements as Tsuki came running out of the study chasing a smaller version of me, that appeared to be four or five years old, with a strong resemblance to his mother. _

_She flashed me a smile as she ran by, "Michel Kyle Lawliet GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" she cried out chasing him, her laughter barely contained._

_"No!" he cried out defiantly in laughter. _

_I smiled at their behavior, it was nothing new but was always enjoyable to watch._

_"They're at it again." Lucy said quietly suddenly beside me. I looked down at her and smiled wider. She looked at me and gave me a cute smile, her dark sapphire blue eyes twinkling at me. I bent down and picked up her small seven year old body holding her close as I righted myself. She instantly locked her arms around me holding tightly to me. "I love you daddy." She said with a smile as warm as her mothers'._

_I felt happiness swell in my chest, as it did every time she said these words, "I love you Lucy Lillian Lawliet." I said as I kissed her forehead, she giggled happily and we turned our attention to Michel and Tsuki running past us once more. _

_Michel had a mischievous look on his face as he ran by, a wide grin that resembled mine on his face. Tsuki had a grin just as wide as she chased him, her face full of playful determination. Lucy and I watched silently, both of us smiling happily at the sight before us. Michel let out a small giggle as he made a sharp turn into the kitchen causing a few pots to rustle around from within as he attempted to hide. _

_Tsuki had an evil smile on her face as she slowed her way to the kitchen. She started to hum a pleasant tune as she walked in the entry way of the kitchen. "Now where could my little Michel be?" she asked with a playful clueless tone. _

_Michel's soft laughter could be heard from the kitchen. Tsuki let out a soft laugh, "I think I hear my little man somewhere nearby!" She called causing Michel laughed more. _

_After a moment of silence Tsuki let out a cry of surprise, causing Michel let out a loud laugh. Pots rustled once more and he came bolting out of the kitchen laughing. His laughter was quickly made clear as Tsuki ran by, covered in what looked to be blue paint as she chased him through the house._

_Lucy giggled watching the entirety of the show and I lightly joined her joy with a small laugh of my own. Lucy wiggled in my grip and as I set her down she quickly moved and set up a small trap for when her brother came running by once more. She hid around the corner he would take and gave me a small mischievous smile. _

_I felt a deep warmth form within my chest that was carried out to every inch of my body as I watched. Life was perfect. Tsuki and I had simple lives as full time parents with our two beloved children and neither of us could ask for more. We retired from our detective work eight years ago, and married in a quiet ceremony. We settled down in America and lived each day surrounded by a dream come true._

_"Panda...time to get up." I heard Tsuki's voice say to me. I looked around confused not seeing Tsuki near me and I felt sadness overcome me as the utopia in front of me slowly faded to white. I realized I had been dreaming. _

_"No...please...just a little longer..." I heard myself say to the open white area around me._

* * *

My eyes opened slowly and I looked up at Tsuki leaning over me, "I'm sorry sweetie but it's almost time to check out of the hotel." She said gently as she brushed hair from my eyes.

I gave her a small smile trying to withhold the pain pulsing within me; it had all been a dream. A cruel, beautiful dream. They were there, our daughter and son. Tsuki's maternal glow as she chased our son, her eyes held a sparkle I had never seen before, our son's laughter, his smile, their happiness. My daughter in my arms...I could feel her body's warmth, see the life in her eyes, her laughter surrounding me echoing within my mind. I could feel the connection a parent would have with their child. For a moment, I had her.

For a moment, I had achieved the perfect life.

I moved to rise from my resting position leaning against Tsuki, feeling my eyes burning from the realness of the dream until her arms stopped me. "Panda, what's wrong?" She asked gently, deeply concerned, she must have seen my eyes watering.

"It's nothing." I said not looking at her. I gently pulled myself from her and shuffled at a close to normal pace to the bathroom. I turned on the water and washed my face trying to free myself of my tears that were begging to be released. It was just a dream. I almost had them. Lucy...Michel...for a moment...you were real.

I turned my gaze to the mirror looking at myself slowly, taking in the details of my appearance. I felt anger swelling within me knowing the man that caused this heartache looked almost identical to myself. He could have passed for their father in place of me.

He could have that life.

My mind reeled with visions of BB having a family, a wife, and children like I had wanted. I felt disgusted and enraged by this. He was the last person that deserved such joys. I made silent fists at my sides as I stared at myself, envisioning BB standing beside me, seeing him smile at me in triumph. I realized I had begun to shake at this point but I didn't care.

"What's wrong L?" I could hear his voice within my mind ask me, that same smug smile on his face, "Angry because I won?"

I felt myself shake more, "You did not win." I responded in a cold calm tone to the voice mocking me from within, "You attacked her like a coward." I said; I could hear the venom in my voice.

"Call it what you will L, but the point still is this: your face will haunt her dreams! Ever wonder why she can't stop crying?! It's because I look like you, she'll never be free of this because you're beside her. No matter what-"

"SHUT UP!" I roared at him feeling more of the threads keeping my rage grounded being severed. He gave me a wide grin and chuckled before I woke out of my enraged delusion. I was shaking uncontrollably as I glared at my reflection, the thought of BB made me angry, hearing his voice pissed me off, and seeing his face made me livid.

I was going to end this. Soon.

After I forced myself to calm I glanced at my reflection once more before I headed out of the bathroom at my normal sluggish pace. Tsuki hopped off of the bed and smiled warmly at me, her eyes still held concern. I gave her a small reassuring smile; I had calmed enough to keep the anger steaming within me.

We proceeded to leave the room and checked out; we were off to the airport once more to go to Germany. We both reluctantly agreed to take the new case, but Tsuki insisted it would be good for us to go back and face the land of our tragedy head-on. It had only been four months since we left, Tsuki would be roughly six and a half months by now. We would know the gender...we would know whether it was going to be a Lucy or a Michel.

The flight there was quiet and agonizing for the both of us; Sargent Justice was too large now to hide in a small carryon bag so he was in the cargo hold. Tsuki was nervously curled up to me holding me tightly, more than just her fear of the flight overcoming her.

I held her tightly and stared out the window with a hard expression, the traumatic experience becoming fresh in my mind. I saw the faces of my would be children in my mind and fought the rage bubbling within.

The memory of seeing Tsuki lying on the bed, limp from the drugs BB had injected her with, the obvious surgical wound on her abdomen.

I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs, but I felt nauseous as well. I felt angry and sad. I felt lost and hurt. I felt too many emotions to track and held Tsuki closer, trying to will myself to remain calm; for her.

I couldn't let her see how much this was tearing me up; she was just starting to heal herself. I knew it would take her a long time, but she no longer lacked life. She could smile and not agonize constantly over the heartache.

Because of her nature, she let what BB had done go, not wanting to hold onto the anger, the hatred, the desire for revenge.

I was not so strong. I was childish and immature, and I wanted to relish in my anger, embrace my hatred, bask in the desire for revenge.

BB would suffer for what he has done. I couldn't let this go. I couldn't move on, not until he had paid adequately.

* * *

_I smiled looking at Birthday Beyond lying bare on a slightly raised concrete slab before me; I decided to strip him of his clothing to prevent any protection it could offer him. We were in an abandoned construction warehouse and I had used it to my advantage. Around me were a number of things I intended to use for my revenge, for his punishment._

_He stared at me with wide dark eyes, a grin on his face. He didn't believe I could do what I was planning. _

_How wrong he was._

_"Tell me Beyond, what is it you fear most?" I asked in what would be considered a curious and pleasant tone._

_"I don't fear anything." He said arrogantly, his dull eyes bright with his defiance. _

_I felt a slow smile form on my face. Could he see the rage I held inside in my eyes? Could he feel how close I was to losing all forms of control I had? Could he tell he was about to die?_

_I shuffled over to him at my regular pace and checked the restraints holding him down. He was bound by a jagged wire material at his wrists, forearms, elbows, upper arms, across his upper chest right under his armpits, his abdomen at the edges of his rib cage, across his hips, his upper thighs, knees, mid-calf, and ankles. Any movements he had would be followed by extreme pain, both from the restraints and me. I had decided against gagging him, I wanted to hear his last cries as I stole the life from him, much slower than he had stolen the life of my child. _

_Tsuki and my nightmare ended here and now._

_"Hey sleepy Panda get up! We're here!" I heard Tsuki's voice say as I felt an earthquake sensation around me. I could feel the disappointment overcoming me as I slowly woke. Damn it, my dream was just beginning. _

* * *

I cracked an eye open and gave her a slight pout as I yawned childishly rubbing my eyes. I looked around and realized we had just landed in Germany. She gave me a small smile, obviously still unnerved by the flight's landing. I felt saddened I hadn't been awake to comfort her the entire time. I had been slipping into sleep much more frequently as of late.

I was afraid to tell her of my dreams.

What would she think of them? Of me?

We departed from the airport after a lengthy and exaggerated time trying to get our bags. We went to our hotel and she suddenly flinched slightly, in memory I'm assuming, as we got settled. She gave me a weak smile and glanced off setting her hands gently over her lower abdomen, her eyes glassy.

I knew this case would be hard for her, though the reason why was nothing to do with the case. I wondered if I had made the right decision accepting a new case in Germany so soon...I felt my anger wanting to rise to the surface, but sadness and concern overpowered it. I moved over to her and held her gently in my arms, she gripped me tightly. I could feel some wet spots starting to form on my shirt and held her closer.

So much pain...my beloved Moonbeam...

I'm so sorry...

I leaned my head on hers and glanced at Sargent Justice standing near us barking nervously, he disliked when she would cry. I almost smiled at his actions, Tsuki let out a slightly emotional laugh. She lightly pulled away from me and picked up Sargent Justice holding him close, cradling him like she would a child. Our child. He whined slightly and licked her face gently, she tried to sound convincing when she said she was ok, though who she was trying to convince I wasn't sure.

I could hear her lies, Sargent Justice could feel them, and she knew how deeply she was lying.

I gave her a small smile and suggested we partake in a movie on TV, she agreed surprised and smiled as we moved to the couch. I moved so I was rested leaning against the couch, my legs stretched out. She smiled at me and sat next to me moving so her back was against my chest with Sargent Justice in her lap. I wrapped my arms around her holding her close as she grabbed the remote turning it onto a movie channel that was overpriced.

The movie was horrible but we both enjoyed the time together. Sargent Justice fell asleep within the first 10 minutes of the movie and snored loudly through most of it, adding to the humor of the movie's level of quality. Tsuki fell asleep relaxed against me, I moved my head to rest on her shoulder and felt myself relaxing as I held her closer enjoying the warmth radiating from her body.

She was so warm...

* * *

_I continued my tortuous assault on him slowly making him suffer struggling with my personal feelings on the matter. This was wrong, I recognized this and knew I shouldn't react like this, even in a dream, but I couldn't stop. I wanted him to suffer. I knew this wasn't the real me, this was who I became losing myself to rage and hate. I knew I wanted this to end but I couldn't stop my dream self, so I was forced to watch as I slowly made BB suffer for what he has done._

_ "Goodbye Birthday Beyond." I said as I turned and headed to the entrance of the warehouse. _

_"Wait! You're just going to leave me here?!" He called desperately. _

_I stopped and looked at him over my shoulder only smiling at him before turning ahead again heading out of the warehouse ignoring his continued cries until something he said caught my attention._

_"Even if no one else can see it now, at least you'll know the truth! WE'RE THE SAME!" He cried out and began to emit the most bone-chilling laugh I have ever heard in my life._

_I turned to him quickly, "How could we be the same? You're a-"_

_"A murderer?! So are you by leaving me here to die! And even if you save me from dying, look at what you did! Imagine if Takara found out!" He cried through his laughter._

_Everything around me froze as I listened to him. He...was right...I...I had brought him here with the intent to kill him. I had tortured him as he had done with his victims. I had robbed him of the chance to bare children, just as he had done to Tsuki and myself. _

_We...were the same now..._

_"P-Panda?" I heard Tsuki's voice say, I whirled around instantly to see her standing at the entry way of the warehouse, her eyes watery and a look of uncertain fear on her face._

_"Moonbeam..." I breathed taking in her features, her fear, her tears. She shook slightly in fear looking at me; a thin red line began to appear on her shirt at her lower abdomen. It quickly grew more distinct and red lines began to form underneath it, the red life sustaining liquid pooling at her feet, some escaping her lips as she looked at me, her eyes growing duller, losing their life sparkle. _

_She collapsed on the ground, I rushed over to her and she looked at me with tears still flowing, her eyes losing all signs of life, "How...could you?" She strained to ask with her last breath...and then she was gone..._

_Tsuki was gone._

_Takara was dead._

_I had lost my beloved Moonbeam..._

_This wasn't who I was. I wouldn't do this. I couldn't. I wasn't like BB, I was different. I was justice. I helped stop people like Beyond, I didn't act like him. I felt my heart wretch as my dream-self looked at Tsuki's body. Everything was irrelevant to me, I could feel it, even though this had been a dream...I felt like I had lost her. _

_Like I had killed her...because of my hatred. _

_In the background I could hear BB laughing maniacally, some part of me heard him saying it was my fault for giving into my hatred and becoming like him. Some part of me heard him say it was because she was weak. All of me heard him say it was because she loved an evil monster that was pretending to be justice... _

I jerked awake with a small gasp covered in a cold sweat. Tsuki jumped awake at my movement and looked at me in groggy concern as she tried to wake up more to see what was going on. I was still holding her on the couch and from the window nearby it was late; it had been hours I was trapped within my own mind, my own hate.

Tsuki cupped my face and softly kissed me as she wiped away the sweat from my brow. "Panda what happened?" She whispered gently.

I looked at her taking in her gentle features, her loving and worried eyes, the expression on her face. If I gave into my hatred for BB...I _would_ kill her.

I held her tighter and kissed her deeply; she stiffened slightly in surprise and kissed me back with a soft moan. I became lost in the need for her touches, her body, her. I brought her to the bedroom and spent hours making love to her telling her multiple times I loved her, whispering gentle loving things to her, making it clear how much I _needed_ her.

I held her too me once more in the afterglow of our love and kissed all over her face gently. She gave me a small smile and cupped my cheek brushing it lightly. "Do you want to talk about what it was?"

"A nightmare...something I never wish to relive or remember." I said as I moved to bury my face in her hair.

I could feel her nod and she ran her fingers slowly through my hair holding me tightly. I felt my body relaxing and I felt the relief sleep normally brought me, but had been absent as of late.

As much as I disliked the idea of letting go of what BB had done, I hated the idea of being like him in any way.

I had to let go of what happened and believe that BB would be brought to justice one day. I knew this wasn't the last of him, and next time he would be caught and would pay for what he has done, but not by my own hands. No, I wouldn't taint my hands.

I would forever bask in the moonlight of my life, keeping my soul clean. Just because the moon dwells in the darkness, it remains bright and pure. Just as she always should. Tsuki...I will let this go...for you.

I love you Moonbeam, I promise, I'll never let thoughts of darkness enter my mind again. Justice will prevail no matter what.

I want BB to pay for what he has done, that won't change. However, I won't handle it as childishly as stooping to his level...not like this...I won't become a murderer for justice. I will keep track of his movements and I will catch him with sufficient evidence in a new case. He will pay for his crimes by the legal system set to protect us all. He will not get away with what he has done, but I won't result to vengeance.

And no matter how things turn out, we'll get through this, together.

* * *

Ok this chapter was to make L's mourning of the child along with the pain Tsuki is going through, as well as his own suffering, more in depth. I know it's hard to see L acting like this but keep in mind it was just a dream he had. I was trying to portray his childish nature when it came to the situation and show how he really wanted to handle this. Please also keep in mind L is only 20 at this point and is still learning how to handle things properly.

**I will touch more on this before The Los Angeles BB Murder Case comes up so please don't think I'm just going to drop this.**

The next chapter will be broken up into four parts in honor of my birthday! :D It's a request I received from IfYouLovedMe! It will honor our favorite sugar loving detective's birthday :3


	19. Handcuffs & Chocolate? Oh My! Part A

Hey all! This is part one of four for L's birthday! **Tsuki's POV **Italics are a memory!

**Warnings**: Sexual references and slight sexual situation.

* * *

"L I'm going to take a little break." I said with a yawn flopping back on the couch. He turned slightly to face me as I spoke and gave me a little grin. I raised my eyebrow at his look and he moved so his feet were on the floor. I smiled as he leaned over me kissing me gently slowly shifting to move so I was pinned to the couch. I let out a laugh and shoved him away, "No! Bad Panda! You said no more of _those_ breaks until this case was solved." I playfully scolded.

He gave me a small pout as he looked down at me. "When did I say this?" He asked trying to be more cute knowing it worked a good amount of the time.

I withheld a giggle at his actions, and pushed him farther from me, making him pout more. "A week ago." I said a small grin forming as I stood slowly. "Now get back to work or it'll be even longer before you get any more _breaks_."

He stared at me silently for a moment, an annoyed pout on his face. He was so cute...I fought within myself to keep from giving into him. When he pouted...he got almost anything he wanted...who could say no to _that_ face?!

I stuck my tongue out at him and giggled slightly as I headed for the kitchenette of the hotel we were staying at. I felt a smile brighten my face as I looked at the calendar almost completely filled with large X's over each of the days leaving only two unmarked, one with a grinning chibi style panda face on it.

Today was October 30, 2003. Tomorrow was L's 21st birthday. He insisted he wanted nothing to do with alcohol and I believed him and intended to do nothing with it. Both Watari and I couldn't imagine a tipsy or even drunk L.

The thought made me shudder.

I felt myself grin widely as I thought about a few days ago skimming over the days on the calendar, it had been marked "Operation All-Hallows-Eve Preparation!". I saw it only suiting as we were currently in America working on some case I honestly didn't care about.

All I cared about was the next day and how L's birthday was going to go.

* * *

_"L come on!" I whined as the detective refused to move from his seat on the couch he had been in for over 10 hours. Sometimes I wondered how he could go so long without even stretching his legs. The only times he seemed to be willing to get up was to go to the restroom or for a _break_. The man _loved_ his _breaks_..._

_"What is it you wanted to do today?" He asked with a tone that sounded slightly dull but I could hear the hidden interest, I almost smiled at his attempt to act uninterested._

_"Halloween shopping!" I chirped happily as I hugged the man around his shoulders. He leaned into my embrace without hesitation and looked at me with his adorable wide eyes filled with curiosity. I felt my heart do a flip._

_Even after all this time! Ugh! This man is going to be the death of me...cause of death...cuteness overdose._

_"Why?" He questioned with a slight interest in his tone but I could tell his wheels were turning. It was close to his birthday and he was extra suspicious of me._

_I grinned widely, "Because I want to!" I kissed his face a few times and I could hear Watari chuckle from the other room._

_"Why not indulge in it L? I believe you and Tsuki would have fun if you took the day to relax and have fun. The case will still be here tomorrow." Watari's warm tone filled the air behind us. _

_I beamed happily at him in thanks and looked at L, giving him the best pout I could muster. If I couldn't get him to go shopping I know already what to get him but half the fun is him getting what he wanted, not me getting it knowing he would want it! He looked at me for a long silent moment and finally let out a long drawn out sigh as he lightly kissed me._

_"Seems I have no choice." He said in defeat, "Where is it you wanted to go?" he questioned, doing everything he could to hide his excited curiosity._

_The one time of the year he loved most: his birthday. Every year I did something different, the only thing that remained consistent was his cake. Each year I added another layer to it keeping it as I had the first time I made it for him. The rest of his birthday was a mystery he wanted to crack more than any case he had ever taken on. _

_He has yet to best me in my stealth with surprises._

_This annoyed him and amused me. The _one_ thing the great detective L failed to figure out consecutively: what his girlfriend was doing each year for his birthday._

_I laughed slightly at him as I let him go, "You'll see when we get there!" I hopped off of the couch and smiled at Watari handing me a Visa card that had a $5000 limit on it. I never carried cash or any money for that matter but around L's birthday, Watari's birthday, L's and my anniversary and Christmas I burned through money with no regard to it. I went all out every year for these events and felt endless joy at the surprises I came up with, especially their reactions._

_Sargent Justice barked at me and ran over to Watari as I slipped on my shoes, making a slight face as I did. I had always hated shoes but I think being with L had made me much worse on the matter...next thing you know I'll sit on my feet and eat nothing but sweets. _

_Hm...perhaps not so bad, after all I find L's behavior _adorable_._

_L mocked my motion and I headed to the door flashing Watari a warm smile, he returned my smile with a soft paternal look and gave L the same look, perhaps more of a smile in his expression than when he looked at me. L gave me a small smile and took my hand as we walked out of our room. I contently held his hand as we walked together, memories pouring through my mind. _

_So many wonderful years I had known this man beside me. I met him just before he turned eight years old and now he was almost 21. Just over 13 years I had known him._

_Where had the time gone? _

_Not much changed with us, every time we went somewhere together in public L took my hand without fail. It was almost as if he was lost and helpless to the world if he didn't hold my hand. Perhaps he was reassuring himself I was by his side, even though I never gave any indication I would leave it._

_He still hadn't told me what his life was like before Wammy House and I didn't push it. He hadn't pushed me on my past so I wasn't going to push him on his. After all, I had only told him the entirety of my life less than 365 days ago, how could I badger him about his life when it took me so long to face mine?_

_I took in his features as we walked contently down the New York City sidewalk. He stood out without even trying and I loved it._

_He always had dark circles under his eyes, no matter how much I could get him to rest, they remained there. I supposed he would never be free of them, after all, his insomnia was terrible and it's not like we could try medications or sleep studies. We were to remain a secret and shrouded in mystery. _

_We couldn't be known._

_We were secrets, me more so than L, though if anyone found out who L was, they would probably laugh and say we were crazy to believe such a thing._

_When someone describes L, I hear the typical things: tall, neat hair, calculating warm eyes, a charming polite smile, dignified behavior that came off almost snooty, a sharp dresser that always remained professional, someone who ate perfectly, wrote in perfect penmanship, someone with exceptional people skills and someone that was overall _perfect_._

_I knew no such person existed, for no one could _be_ perfect, and I found it amusing how L seemed to be the exact opposite of what everyone believed him to be. I _loved_ it._

_His blank face held the smallest hint of a smile that I knew he was fighting to withhold. He loved his birthday for a multitude of reasons. _

_This year, to be particularly evil and confusing for him, I decided two different extremes. One which L would hate over 473% more than I could articulate and the other he would indulge and enjoy the festivity in all its splendor. _

_"So Charlie, what is it you are up to this year?" L asked me letting his amusement soak into his tone; his excitement snuck into it but was faintly detectable. _

_I grinned widely at him, "Now Alex, what fun would that be for me to disclose?" I lightly teased._

_He grinned slightly at me knowing I wouldn't tell him anything, but enjoyed the pointless talk of it. I was the only one L could let loose and do silly pointless things with. It made me really happy to know he was so at ease with me._

_"None I suppose." He chuckled and gave me a curious look as I turned us to head into a Halloween super store. "What _are_ you planning?" he voiced again, clearly confused by why I chose the establishment I did._

_I simply smiled and lightly pulled him inside. "We're Halloween shopping silly Panda-Bear! I already told you that." I said giving him a quick kiss on the cheek._

_He gave me a slight pout but nodded knowing that was all I would say on the matter and lightly shrugged to himself. I let out a slight giggle as I grabbed a cart and proceeded to push it around walking with him, my hand still locked within his own. He looked around with mild interest and I grabbed a few things he looked at longer than five seconds, a clear indication he liked the object. Mostly, we grabbed lots of candy...the man and his endless amounts of candy..._

_After taking him through the entire store I stopped us in front of the costumes and gave my hand a light tug from his. He instinctively tightened his grip on my hand and gave me an unsure pout. _

_"Alex darling...go find a costume for yourself. It needs to be complete and you have to make sure it will fit." I said in a tone that left no room for argument. _

_He pouted more at me and gave a slight nod. He took a step closer to me and pouted more, I slightly laughed and leaned to him giving him a sweet kiss. As I tried to pull back he leaned more to me to keep me from breaking the seal of our kiss. I slightly laughed and gave him a light shove to the costume wrack. He was taller than me so the costumes he would look through were on a different aisle than where I would look. _

_He gave me a pout and sighed dramatically, well for L, and slowly shuffled down the aisle looking for his costume. I figured he was more annoyed not knowing what I was up to than at the fact I was making him pick something to wear other than his usual attire. It wasn't often I would make him wear something different and he indulged in my requests when I made them, knowing I wasn't doing it to be cruel. _

_I smiled and took the cart to the other aisle I would be looking down and took in the costumes around me. What should I choose?_

_I can't help but notice most of the adult female costumes are mature in some form, whether from how much flesh is revealed or the items with it suggest a double meaning. Hm...a sexy costume..._

_There was a new idea I hadn't accounted for._

_I couldn't help but grin at the convenience it added to my plan for L's birthday. _

_After a few minutes I had narrowed down my decision and L happened to turn the corner, luckily I wasn't making it clear which costumes I was looking at I was interested in. He walked up to me casually and held out his hand silently asking for the card. I smiled and handed it to him with interest. He wanted his costume to be a secret hm? Interesting...very interesting._

_He gave me a cute smile with his eyes sparkling in mischief and turned slowly headed back from whist he came. I decided on my costume and decided to wait until he returned with the card so I could keep my costume a secret as well. After a few minutes he returned with the card and hands empty, I gave him a curious look and he gave a dull look._

_"They didn't trust me to give you the card holding my bag. They thought I was going to shoplift." He said with a dry tone._

_I slightly laughed and gave him a small smile, "Who wouldn't trust you Panda?" he gave me a cute smile and turned casually._

_"I'll be waiting outside for you." He said as he began to shuffle off. _

_I waited a moment until I heard the door ding to signify someone had either entered or exited the store before making my way to the front, stopping for a minute to get a few extra things for my costume. After I paid for everything I made sure my costume was hidden before heading out front where L was waiting patiently holding a bag in one hand. He gave me a small smile and took a few of the bags from one of my hands shifting them to hold in one of his hands, once we both had a hand free he took my hand and gave me a curious stare._

_I couldn't help but giggle at him, how could someone be so brilliant but so...childishly adorable at the same time?_

_"Ready to go back?" I asked withholding my grin knowing L would love my costume. _

* * *

I broke out of the memory with a startled squeal as L kissed my cheek. He let out a slight chuckle and looked at me curiously. I pouted at him blowing a raspberry, only making him chuckle more.

"Mean!" I pouted stomping my foot.

He looked at me, gave me an amused smile and kissed my cheek gently, "I'm sorry." His tone betrayed him.

"No you're not!" I cried crossing my arms turning away from him.

"You are correct, I'm not sorry. It's cute when I startle you." He said as he hugged me from behind gently kissing my cheek.

I felt my pouting anger quickly fade as I leaned back against him enjoying the familiar cool warmth that his body emitted. He slid his arms from around my shoulders gently down my sides lightly gripping them as he placed gentle kisses down my neck giving it light nips as he went. I let out a small gasp shivering slightly leaning more against him; he slid his hands to my hips lightly gripping them pulling me slightly closer to him.

"L...no-no." I slightly moaned as he slid his tongue around the sensitive spot on my neck.

"Do you want me to stop?" He purred in my ear. Every nerve in my body was screaming "NO YOU IDIOT DRAG HIM TO YOUR ROOM NOW!" but my brain told me "wait until his birthday, you can hold out one more day".

"Yes-s...stop..." I said with some difficulty. I could feel him pout against my neck but he gave it a light kiss.

"As you wish Moonbeam." He whispered to me as he kissed my cheek before letting me go grabbing the container of brownies I made this morning before he went back to the couch.

I slightly glared at his retreating form as I recovered from the effects of his light actions. It had been over a week since we've had any break time and I could feel how frustrated my body was by this.

I wanted to get laid.

With a slight huff I went to our room and grabbed a fresh set of clothes to change into then stopped after a moment and went into the bathroom with an annoyed sigh. I turned on the shower and quickly stripped myself getting in.

We had said no more of those breaks until the current case we were working on was solved, but that was just what we were saying to make us not go crazy waiting for his birthday. Going a week celibate was testing us both, as it did every year...

I could feel how badly my body wanted a release but I restrained myself from giving into the temptation of masturbating. I could wait one. more. day.

I hope...


	20. Handcuffs & Chocolate? Oh My! Part B

Part two of four! **L's POV!** Italics are memories!

**Warnings**: sexual references and L cuteness!

* * *

I let out a slight annoyed grunt as I sat back on the couch as Tsuki went into the bedroom. I glanced at the closed door hearing the shower and withheld the urge to go in there for a long _break_.

When it got close to the other's birthday we would hold off on any physical activity for about a week.

This had been a long _week_.

I turned my attention back to the surveillance footage I had been watching for the past four days and paused it with a small sigh. I didn't want to work right now. Watari had gone home to England two days ago and he wouldn't be back for another few days. Tsuki couldn't stand watching surveillance footage or listening to recorded audio so I had to do this.

I looked at the container of brownies sitting beside me and scarfed down two quickly as I glanced to the kitchenette. Tomorrow I would get a 21 layered strawberry shortcake with roughly six dozen strawberries and three times the sugar for the cake and two times for the filling.

The anticipation of the cake made my mouth water slightly, but not as much as the thought of Tsuki lying on the bed, her body flushed with pleasure as I-

I wondered what she was up to this year for my birthday. Every year she somehow surprised me with something different. I never could seem to get tired of what her mind would come up with. I felt happy with the thought of tomorrow's surprise fast approaching.

I heard the shower stop and glanced at the door again tempted to go in there and stopped myself as I started to move to get up. If I went in there, I wouldn't come out for quite some time...

I suppressed a groan at the thought of her body dripping wet as she got out of the shower and how I would love to slide my tongue over-

Birthdays are filled with many opportunities to reflect on past joys, what better way to distract my mind?

* * *

_"L! Keep your eyes cloooosed!" Tsuki whined to me with a cute smile on her young face. _

_"Fine I will." I said as I covered my eyes. It was once again my birthday, had it really already been a year since her last surprise? It seemed like just last week she showed up at my door with the delicious eight layered strawberry shortcake..._

_"Ok! You can open!" I heard her voice happily pipe from beside me. _

_I opened my eyes slowly and saw a crudely drawn picture of her and myself sitting in front of Wammy House sitting beside a nine layered strawberry shortcake with more strawberries than last year's cake. I smiled taking in the sight of the cake and turned my attention to the drawing once more. I was hugging one leg to me with the other curled under me and one arm rested on the knee I was hugging, my chin rested on my hand; she was sitting in my preferred position while I was sitting in hers. Along the side seemed to be some form of decoration I hadn't yet deduced what it was when the title caught my attention. Across the top of the drawing it said "A Day In The Lives OF Panda And Moon"._

_Upon further inspection I realized it was a little booklet she had made me. I opened it slowly and smiled seeing a comic of a typical day with us. It started off where she made us some form of a cake for breakfast, after we had a food fight in the living room arguing over how much sugar to add to the cake...it took us a while to clean up the kitchen. Then we went to the music room and she played my favorite melody with her adding some random lyrics that fit the tune and were catchy to hum. I found myself slightly laughing at how she portrayed me while I slept against her as she played and continued to sing._

_Did I really look like that when I slept?_

_Next she made me a chocolate and strawberry pie for lunch while she made some form of soup for herself and we had an "argument" about who's lunch was more nutritious. We cleaned up from lunch, me almost breaking a plate not being careful like I have many times in the past. I laughed at myself when I pouted at my embarrassment of the situation in the comic only to discover she anticipated my reaction and I pouted in time with my pout in the comic. _

_After we finished we went to the library portion of Wammy House and we both sat together in the back of the room leaning against a bookshelf while holding hands reading each other's favorite books. I felt myself blush seeing this part and took a little longer to look over this part of the comic than I had the rest. I had a crush on Tsuki, I knew that already and even though we always held hands...it made me feel...shy...thinking about it..._

_We moved to the kitchen once more and made dinner together and it was some desert type pizza with brownie batter, candy and some substance I couldn't identify that I believe to be fruit. After we ate we went outside as the sun was setting and held hands walking around the property of our home in comfortable silence._

_Once it was curfew we were ushered inside and went to our rooms. Next we got ready for bed and then Tsuki came into my room. We sat beside each other on my bed and talked about how fun the day was. It showed where I feel asleep against her and she moved lying down holding me to her. She smiled at me asleep and told me "Happy Birthday Panda-Boy" before falling asleep herself._

_The last page was a drawing of a panda surrounded by all of my favorite things being shined on by the moon and in the middle of the page written in neat script was "another year strong, friends forever no matter what, Moon and Panda: the unstoppable team"._

_I smiled happily at her once I finished the comic. "Thank you Tsuki." I could tell it had taken her a while to make it; it was bound together by intricately woven threads of our favorite colors. _

_I noticed while looking at the comic it wasn't rough like she hand drew any of it, she had had it professionally printed and the pages were specially treated so they wouldn't fade. A lot of thought had gone into the present and I felt very happy and cared for._

_When did she have the time to work on this? We spent the majority of our time together..._

_Again, she surprised me by her level of careful planning for the sake of surprising me and making my birthday special. She gave me another memory I would never forget, that my heart would treasure just like the last birthday._

_I never knew I was so important..._

* * *

I felt the happiness of the memory slowly leaving me as I woke out of it. I couldn't really recall any of the cases I had worked on or even what I had done last week, unless it directly involved Tsuki.

Nonetheless, I remembered every single one of my birthdays since I met her, some of my most treasured memories I had were my birthdays because of her.

I couldn't forget the times she would go out of her way to make the day special for me. Sometimes in the middle of the year she would do such things for me for no reason, but my birthday was when she pulled out all the stops.

I still couldn't seem to believe how important I was to her. How had I ended up so lucky?

"What are you thinking about Pandy?" Tsuki cooed from behind me as she slowly wrapped her arms around my shoulders, her skin still warm from the shower she had taken.

I leaned on one of her arms and closed my eyes contently, "Memories." I said with a small smile.

She kissed my cheek gently, "Of?"

"Very important things." I said offhandedly.

"Liiike?" she slightly giggled as she pressed me further.

"You..." I said turning my head enough to barely kiss her cheek.

She blushed slightly and gave me a shy smile, "I'm very important hm?" She lightly teased.

I smiled widely at her, "More important than air or food."

She blushed darker and giggled shyly, even though I often said things like this to her it always caused this reaction to her.

I liked being a sweet boyfriend.

Every year I tried to do something extra special for her birthday but she always outdid me by far. This year I hadn't been able to do anything for her birthday, but given what had happened I agreed it hadn't felt very appropriate.

Perhaps we could celebrate _both_ our birthdays tomorrow...

I turned slightly in her arms to rest more against her smiling at the radiating warmth from her, no matter what time of year or how hot or cold she was, she felt like a fire surrounding me. How could someone be so _warm_? I never cared much for the cold and with her around I never had to worry much about it. I could feel my eyes growing heavy as I leaned against her; she was the only consistent thing that could get me to at least relax enough to fall asleep.

I could hear her giggle and she kept her arms around me as I felt her moving. She climbed over the couch never releasing her hold on me and held me close once she sat down. Keeping one arm around me she ran her fingers through my hair and began to sing "Back At One" by Brian McKnight in her beautiful pitch.

I felt the words soothing me further doing their best to lull me to sleep in her warm embrace. I fought to surrender to the harmony of sleep and felt memories creeping into my mind once more slowly taking over any coherent thoughts I had as I snuggled closer to her. I could feel the haze of sleep hanging over me and knew I would sleep this night.

"Goodnight...Moonbeam...I...love you." I fought to say before sleep claimed me.

"Goodnight Panda-Bear, I love you." She whispered gently kissing my forehead, and with that I lost my battle against sleep.

Such beautiful memories came to mind of birthday's past...

* * *

_"L! L! L! L! L! L! L! L! L! L!" I heard the ecstatic voice of Tsuki call as she ran down the hallway our rooms were located in._

_I couldn't help but chuckle as I opened my door to be tackled in a strong embrace that I instantly returned feeling the warmth of her be absorbed by my flesh. Her warmth brought joy to me as I held her close, she was _mine_ and I couldn't stop relishing in that simple knowledge. _

_"Happy Birthday!" she said with a happy giggle as she quickly kissed my cheek earning a blush in return._

_I gave her a shy smile, "Thank you Tsuki."_

_"Ready for your surprise?!" She bounced in my embrace and I blushed more seeing her adorable childishness so close to me._

_She was _mine_. _

_I gave her a soft smile and nodded, I insisted she didn't have to do anything for my birthday and faced her wrath once on the matter. _

_I knew better than to say anything negative on the matter of my birthday again..._

_She grinned happily and pulled herself from me before wrapping a cloth around my eyes blinding me. She took my hands once the cloth was wrapped and gently led me to our destination. _

_I heard a song playing that was speaking of monsters and felt curious as I also heard faint indistinct chatter. The cloth was removed and I looked around to see the children's play area decorated for an American Halloween celebration. _

_She grinned happily at me and leaned close to whisper. "I didn't tell anyone it was your birthday but insisted we have a party today to celebrate 'Halloween', happy birthday!" She whispered in an excited giggle._

_I felt myself smile; I was having a secret birthday party everyone was invited to that only we knew the truth about. _

_I _loved_ how her mind worked._

* * *

_"Hey L!" Tsuki called cheerfully as she skipped over to me. I looked from the file I was reading over and looked at the beauty skipping to me. She stopped in front of me bouncing slightly in place and giggled happily, "Happy Birthday to you! Oh Happy Birthday to yoooouuu. Happy Birthday dear Panda! Oh Happy Birthday to yooooooouuuuuuuuu!" She sang merrily as she threw her arms around me._

_I smiled feeling her holding me close and slid my arms around her gently. "That was adorable Tsuki, thank you." I said as I kissed her gently._

_She returned the kiss and hugged me closer making a soft sound of pleasure as our kiss heated up. Thankfully Watari was away for the day and I knew I would enjoy unwrapping _this_ present. _

* * *

_"Paaannnnnnddddaaaaa!" came the sing-song tone of my beloved Moon._

_"Yes Moonbeam?" I asked turning my attention from the computer I was working on. _

_"No more working on your birthday!" She pouted angrily stomping her foot. "I've told you, your birthdays belong to _me_!" She glared at me with the most adorable pout face. "And that means no wooorrrkkkkiiinnnngggg!" She whined cuetly._

_I couldn't help but chuckle at her actions and moved slowly to get up. She pouted cutely at me and I kissed her sweetly. "I'm sorry Moon." I tilted my head at her slightly. "What do you have planned this year?" I asked with a small smile._

_She instantly lit up and giggled happily, "We have to go somewhere for it!" _

_I gave her a curious look and saw Watari standing by the door waiting for us. It wasn't somewhere within a few miles of the hotel if Watari was coming. _

_I went with them silently and we stopped in front of an amusement park called "Hershey Park". I looked at it curiously and felt my mouth water smelling the chocolate in the air. _

_She giggled happily at me as I evaluated the establishment, "L they have special Halloween themed attractions for today!" She grinned wide, "We have all day passes and can go on EVERYTHING!" she said with an enormous amount of enthusiasm. _

_I looked at her curious and smiled slowly letting it form into a large grin. She wouldn't have planned this if she wasn't 100% sure I would love it._

_And, of course, she was correct. I realized that day I enjoy rollercoasters. A lot._

* * *

The idea for memories of pervious birthdays is an idea Kiko Takahashi suggested to me! Thank you my wonderful editor and friend for the idea!


	21. Handcuffs & Chocolate? Oh My! Part C

Part three of four!** Tsuki's POV! **

**Warnings**: sexual references, slight emoness and L/Tsuki cuteness!

* * *

I felt myself slowly falling asleep as I held L to me. I smiled watching him sleeping, he looked so peaceful. He was actually smiling in his sleep, just slightly but it was peaceful and happy.

I continued to softly hum as I held him close, I wasn't tired yet but was content with holding him letting him get some sleep. Thankfully his birthday was on a Friday this year and it made the first event I had planned for his birthday easier.

The event started at 5:00 pm and continued on until we decided to leave. I knew L wouldn't want to stay terribly long and I was perfectly fine with that. I couldn't wait to see him dressed for the occasion and the thought of what he might look like in the required attire made me flush with shyness and excitement.

I glanced at the clock, 1:36 am. I grinned at him and gently kissed his forehead, "Happy Birthday sleepy Panda." I whispered to his sleeping form.

He felt so small while he was asleep but when he wanted to he could seem much larger than he was and his strength made up greatly for his small frame. I looked at the container of brownies next to me and reached for one trying not to wake him. I could feel my mouth watering as I got closer to reaching my target. Just...a little...closer...ah ha! I pulled my hand back and munched on my prize happily.

Mmmmm brownies...

L stirred slightly as the smell of brownies got closer to his face and I fought to suppress my giggle as he smiled slightly more and then pouted as I devoured the remains of my prey. Even in his sleep he wants endless sweets. I leaned close giving him a gentle kiss and felt myself slightly giggle as he licked my lips in his sleep. I pulled back and watched him lick his lips in his sleep, his smile even wider. For a moment, I stared at him in disbelief and used every ounce of will I had not to let loose and laugh at his actions. He licked his lips clean of the remains of the brownie I had eaten and then realizing the taste was gone began to pout in his sleep...what?

This man...was far too much. God I _love_ him.

Finally I felt the embrace of sleep slowly wind around me as I held my sleeping Panda. I couldn't wait for later today.

"I can't...wait to see...your reaction..." I mumbled as sleep claimed me.

* * *

I felt my phone vibrate and it roused me from my sleep far too soon for my liking. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and gave it a harsh sleepy stare. I had set the alarm so I could wake up and be able to finish L's cake today. I looked at the sleeping detective and smiled gently. He might not wake up but I couldn't be too sure, if he was enjoying his dream he wouldn't, but if it wasn't one that was keeping him too entertained he would wake up the instant I moved.

Though, judging from his smile he was enjoying his dream immensely. I smiled happily and gently pulled myself from him lying him down on the couch. I grabbed the blanket I had been leaning against and covered him up with it then gently tucked one of the pillows I had been next to under his head. He smiled in his sleep and slightly stirred. My breath caught and I froze where I stood waiting to see if he woke up. He made a slight face and turned over in his sleep and smiled peacefully as he cuddled under the blanket. I let out a sigh of relief and gently brushed some hair from the side of his face as he slept. It wasn't often he moved in his sleep...

I grinned happily and moved to the kitchenette softly singing to myself as I worked on the last two layers of the cake. Finally the layers were done and then I moved onto working on the filling. I glanced in the living room area curiously and heard no signs of movement.

L had to of been tired to still be sleeping.

Sargent Justice finally made himself known behind me breaking me from my thoughts. I had no clue where he had been but he loved to disappear in the hotel rooms we stayed in. He always found a favorite place to sleep other than his carrier or in my lap. This time I had no idea where he had been disappearing to.

I smiled and took him out on the balcony of our suite and let him get some fresh air and relieve himself on some newspaper. I played with him for about 20 minutes, the most he could last, and brought him inside putting him in his carrier. He happily curled up in it and went to sleep almost instantly beginning to snore causing me to slightly giggle. What a silly dog he was...

I returned to the kitchen after looking at L to check on him, still asleep. I resumed my work on the cake and I felt a small mischievous smile forming as my mind began to wonder to this evening. I would make sure he used all his energy and needed another good long nights sleep. I fidgeted slightly squirming my hips as I cooked at the thought of what was to come tonight. God I was getting as bad as L!

I turned my focus back to what I was cooking and got lost in my project. It was predictable what I was doing, but L loved it nonetheless. I had told him once he reached 30 I wouldn't add any more layers after that to which I received the most adorable pout I had ever scene. It made me laugh sometimes whenever it would hit me how incredibly childish he could be.

The world's brightest detective, well three brightest detectives, and he acted like such a child...well a very horny child...not that I ever complained on this matter...it made working with him very _fun_.

I shivered as my mind began to wonder and forced myself to focus on my task again. Stop thinking about sex Tsuki! Stop it stop it stop it stooooppp iiiitttt!

Ugh, I turned to the clock, 10:14 am. Oh today was going to be hell...

"Moonbeam?" I heard a groggy monotone ask from the living room sometime later. I smiled and went into the living room hugging him from behind.

"Morning Pandy! Happy 21st Birthday!" I said brightly.

He gave me a sleepy smile as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes leaning on me cutely. He let out a sleepy yawn and I felt my heart do a flip at the sight. I had seen this behavior since I met the man 13 years ago and _still_ he had this effect on me without even trying.

How unfair!

"Thank you Tsuki." He said as he kissed my cheek sweetly. I smiled letting him go and he got up slowly stretching and I watched him slowly. He was only 21...sometimes it felt like he was much older than that... "Is my cake ready yet?" He asked cutely looking at me, still waking up obviously but very hungry.

And sometimes, he seemed much younger than he was...

"It's almost ready!" I said with a giggle as I stuck my tongue out at him before turning to the kitchen quickly.

I finished cutting up some of the strawberries and pieced together the finishing touches of the cake.

Twenty-one layers, over four pounds of sugar in the cake itself, five dozen strawberries, I lost track of how much sugar went into the filling...and over overall it was a heart attack waiting to happen...

Sometimes...I really wondered how his diet hadn't killed him. Sugar would be the death of him...

I smiled and carefully moved the cake onto the cart nearby me. Thankfully the cake stayed together...starting next year I wasn't bringing it to him anymore...I doubted it would stay together if I tried to move it after it was assembled.

I put the necessary things on the cart for him to eat his cake along with a large kettle of special hot chocolate before bringing it to him.

The smile on his face when he saw it: priceless.

"It looks even more delectable than last year's cake Tsuki. You have outdone yourself once more." He said as I stopped in front of him.

I smiled at him feeling my face heat up at his words. So...cute...

I cut him a piece of cake and handed it to him; he happily dove right in and began devouring the cake before me. I giggled at the sugary smile he gave me and took the container of brownies popping one in my mouth before returning to the kitchenette.

I made myself some eggs with lots of vegetables thrown in, unable to stomach the thought of _more_ sugar. I ate in the kitchen so the smell of my food wouldn't "ruin L's appetite" as he often liked to complain smelling vegetables. Such a child sometimes...

I cleaned up the kitchenette and went to freshen up for the day. Upon my return I saw that already an eighth of the cake was gone...

How...how had he...

I shook it off and sat beside him silently leaning on his shoulder. He glanced at me cutely before finishing what was on his plate. He set aside the now empty plate and wrapped an arm around me hugging me close.

"It was even better than last year's." He said warmly. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek sweetly. He gave me a cute smile and rested his head against mine. "What have you planned for today?" he asked trying to sound bored.

I grinned instantly, "Not a chance I'm telling you...though I will tell you this much: most of my plans are for this evening." I said as I glanced at the clock. It was only 12:00...five hours to kill and _not_ have sex...damn it...

"This evening?" He asked innocently as he slid a hand slowly down my back earning a shiver from me. I pulled away and smacked his hand.

"No, tonight after my surprise you can be handsy until then behave!" I scolded wanting desperately to have him inside of me.

He gave me a slight amused pout then sighed, "Very well...it's going to be a long night." He said with promise in his tone. I shivered at the promise feeling my body ache for him.

God I _wanted_ him.

"So...um until then...I was thinking we could go to an arcade?" I asked trying my hardest to sound as cute as I could.

He looked at me with an interested expression and smiled at me before standing. "Yes, that does sound fun." He said with a slightly childish tone. I smiled and got some plastic wrap from the kitchenette to cover the cake and grinned at him. He would finish the cake today without a doubt...somehow he always did...

No one would really believe the things L loved to do for fun; arcades were a favorite place of his to visit when we would blow off a day or two of work. I smiled happily and grabbed my wallet nearby as we walked over to the door slipping our shoes on. We headed out of the hotel holding hands and decided to enjoy the walk to the arcade a couple miles away.

Though L wasn't one for _much_ physical activity, save for sex, but he did enjoy a nice walk on a decent day. We contently walked in silence to the arcade enjoying just holding hands as we went on our way.

Most of the time we spent together, unless we were working but even then that never had much of an impact on the situation; we spent it in comfortable silence. We had known each other for 13 years, not much needed to be said and we could silently communicate more adequately than we could vocalize what we wanted to say. L wasn't a talkative man, unless he _had_ to explain something, and even then he kept his explanations as simple as possible. Don't get me wrong, the man enjoyed hearing himself talk, but he wasn't overly talkative. I was no better; I enjoyed the silence we often shared.

It was simple, comfortable, and filled with contentment. It suited us perfectly.

We arrived at the arcade and I smiled at all the children running around. It still hurt to see children knowing that by now I would have a little one but I pushed it aside. Today was a happy day...and L and I had decided after more time passed and we healed more, we would adopt children and settle down somewhere together. Until then we would remain busy and working to help keep the world as safe as we could. We both figured it would be after his successors became adults that we could want to settle down but we weren't going to say for sure that's how things would go.

Right now his two choices for successors were only children; one was 10, almost 11, and the other had just turned nine. They were both exceedingly young and talented, both quickly learning everything necessary to become the next "L". I wasn't happy with the fact they were so young but they were living good childhoods and were both looking forward to the chance of becoming L's successor. The eldest boy had been at Wammy House for almost five years while the younger had only been there a little over two.

They were both constantly asked if they wanted the life they were directed towards and were reminded of what it would mean. After what happened with A and BB, Wammy House was handling the situation much more carefully than the last. L was a challenging title to live up to...

"Excuse me lady." I heard a little voice say from behind me, I looked down and smiled at a little boy with wild black hair and light blue eyes say to me. I felt my heart heave in pain at his appearance.

"Yes sweetheart?" I asked gently, unable to stop the maternal instincts from taking over.

"You're really pretty." He said shyly as he smiled cutely up at me.

I felt myself blush slightly and my eyes slightly burned, "Thank you that was very sweet of you to say." I said as I gently pulled my hand from L's. He let it go without fuss and I kneeled down to be eyelevel with the young boy. "What's your name?" I asked kindly, "I'm Charlie." I said holding my hand out to him.

He took it lightly blushing and gave me an adorable smile, "Zach." He said shaking my hand. He couldn't be more than seven years old...

"That's a nice name...it's very nice to meet you Zach." I said warmly. He smiled at me and looked up at L curiously.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Zach asked curiously.

L stared down at him, his expression unreadable though I was sure he was for more focused on how I was reacting to this rather than his own feelings. "Yes, his name is Alex."

Zach smiled at L and before he could say anything more his mother called over to him. I turned my gaze to her to see a beautiful blue-eyed woman with dark brown hair with natural highlights of blond and light brown. Zach made a slight face and gave me a cute smile, "I like Alex he seems pretty cool...bye Charlie it was nice meeting you!" He called happily as he turned to run to his mother.

I gave his mother a warm smile as I stood; I'm sure my eyes showing the sad longing I could feel pulsing within my veins. She stared at me with a wary expression then her eyes seemed to soften. She gave me a kind look after a minute and nodded to me before leaving with her young son.

I must have looked like a mother in mourning for her look to change like that.

"Charlie..." I heard L say beside me quietly. I looked at him and gave a gentle smile.

"I'm fine Alex." I said gently kissing his cheek; I was alright, just a slight lingering of the sadness. Children made me happy and I wasn't going to let the pain of losing my baby take away the joy of talking to every child I met. He stared at me silently for a moment, quietly evaluating my words to see if I was being honest. He smiled after a minute and kissed my cheek sweetly.

We went to the register of the establishment and I handed him my card saying I wanted $50 in quarters. He looked at me baffled for a minute then complied without fail. I smiled at the man and he proceeded to hand me a small bag filled with wrapped quarters.

L and I stayed in the arcade for a few hours playing just about every game there was. Once we were done we had about $15 left and smiled seeing there were only five children in the vicinity. We walked over to each one and said we wanted to give them the money because we couldn't carry around the quarters and there was no way to put it back on the card, which was true.

The parents were perplexed by our generosity but the children happily accepted our kindness, two of them even hugging us. We headed out of the arcade after a few minutes and made our way back to the hotel slowly.

Both of us were enjoying the lingering feel of a child's warm embrace, both of us indulging in the fantasy of what our children's hugs would feel like. Neither of us were sad at the thought, in fact we were both filled with happiness at the thoughts.

L was smiling a small but genuine smile and I could see a warmth in his eyes that held a paternal glow to it. I could feel the same warmth within myself; I knew I was radiating maternal joy.

We couldn't have our own children and were still moving on from the loss of our child...but the thought of children was still possible...just in the future after we have properly mourned.

Someday L and I would be parents, and what a beautiful life that would be...

How special birthdays and holidays would be with our future family.

Our special occasions where it was just Watari, myself, L and of course Sargent Justice were numbered. Someday we would have little ones running around the house with us making new and warm memories that would eclipse the pain we have suffered.

* * *

I really enjoyed this part of the four-parter of L's bday, I got to show more of a typical day when L and Tsuki weren't working on a case.


	22. Handcuffs & Chocolate? Oh My! Part D

Part four of four! **L's POV**

**Warnings**: SUPER cuteness/sweetness and **long detailed lemon! **

* * *

Tsuki and I arrived back at the hotel around 3:46 and I looked at her curiously. She wasn't making a big spectacle out of my birthday thus far and it left me confused. Normally she couldn't wait for the day to begin, and now she was treating it almost as if it was just another day.

What was she planning?

"Well Panda," she said as we returned. I looked at her curious of what she was going to say next. "I need you to get showered so we can get to the first part of your birthday surprise." She said grinning happily.

I gave her a curious look but nodded. I went into our room and got in the shower quickly getting cleaned up so I wouldn't give into the desire to pleasure myself. I came out in a towel and she bounced off the bed giving me a smile. I noticed her eyes slowly traveling over my body and I withheld a shudder at the thought of what I would do to her later.

"Now take this bag and go in the living room to get ready!" She giggled excitedly. "And don't come back in here I want what I'm going to do to be a surprise!" She bounced over to me and kissed my cheek gently.

I smiled at her and took the bag she held out for me. I couldn't see what was inside it since it was covered by something and she began to lightly shove me towards the door. I gave her a curious glance and shrugged slightly, she wanted to surprise me and I didn't want to ruin it.

I moved to the living room and opened the bag curiously. I pulled out pieces of clothing lying them out on the couch so I could see them better.

It was...a suit?

It was a simple suit but a suit nonetheless.

It consisted of a black jacket, white button up long sleeved shirt, black pants, black tie, nice black dress socks, and black male dress shoes. I slipped on the plain blue boxers she had put in the bag and put the towel aside.

What exactly was she planning that required me to wear a _suit_?

I made a face at the clothing and felt a sigh swelling up. If I was going to have to wear a suit...that meant Tsuki had to dress up as well. I could feel the sigh quickly dissipate and I changed into the suit quickly. I've only had to wear a suit a handful of times and knew how to assemble it, much to my displeasure.

I finished dressing and sat on the couch fidgeting with my tie and debating whether or not to tuck in my shirt. I couldn't sit in my preferred position and found myself slightly annoyed by the knowledge.

What was she planning?

I looked to the bedroom door and found I wanted to pout as I waited for Tsuki, whatever she was doing was time consuming. I looked to the cake she had made me and uncovered it getting more of it scarfing down at least another two eights of it. I covered it back up and sat against the couch slightly fidgeting again. I moved over to the wall across from the bedroom door as I waited for Tsuki trying my hardest _not_ to fidget with the suit more than I already had.

I heard the door to our room open and I felt my breath catch as I saw Tsuki emerge from the room in an elegant red evening gown. Her hair was pulled up in sophisticated ponytail with some of her hair hanging to frame her face. She wore no makeup but I could see her lips faintly shining a light red color, meaning she wore some form of lip gloss...I wondered if it was the cotton candy flavored one I liked. She had on earrings that dangled down about an inch that were sparkling with red gems with a few black ones in the design to accent the colors. She wore two large bracelets on her left wrist that were black and red to compliment her dress. Her dress was strapless, showing just a peaking amount of her cleavage. Around the breast area was covered in red and black shimmering jewels. Under the breast area it hugged her form in a rumpled way all the way to about her mid-thigh area; from there it flowed out slightly giving her steps a more fluid motion. As she walked over to me I could hear the soft clicking of heels that more than likely were red to match her dress.

She was..._stunning_...

She slightly blushed as she looked me over and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her.

"Like something you see Panda?" She lightly teased with a slight giggle.

"No, I love what I see...you...you look beautiful..." I said slightly dumbfounded. Wow...

"Thank you." She lightly giggled, blushing a little more. "You clean up nice...you're so handsome." She said shyly smiling at me.

I felt underdressed and an embarrassment next to her. I had left my jacket undone and it revealed the overall laziness of my appearance. The top two buttons of my shirt I left undone and all the fidgeting I had done with my tie had pulled it loose letting it hand slightly low and off to the side against my chest. My shirt's sleeves were left uneven and one side of the shirt was sticking out more than the other. Only half of my shirt was tucked in leaving the other half looking sloppy and lazy.

She smiled and walked closer to me, a warm smile on her face. I gave her a small smile and went to fix my appearance, obviously whatever we were going to do was very important and I didn't want to embarrass her. Her hands stopped mine and I gave her a perplexed look.

"No, don't fix it...if it was 'perfect' it wouldn't be you." She said warmly. I gave her a small shy smile and she cupped my face gently giving me the softest of kisses. I withheld a groan wanting more than just the tease of a kiss. "Ready to go?" She asked sweetly. I gave her a small smile and lightly nodded.

She let go of my face and gently took my hand. I smiled more and we left the room together after I grabbed my wallet with the Visa card we had been using since she had nowhere to put it. We headed out of the hotel and out front of it was a black limo waiting for us.

We got in and she sat beside me silently as we headed off to the destination I had yet to be informed of. I glanced at Tsuki the entire way there not caring to take in the sights of the world around me.

She was pricelessly beautiful.

I felt the car stop and looked to see we were stopped outside of a large building I saw was marked "City Hall". I looked at Tsuki confused and she simply smiled at me. The driver opened the door and I got out with Tsuki following as I held my hand to help her out.

She took my hand getting out and I noticed a few people around us stop to look at her. Who wouldn't though...she was...dazzlingly beautiful...

We walked inside after I offered my arm for her which she took shyly, and I looked around. It was elegantly decorated for Halloween and there was soft music playing with a few couples dancing. She giggled looking around and smiled at me warmly.

I looked at the people dancing then looked at her, I smiled softly at her, "Charlie, may I have this dance?"

She giggled and blushed shyly as she nodded. I moved my arm so I could take her hand and led her to the dance floor happily. I put my hand on the small of her back pulling her close to me, instead of placing it on her upper back as I was supposed to, I held her other hand in mine. She in turn placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me a gentle smile as we began to glide along the floor with the other couples.

I never outwardly admitted it but somehow Tsuki had learned I enjoyed dancing, well this sort of dancing. I didn't care for the newer styles of the art and thoroughly enjoyed the graceful movements if Tsuki was my partner.

I stopped paying attention to our surroundings; only keeping tabs enough of locations of anything we could bump into, as we continued our slow graceful movements. Tsuki's eyes shined with happiness and love as we continued to move, a happy and gentle smile playing upon her lips giving her an even more striking appearance. She was one of those people that shouldn't go a second without wearing a smile, her face was made to show off the beauty that was her smile.

"Are you enjoying your birthday so far Alex?" She whispered softly as a new song began.

I felt a wide smile make an appearance as I looked at her, "With you by my side I enjoy the day already, and with the things you plan it's just another layer to your delectable cake. Every year you leave me questioning of how I became so deserving of someone as exquisite as you my beloved Moonbeam." I said gently to her as I gave her a light kiss on the cheek.

She looked at me with slightly watery eyes as she smiled slowly at me. She leaned up and I met her in a sweet kiss as we continued to glide, our kiss as smooth as our movements. We pulled away from each other and her eyes held a deep degree of love as I gazed at her breathtaking gems.

How had someone as simple as me ended up with someone so amazing?

How had I ended up so lucky and loved?

* * *

One dance turned into two, then three, and then I stopped counting not caring how long we spent gliding around. Only when someone gathered our attention had I even realized the music had stopped and almost everyone was gone. We had danced almost the entire time we were there and had failed to notice the event ending.

Tsuki lightly laughed at this and looked at me, a warm smile on her face. "Ready to go back to get ready for part two?" She asked cutely.

I looked at her curious and thought about how the day had unfolded. I had wondered why we hadn't used the Halloween costumes we had bought. I smiled at her and nodded giving her forehead a light kiss. She slightly giggled and we went outside to see our limo waiting. We got in and headed back to the hotel, at my surprise I discovered it was just after nine, we had been in there for roughly four hours.

I almost felt embarrassed by how much time we spent staring at each other as we danced, I felt as if we had only danced a song, two at most. Tsuki smiled at me and gently took my hand holding it as we headed back to the hotel. It was so easy to be with her, whether it was a case that kept us on the edges of our seats or if it was just a quiet day sitting together in silence.

Each day was better than the last and brought me deeper joy than I thought possible. We've had our hard times in life but they felt like distant memories when I looked at her, in her eyes, when I saw her smile brighten or when she laughed. All of it made me feel as if I had the perfect life, that I was truly the luckiest man to breathe.

No man could ever be happier than I was. There was no possible way; it was ranked at a -79% anyone else could even be _close_ to as happy as I was.

We arrived at the hotel and watched as the limo drove off, I gave Tsuki a curious look and she smiled, giggled innocently and lightly tugged my hand to lead me inside. I followed her silently and once we returned to the room she looked at me with a wide smile.

"Time to get into your Halloween costume!" She said happily. I smiled at her and gave a slight nod. She disappeared into the bedroom and came back handing me the bag that held my costume.

I set the bag aside and pulled her gently to me hugging her close. She made a small sound of surprise but hugged me back without hesitation. I rested my head on hers holding her close and enjoyed the feel of her in my arms. The joy holding her brought me could never be described, there were no words that I could find in my vast vocabulary that came anywhere close.

How can you describe something so perfect when no words _were_ perfect?

She made a move for me to let her go and I slid my arms from around her to her face cupping it gently. She looked at me with her eyes wide in curiosity; I smiled before I leaned down claiming her lips in the most gentle and loving of kisses. She made a soft sound of approval as she kissed me back lightly gripping the jacket of my suit. We broke the kiss before we ended up taking it past its sweet intent and she departed into the bedroom closing the door with a soft click.

I turned my attention to the bag that held my costume and stripped myself of my suit carefully lying it out so it wasn't ruined by anything. Sargent Justice hopped on the couch and stared at me in curiosity as I pulled out the costume I had chosen.

I thought it would be interesting as well as give Tsuki a good laugh at the costume I had chosen: a police officer.

I put on the standard looking suit quickly and looked down at the handcuffs that had come with it. I found myself bored by their fake simplicity and moved over to one of the desks in the room pulling out a real set of handcuffs placing them where they belonged on my costume tucking the keys safely away in one of the many pockets of my costume. I adjusted the hat of it and looked over myself quickly making sure I had everything where it was supposed to go. I found it amusing as I put the badge on the suit that I was being as literal as possible with my costume.

I looked to my cake again and lightly shrugged to myself as I moved to it and quickly downed another three eights of the cake as I waited for her. I hadn't realized until I started eating how hungry I had gotten. I must have used more energy than I had originally thought when we were dancing. Once more I covered it up and moved to lean against a wall as I had before while waiting for Tsuki.

I looked to the door and fought back a groan as my mouth began to water seeing Tsuki come out.

She was wearing a short strapless dress with long stalking's and high heels. The dress was black and white, with the very top of it around her breasts was black with the word "guilty" in a small white box with the text being black. Underneath that the dress was black and white striped until it got to her hips. At this point it poofed out with a few layers of black material, the top layers being lacy and the layers had a white strip at the bottoms that ended at her upper thighs just barely covering her. Just three inches under the layered portion of her dress were where her black stalking's began. She wore black heels, a black and white hat that was off to the side slightly more resting on her head than her actually wearing it. She had on small fishnet gloves and a necklace that had a set of handcuffs dangling from it stopping just short of resting on her very appealing cleavage. She had her hair hanging loosely around her made to look more wild as if she had been in a prison scuffle, her nails were painted black now and she was lightly spinning a pair of handcuffs by one side around a finger.

I _liked_ her costume.

She lightly smirked as she looked at me and gave me a playful smile, "Officer...have I been a bad girl?" She asked playfully as she eyed me suggestively.

I fought not to groan out at her and bring her to our room that instant. I _wanted_ her more than I had thought beforehand.

"I'm not sure yet, I'll have to let you know when we return from where we're going next." I said doing everything I could to keep my usual composure. She giggled at me and winked as she blew me a kiss. I felt a shudder making its way through me; I fought it off not wanting to give her the satisfaction she was making me crazy for her.

She walked over to me slowly swaying her hips and I fought off another shudder as my mouth watered slightly. "Fair enough," she said with a pouty tone. "ready to go now Mr. Police Officer?" she asked in a playful tone.

I fought back a groan wanting her, urgently fighting to keep my body from reacting as it desperately wanted to. "Yes, let's go." I said allowing my eyes to slowly trail over her body.

She gave me a flirty smile and took my hand slowly and we headed for the door once more. She was making me wait for later and when we returned to the hotel I was going to keep her in bed _all night_.

We went and got into a cab this time as we headed to our new location and as we did my eyes slowly wondered over Tsuki's body in agonizing detail, my eyes paying extra attention to every little movement any bump caused. The lower portion of her costume barely covered her legs and what skin I could see was smooth and begging to be caressed, he breasts were hardly contained by the top of her costume and bounced with each movement the car made.

This was going to be a long night.

As we drove to the next location she took apart one of the links in the small chain connecting the cuffs then placed each cuff on a wrist and grinned at me cutely. "So it looks like I was a really _naughty_ girl." She grinned suggestively.

I swallowed hard and withheld a groan. She _was_ a really naughty girl...

We arrived to the next location and I looked at her once more confused as we arrived to what looked to be a large club that had been festively decorated for the night. She gave me a playful smile and we got out paying the driver quickly. We headed inside and I looked around taking in the sights around us.

Everyone was dressed in a multitude of costumes, surprisingly I saw no one in the same thing as anyone else.

Of course, no one looked as mouthwatering as Tsuki, not by far.

She grabbed my hand and led me over to the area where everyone was dancing. She tried to persuade me to dance with her but I refused wanting to sit back and watch everyone. She gave me a final pout and moved to the dance floor and began to dance without a care in the world.

My eyes were glued to her as she danced seductively to the fast paced music. Many of those around her stopped and watched her movements; I didn't care if they eyed her.

She was _mine_. No amount of staring could change that.

Let them stare at what was mine, let them go home that night thinking of her and wishing they could have her, let them mourn the knowledge they were not as lucky as I to have _her_.

Soon the entire club's attention was on her, some cheering her on, some just staring, others giving her hungry looks, some trying to join her, most everyone wishing they were her or knew her personally.

Soon the bar owner tried to get her to dance on the bar itself wanting more customers to watch her hoping they would want more to drink. She refused with a small laugh and began to make her dance more seductive and I could tell that many of those around us were reacting to her movements.

I was at the point I wouldn't be able to hold back from her much longer.

* * *

She continued her confident, seductive dance not paying anyone attention, but her eyes always found me no matter how she was twisting her body. I smiled at her watching her dancing, my body relaxing slightly as my thoughts momentarily moved away from lust.

This was another step in her healing process, letting loose like this. She hadn't done anything like this in a while, not since before we lost the baby. It's not to say she does this sort of thing all the time, but she does like to go out and engage in acts that require high self-confidence.

_My_ Tsuki was finally returning. I watched her, no longer overcome with the desire to give into my lustful thoughts and desires. I was content seeing her be as confident and happy as she was.

This is why she wanted to come here, to show she truly _was_ recovering from the heartache. To show me she was returning to her old self.

I smiled at her and got a bottle of water for her for when she took her break. She caught sight of me and walked over to me taking the bottle and downing most of it in seconds. She flashed me a warm smile and I lost it.

I pulled her to me and kissed her feverishly, I _needed_ her. _Now_.

She kissed me back eagerly and let out a small sigh of pleasure as she pushed closer to me. She finally broke too.

This place and her dancing had served their purpose and now it was time to go home for the rest of my birthday celebration. We broke the kiss and went outside quickly to claim one of the parked cabs outside.

We got into it and said the address of our hotel and I pulled her into another demanding kiss, my hands pulling her closer and teasing her upper thighs desperately. She let out a moan and gripped my shirt holding me closer and began to undo the buttons on my shirt slowly.

I slid my hands to the back of her costume to get the zipper but someone clearing their throat stopped me. I realized we were at the hotel and we quickly paid and got out going inside. Once in the elevator I pushed her against the wall and held her hands above her head as I kissed her hard earning a moan from her. I let out a groan in the kiss feeling my hardening member begin to push into her. She shivered and moaned into the kiss fighting against my hold on her wrists wanting to pull at my clothes. We faintly heard the elevator ding and we broke the kiss as we got out on our floor quickly getting our door open. Once inside I pushed the door closed and kissed her pushing her against the door.

She gasped and moaned shivering as my clothed member pressed against her. She pushed my hands away from hers with some difficulty and pulled at the buttons on my shirt quickly. I grabbed her hat she was wearing and threw it aside as well as took her hands removing the gloves from them. She threw my hat aside and returned her attention to the last button on my shirt before shoving it off. She made a frustrated sound as she was met with a simple white T-shirt under the officer shirt I had been wearing. She grabbed the tie I was wearing and pulled me closer, I let out a groan and grinded my hips against hers to show her how desperately I needed her.

She paused her movements and moaned out instinctively bucked into my movement causing me to groan out. I kissed her hard and pulled her close to me, she hopped up and wrapped her legs around my waist and I gripped her butt holding her in place. She got her shoes off while her legs were around me and I moved to our room carrying her never breaking our kiss. I laid her down on the bed leaning over her with a knee in-between her legs and she moaned out feeling my knee lightly brush against her warmth.

She forcefully pulled the tie from me and threw it aside and yanked at the bottom of my shirt. We broke the kiss long enough for her to pull the shirt from my head and as soon as I was free of it I claimed her in another kiss. While we were kissing I carefully maneuvered her to the head of the bed, as we kissed I took off the cuffs from around her wrists as well as the necklace she wore. I took her hands from their set place on my torso and quickly slipped one of her wrists in the real handcuffs I had put in my costume and slipped them around one of the bars on the bed's headboard. I grabbed her other wrist and trapped it within the other cuff and I broke the kiss to look down at her smugly.

After glaring at me for breaking the kiss she realized she was trapped by the cuffs and gave me a look of suspicion and curiosity. I smiled at her and kissed her gently moving my knee from in-between her legs trapping her hips in-between my knees. She let out a frustrated sound and I slid my hands to her back. Once she realized what I was trying to do she lifted her upper body off the bed enough for me to pull down the zipper. I slowly dragged the zipper down and pulled my lips from hers once more.

She glared at me and moved her body up in a begging motion with a small whimpering sound. I moved myself from her entirely and pulled her dress down slowly letting my eyes take in the sight of her beautiful body. I had resisted the urge to look at her bare form many times this week in fear if I caught sight of it I wouldn't be able to resist my desire for her. I felt my member twitch as I looked at her, feeling my mouth water slightly as I took in the sight of her.

God she was beautiful.

She lifted her hips to help me completely remove her costume. Now all she was left in was a pair of very soaked underwear and stalking's. I looked at her slowly and debated for a moment what I wanted to do. I moved to her left stalking and pulled it down gently so I wouldn't rip the material. As I worked my way down her leg I gently kissed, licked and nipped the flesh enjoying the taste of her skin that I had denied myself for a week. She gasped out and shivered in pleasure as my mouth teased her and slightly arched her body begging me for more.

Once I removed her stalking I licked and kissed my way up her left leg and then repeated the process with her right leg earning a desperate moan from her. I couldn't help but grin slightly at her discomfort, I would pleasure her soon but I had to get even for how she had been torturing me since the moment I saw her in that costume. I leaned down and lightly licked her nipples causing her to loudly gasp in pleasure.

I was about to give her some relief when I stopped getting an idea. I got off the bed, making a slight sound of discomfort as I moved feeling the restraining material of my costume painfully suppressing my member. She made a whining sound and I left the room for a second and came back a minute later holding something. She looked at me and gave me a confused look as she saw what I was holding: a Hershey syrup bottle.

"What are you going to do with that?" She asked confused and clearly up for anything, her eyes were wide with lustful hunger and her body shifted with her need.

"Something that came to mind recently that I would like to try." I said as I moved back over to the bed. I made a face as I took off my socks finally and moved to lean over her once more. She gave me a perplexed look and watched closely as I popped the cap open and turned the bottle over her. I gave the bottle a light squeeze and she shivered as the cold chocolaty syrup hit her skin. I watched it slowly slide along her skin and felt my member twitch as I withheld a groan when the syrup moved towards her lower abdomen working its way to her underwear. She shivered feeling it running along her skin and gasped loudly as I leaned down to lick it.

I slowly licked the syrup from her body and found I rather liked doing this. I applied some to one of her nipples and took the bud in my mouth sucking on it slowly. Tsuki jerked and gasped in pleasure as I slowly tortured her sensitive bundle of nerves. I repeated the process with her other nipple and slowly applied more syrup to her exposed flesh slowly licking and kissing it away; all the while she lay there gasping and writhing in pleasure as I tortured her slowly.

"L please!" She cried out in a desperate tone. I looked at her and decided I had in fact tortured her enough to make up for her little stunt with the costume. I moved to look at her very soaked underwear and slowly lowered my head to her warmth. She instantly spread her legs for me to have the most access and I gave the outside of her underwear a slow lick. She moaned loudly and bucked into my tongue's actions. I suppressed a laugh and made a motion I wanted to pull down her underwear, she closed her legs enough for me to be able to and I relieved her of the article of clothing. She instantly spread her legs for me once more and made a whimpering sound as she arched her body off the bed, looking at me with wide, pleading eyes.

I looked at her and groaned out at the sight of her body, her chest heaving in her desperate desire for pleasure and her warmth coated in her juices begging for me to taste her. I moved so my face was by her warmth once more and felt my mouth water at her aroma. I gave her light kisses along her inner thighs and hips until she made a displeased sound. My tongue instantly found her warmth and dove into it. She moaned out loudly in pleasure and bucked her hips into my actions desperately. I held her hips down firmly as I quickly teased her with my tongue; her release was closer than I thought it would be. In less than a minute my mouth was filled with her delicious essence and my ears echoed with her loud cry of pleasure as her body shuddered violently with her release. I groaned out at her cry feeling my member jerk wanting attention. Her cry was so...I groaned at the thought of taking her right then and there.

I lapped up her juices enjoying the taste of her and continued my torture on her warmth wanting more of her essence. She moaned and writhed under my tongues actions and wrapped a leg around me desperately trying to pull me closer to her. She thrashed against the handcuffs and begged me continuously to let her go but I ignored her cries as I pleased her. Almost as quickly as she came the first time she did a second and I enjoyed the taste of her, drinking her in as if I was a man in the desert enjoying his first taste of water in days.

She lay on the bed now, panting and shivering from the intense pleasure she had experienced. I teased her clit slowly with my tongue and slid a finger into her; she gasped out a loud moan and desperately tried to buck her hips to meet my thrusts. I shivered slightly as my mind showed me what my body desired: I had her pinned down and was relentlessly taking her making her cry out in pleasure and me shudder as I finally had my release.

I held her hips down with one hand as I worked her quickly adding two more fingers slowly twisting them and increasing the strength of their thrusting. She whimpered and moaned out as I continued my pleasurable assault on her. I brought her close to her release and pulled my fingers from her slowly and licked them clean when she looked at me. She made a begging sound and I dove my tongue back into her quickly thrusting it in and out of her. She moaned and her body shivered uncontrollably in pleasure. I paused my tongues movements and let out little moans to make my tongue vibrate slightly earning loud moans from her. She made a desperate sound and I continued my actions once more. She cried out loudly as she released and I devoured her fluids from her third release.

After I cleaned her of her juices I moved up to her handcuffs and released her wrists from their imprisonment setting them and the keys aside. She looked at me with half-lidded eyes and gave me a lazy smile. I smiled at her and licked my lips clean of the remains of her taste. Once she recovered enough I found myself pinned on the bed where she had been. I looked at her curious of what she was doing and looked as she locked my wrists in the cuffs as she had been trapped.

I gave her a slight grin as I looked at her and she gave me a slow evil smile. She was going to get even for what I had done to her. I didn't care at this point what she did but I needed a release. She looked down at my member and gave me a sympathetic look; she could see how painful it was to have it still restrained by clothing. She took pity on me and quickly stripped me of my clothing and I moaned out as my member was exposed to the open air. She lightly gripped it and I let out a cry of pain and pleasure, far too hard for any form of torture to be enjoyable.

Her eyes found mine and then she looked at my member slightly tilting her head then slowly pressed her hands against my hips keeping me firm against the bed before quickly taking the head of my member in her mouth. I groaned out in pleasure and tried to buck my hips in desperation of my fast approaching release. She made quick work of my member as she teased the head with her tongue and quickly massaged my balls. I shuddered in pleasure as my release got closer lost in the sensation of her mouth around me. She added little moans to make my member vibrate and I quickly spilled my seed into her mouth.

I relaxed against the bed shuddering slightly from the power of my release. She slowly licked my member clean and released my half hard member from her mouth. I slightly groaned in protest but shivered as her tongue slowly slid along my torso beginning to trace my muscles as her hands slowly teased my flesh. I arched into her delicious torture and moaned softly under her touches.

No matter how many times we're intimate each of her touches feels like it's the first time she's doing so to me. The feel of her in control, doing as she wishes to me with her affectionate and pleasurable touches, there is no better feeling. I love being at this woman's mercy knowing full well the range of pleasurable evils she can come up with.

"I love you Pandy." She whispered lovingly giving me gentle kisses along my chest as her hands lovingly massaged and slid across my arms and sides.

I shivered at her touches and smiled as I arched more into her touches, "I love you Moonbeam." I sighed in the pleasure I was surrounded by.

She straddled my hips and leaned down attacking my neck in kisses and nips as she slightly grinded against me. She softly moaned in random intervals but always made sure her mouth was close to my ear when she did. Every pleasured sound she made caused me to slightly jerk or buck into her. She bit down on the sensitive spot on my shoulder and I moaned out in pleasure. She proceeded to abuse the area with her tongue and lightly sucked on it as she grinded into me again. I let out a strangled gasp feeling more intense pleasure with each movement she made, her hands gripping my chest in rough and gentle touches.

I became lost in the sea of pleasure she created around me, all of her surrounded me and every nerve felt like she was kissing it slowly. I grunted out feeling my member becoming harder and I slightly bucked into her wanting my release. She grinned evilly at me seeing my need for release and grinded harder against me causing my body to jerk in pleasure and slight pain. She let out a light giggle and moved her hips so I could brush more against her entrance. I gasped feeling how wet she had become and made a slight sound of desperation as I pulled against the handcuffs wanting to take her.

She giggled more and lifted herself up so she could slide me into her. She moaned out as I filled her and I gasped feeling her wet walls around me. I shuddered slightly and tried to buck my hips but she held me firm not allowing me to move. I glared slightly at her and she smiled at me, her eyes showing she wasn't going to be _that_ nice, not just yet. She leaned down and slid her chest along mine as she lightly rode me. She began her assault on my neck again and I moaned helplessly at her mercy.

Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and rode me hard losing herself to her desire. I groaned and pulled against the handcuffs again wanting to grab her hips and assist her but she was lost in her own pleasure, too gone to realize what I wanted. She got to her next orgasm quickly while I knew I still had a way to go and I grunted in frustration. She shivered as she came down from the high of her release and looked at me seeming to finally realize I was still handcuffed. She got the keys to them and unlocked me clumsily.

As soon as I was free I pulled her close and used my strength to turn us over so she was against the bed and I was on my knees with us still connected at the hips. I gripped her hips tightly and began slamming into her desperately wanting my next release. She moaned loudly as I pounded into her and fisted the sheets as I surrendered to my lust. I couldn't take the foreplay anymore; I needed to take her until I was spent.

I became so lost in the need for her that I stopped being able to hear her cries of pleasure, I couldn't hear anything. All I could focus on was taking her until I was satisfied or I couldn't move. I felt myself getting closer to my release and I felt an intense pressure around my member that at the moment I didn't realize was Tsuki's release. The sensation pushed me over the edge and I groaned out loudly as I shuddered violently while my member pumped my essence into her.

I panted for breath as I looked down at her, my grip on her hips still firm. Tsuki was much closer to catching her breath than I was and was no longer holding onto the sheets with an iron grip. She gave me a content sleepy smile as I slowly let her hips go and pulled my now limp member from her. She reached up slowly and lightly pulled my arms. I gave into her demand and laid down on her, almost falling on top of her with how tired I was. She kissed my forehead sweetly as she grabbed the blanket next to us and covered both of us with it. I closed my eyes slowly as I caught my breath and smiled feeling her body's warmth.

"I love you Panda-Bear..." She whispered gently as she lightly rubbed my back with one hand and ran her other hand through my hair. "Happy Birthday...sleep well..." She said gently as she began to sing a song I was too tired to decipher what it was.

I smiled against her flesh and lightly nuzzled her with contentment. "I love you Moonbeam...thank you...for a magnificent birthday. Goodnight sleep well..." I heard myself say before I surrendered to the bliss of sleep wrapped in my treasured Moon's warm and loving embrace.

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Again, really loved writing this part too, it gave more insight to the deep connection and love L/Tsuki have!

Thank you again IfYouLovedMe for the chapter request! I hope you enjoyed it :D

Any other requests for the story I will do my best to incorporate in here! Unless I get a request for something that would happen pre-series there will only be TWO chapters left before I get into the series portion of the show!


	23. Just Another Day Chapter 23

**L's POV**

**Warnings**: sexual references, **long detailed lemon** and cuteness

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Soft snoring was the first sound I heard as I began to stir, I felt myself slightly smile knowing my Moon was still asleep. As I became more aware of my surroundings I smiled more hearing the steady beat of her heart and her soft even breathing. I slowly opened my eyes and was greeted with the peaceful sight of her lovely sleeping form. Her face was soft with peace and contentment still embraced by her peaceful slumber.

I felt myself slightly smirk as I evaluated her form; she was still in a deep sleep exhausted from our continuous physical activities from the night before. Perhaps an hour after I initially fell asleep I awoke with a strong hunger for her once more. Going a week celibate had left me quite frustrated and it took several times before my lust was satisfied. Tsuki hadn't complained and thoroughly enjoyed herself over the course of the very long night we had. We both enjoyed using the handcuffs multiple times and even finished the family sized chocolate syrup bottle. Both would have to become regulars when we were celebrating a birthday...

I felt a slight longing to be intimate with her once more but could restrain the feeling, for now. I was enjoying watching her rest far too much to wake her and thought it a crime to disturb my sleeping Moonbeam. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sounds from her chest feeling it relaxing me in the most soothing manner. The simple beauty of her heartbeat and even breathing seemed to lull me into a state of relaxation no other method could bring me to.

Perhaps that is why whenever we went to sleep she insisted she held me until it became routine. Whenever I slept with my head to her chest I was able to sleep 52% longer as opposed to me simply holding her, which only guaranteed me 23% more sleep, while sleeping separately all together the percentage dwindled to a measly 8%. I had grown accustomed to being wrapped in her embrace when I could succumb to sleep and I never wanted to put myself in a position where I couldn't be.

I felt the joys of yesterday stir within me as my mind played over the delightful events slowly. It had been a perfect day, it was simple and I spent all of my time with Tsuki. The cake had been the best so far, the arcade a simple joy I appreciated on occasion, going dancing another modest activity that brought me happiness and finally going to the club. We would need to keep that costume she chose...I enjoyed it far more than I had initially deduced. Spending the remainder of the evening and most of the night wrapped in each other's embrace as we indulged in the physical aspect of our love brought me physical enjoyment equal to the emotional happiness of the day. When we were intimate it was lust we were surrendering to but it didn't mean there wasn't love in the act.

I knew I wouldn't enjoy the act if I was with anyone besides Tsuki. I loved her far too much for the thoughts of ever being with someone else to adequately form in my mind. Whenever we were out on a day away from work and I would see couples arguing I found it odd in the most confusing way. How could you not talk out snags in the relationship? I learned that at a very young age, yet somehow the majority of couples Tsuki and I have stumbled upon seem dedicated to secrets and half-truths. I lived a secret and a lie to everyone I knew besides Tsuki, Watari knew more than most but still I kept secrets and told lies to him.

Tsuki was the one person I couldn't lie to, even if it was to surprise her I couldn't bring myself to lie to her. I had to result to simply telling her I had surprises I was working on so I wouldn't have to force a lie she wouldn't believe no matter how convincing I could make it. Somehow she saw right through everything I said or did, I could go a whole day not saying what I truly meant or doing things completely contradictory to what I actually wanted and she would know the truth simply by gazing at me.

I looked at her sleeping form again and smiled seeing her smile. One way or another she knew everything about me, even before I knew it about myself. It alarmed me at first how easily she could see through me and I often wondered how she mastered such a feat but I decided it was best not to know. I enjoyed trying to unravel the mystery of her I never got any closer to solving. She brought me joy and drove me forward to do my best with every case. I did enjoy the challenge of the cases I took on but Tsuki was the reason I tried at all. She was the reason I pushed myself to become the greatest detective of the world.

I believe that's why Watari turned a blind eye to our relationship, despite knowing about it seemingly from the start. As we got closer we both improved dramatically with our academics and reached potential far beyond what they had expected of us. Watari was a wise man but it seems I had never given him the credit he deserved. He was truly brilliant. He had no objections to when we wanted to leave Wammy House together, mostly likely knowing that if we were separated we would probably die without the other.

Tsuki couldn't take losing someone else she loved, especially not at such a young age. Losing the baby had been hard on her but if something happened to me...I feared she would shut down and slowly die. I knew I was no better, if it weren't for her I would be in horrible health. I only slept now when she was able to coax me into it, my insomnia reached a frustrating level and it took her a while but every time she tried I was at least able to take a small nap. She made my food how I enjoyed it but made me eat more fruit than I had in the past so I had some form of nutrition. She even threatened that once we retired she was going to try to make me eat _regular_ food. I thought this wouldn't be probable but knew if anyone had hopes of doing so it would be her.

It almost scared me how dependent I got on her being there for me. I couldn't imagine going a day without hearing her voice, at least being in her arms once even at the worst of times. I had gotten so used to her that without her I believed I would perish quickly. She was as necessary as food or air, perhaps even more so. No, she was. I needed her more than my body needed sustenance or than it needed to replenish my oxygen levels.

What would the future hold for us now? We agreed to settle down and adopt children once we have mourned our child more. Neither of us were in an emotional state to take on parenthood any time soon but I wondered for the future.

I hoped for the family we could be.

I smiled at the thought of giving children that were in need of homes a loving place to be. Tsuki and myself grew up without the stability of a home with two parents.

I looked at her slowly and realized I had never told her of my life before I arrived at Wammy House. I met her before I turned eight and after that point she knew everything about me, but my early years were a complete mystery.

How had I gone so long without telling her the truth about myself? I hadn't lied about anything when I told her things about myself but it seemed to always avoid the topic. It wasn't a particularly happy topic but it wasn't as tragic as her past.

I never knew my father and my mother wasn't around very often. We lived in a small one bedroom apartment in the Oblasts of Russia in Ivanovo. She worked two jobs to support us and she home schooled me when she could; mostly she left me books to read after I learned how. Once I knew how to read I was always caught with a book, the subject didn't matter to me. She was always proud of me when I would talk about what I had learned each day when I saw her. When I was a small child, before I met Tsuki, I did eat "normal" meals, but that didn't last long. I've always had a high metabolism and I would constantly be hungry so my mother began buying more sweet oriented things and I wouldn't have to eat as much. I could always change my diet now...but I think part of the reason I enjoy sweets as my main food source is because it reminds me of my mother...or maybe it's just as simple as it's what I've known for long that I don't want to change my diet...

One day when I was almost seven she just didn't come home. I never knew what happened to her and no one ever told me, it was as if she disappeared off the face of the earth. I figured out she wasn't coming back after the second day and found a phonebook and called the police and asked what I should do. An officer came to the house later that day and I went to live in an orphanage. I was never adopted because I kept to myself and unnerved anyone that talked to me.

I didn't know my mother's name so I could never search for her and the name "Lawliet" never comes up whenever I indulge in my curiosity and search for my family history. I never speak of my past because I don't know much about it; I don't know much about my family or what nationalities I am. I know my name is "L" but I don't know if that was intentional or an accident. So many questions arise when I think of my past and no answers are ever found.

Sometimes I wish I had the answers, other times I like to make up what the answers are based off the knowledge I've acquired over the years. Sometimes I wonder if my mother is still alive; and then I wonder if she is still alive, why she never came home. Sometimes I wonder if she loved me or if I was just too difficult to love.

I never wonder if Tsuki loves me, I could never doubt her feelings for me. In every word she speaks when directed towards me or every action she takes I know she loves me deeply. I relish in the knowledge and greedily keep her love for myself. She loved Watari and Sargent Justice as well but sometimes I wished she didn't have them so she would be entirely mine. I felt guilty for these thoughts but had them just the same. When you have something that's as close to perfect as humanly possible, isn't it natural to want it all for yourself?

"Panda?" I heard a groggy voice ask; I broke from my thoughts and smiled at her warmly.

She gave me a sleepy smile and hugged me closer with one arm as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes with the other. I smiled wider watching her, her action too cute to tear my eyes away from. I felt the aching within me again to give into my lust and withheld a groan. This woman, without even trying, made me crazy with desire and wish it was possible to never stop having sex.

Her hair was a tangled and noted mess from all our activities throughout the night, she still had a heavy look of sleep about her, her lips were slightly bruised along with a good portion of her neck, shoulders, and torso from all the love bites I gave her. Her nipples were slightly swollen from all the attention they got along with slight bruising on the meat of her breasts from me giving them so much attention, her hips had slight bruises from my hands gripping her so hard and she smelled strongly of sex and sweat.

She was dazzling.

I moved so my face was closer to her and gave her a gentle kiss, she smiled and moved her hand from her face to the back of my head holding me close kissing me back. I moved slowly so I was leaning over her lightly pinning her down and she gave a soft moan of pleasure feeling my body against hers. I fought a groan and moved so my body lightly rubbed against hers, slightly shuddering at the sensation of feeling my body completely against hers. She moved so she was hugging me closer to her and our kiss's intensity picked up significantly. I slightly grinned feeling her desire flaring in the kiss, seems I wasn't the only one waking up with some physical activity in mind.

I balanced myself over her and she didn't like that I moved my body slightly from hers. Her legs wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to her and I groaned slightly in the kiss feeling my groin area rub against hers. She let out a soft moan and tried to pull me even closer. I smiled slightly and moved like I wanted her to loosen her hold on me, she did reluctantly and I gave her a sweet smile as I broke the kiss. She smiled back at me but gave a curious look as I stared down at her unmoving. I leaned down slowly and gave her gentle loving kisses all over her face; she closed her eyes and softly giggled as I continued my actions. I moved so I could balance on my knees and lightly ran my hands over her form lightly massaging her flesh.

She tilted her head back slightly in pleasure and her eyes slowly closed as I moved to her neck gently kissing it. She sighed happily and her arms found my chest and she lightly ran her hands across it as I continued to give her loving pleasure. I shivered slightly at her touch and continued trailing gentle kisses along her neck to her shoulder then I moved back to her neck and gave her other shoulder gentle attention. She sighed and slightly quivered as I showered her in love. My hands traced random patterns on her flesh as I kissed and licked her skin. I moved down to her chest giving her light kisses and nips before slowly dragging my tongue along the design of her body.

Tsuki let out soft moans and gripped one of my shoulders as she ran her fingers through my hair. Our intimacy last night was mostly lust and now we were both enjoying the sweetness of our physical relationship. While I enjoyed driving her crazy as I tortured her body, I also happily indulged in bringing her to the same heights of pleasure in a more affectionate way. She slightly arched into my touches letting out low happy moans; I could feel my member aching slightly with the growing desire to make love to her. Before I gave her breasts full attention I moved my mouth to one of her arms taking it gently in my hands. I looked at her when she broke out of her pleasured stopper and maintained eye contact with her while planting gentle kisses down from her shoulder to her fingertips kissing each one lovingly.

She gave me a warm, slightly emotional, smile as I gently kissed and licked up her arm, across her shoulder, up her neck, all over her face and finally stopped at her lips. She hugged me close kissing me back with deep love and passion; I returned the kiss and lovingly groped her skin feeling as if I would fall apart without touching her. We broke the kiss and I took her other arm and repeated the same slow, tender process down and back up her arm. When I reached her face I noticed a few tears falling and I gently kissed them away and gave her a questioning look, not understanding why she was crying while smiling.

"I'm just very happy my silly Pandy." She said softly as she gently cupped my face. I smiled as she pulled me down and I kissed her letting my action speak for me. In the kiss I tried to show her just how much I loved her and how happy she made me. I could feel my face growing slightly wet; though not from tears I was shedding. I smiled slightly knowing it was Tsuki, hopefully she understood just how much I loved her.

She moved her body indicating she wanted to roll us over as she moved her hands to my shoulders and I complied assisting her. She smiled leaning over me as we continued to kiss, letting out a soft happy sigh as she straddled my waist. She used her new senses of balance to take her hands from my shoulders and began to gently trail her hands over my upper body slowly as if it were the last time she would be able to. She ended the kiss this time and gave me a soft smile, love in her slightly watery eyes. I smiled back and let out a soft sigh of pleasure as she leaned down beginning to kiss my neck gently as her hands gave me adoring pleasure sliding along my skin. My skin seemed to be extra sensitive today as her touch gave me more pleasure than normal. Underneath her I let out soft moans of pleasure and contentment as I closed my eyes enjoying the sensation of her light caresses.

She smiled against my skin and kissed all over my neck, shoulders, and upper chest before taking my arm gently and brought my hand up to her face giving it slow kisses. I slightly shivered the entire time feeling her lips against my skin, something about the sensation made my body feel weak and helpless against her actions. She set my arm against the bed gently and then turned her attention to my other arm and repeated the process before she moved and adjusted her body so her hips were against mine. I groaned out feeling her wet warmth against my painfully erect member, she moaned and shuddered slightly grinding her hips against mine.

I moved to sit up and she grabbed my face kissing me holding me firm to her. I smiled and gripped her upper body gently and pushed her back on the bed. She sighed in the kiss and hugged me close; I slightly groaned feeling my body brush against hers once more. My member jerked slightly as it brushed her wet folds and she moaned out in my mouth. She broke the kiss and tried to shove me to move lower, I almost laughed out at this before giving her a light kiss and complying. I moved down her form slowly as I gave her light kisses and touches as I went. I stopped at her chest lightly groping her, earning a loud moan from her, before taking one of her sensitive nubs in my mouth gently teasing it with my tongue. She gasped loudly and gripped my head holding it to her breast arching her body to me. I felt myself slightly grin as I began sucking on her nipple slowly flicking it with my tongue. She moaned out and arched more off the bed, I pushed my hands gently against her trying to get her back on the bed. She complied lost in pleasure and I gently took her hands from my head holding them against the bed lacing my fingers with hers. She continued to moan out as I gently teased her breast, her hips slightly bucking to me in pleasured instinct. I groaned around her breast and she made a small cry of pleasure. I smirked at this and released the bud moving over to its twin giving it the same pleasure getting the same reaction out of her. I pulled myself from her chest and gave each nipple a slow lick as I pulled my hands from hers. I moved my hands to her breasts and lightly pinched her nipples getting a small loud cry of pleasure. I grinned at her reaction and moved myself lower slowly kissing and licking along her stomach.

I moved over to a hip and licked the outline of her bone slowly and as I did so I moved my hands slowly teasing her stomach and other hip. She slightly thrashed under my torture and made a slight whimpering sound wanting me to move on with her pleasurable torture. After biting down a few times on around her hip I withheld a grin at her cry of pleasure and leisurely dragged my tongue to her other hip and sluggishly teased it as I had the other while sliding my hands along her body slowly. I lightly bit down on her flesh earning loud moans from her as I slid my hands to her thighs lightly massaging them. She gasped in pleasure and spread her legs for me to have better access. She shifted her hips and slightly arched herself in a begging motion.

Deciding to take pity on her I gave her one final nip before moving lower. I dragged my tongue along the sensitive flesh around her warmth and slightly grinned at her gasping. I couldn't help but find it slightly amusing how reactive she was right now. I shuddered as I breathed in the scent of her arousal and my mouth watered as my member ached slightly. I leaned closer to her and stopped short of licking her tempting juices getting an idea. I slowly took a large breath and forcefully exhaled by her womanhood and was pleasantly surprised by her reaction. She gasped with her breath catching and her body slightly jerked, she shivered as she recovered from the shock of my action and made a begging sound. I repeated my action a couple more times pleased that I got the same reaction each time; I would have to remember this later.

Without warning I licked her slowly, earning a loud pleasured cry from her. I fought to keep from drooling as her taste filled my mouth. How could someone be so _yummy_? I placed my hands on her hips holding her in place, earning a whine of protest from her, before gluttonously licking away her delectable nectar. As I pleased her, her cries of ecstasy filled the air encouraging me on as well as make me harder and ache more for her. She released into my mouth with a loud cry of pleasure violently convulsing from her powerful orgasm. I moaned as her natural sweetness filled my mouth and increased my need for her. She panted loudly as she recovered from the sensation of her orgasm and looked down at me with a lazy smile. I slightly smiled as I licked her clean slightly groaning as I cleaned the rest of her fluids.

She shivered as I slid my tongue into her entrance and made a sound getting my attention. She made a motion with her hand for me to come back up to her and I faintly pouted wanting to taste more of her. She grinned slightly at me and made the motion again, defiantly I thrust my tongue within her a few more times, earning a moan accompanied by a slight shiver from her before I slowly kissed up her form. She kissed me once I was within reach, making a slight face as she tasted herself. I slightly moaned out at the taste of her mouth complementary against the taste of her warmth. She moved me showing she wanted to be on top again and after I made no sign of complying she pushed me away slightly. I slightly glared at her and she grinned in response. I moved to kiss her again and felt my eyes widen in surprise as she pushed me other with surprising strength and held me down firm as she forcefully kissed me.

I moaned slightly into the kiss and arched into her body's warmth. She shivered feeling my body brush hers and pulled herself from me before moving to attack my neck with her expert lips and tongue. I slightly arched into her movements and slightly fisted the sheets enjoying being submissive to her desires. She worked her way gradually down my torso and lightly teased my member with her hands as her mouth tortured my lower abdomen and hips. I slightly gasped in surprise and let out a small grunt feeling the pleasure from her touches. She gave me a look seeming to not be satisfied with my reaction. She then grinned evilly at me and maintained eye contact as she took me in her mouth. I stiffened and groaned out in pleasure tilting my head back slightly as my body involuntarily arched to meet her mouth. She sucked hard on my member as she teased what wouldn't fit in her mouth with her hands. I began to shake from the overwhelming pleasure she was giving me and I could feel my release fast approaching. She seemed to notice this and pulled herself away from my member earning a dissatisfied grunt from me. She lightly ran her fingers along my member and I could feel it jerking slightly against her touch. She reached the tip and gave it a slight pinch earning a slight pain filled groan from me. I felt my release get further from me; I made a displeased and frustrated sound.

She moved and straddled my hips again and leaned down over me grabbing my hands holding them at an angle I had no power behind my movements before claiming my mouth in a heated kiss. I made a slight face as I tasted the faint hints of my pre-cum and wondered if I really tasted like salty sugar or if that was how I interpreted my taste. She made a slight moaning sound as we kissed moving her hips slowly against mine. I let out a needy groan bucking my hips slightly into hers and she shivered feeling my member rubbing against her warmth once more. We broke the kiss as she held me firm slightly grinding her hips against mine; I met her with gentle thrusts as I was painfully hard.

She looked at me suddenly and I met her eyes, she nodded and adjusted herself, freeing my hands in the process, to quickly slide me within her. I moaned slightly bucking my hips into hers and she pushed down harshly on my hips as I filled her once more. I moved my hands to her hips and held them just firm enough to help her keep balance. She began slowly riding me with slight clumsy movements as she was obviously still sore from all of the attention her womanhood got throughout the night. She let out sighing moans as she rode me, a look of content bliss on her face. I groaned out slightly feeling her delicious wet walls around me as I aided her movements slightly bucking into her as well.

I watched her body's movements and felt unbelievable happiness coated slightly in lust at this beautiful creature's form before me. I could feel my release approaching and I closed my eyes tilting my head back from the pleasure. She gasped out as I hit one of her more sensitive areas and paused her movements for a moment before desperately trying to get my member to brush the spot again. I held her still for a moment and she adjusted before we feverishly continued our actions, her moaning out each time my member hit the sensitive spot. I looked at her once more and her body was moving on pure instinct, her mouth agape in pleasure, her eyes slightly rolled back in her head, panting moans coming from her that overflowed with desperation.

I groaned slightly taking in her obviously pleasured form and bucked harder, earning louder panting moans from her as she increased the speed of her movements against me. I pushed against her harder, her face contorted in anxious pleasure with her sounds getting more needy. I shuddered slightly as her walls began squeezing me tightly, I bucked into her harder picking up my pace holding her hips in an almost painful grip. She gripped my shoulders tightly and rocked her body harder, her eyes shut tightly in desperate desire as she rode me with increased speed, her movements clumsy and quick. I groaned as she cried out with her orgasm as her walls squeezed me painfully. I bucked to her desperately as she rode out the waves of her pleasure shivering slightly as I continued to stimulate the sensitive nerves. Not long after I felt my member explode with my essence and my body convulsed strongly with my orgasm.

She gasped out in satisfied pleasure and leaned down to rest her body against mine. I struggled to wrap my shaky arms around her holding her to me as I began my slow recovery from my pleasure. She cuddled to me heavily as she slowly caught her breath and lightly nuzzled my neck and shoulders as she lightly gripped my chest. I kissed her forehead as I rested my head against hers as I finally regulated my breathing.

We stayed like that for a short while contently holding each other close, my spent member still inside her soaked cavern. She looked at me and we shared a light sweet kiss before she moved to get up. Shakily she got off of me and stood slowly as she looked at me. I smiled softly at her and got off the bed slowly, my body slightly creaking as I straitened my joints for the first time that day. She slightly giggled as she watched me stretch, for some reason the act was fascinating and entertaining to her. I gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek as I pulled her in my arms holding her close. She let out a small content sigh as she snuggled into my embrace as I rested my head upon hers.

Nothing mattered beyond this moment in time.

Tsuki began to slightly giggle after a minute and I moved to look at her slightly confused. "We smell." She said innocently, her eyes sparkling with playfulness. Surprised by her words I laughed being joined by her as we stood there holding each other. She was correct; we did smell strongly of sweat and sex.

She made a motion for me to release her and with a slight pout I did. She lightly laughed and moved over to our bags and grabbed us both a fresh change of clothes. She headed to the bathroom and I followed behind her sluggishly. She turned on the water and grabbed my hand pulling me to get into the shower. I smiled softly at her and got in without complaint.

She let out a relaxed sigh as the warm water hit her bare body, slightly stretching as it did so. I watched her content with just being able to do so. She gave me a small cute smile and got the small bottle of shampoo that the hotel provided. I took it from her and put some in my hands and gave her a cute pouting look. She gave me a shy little smile before turning her back to me. I moved my hands to her hair and gently worked the shampoo into her hair lightly massaging her scalp. She let out a relaxed moan as I soothed her with gentle touches. After the shampoo was properly spread through her hair I grabbed the body wash and put it on the rag she had been using and slowly began washing her body. She let out soft pleased sounds as I affectionately washed her.

She rinsed off and traded places with me, I smiled with a slight shiver as I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of the warm water caressing my skin. She gently kissed my cheek and I looked at her to see her putting shampoo in her hand. I gave her a small shy smile but let her do what she wanted. I let out an involuntary sigh as she massaged my scalp working the shampoo into my hair. She proceeded to get the rag I had been using to wash and mocked my actions I had just taken against her. I fought to keep from shivering at her gentle touches.

After I rinsed off we stood under the warm water holding each other close enjoying the feel of each other's flesh with the warmth of the water. No words or actions were needed; simply holding each other said everything we could want to. Eventually we got out of the shower and dried each other off gently. We dressed and looked around the bedroom, but of us slightly laughing at the strong scent of the room hitting us.

"Don't we check out today?" She asked with a slight embarrassed tone.

I felt myself slightly smirk, "Yes we do." I said as I headed to the living room to see Sargent Justice attacking his favorite squeak toy. I moved over to the couch and looked at the rest of my cake. I actually hadn't been able to finish it yesterday.

I uncovered it quickly and began to devour it. Sargent Justice gave a small happy bark as he ran over to Tsuki when she emerged from the room with our bags packed. She slightly laughed when she saw me and set our bags by the door before scooping up Sargent Justice and going into the kitchen quickly. I heard her rustle around and looked at her as she came out with a large bowl of cereal packed with various fruit for herself and an opened can of dog food. She set the bowl down next to me and took Sargent Justice over to his bowl and poured the food into his dish before joining me on the couch. She took her bowl of cereal and began to devour it matching my speed.

She gave me a cute smile before turning her full devotion to her food. I slightly grinned and turned my attention back to the remains of my cake. Soon after my cake was gone and I brought the cart it had been on back into the kitchen. I looked at the dishes on the cart and debated for a second before deciding to wash them.

I _hated_ washing dishes.

I heard a light giggle from behind me as Tsuki came into the kitchen with her now empty bowl. She gave me a light kiss on the cheek before motioning to take over. I made no objections as I rinsed off my hands and stepped aside. I dried off my hands and watched her clean the remaining dishes much faster than I had been doing. I gave her a small smile then a questioning look when she finished. She nodded and went into the living room with me following her. I watched as she packed up Sargent Justice in his discreet carrier that looked like a large rolling suitcase.

She had effectively taught him not to bark when he was in the case and smiled proudly at him as he complied getting into it with no fuss. I turned my attention to the files and computers sitting on the coffee table staring at them for a moment before moving over to them and packing them up quickly. I moved over to the door and slipped on my shoes as I went out of the room to go get a cart so we could easily move our things. I returned with it uneventfully and when I arrived Tsuki was getting of the phone with a local taxi company.

She beamed happily at me and helped me move the bags onto the cart before we checked the room one last time to make sure we had everything. When we were sure we had everything we went to the elevator and proceeded to check out quickly. Once we were checked out we headed out front and were greeted with our taxi. We loaded our things and told the driver the location of our next hotel. He gave us a questioning look but proceeded without a word. We arrived after an hour cab drive and checked into the hotel quickly.

Once we moved our things into the room Tsuki packed up Sargent Justice in his smaller travel bag and we moved our clothes from our suitcases into a large duffle bag. We left the hotel and headed to a local Laundromat. We got our clothes in the wash and sat together in the least crowded area and contently watched the people around us silently as we both subtly petted Sargent Justice. When our clothes finished washing and drying we packed them up and went to a nearby pet store to get Sargent Justice more food.

Uneventfully we returned to the hotel and put our clothes up in the dresser provided setting our bags aside and getting the computers and files set up once more. After that we played with Sargent Justice until he was so tired he passed out on the way to his bed. We both slightly laughed at him and agreed to go somewhere to eat.

We went to a local restaurant and she got a large healthy meal while I got every desert on the menu, saving the one Tsuki wanted the most to split with her. Then we left and she dragged me to an arcade we had seen on the way to eat. I couldn't help but smile as we went in and she got us $50 in quarters once more. I always reminded her we never went through that much money but she chose not to care and did so anyway. She dragged me over to a game called "Dance Dance Revolution" earning an eye roll from me.

She slightly laughed and gave me an amused look, "What's wrong Panda?" She asked with a light teasing tone.

"This isn't dancing or fun." I said dully.

"Yes it is." She said, a cute grin appearing on her face.

"No it's not. It's made to seem as if it is dancing when in actuality it's stripping the art form turning it into a mindless game." I said trying to sound even more uninterested.

She rolled her eyes at me and hopped up on the game paying the dollar it required and happily chose the song called "Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson on expert level. I watched her curiously and couldn't help but smile as she began to move to the music gracefully adding her own flare to the moves as she sang beautifully along with the song. I glanced around as people started to surround us watching and listening to Tsuki. I felt my chest swell with pride and happiness as I watched her shine brightly lost in her own world at the moment.

She wasn't aware any of these people were here, let alone watching her. She probably wasn't even aware I was watching her. Tsuki was lost in the power of the song and the joy she felt at the task she provided herself with. I didn't believe this game _was_ dancing, but what she turned the movements into was, her singing only added to her divine beauty.

This beautiful creature was _mine_.

She finished the song with a triumphant grin as she got the new high score and turned to face me, her grin quickly melted into a look of embarrassed curiosity as the people around us clapped and complimented her. She flushed with embarrassment and gave a shy unsure smile at the attention. She wasn't shy about this sort of thing when she wanted to get attention, but when she had no intention of grabbing it she was exceedingly shy and uncomfortable. I gave her a small warm smile and she grinned cutely at me, her embarrassment quickly fading. The people around us talked to her for a few minutes, she got a couple of challenges, one date request and politely got away from it all before embracing me tightly. I hugged her back and kissed her forehead gently; she gave me a shy smile and tilted her head slightly at me.

"You were magnificent." I said answering her unspoken question, she flushed cutely and a slight giggle escaped her.

She dragged me around to a few different games; most of them were shooting games which she excelled at. I wasn't the best shot but I gave her a slight challenge. She enjoyed when I lost, due solely to the fact I would pout when I did, she apparently liked when I pouted.

I watched her contently as she buzzed from game to game childishly. Her simplistic happiness illuminated the dull establishment as if it was the grand opening once more and I felt joy swell within me. My Tsuki was here, only a slight lingering sadness about her whenever she gazed at a child too long or the child had certain features.

I smiled genuinely as I took in her delight. I couldn't ask for more than seeing her so happy. I was privileged enough to be beside her during all of life's experiences but to _witness_ this breathtaking sight before me.

I couldn't be happier or ask for more.

* * *

Yah, I wasn't sure I was going to get a chapter out today...I pulled an L the last 24 hours and have had nothing but sugar :D my birthday was FUN! I have been suffering from a sugar hangover (NO alcohol was consumed just lots of SUGAR!) and damn this chapter was hard to get started on! XD


	24. You Can't Run From The Past Part A

Hey everyone! Sorry I've been MIA for a week. I took a break from the story and read over the _entire_ thing making fresh notes and such. I have a long list of things I wanna keep track of while writing this fic and I was happy to go back over it.

I received my first negative review, to which I was entirely baffled by and it left me reeling for days. It seems they either haven't read my fic at all, or if they did they didn't pay attention...To which I would like to say, if you don't like my fic: don't read it. If you are going to review, please don't just flame me. I have put countless hours into this fic and am a very meticulous writer, I assure you, _**I will not make L OOC**_, the thought appalls me. Constructive criticism is appreciated as always!

I also have a question, does anyone believe Tsuki is a poorly developed character? I was told so and would like your opinions about how well Tuski is developed. Any input is appreciated, it will help me further improve this fic. Thank you to all that respond!

I got a lovely reviews from IfYouLovedMe and Sarafinja to which I want to thank you both. It meant a lot to hear both of your opinions.

Without further ado: this chapter is written in **L's POV**! Italics are a memory!

Warnings: **cuteness overload!**

* * *

"Panda-Bear!" I heard the cheerful voice of my Moon call to me. I smiled slightly and turned to face her just in time to be tightly embraced by her. I leaned against her and closed my eyes slowly enjoying the warmth of her form. Somewhere from behind me I heard Watari chuckle softly.

"What is it Moonbeam?" I asked quietly wrapped within her blazing warmth.

She lightly giggled, "Let's go do something today."

I looked at her slowly, this case we were working on was time consuming than normal and we hadn't been able to spend too much time together since we started it early this month. I gave her a small smile as I slightly nodded, her eyes lit up and she let me go slightly cheering. I felt myself smile more as I slowly stood and stretched withholding a wince as my joints popped. How long had I been sitting there this time?

She gave me a cute grin and then shoved me towards our room, "Go shower!" She called to me.

I let out a small drawn out sigh as I shuffled to the room, she laughed at this and I smiled more. Watari chuckled softly in the background as Tsuki began playing with Sargent Justice. I closed the bedroom door and walked over to get fresh clothes. It had been a couple of days since I had moved much; perhaps I _did_ need a shower...

I stripped myself and got in the shower slightly smiling as the warmth from the shower. I almost pouted thinking about how much warmer Tsuki felt. How someone could feel like _fire_...I wasn't sure.

I grabbed the rag I was using and began washing my body only to stop seeing the mark on my chest. I slightly smiled as I gazed down at it. A constant reminder of my endless love for her...and them...

_"L..." Tsuki's quiet voice roused me from my thoughts, I looked at her silently. A dejected look on her face, it made sense...the day today. It was July 20, 2003...the day we calculated our child would have been born..._

_"What is it?" I asked gently, she had been very quiet today and had cried most of the morning. It pained me to see her in such a state again...it was as if she had just woken up in the hospital again after..._

_"I think...no...I know I do...I want to get a tattoo..." she smiled slightly, "in memory of Michel or Lucy..." she quietly finished._

_I thought it over and I smiled slightly at her, a constant deceleration of her love for our would-be children; something to honor them and turn this day into a not so painful experience. Each year she would be able to look on the artwork and know that she was allowing herself to mourn them, but not forget them. After all, she had something to remember Martha by...our child on the other hand...only the scar she bore..._

_"I would like to get one too..." I voiced quietly. She looked at me slightly shocked but then smiled happily, a few tears falling from her gemstones. She embraced me tightly and we went to work on the computer finding a design we could both be happy with. _

_After some time we decided we would both get something to signify the other along with a ribbon around the design. For Tsuki, she would get a small "animated" panda in what is known as "black and grey" style with a pink and blue ribbon wrapped around it. The panda would symbolize myself and the ribbon would be pink and blue, to represent our lost child. On the ribbon would be the names "Lucy" and "Michel" with today's date written in the font style "Old English MT", the same style font of the "L" I use to represent myself on the computer. I would get a small full moon also in "black and grey" but it would be "photorealistic" with a ribbon identical to hers wrapped around the moon. It took no time at all to decide where we would get the tattoos: over our hearts. _

_Satisfied with our choices we headed out of the room after making sure Sargent Justice was content for the unknown amount of time we would be gone. Silently we found the local tattoo parlor that we had looked into and went inside. Tsuki explained what we wanted and made clear how important it was to us, the artists that were clientless at the moment were close to tears hearing her speak and taking in her disheartened appearance and instantly agreed to help us. We were set up in the same room and while they worked on us Tsuki spoke very little, mostly she was in tears as she let out the heartache of what happened. I was silent beside her but I knew my eyes were glassy with tears waiting to fall. We both had a high tolerance for pain and neither of us made any signs of discomfort as the artists worked to bring our hopes to life._

_It took just over four hours for Tsuki's tattoo while mine took over seven. She had the happiest expression I had seen on her face since the traumatic experience and I felt the dam finally break holding in my tears. She gently wiped them from my eyes and sat there with me as my mark was finished. _

_Once my artist finished we both stepped to the mirror in the room to look at it for the first time. Tsuki removed the protective covering to gaze at hers and her eyes filled with a fresh wave of tears. A smile enlightened her torn expression and she beamed happily at her artist and gave them a quick one-armed hug. He smiled hugging her back, a few tears falling knowing how much this mean to her. I took in the sight of mine simultaneously and felt my eyes watering once more. _

_It was _beautiful_, just as beautiful as the woman it represented beside me. The ribbon tugged at my heart just as much as the moon's beauty, perhaps even more so. It was simple...but it was perfect. Every line was careful and precise; I could detect no poor lines or weak shading. The color was flawless; it would fade enough when it healed to truly bring out its beauty. The lettering was sharp and clear, it was perfect; I could find no other words to describe it. _

_I turned to my artist and she gave me a hopeful look, for the first time, I gave someone other than Tsuki a full smile. Her eyes lined with tears and she gently embraced me. I felt strange as someone else held me close; Tsuki had been the only person I'd ever really had any physical contact with, aside from my mother and Watari a few times. I decided to indulge for the moment as I slowly hugged her back, my eyes threatening to spill over with the salty liquid._

_I was so _happy_._

_Tsuki got her tattoo covered once more as mine was covered. We got some special lotion from the artists so we could keep them from fading or pealing. They told us if we ever needed touch ups they would happily assist us at any point in time as long as they were in business. We learned of the after care, even though we had already known it before our arrival, and paid them handsomely. They were astounded by our "generosity" and said they couldn't accept such a large tip. Tsuki insisted and seeing the smile on her face, they complied without further argue._

_We left the shop and returned to the hotel both with a sense of contentment we hadn't had before the tattoos._

_That was the first time since Tsuki's traumatic experience that we both felt relieved of the heartache. _

I smiled feeling a few tears fall from my eyes as I woke out of the memory. I reached the tattoo and slowly traced the ribbon. "Lucy...Michel...I love you..." I whispered with a small smile with a few more tears falling.

I finished my shower and got dressed quickly. As I brought out my dirty clothes to put in my bag I caught a glimpse of the calendar sitting on the dresser. I walked over to it curious of the date and felt my eyes widen slightly more than normal, a small gasp escaping me as I took in today's date.

November 28, 2003.

It was one year ago...

Tsuki...

I quickly put away the clothes and left the room doing my best to remain my usual composed self. That's why she wanted to go out today...to not live in fear of the date. To defiantly show BB that she wasn't going to give up so easily.

I looked to see Watari heading to the door with his luggage. That's right...he was leaving to go home to England today...we wouldn't see him for a month, possibly two.

Tsuki embraced him tightly; he returned it with an obvious softness about him. He treasured Tsuki as if she was his own child, which I'm sure he had done with me. He had met us so young...I was 94% certain in my assumption he cared for us both more than he would ever feel comfortable expressing. He turned his gaze to me and gave me a soft, almost paternal smile, I managed to give him a small one and his eyes held a warmth he rarely showed. I wondered if mine reflected how much I valued him?

Tsuki wished him safe travels and a joyous time with his family. He thanked her and wished us endless safety and luck with our present case. He left after giving Sargent Justice one more farewell.

Tsuki turned to me and gave me a small smile, her eyes held defiant happiness, but obvious sadness and fear. This day struck her more than she wanted to let on, I hoped she couldn't see the pain and fear I felt with the realization of the day. I was skilled at withholding all emotion; I seemed to do this naturally. However, with Tsuki...I was an open book with a high powered magnifying glass over it. How could one person see so deeply into me?

I silently cursed myself as I looked at her...I knew the day was approaching but I hadn't paid close attention. She walked over to me and embraced me, the warmth from her body slightly cooler than normal. She was close to crying.

I hugged her close kissing her cheek and neck whispering comforting words and told her how much I loved her. I promised her everything would be alright and that I would keep her safe. She surprised me voicing she was afraid of the day, something she was struggling so much to keep within...I could hear the heartache in her tone.

"Nothing will happen to you Tsuki." I quietly voiced to her, I could hear the danger of my promise ringing true in it.

She said nothing but held me tighter, I gave her a sweet gentle kisses along her face and gave her a soft look when she moved to look at me. She gave me a small smile and wiped her face of the few tears that had fallen. I kissed her holding her closer and I smiled slightly feeling her calming down.

She lightly giggled and smiled at me, her love for life shining so brightly...BB was a fool to think he could have stolen that from her.

This was Tsuki...the strongest person I had the honor of knowing.

We made sure Sargent Justice was content with food, water and a place to relieve himself and headed out to enjoy the day together. As we headed out of the hotel we decided we would take a long walk headed into the heart of the city we were staying in...

I had to think for a moment before I realized everything we coming in contact with was in Mandarin. I had completely forgotten we had come to China...had I really been _that_ focused on this case?

Tsuki and I walked in a comfortable silence as we continued along the walkway weaving in-between the masses of people on our unspecified destination. I couldn't help but smile as Tsuki's eyes lit up as she took in the sight of a traveling circus. She could be absolutely childish at times, yet, I knew I far surpassed her in this category. Her childishness percentage was roughly around 68 while mine was around 82.

"Jun! Can we go there?" She asked hugging my arm with the most adorable expression.

"That sounds like fun, Xiu." I said quietly. She let out a happy cheering sound and let go of my arm quickly gripping my hand. She then proceeded to drag me towards the circus giggling as she went.

I felt my eyes slightly widen, more than normal, as she dragged me but I couldn't help but smile slightly at the sound of her laughter as I stumbled to keep up.

While we were in China we were under the aliases of "Jun Wu" and "Xiu Wu". How long had we been portraying ourselves as a married couple? I struggled to recall when it began. At first, we were doing it out of protection so we could avoid any hassle while we were out with others. Though now we were doing it out of habit.

The thought had been endlessly circling my mind. Of course I wanted to marry Tsuki. I loved her and had been in love with her since I was 12, I didn't realize the strength of my feelings until I was 13, but I had been in love with her for some time. I had been in love with this woman over 10 years; 10 beautiful, painful, exciting, and confusing years. I had had feelings for her within a year of meeting her. She is my best friend, the first friend I had ever made.

She is my everything.

I often thought of proposing to her, but I couldn't think of how to do so. How do you ask such a question to someone that makes you grateful for each day? How do you ask someone that has been at your side for countless experiences, and so much time such a thing? How do you ask someone that you could easily skip the formality of it and continue on as you were? Tsuki and I always claimed we were married as it was. How do you ask someone to marry you...when you essentially _have_ married them, just not in an official ceremony?

Other questions on the matter trailed those as well...When should I ask her? Should I ask her before we retire? After? Should I tell her I want to retire and ask her to marry me as I do so? What setting should we be in? Should I do it on a specific date? Should I mention it casually? How would she react if I officially proposed? Would she even care to get married officially? Is there even a point? In spite of everything, we didn't officially exist anymore...our records had been destroyed from Wammy House and any database that does hold some inkling of our identities, there is no photograph to go with the identities. How do you officially marry someone when you no longer existed on paper? I supposed it didn't matter but the thought still crossed my mind.

"Hellooooo? Jun sweetheart?" I heard Tsuki's voice faintly around me. I blinked a couple of times to realize I had been so wrapped up within my thoughts that I hadn't noticed we were outside the circus.

I gave her a small smile, "I'm sorry Xiu, I was too distracted by your radiance I failed to notice anything else around me." I said truthfully. Her eyes slightly widened and her face reddened slightly, her expression became shy and slightly embarrassed. A light giggle escaped her as she glanced off for a few moments then looked at me once more, an adorable pout on her still slightly red face.

"Jun!" She whined shyly, I could only grin at her. One of the things I enjoyed most with her was finding new ways to cause her to blush. She often did the same, somehow always succeeding when I least wanted her to.

"Let's go inside." I said before she had time to plot her revenge.

I pulled out the Visa we were using and paid for all day admittance before leading her inside. She let out a small gasp as we walked through the front gates of the circus. Different buildings were everywhere and there were endless signs to various attractions and shows. She looked around and a small, excited childlike giggle escaped her.

"Oh Jun...I don't know what to do first!" She said excitedly.

I couldn't help but smile watching her. She was so free today, I knew she was doing everything she could to ignore today's significance and be happy. She was happy and enjoying herself, she was doing what she could to help this day not be coated in misery. I wasn't sure what to do to help, other than be by her side, but I was going to assist in any ways I could deduce while we were here.

I looked around slowly letting my eyes take in every detail. She loved animals. Perhaps one of the shows would be an appropriate first course of action. I smiled a little more seeing someone performing with a tiger; I lightly tapped her arm and pointed to it.

Her eyes lit up and she had the most adorable, excited look on her face. She lightly dragged me to the attraction and I contently complied. It was only when she was _truly_ excited she would drag me around. It wasn't often it happened, and I would never admit this to her but I enjoyed it.

We contently watched the show and surprisingly the person that was performing with the tiger was letting people pet it. Tsuki went up without fear and was even able to hug the tiger. I stared in slight disbelief, my smile instantly fading only to be replaced by what I knew was a deeply perplexed expression; she was laughing talking to the tiger like she did with Sargent Justice all the while she was petting it and hugging it. A _tiger_.

She motioned for me to join and I hesitated for a few moments. It was a _tiger_. She may be _that_ delusional but I wasn't quite sure I was. I knew she was perfectly safe seeing as how the tiger had only a 4% chance of attacking anyone unprovoked. I walked up to the tiger and hesitantly reached out to it. It looked at me wrapped in Tsuki's arms and lightly nuzzled her before it slowly moved its head to my hand. It sniffed me for a few tense minutes before it lightly licked my hand then promptly began to nuzzle it. I couldn't help but slightly smile as I pet the beast, though at this point it seemed the fearsome tiger was no more than a house cat.

Tsuki had a way with animals, just like she had a way with people. She came off as awkward and shy, but she knew how to reach people on a deeper level, mostly without speaking. Somehow, I was the world's greatest detective and no one knew about Tsuki. Of course, this was her own choosing, but I knew if she truly wanted to, she could surpass me with ease. She's always rivaled me in logic and could give things much deeper thought than I seemed to. I could only look at things as they were and analyze them accordingly; Tsuki seemed to see the overly simplistic of things. I believed this was her key to keeping me astounded by everything she did. Sometimes, she could be exceedingly deep, other times she seemed to be overly simplistic.

I often told her to try her hand acting as "L" instead of me, but she refused out of a few of her own principals I wasn't aware of. I knew one of the reasons she refused was so no one would notice a difference, or at least she was afraid to risk such a thing. The other reasons I wasn't entirely sure. Perhaps she enjoyed being unknown, more so than myself. Was she afraid of her identity leaking out?

I knew she was afraid of the Italian mafia ever learning of her new identity. Though she had never been directly involved with any of her father's family and what exactly they do, she was afraid they would learn of her. The position she was in held some of the most power in the world, only through me of course. She had no authority herself and I believed that made her feel more at ease.

I often wondered how she would adjust to a life away from all of this. She would want to say in the same place for years, possibly the rest of her life. How would she feel about a quiet life after we retire? We would adopt children...and settle down somewhere. With how much we've made while working, both in my personal account and one we made for her...we wouldn't have to work.

I felt myself smile at the thought of spending countless hours with her and the children we would adopt. I wondered where we would adopt them from and how old they would be when we got them. I wondered what their personalities would be like. Mostly, I wondered how it would feel to step into the role of parent.

How can you be something you never really had?

I knew I would have to try my best when the time came, that Tsuki and I would discover the answer together.

Eventually the person in charge of the tiger took it away from the crowd, causing Tsuki to pout slightly. I let a small laugh escape me and I motioned to a large roller coaster, slightly pouting at her. She slightly grinned at me and we went over to it. I smiled a little more as we stood in line waiting. I couldn't quite understand why I was so drawn to these death traps but something about them was exhilarating. There was a very low chance with each ride that someone could be thrown from it or hurt in some way, less than 1%.

The ride dipped and wove around a good portion of the surrounding attractions followed with several portions where it twisted and the passengers even went upside down a few times. It looked...cool? I think that's what Tsuki would say...hm...perhaps I'm using that word in the wrong context...

We ended up going on the ride several times, each time she screamed and laughed and I just silently sat beside her enjoying the ride and the rush it gave me. We stopped our fun to get lunch; she actually indulged and got nothing but sweets. I felt somewhat amused by this; there was a 48% chance she would get sick from such a high consumption of sweets when she was _this_ hungry. It fascinated me how she couldn't seem to stomach much sweets at one point in time. How is it so hard for the stomach to adjust to something very appropriate for extended brain function?

Tsuki pulled me from my pondering and motioned to a "Fun House". There was about 20 minutes until the main event started and she wanted to run through it quickly for a "warm up laugh" she said. I smiled slightly and was curious of what exactly was so entertaining about looking at mirrors that only had the purpose of distorting your appearance.

I happily was pulled along to it nonetheless, she wanted to and it was making her smile. It didn't take much for me to agree to her...she learned this long ago and used it to her advantage only 32% of the time...

Once inside we realized that we had to take separate routes, this disheartened her slightly. She smiled at me and said she'd meet me in the middle where she assumed everyone was able to meet up for a good laugh at how others looked. I gave her a small smile and shuffled slowly along the path I had to take.

It was the typical sort of experience I expected. Some of the mirrors made me look ridiculously tall; others made me look impossibly stout. A few of the mirrors made me look something less than human and some...I had no true explanation for them...

Though some part of me acknowledged that I was having fun with the experiences and I almost felt a pout forming wishing I could hear Tsuki's comments. However, I knew I could faintly hear her laughter echoing in the attraction and this made me smile a little.

When had I gotten to the point I smiled so much? I hadn't even realized it...though I only could truly smile at Tsuki...I could politely smile when I had to and I was able to smile slightly at Watari, Sargent Justice got a few small smiles from me. I would smile whenever we solved a case or when we got a solid lead, but other than that...I wasn't too expressive; at least I believed so-

A loud fearful scream caught my attention along with loud slamming noises. I felt my eyes widen more. That was Tsuki screaming.

"TSUKI!" I called out to only receive silence.

Suddenly, it went completely dark.


	25. You Can't Run From The Past Part B

**Tsuki's POV! **Please keep in mind I did not read the _Los Angeles: BB Murder Case _story so I'm working with only what I know from the BB Wikia.

Warnings: **strong reference to chapter 3!**

* * *

"Oh just go have fun Panda!" I giggled softly shoving L towards the path he was supposed to go down. "It'll be fun! I'll meet you in the middle." I winked at him before going down the pathway I had to. I couldn't help but smile knowing that L was going to have more fun with the experience than he would admit to, but sadly not much. I was hoping we would be going down the path of mirrors together but that wasn't the case. If we had been beside each other through this experience he would actually enjoy it as you're meant to.

It struck me as odd though, that we had to go down separate paths...something about this seemed off...

I decided I was just being paranoid because of the day's date and continued my journey to the center of the attraction. I laughed at myself seeing my image distorted countless times; my favorite was when I was so out of proportion I didn't look human! The mind can alter the human form countless ways, but unless you see something like this I don't believe one could fully picture it. I couldn't help but picture what L would look like next to me seeing his distorted images and the thought made me tingle with amusement. His expression would be priceless!

I got to the center much too soon for my taste and looked at the mirrors curiously. They were all regular mirrors that showed my reflection from different angles. Seems we have to figure out which one is the door. I glanced around the mirrored area and couldn't help but feel slightly on edge, with nothing but my reflection and silence around me now that I was no longer caught up in my laughter. I found it odder still that they were only allowing a few people at a time into the "Fun House" but it made sense since there weren't many people going into the attraction, and it _was_ close to show time.

I was just being paranoid. I had to keep telling myself that.

I walked up to one of the mirrors and looked at myself slowly. I haven't changed at all in appearance since I was 18; the only two things that changed physically were my scar and tattoo.

I saw myself smile, it was a sad little smile, and my eyes were glassy. I couldn't help but smile more at myself, my eyes grew more glassy. I didn't want to cry. I really didn't. I looked to my chest and hidden underneath my clothes were the two reminders of this date. The beautiful tattoo...and the hideous scar I would never be rid of.

No matter how many creams or treatments I used, it was still there and stood out instantly. The horrid reminder of what happened just one year ago.

I lost my child one year ago...and my dream of ever baring a family of my own.

I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help it, I hadn't cried yet today, and it was already mid-afternoon. I made it through so much of the day already without this day fully hitting me. I didn't want to cry, mostly because of L. I knew it broke his heart each time I cried about this, I knew he still cried here and there; mostly he hid from me when he did. The sight of him in tears moved me to crying instantly. Who wouldn't cry seeing _L_ cry?

I moved back my open flannel shirt and moved aside my tank-top underneath just enough to see the tattoo and I felt a few tears fall. I always cried when I looked at it too long, it was just so beautiful...

"I love you Michel...Lucy..." I whispered as I looked at it, a few more tears falling.

"Those are beautiful names." I heard a voice behind me say, I let out a small startled sound and my eyes instantly went to my reflection. My eyes widened as I saw who was behind me.

L...

No...it was...

I let out a loud scream and turned around to face him, I believed I heard some loud thumping or slamming noises, but I wasn't sure. I faintly heard L call my name before the lights went out. I froze where I stood and backed up instantly, slightly jumping as my back hit the mirror I was just looking into. I was shaking uncontrollably and my breathing was erratic and I felt my chest tightening as I felt my body slightly becoming off balance even though I was standing completely still, aside from the shaking. Now was not the time for a fucking panic attack!

I forced my hands to my face and breathed slowly into them, I could feel my body fighting between panicking and calming down. If I knew where he was I would calm down easier but it was pitch black. I could hear him breathing signifying he was somewhere in front of me but how far I wasn't sure. Why was he just standing there?!

I faintly heard him shuffling around and a few things rustled as he moved about. I smelled something burning and tensed further as I struggled to regulate my breathing. After what felt like slow ticking hours, I got my breathing to calm down enough so I wouldn't become entirely helpless and I tensed ready for anything. I would **_not_** let him get the best of me twice.

I flinched slightly as a light came on in the center of the room, it only illuminated in front of him and some of the light touched me as it cut through the darkness. The room was only 30-40% lit now, but it was enough to see him.

He looked exactly the same as the last time I saw him, nothing had changed...then again...it had only been one year...

"It's lovely to see you again Takara." He said pleasantly, a warm smile on his face, his eyes gentle.

I glared at him as my body slightly shook in anger, "Don't pretend you care about me you sick mother-"

"Takara! There is no need for such language!" He said with a scolding tone that held warmth.

"Don't chastise me! Stop calling me Takara! Why are you even-"

"Someone such as yourself shouldn't use that sort of language, so a scolding is in order. As for calling you Takara, why shouldn't I call you by your name?" He asked, an amused warmth in his tone, his eyes dark and soulless as ever.

I felt myself stiffen, "That's not my name." I said harshly. This wasn't good...how the hell did he know my name?!

"Yes it is." He said as he took a step closer. "I know your real name...I have since I met you...it's such a beautiful name...just like your mothers." He said with amusement.

My eyes widened at his words, only L should know my origins now. My records at Wammy House were destroyed and the only ones that knew my name should be Rodger, Watari and L. Rodger might not even remember it and Watari has never uttered my name since he picked me up from the orphanage. _How_ did he know my name?! What else does he know if he knows about my mother...no please no...please don't utter my name...please don't mention my father or what he did...please I've been safe for so long...

"How could you know my name?" I forced myself to voice.

"I have a...talent..." he said, amused by some joke only he seemed to know, "I can...guess what any person's name is." He said, a slight spine-chilling laugh escaping him. I imagined, if they were real, his laugh would sound like a Shinigami's. It made me shiver and my skin break out in goose-bumps.

"If that's true...you know why my name is dangerous to know..." I said quietly, maybe if I was lucky...he would take pity on me and not say my name.

"Oh of course I know...you should know your grandparents tried to find you after they found out your mother died." He said casually, I noticed he was holding something behind his back, what it was I wasn't sure but I could tell it wasn't heavy.

I tensed slightly, I had never met my mother's family, only my father's and even then I could hardly remember them. I was only five when my father had his "accident" and I left Italy when I was only seven. At best they were blurs and distorted voices; I wouldn't recognize them even if they were in front of me and told me who they were.

"How do you know so much?" I asked quietly. I knew nothing about my family and as far as I knew my mother was never identified. After all, she was killed in 1984...forensic analysis wasn't exactly reliable then...

"Oh little Takara...oh...I'm sorry I suppose you would want me to call you something else...what would you prefer?" He asked, his eyes held kindness and his tone was gentle.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "My name is Xiu Wu." I said with an icy tone.

He chuckled and it made me shiver. "Yes, of course it is." He said his tone deeply amused as if it continued onto the joke. What was so funny? "Now, to answer your question...I did some extensive searching. I said I knew your name because of a talent I have, this led me to search your family name. From there I cross-referenced any women baring your family name that left your mother's country of origin. I found out there had been one and she went to Italy...from there...well it wasn't so hard." He said easily.

I knew my name was still out there somewhere, some official birth certificate that had no photograph or death certificate. I knew somewhere out there I had fingerprints floating around with a name attached to them, but the likely hood they were ever added to a database is highly unlikely. Anyone that knew who I was at the orphanages I went to wouldn't remember me and I had changed significantly since I had arrived at Wammy House. All my previous records were destroyed either from them not having room, being paid off, or doing it under threat. My identity was safe...until now...

"Why would you look into it?" I asked with an even and curious tone. It was fruitless but I glanced around us hoping to find some sight of L coming. I could handle this on my own since I wasn't bound this time, but L helping me restrain him would greatly influence my chances of leaving this unscathed...

"I thought you would want to know..." He said warmly, "Wouldn't you want to know about your family?" he pressed kindly. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed as he looked at me. "Don't waste your time looking for L...he won't be coming to join us." He said cryptically.

I felt my body tense hearing him mention L, "What did you do to him?" I asked with obvious edge to my voice, I didn't care at that moment about it. Was L safe?

His face instantly revealed boredom, his tone matched, "He's fine...I haven't done anything to him..." I could hear the unsaid "yet".

"Why did you come after me last year?" I asked tensely, I felt the urge to yell the question but I superseded it, as difficult as it was.

"Because it was a challenge to L." He said his tone suddenly dark and unstable.

"Why though?" I pressed, I knew I was risking putting myself in more danger as I did so but I had to get _some_ answers.

He instantly appeared amused, "Come now...Xiu...you honestly can't see why?" he questioned, when I said nothing he continued, "He's supposedly the best detective in the world! If he was so great he would have saved you before I-"

"You ambushed me like a coward!" I yelled enraged. "If you really wanted to challenge him you would have stepped to him like a man and-"

His face showed his level of instability now, "But if I did that he wouldn't have been tested!" he cried out, his tone unstable and joyful, "I had to put L in a position that would test him in all aspects...what better way...than through you?" He asked, his head slowly tilting, a wide grin slowly forming.

I glared freely at him, "But why take away my chance at a family!?" I yelled, no longer caring what this could lead me to. I _had_ to know this...no matter the cost...

"I wanted L to feel the pain that I felt that day when you left with him." he said, his tone and expression once darkened once more. "And you...I wanted you to always remember me..." His tone was dark, but his face had a soft sadness to it.

I slightly jerked back, taken aback by his words...he wasn't saying what I thought he was, was he? "What exactly do you mean BB?" I asked losing my fire instantly, he couldn't be...

"Must I spell it out?" he asked with a sigh, "Fine...if I must..." He continued when I refused to react, "I love you Takara...I have since the first time we competed against each other at Wammy's House...when you bested me at the first test we took together..." Beyond said his tone fond with nostalgia and care.

I stared at him dumbfounded. Birthday Beyond...loved me?...no...it...it wasn't possible.

I was at a loss for words and floundered slightly, "How...wh...why didn't...why...what...I...I don't understand." I finally admitted still processing this. There's no way he could honestly love me...it had to be a trap.

"I guess I never made it clear enough hm?" He mused aloud. He glanced off slightly, a small smile on his face. "How could I not love an incredible woman such as yourself?" He turned back to me.

I couldn't respond. I found it improbable that L loved me already; I mean...he's _L_! He's a genius and the world's best detective...how could he love _me_? And now to top it off..._BB_ loved me too? This was just some weird ass shit...

"If you loved me...why...would you do something so horrible to me?" I finally voiced as I subconsciously hugged myself, my hands resting on my stomach where my scar was.

"It's as I said...I wanted to make sure you would remember me..." He said, his voice bored but gentle.

"By taking away the one thing I always wanted?" I heard myself whisper. I had thought it but I never intended to say it, apparently my desire to know won over my brain's ability to keep me quiet.

"Yes...I wouldn't get to have that life with you...why should L? He has everything and appreciates nothing..." He said his tone cold for the first time.

"Of course he appreciates-" I started to defend him.

"No he doesn't!" He roared his eyes blazing with fury. "How could someone as spoiled as L appreciate anything other than the sweets he shovels down his throat?! He's had _everything_ in life and on top of that he has _you_! Where's the justice in that?!" He shouted at me, I almost flinched at his tone.

I understood now...BB wasn't _in_ love with me. He was in love with the idea of me, the idea of the life L could have. He wanted so badly to _be_ L...he wanted me so he could further live in his delusion. I was nothing more than accessory, the icing on the cake...or in BB's case, the final glob of jam from the sweetest jar.

That was why he took away my chance to have children; he didn't want L to have more than he already has. It's true; L has a comfortable and cushy life. But it's not that simple...I see how much of a toll this job takes on him...

How L did not and could not forget the faces of thousands of victims. Who could comprehend the man who had lived his life, and had to live confronting all the lives ended prematurely, the tears of the grief stricken survivors, the devaluing of life as a daily reality. How was it possible to measure the pain of such a man? Was it a strain so heavy that L's back curved under all its weight? Was it an agony so terrible as to leave the indelible dark circles around his eyes? Was it a feeling so bitter that every bite he took needed to be coated in sugar? The chronically rounded shoulders, the inevitable dark circles, the eccentric tastes-L suppressed the pain of being a champion of justice, but the evidence of the pain was molded into his very body. (a quote from L: Change The World [novel] on page 151)

"You don't understand what he goes through with this job BB..." I said quietly. "He suffers more than anyone could ever see..." my eyes burned as I uttered this. Even _I_ couldn't see the pains L endured.

"L doesn't know what pain is!" He cried too far gone to care what I had to say. He _wouldn't_ understand. He _couldn't_..._no one_ could...

"Why have you come to see me today?" I asked my tone almost as frosty as the gaze I knew I was giving him.

He instantly smiled at me, all ferocity gone. "It's our one year anniversary Xiu." He said sweetly.

I couldn't take it anymore. That was the last straw, calling this wretched date an anniversary as if we were romantically involved?! I lunged at him without warning, he let out a small gasp and his eyes widened slightly, he moved to duck but my fist collided with his face and sent him back a bit. I couldn't help but grin; that felt _good_.

The light had gotten knocked over from where it was and was now reflecting in one of the mirrors lighting up the area we were in much more, I would say about 70%...oh god L _is_ contagious...

I could see BB much better now; I was wrong before he did look a little different. His hair was slightly longer and was no longer as messy as L's, it was tied back in a very low ponytail, and only a small tuff of hair was there though. His eyes had dark circles naturally but I could see he used some makeup or a marker to accentuate them. He wore baggy jeans but they weren't blue and now I could see his top wasn't a white long sleeved shirt as I had thought, instead it was a grey, almost a white grey and it was either stained with blood or red jam. I hoped it was jam...

His expression was hard and his eyes were blazing with insanity. I had opened Pandora's Box and now I was going to get to unleash the fury I had held for an entire year. He stood and let out a slow laugh, the same laugh from before. Some part of me wondered if he _was_ a Shinigami...

"Pretty good Tsuki..." he said, I hated how my alias rolled off his tongue. "But not good enough!" he cried out as he lunged at me. I tensed then ducked out of the way quickly swinging my leg around giving him a hard kick to the gut. I felt myself bursting with pride. Turns out L's lessons _had_ helped me more than I thought they would.

After last year's event, once I healed I begged him to aid me in self-defense...though even if I had known it; with how BB snuck up on me I had no chance of defending myself anyway. L complied without a second thought. I knew how to bring down an attacker easily, but this...I wanted to drag out.

I stopped my mind from processing what exactly I was doing, I just focused on the joy I felt defending myself and I was exhilarated by the fact L wasn't here. I was doing this on my own. I was no damsel in distress...

BB suddenly stopped and held up a paper, a large grin on his face. I stopped seeing it, why would he...My eyes widened. That was...

"Yolanda Espalza...what a pretty name she had...it's a shame I never got to meet her." He said amusement in his tone. "Did A's death bring up painful memories for you 'No-Name'?" He asked.

I froze. He had Martha's letter...I felt nauseous hearing him call me "No-Name". It had been so long since I was called that...he was trying to taint her memory...

"Gi-Give that back!" I called to him I thrust my arm in front of me holding my hand out. My tone was panicked...Martha...he...he wouldn't...

He pulled out a lighter from one of his pockets and held it under the letter. "Don't move 'No-Name' or I'll burn it right now." He said with a tone full of promise.

"I-I won't just don't burn it! And stop calling me that!" I glared tensely at him. He couldn't take away one of the only two physical things I had to remember Martha by...

His tone held amusement now, "Let's see what we have here...' I've missed my favorite nameless shadow.' Aww how cute...' Before I met you no one really even looked at me. I was always alone and it was always the same thing, sadness, pain, loneliness, crying...so much crying.' The poor thing...' I'm sorry Tsuki, I really tried. I just...I couldn't take it anymore. You were all I had and whenever you weren't here those bullies reminded me no one else liked me or cared about me.' Wow...what a heartbroken little girl she was...seems you were someone she truly treasured" he said with a thoughtful tone, a grin appeared on his face. "Let's continue shall we?! 'But it's ok now, I'm fine now. I promise I'm better and that they'll never hurt me again. I'm safe from them no matter what. Please don't cry for me, ok? I don't ever want you to lose that spark for life you have.' How sweet! She was right though, you do have a beautiful spark for life-"

"No more!" I cried out, tears falling freely. I covered my ears desperately trying not to hear more. Hearing him reading the letter brought back all the pain I felt finding it that night. The heartache I felt when I found her body..."I can't listen to anymore! Please stop reading it!"

"Oh that's so cruel of you Tsuki!" he reprimanded me; "These were her final words! To you no less! You could at least honor the poor girl and share them with the rest of the group!" he said amused, he flicked the lighter and held the flame under the letter not quite touching it but it was too close for comfort. "But if you don't want to hear anymore I suppose I could just-"

I stared at the flame, "No...no please...I'll listen just...just don't burn it...please..." I could hear my voice cracking as I spoke.

I couldn't lose that letter...

"Alright!" he said joyfully letting the flame die, "Now where was I?" He asked quietly. "Ah! Here we are...'Hey, remember how we always said everyone had a beautiful soul, no matter what they did? How beautiful do you think my soul is now? Think God will be happy to see me again? I hope he understands...' I'm sure he would...after all even her _best friend_ wasn't there for her...to protect her...What a shame the poor thing..." He said in a judging tone, "Hmm...' Please take care of Captain Cuddles for me. I trust no one more with the most treasured belonging I've ever had. Thank you for always being there and being a true friend to me. Know that, even though I never knew what it was like to be loved, I did love you very much. You were my first real friend and the only person that mattered to me.' Aww...Captain Cuddles...so that's what that thing was called hm?"

My head snapped up at that. He...he had...no...of course they were stored together...but...wait...why did he say _was_?

He seemed to realize I finally snapped to the conclusion he had been hoping for. "Ah about time you noticed...yes 'Captain Cuddles' is here too." He said amused as he motioned to one of the now illuminated mirrors. "Well what's left of him anyway..." He said in a bored tone.

My eyes widened at the sight of what he motioned to. It was the obvious remains of a stuffed animal. That's why I smelled something burning...Captain Cuddles was _gone_ now...

"If you don't listen to the rest the letter is next..." He warned, I nodded slowly and turned back to him. I couldn't lose those both of them...they were two of the few things I owned that I treasured...

"Wait!" I called out, I felt terror pass through me. "What about..." I trailed off not wanting to voice it. Sargent Justice...the only way he would have gotten those two things was if he had gone to our hotel room...Sargent Justice couldn't be...he...no...

"Hm? Oh the dog? He's fine! I don't much care for animals and there was no point in playing with him since you weren't around. He's safe and sound...locked up in his little carrier in your room." He said gently. I knew he wasn't lying...he would have boasted about how he tortured Sargent Justice if he had done anything. This reassurance calmed me slightly; at least my beloved companion was safe and sound...and wouldn't be touched unless I _was_ there to witness his suffering...

"Now be patient, we're almost done! 'All my love and friendship forever' How adorable! 'P.S. Now I can watch over you and help keep you safe just like you would do for me! I'll always be there, I promise.' Ha! seems she went back on her word since you let her down!" He laughed as he flicked the lighter without warning and set the letter ablaze. He dropped it to the ground where it instantly incinerated.

I stared in disbelief. Martha's letter was _gone_. Her final words of comfort, love and care...were _gone_. Something I had been holding onto for 13 years...was _gone_. Captain Cuddles was _gone_...I no longer had anything to remember Martha by. Now I was left with only memories, memories that were getting harder and harder to recall correctly, her voice I couldn't hear as clearly, her beautiful smile was blurry. I was losing her and now BB had made sure I would...

I snapped after that, I'm not sure what I did. I vaguely remember lunging at BB once more, and I knew I got some good hits in because I knew I was causing him pain.

However, I wasn't sure after that. I was attacking him and suddenly I wasn't. What had happened?

"Tsuki!" I heard a voice say behind me, I instantly went on the defensive and attacked the speaker. I stared in disbelief as L caught me mid-attack. I had almost hurt L...

"Wh...where is..." I asked dumbfounded. What had happened?

L was silent for a moment, "I don't know..." He said lowly.

Twice...twice he had gotten away. This time...he took Martha from me...I was afraid of what a third time would be...

I slowly realized that the lights were back on, that I could hear voices from outside and I could see flashing lights. What had happened and how long was I out of it?

"He...he had her letter...and...and Captain Cuddles...he..." my eyes landed on the remains of the two treasures and I felt fresh tears falling. "I'm sorry Martha..." I whispered to nothing.

L embraced me and held me tightly; I gripped to him as tightly as I could. I happened to see the mirror in front of me and saw something written on it in red; I glanced around to all the mirrors in sight and saw they said the same thing.

"Thanks for the memories No-Name!"


	26. You Can't Run From The Past Part C

Hey all! Sorry I've been taking SO long to post these few chapters but as I warned I'm going to be taking longer because now it's getting closer to the series portion of the story.

Also! Great news! I was able to find the **Los Angeles: BB Murder Cases** online somewhere and was able to use it to add to BB's character and I made A LOT of notes (17 pages worth) so when I get to the case I can be as accurate as possible.

If you want to read the **Los Angeles: BB Murder Cases** I have a link I found in my profile! The website seemed safe (I've had no issues since I went onto it) and if you don't care to read the whole story I also have two links on there I found a poem someone wrote in BB's POV and someone basically summarized the entire book into about a page or two of information. I DID NOT WROTE THEM AND TAKE NO CREDIT FOR THEM I ONLY USED THEM AS FURTHER REFERENCE!

Without further stalling please enjoy this **long** chapter in **Tsuki's POV** (it's over 11,000 words long!) to celebrate the 1st month of my fic's activation! (T_T they grow up so fast!) Italics are memories!

Warning: **emotional overload** fast approaching!

* * *

"Tsuki?" I heard L say from somewhere on my left, his voice sounded as if he was far away... I looked at him slowly. When had he moved me outside?

The last thing I remembered was looking at the mirrors...

"Thanks for the memories No-Name!"

Did he think he was funny?

What did he even mean by that?

Though he seemed to honestly believe he loved me...did he view this as some sick date or something?

What did-

"Tsuki." I heard L say again, his voice was more clear this time. I slowly blinked a few times. It was raining...but I wasn't getting wet...an umbrella?

"L?" I heard my voice say quietly. I saw him give me a little smile and he started to say something but I couldn't hear it.

What was going on? Why couldn't I hear him clearly? Why didn't I remember coming outside? Why couldn't I remember what happened before BB disappeared again?

What the hell happened this time?

I wished I had never met BB...but I couldn't forget it...

_I almost jumped out of my skin hearing the phone ringing in L's room. Who could be calling us? There was no telling with how many cases we were working on at the moment. I answered the phone putting it on the speaker phone function curiously. I looked at the phone trying to anticipate who could be calling us while L appeared disinterested as he stared at the computer ahead of him typing vigorously. _

_"Hello?" I said cautiously but I tried to sound as monotonous as possible, I knew my voice would be scrambled but I worried I would leak too much emotion regardless. L always managed to speak without much, unless he was talking to me privately, and this was the way countless police agencies, fellow detectives and anyone that could give viable information was contacting us._

_"Tsuki...L...there's someone the both of you should meet could you please come down to my office?" Watari's voice said kindly._

_"Of course Watari." L said easily, there was a moment of silence before Watari responded._

_"Very well, I'll be expecting you." And with that he hung up. _

_I looked at L confused, who could Watari want us to meet? He knew we were working on a case...well several cases to be exact...I hung up the phone slightly perplexed. Watari never called us..._

_"Who do you think it is L?" I asked quietly. _

_"I'm not quite sure, but for him to call us to his office while we are working it must be important." He said as he climbed out of his chair, his seemingly small body awkwardly moving towards the door. Sometimes I really couldn't believe he was 12 with how he moved and held himself. Sure, he looked the part of a 12 year old, but sometimes I wondered...especially with how he acted sometimes..._

_"Tsuki are you coming?" He questioned quietly by the door. I gave him a slight pout and walked up to him. _

_"Of course I am!" I said giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, earning a slight blush from him. We had only been together nineteen months now and still he blushed when I kissed him...too cute! "Come on Panda, we don't want to keep them waiting." I teased as I left his room; he made some sound and shuffled quietly behind me as we headed to Watari's office, the only sound coming from us was our bare feet pattering softly against the wood of the hallway._

_What could be the reason Watari would call _us_ to his office? Most of the time when someone was called to the office it was because they were in trouble, and even then it was Rodger's office they went to. No one was really called to Watari's office...if Watari had something about a case he needed to share with us he brought it to either L or my room for safety measures. We had to be as careful as possible when it came to handling information about a case; the less leaked the more air tight we could make the case._

_ However, that wasn't the reason we were going to his office. Watari said he had someone he wanted us to meet..._who_ would Watari introduce us to? Who was so important that we had to reveal ourselves to them? We never met anyone; the only people we associated with were residents of Wammy House, never someone from the outside. Even then, we never really associated with anyone in Wammy House and if we did we didn't really tell anyone who we were; we were to remain unknown after all. _

_I racked my brain the entire way to the office; nothing came up as a possibility. I stopped to knock but L already was turning the door handle. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him. I knew Watari was expecting us but it was just common courtesy to knock. I let out a sigh and walked in with L only to stop with what I knew was a baffled and shocked expression._

_L was in Watari's office...but beside me as well. _

_What...was going on?_

_"Ah, Tsuki...L...this is B." Watari said with a kind look. "He is the second child I have taken in to become L's successor."_

_It made sense now, why Watari wanted us to meet him in his office._

_Also...I knew why I didn't expect this, L already had a successor named A. A was a quiet boy, but nothing about him really stood out. He enjoyed playing outside, video games, board games, studying and rough housing slightly. He ate normal meals with normal proportions, he wasn't overly polite but he wasn't rude. The best way I could describe A in a quick manner is that he's average. That isn't to say that A wasn't bright, he was, but if his intelligence wasn't being put to the test, no one would understand why he was in Wammy House. Sometimes I wondered if he should have been brought here, he never seems enthusiastic about what he's required to learn or perform on. I had a feeling A would rather have a carefree life being a little above average in the regular world. I wondered if Watari had made a mistake taking in A as a successor for L..._

_I never thought Watari would take in another potential successor for L, though now I just thought of myself as dense for that very reason. L is the greatest detective in the world; of course more than one potential successor would be taken in. It was a brilliant move on Watari's part, however I couldn't help but question if it was a rushed decision._

_B looked like he could have been related to L...it was...chilling...how similar they looked. _

_He had dark messy hair like L's that even seemed to be roughly the same length, but his hair wasn't as wild; it looked messy in a lazy way, while L's looked messy in a wild way. His complexion was just as fair as L's, I couldn't tell from where I was if it was the same tone, perhaps L's was slightly lighter? He wore a baggy long sleeved black shirt and had on baggy blue jeans, his shoes were on the floor. He was even sitting L style but from what I could see he wasn't just sitting on his feet, his bottom was actually touching the seat, his arms were wrapped around his legs. He even fidgeted with his toes like L often did. The distinct difference between L and B's appearance that, to me, they don't even come close to matching up with: their eyes. _

_L's eyes were dark, almost black with a faint grayish ring around them and he had constant dark circles under his eyes from his lack of sleep. He had no detectable pupil in his eyes and most of the time his eyes appeared hollow and expressionless. _

_B's were different entirely. His eyes held life in them, but were dark, almost as dark as L's with even the same faint grayish ring around them; however, his eyes had a reddish tint to them if you looked at them closely. I could see no bags under his eyes; I assumed he didn't suffer from insomnia...lucky...Unlike L's eyes holding almost no emotion in them, unless it was when we were alone together, B's held emotion. One emotion in particular was strongest: curiosity...but it was coated in sinister evil._

_He smiled at us, a wide smile one would think was warm, but I could see how carefully practiced it was. He radiated evil..._

_"It...it's a pleasure to meet you B." I said quietly as L and I finally stepped into the office closing the door behind us. "And as Watari said...I'm Tsuki."_

_L said nothing beside me but honestly what could he say? How do you speak to someone who you just met that you also learned is only there to take your place? L was behaving no different from when he met A, I couldn't blame him though. It was fascinating and frightening to meet the man that was to succeed L if something were to happen to him. _

_What could B stand for? I couldn't help but wonder. Did he choose to be called B? Was it Watari's idea? Was-_

_"Yes, a pleasure as well, Tsuki..." He slowly released his legs and touched them to the ground just as leisurely. He stood in a careful manner that chilled me beyond all measure, how was he so much like L? Especially when he had never interacted with him before. _

_He stopped in front of us and I felt my body coursing with adrenaline to run from this young man. He had to of been around our ages, perhaps closer to L's but I could sense such darkness in him it kept me on edge. His eyes landed on my face and he just stared at me for a moment before shifting his eyes upward slightly then back to my face. B's expression was unreadable but his eyes danced with sinister mischief. Slowly he moved his gaze to L's face and stared at him for a moment before shifting his eyes upward then back to L's face. _

_A slow careful, yet innocently evil smile made its way to his face, "A pleasure to meet someone with so much life..." he said softly, in an almost kind way as he glanced at me, "...and someone severely lacking in life..." he finished as he glanced at L. "What a shame this is..." he finished cryptically, a slight eerie chuckle coming from him, this one didn't seem forced but it chilled me horribly. It reminded me of death..._

_It seemed like the kind of sound that would only come from a Shinigami..._

_That probably said it all...that I instantly thought of his laugh as one that would come from a Shinigami...B was not someone I was going to enjoy running into. _

_And what did he mean...by I had so much life...and that L was severely lacking it? Was that a threat? Or a promise? _

"Tsuki!" I slightly jumped as L yelled my name from somewhere beside me, his voice sounded slightly muffled but was unmistakably loud.

"What?" I heard my muddled voice ask. I felt faint sensations of being touched and something bright kept coming in front of my face. What was going on? What was touching me?!...wait...was something even touching me? It felt like it...but at the same time it didn't...

_"Come now Tsuki, I want to see how you faired during this exam." B said from behind me. I turned to look at him refusing to allow myself to jump, I wasn't the type to jump when startled but B defied that logic. _

_"Why does it matter how I did? Shouldn't you be worried about your own exam results?" I probed smoothly. _

_"Yes, but I would like to see how I fair against the woman that works with L." He gave me a slight challenging grin as his tone picked up ever slightly as a warning. Bastard! He knew he wasn't to mention I worked with L and we weren't even to hint to L's identity. _

_I let out a sigh and handed him my scored test. "Here...knock yourself out." I said in the most dry tone I could muster. _

_He looked at me in surprise, genuine surprise as he handed me my exam back, "You got a higher score than me...in anatomy no less...I love the subject." He said with a clearly surprised tone._

_I gave him a little smile, "I love the subject as well B." I said as I looked at his exam he handed to me. I looked through his answers and gave him a slightly bigger smile. "I didn't do much better; it was only one more mark that separated our scores. I'm sure we'll rival each other in this subject...I'll have to try extra hard now." I could hear the slight playful edge in my tone. _

_He gave me a slight thoughtful look but had on a kind smile, "Yes, and it seems from now on I'll actually have to try..."_

_I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him. _

_Jerk._

I felt my body jerk slightly as I saw Martha's letter in my mind suddenly. What? What was that? Why was I thinking of her letter?...oh yah...BB destroyed it...of course I'd looked at it so much I remember every detail of the letter. I didn't need to read it anymore to know what it said...how could I forget...

I miss Captain Cuddles...I wanted to hug him one more time...but I wouldn't get to now...he was gone...allllll gone...bye bye Captain Cuddles...

I'm sorry I couldn't protect you like Martha wanted...

Martha...when will I completely lose you?

What's going on with me?

_"What's wrong Tsuki?" B asked me from behind. I tensed slightly as I continued to the music room. _

_"Nothing's wrong, I'm just going to play the piano to relax my mind." I said as easily as I could._

_"Oh...yes you must need to relax your mind...after all the cases you and L work on are quite strenuous...and you are a woman after all..." He said innocently._

_"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" I asked trying to keep the fire I felt burning within me at bay. What I wouldn't give to clock the boy just once._

_"Hm? Oh you didn't understand what I meant...I'm not surprised of course. I simply mean that you are not as mentally strong or prepared for the tasks asked of you." He said in the same innocent tone._

_"Excuse me?" I asked as I stopped in my tracks and looked at him. I knew I had a hard set to my face and that my eyes were blazing with my annoyance. I was not in the mood for his condescending talk. _

_He paused and looked at me and ever so slightly tilted his head, "Hm...I have to further explain myself...very unlike you...very well. What I mean is that you need to find ways to relax and take your mind off of these tasks while L handles the burdens so well." He said, a slight smugness was now detectable in his tone. _

_"Actually _B_," I could hear the venom in my voice but I didn't much care, I was tired of him always talking to me in such a way, "L has ways he deals with the stress of these cases as well, so please don't assume that it's just me. Everyone needs an outlet for the stressors in their life or we would all crumble under what is expected of us. Playing music just happens to be the way I choose to handle my stress when I am able to. I find it's very relaxing to let out the things I have had to think about or see in the form of art. I can mourn the pain of others and allow my mind to recuperate so I can be just as sharp and useful on the next assignments. When I am unable to play the piano I do other things as well that don't require me to leave my room. I won't indulge your curiosity further but just because you can't see someone doing something, or you want to jump to conclusions about their behavior or reasons for things does not give you the right to judge. I have been working on cases much longer than L, so please, next time you wish to make an assumption about me think before you speak. It's rather beneath both your and my intelligence for you to not do so." I finished with a small breath calming myself instantly; I turned sharply on my heel and proceeded to my destination. _

_I faintly heart B respond to me, "Yes, it seems I was mistaken...color me intrigued Tsuki...you have my respect..." he walked off with an eerie chuckle that echoed in the hallway and sent shivers down my spine. _

I blinked slowly and looked around. We were in our hotel room. Wait...weren't we just outside...with someone...talking to me? And I think they were touching me too... Were they? And what the hell was touching me then...did that even really happen?

What was...I had something important I needed to do...what was it though?...Sargent Justice! I looked around frantically, but I could feel my movements were painfully slow, and felt my eyes burn with my relief as he crawled into my lap licking my face worriedly. He was alright...Why did I have to make sure he was alright? And why did it feel like he wasn't really licking my face? I could feel something touching me and I could faintly tell it was wet but it seemed...wrong...

When had we gotten back to the hotel? Weren't we outside? How had I gotten outside? Where was BB?

"L..." I heard myself say quietly. What was wrong with me?

"Tsuki what is it? Are you alright?" I could hear an edge of something in his voice but I couldn't hear him clearly enough to know what it was. Why was my hearing...off? Is that the word I was even meaning to use? What's wrong with me? What happened? What was going on?

_"Oh Tsuki...good I caught you." The voice of B said from in front of me. I paused my movements mid-step and looked up from the book I was reading. B was leaning against the right hand side of the hall I resided in. _Thankfully_ he was in a different hallway. I think if we were in the same hall my insomnia would be worse than it already is. _

_"What is it you need B?" I asked as politely as I could. He gave me the creeps and a voice in the back of my head told me one word that was on constant repeat every time I was around him: _RUN_._

_"I wanted to ask if you wanted to make jam with me." He asked smiling at me, his smile came off as kind and sweet, his expression seemed innocent, but...he was not any of these things. He could believably fake all emotion, it made me fearful how easily it was for him to slip into certain behavior. Sometimes I could hear him mutter to himself, "No that was too much." Or "Hm...perhaps like this next time."_

_What kind of person practiced how to speak or sound with others?_

_The only conclusion I could come up with is: sociopath. _

_Everything about him screamed he had ill intents on his mind, but nonetheless I was pleasant to him. Just because he could be incapable of feeling compassion and true emotion towards others doesn't mean he would become a serial killer like stereotypically believed. Not every sociopath becomes a serial killer...I really hoped B wouldn't. _

_"Well?" He pressed, innocent curiosity written across his face._

_I floundered for a minute thinking of an answer to his question. I was busy working on a case at the moment and I was eagerly trying to distract my mind from the thoughts of it, it was a bit horrific, but would spending time with B make me feel any better?_

_"Sure." I finally said, as long as he was being pleasant I didn't see the harm in indulging in his request for time together. I mean...we were just going to make jam. "Let me go put my book up and I'll meet you in the kitchen." I said giving him a kind smile._

_His face lit up slightly and he gave me an adorable wide grin. For a moment...I was able to forget he creped me out. _

_"Alright." He said as he turned and headed towards the kitchen. I felt myself smile slightly, he was cute _sometimes_._

_I headed back to my room and put up my book quickly then retraced the steps I had just taken to go to my original destination. B was cute, in a way. I couldn't deny that. The thing of it was though...he was creepy while he was being cute. His overall persona came off as sinister and naïve. It was astounding how he managed the two so well. _

_I wondered if B was a sociopath. By definition, a sociopath was incapable of feeling empathy. It's a mental disorder that the person suffers from making them unable to care about anyone but themselves. To them people are tools they use to gain what they want out of life. Of course, they can imitate empathy and concern but only when it is beneficial to them. However, since they are unable of feeling the emotion themselves, their behavior usually comes off as almost callous and distant. They don't feel compassion or fear, which makes them essentially free from any moral standings, if you didn't care for anyone but yourself, and did not fear dying...what would you do? This is why most serial killers are sociopaths; killing for them is meaningless and wouldn't affect them in any way._

_Could B actually be a sociopath? Too many of the traits I knew of sociopaths fit him...I was afraid to know the truth of the matter. _

_I got to the kitchen and couldn't help but smile as B came into the kitchen with a four gallon bucket filled to the rim with strawberries. He looked at me and gave me a small grin as he carried it awkwardly to the sink. He dumped them into the sink and turned on the water. I walked over to him and we washed out the bucket and began picking off the stems of all the strawberries as they were getting washed off and tossing them onto a towel B had placed on the counter so they could dry._

_Next we blended the strawberries into an almost liquefied form putting it all back in the large bucket. B had a small happy look on his face as he went over to the area where all the spices and such were kept. He came back over to me with a five pound bag of sugar and grinned at me. I couldn't help but smile at him, if no other time he actually seemed genuine when he was making jam. Something about it seemed to make him truly feel. I smiled as I went over to get the large jar of honey that was sitting in the pantry and came back holding it. He gave me a slightly perplexed look and tilted his head as he looked at me. _

_"Tsuki, what are you doing with the honey?" He asked curiously, his eyes wide and innocent looking._

_"Going to add it to the jam of course! It makes it extra sweet in the most wonderful way." I said kindly. After knowing L so long I learned many different and creative ways to make things more sweet. It was odd to me how B had the same obsessions with sweets, but it mostly seemed limited to jam and drinks. _

_He slightly beamed at me and nodded enthusiastically. "Please let's continue then. I can't wait to try the jam with honey in it." He said with an almost excited tone._

_I nodded and began to hum Mozart's 40th Symphony as we continued to work on the jam; I could feel B's eyes land on me more often than they already were once I started humming..._

_ It took us several large pots to account for all the mixings and such we had to do. I found myself slightly laughing as we began to coordinate our movements trying to keep all the jam from boiling over or burning slightly. We ended up adding the entire bag of sugar to it along with several cups of honey._

_B happily helped me sterilize the jars needed to store the excess jam and by the time it was done there were 10 jars of various sizes, most of them quite large, filled with the jam we made. He left the jars on the counter to cool as he helped me clean the kitchen up. After the kitchen was clean we made labels for the jam that read "B's Strawberry Jam: April 4, 1994". He looked at me once we were finished and gave me a small smile._

_It took me a minute to realize that it was a _real_ smile. I actually got a real smile from B, it was a small smile but it was real._

_He looked nice when he was genuine..._

_I realized when he smiled at me that I had actually allowed myself to relax slightly around him. I had enjoyed spending time with B; I actually wasn't creped out by his presence._

_I decided not to overthink it and just attribute it to the fact that we had been cooking and hadn't really spoken. _

_"Thank you for assisting me Tsuki. I could have easily done it on my own, but with your presence I found that I enjoyed it 60% more than if I were doing so alone." He said as he continued to smile at me, the fact he used percentages when he spoke unnerved me but for some reason at the moment it didn't._

_I smiled warmly at him, "I enjoyed helping you B. If you ever want me to help you make more, and I am able to, I would love to help you again." I said surprising myself. _

_Was I really just being polite or was I trying to make myself see that there was much more to B than I gave him credit for?_

_He looked overall surprised at my words but beamed slightly at me, "I would thoroughly enjoy your assistance in the future." He said as he started heading to the refrigerator. He pulled open the door and got out a small jar of jam before starting to head off leaving the door wide open._

_I found myself rolling my eyes at his behavior and closed the door. It was often B forgot to, or at least he just didn't care to, close the refrigerator door. I wondered if he had some reason for not doing so or if it just seemed unimportant to him since he only needed to open the door to get what he wanted, closing it would serve him no purpose other than wasted effort._

_Was I overanalyzing B? _

_Perhaps...but it still fascinated me in the most chilling way._

_I went to head back to my room and stopped when I saw B standing in the middle of the hallway licking jam off of his fingers looking at me with his wide, unblinking eyes. _

_I swear if I wasn't used to L doing this sort of thing to me it would have made me run away from him._

_"Yes?" I asked him quietly, he gave me a small grin. I wondered why he was looking at me the way he was. _

_I was almost afraid to find out..._

_He motioned for me to move closer to him and after a few silent seconds of debating I indulged in his request. I stopped just in front of him and he leaned forward, I had to fight to keep from flinching back. _

_"Beyond Birthday." He whispered to me before walking off casually as if my presence was no longer in the vicinity._

_I stood there for a moment before I realized he had told me his true name. _

_Why would he...?_

_I turned to look for him and found he was gone, only the lingering smell of strawberry jam was around me. I went to L's room instantly to tell him of my latest encounter with B...or should I say Beyond Birthday?...or wait...was it Birthday Beyond?...Hm...um...crap!_

I felt myself laugh slightly as I came out of the memory; the sound startled me because it sounded far off and wrong. That was the day I learned his name, but I could never remember which way it went. It surprised me so much that I was caught off guard entirely and couldn't even remember which of his names was first and which was last. I told L his name, but I went with the gut feeling I had that it was Birthday Beyond...though something now told me I was incorrect..._shoot_...which was it?

"Tsuki..." I heard L say beside me again. How many times has he said my name?

Wait...his voice is clearer...well more clear than it had been but it was still...off? Is that even the word I was looking for?

I looked to him slowly and smiled a little. I felt more myself.

Was I simply in shock over what had happened?

Was that why I was so...unreachable?

No...wait that's wrong...if I was in shock I would be in the hospital, not in the hotel room right now. Hm...what had happened?

No...no that's not right...I was in shock but it wasn't Circularity Shock, I was in Psychological Shock...that's what is is...but it's more commonly known as Acute Stress Reaction. That's right...Circularity Shock means my heart was at risk...Acute Stress Reaction is just the brain temporarily being in a stupor.

It's strange...I can figure this out...while not all mentally here...

Where is here?

Where am I again?

Oh, right. Our hotel room...where was our hotel room located though?

Hm...wait...wait...where was L?

I looked around slowly and looked at him curiously. He was right beside me...is that why he was so _loud_? But wait...L wasn't a loud person...he _could_ be...but he wasn't...was he trying to be loud?

But why was his voice so unclear? How could he be so loud, but so unclear?

How far in a state of shock was I in?

In...in...in...in...

_"Are you in or not?" a young boy asked me roughly._

_"In? No way! That's against the rules!" I cried out. The young boy just laughed at me and ran to Watari's office._

_I debated for a moment, act or not. If I did, there was a chance someone could get hurt the boy was more prone to violence than I was comfortable with facing. However, if I did not act he could potentially contaminate valuable records or even reveal the identities of most of the residence of Wammy House._

_Ugh...kids..._

_I was still a kid myself but still UGH!_

_I ran behind him to the office and slightly jumped in surprise as BB knocked out the young child easily. I looked at him cautiously. He gave me a small wry smile as he walked over to me. I gave him an unsure smile but a smile nonetheless._

_"Thanks BB." I said quietly. I sighed and picked the boy up moving him to a nearby bench. I started to head to another faculty member's office when he walked up to me quietly._

_"No problem." He said easily. I heard the unsaid "but" of his comment and sure enough, "But you know...you could have easily prevented my involvement if you weren't so hesitant." He finished with an almost kind tone, _almost_ being the key word here._

_Of course he had to insult me, that's how BB was. He unnerved me to no end and got on my nerves as well. How could someone that was so similar to my beloved L grate on my nerves so much?_

_BB looked at me slowly, a slight grin on his face. Oh great...now what?_

_"Tsuki...I find it odd you never returned my gesture." He said in an accusing tone._

_I stopped and looked at him perplexed. "I'm afraid I don't quite know what you mean BB?" I said more as a question than a statement._

_He leaned close and I felt my body tense with the desire to flinch back or to run from him. "The gesture of revealing yourself to me as I have done to you." He said in the most straightforward way. _

_"Excuse me?" The boy had lost me entirely and that was no small feat._

_"Oh...seems I've lost you in that manner of explanation...allow me to try again." he said, his tone not hiding the insult he _unintentionally_ threw at me, "What I mean is that I revealed my name to you, but you have not returned the courtesy." He said with a slight sad tone._

_I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at his poor attempt at guilt; he wasn't good at it even when he "tried". _

_"I wasn't aware it was a requirement." I said casually. I didn't want to tell him my name, besides how was I even sure his name was...Beyond Birthday...or did I have it backwards?...no wait I did it was Birthday Beyond...right?...Damn...I could never remember and I was not going to give him the satisfaction I had it wrong. So I stuck with calling him "BB" lately instead of just "B"._

_"It wasn't a requirement, it's just polite." He said with a slight smugness to his tone._

_I couldn't resist the urge to give him a look, "How can I be certain you even told me your real name? I could tell you mine and you simply told me an alias." I said holding back the frost I felt begging to be in that tone._

_He looked thoughtful for a moment, "Hm...I suppose you are right...but I assure you that was my real name...though I guess how much weight that holds depends on yourself and your ability to believe me." He said shrugging slightly._

_"Yes, and in an orphanage where we are specifically told _not_ to reveal our true names, I find it highly improbable that you told me your true name. And even if you did, it takes a great deal of trust and respect to tell another your name. I'm not saying I mistrust you," even though I did but that was beside the point I was making at the moment, "nevertheless the fact still remains that I would rather not reveal my true name to you. No one knows my real name and I intend to keep it that way." Ok...I told a little white lie but I didn't want _him_ knowing my name._

_"Something you just said to me was a lie." He said almost as soon as the words had left my mouth. I looked at him perplexed. Had he really seen through my little white lie?_

_"No, I assure you-" _

_"Please Takara," he said almost coldly, "I am not senseless and would rather you not lie to me." He said as he began to walk off. _

_I froze in place then instantly forced myself to look at him; I gave him the most convincing confused expression I could before speaking. "Why did you call me that?" I asked in the most believable confused tone I could muster._

_"Call you what?" he asked as he turned to face me. "I called you Tsuki didn't I?" his tone almost sounded innocent. _Almost_._

_"No...you..." I paused, "wait...yes...I guess I misheard you." I said deciding to let it go, the more I pushed it the more suspicious it would look. _

_"Ah, yes women seem to have problems hearing don't they?" He said with an almost smile. "Take care." He said before shuffling off as close to L's manner of doing so as possible._

_How...the hell did he know my first name?_

I frowned slightly. How did he know my name? Huh? What? What was L talking about? Breakfast?

Wasn't it dinner time? How was it breakfast now?

Is that why my stomach...hurt? I don't know if that's the sensation I mean...it feels funny...but I can't tell how...I can't...um...feel it enough? Is that what I mean?

What was going on? Why was I not able to keep time in mind? Why was I losing my sense of...does it even matter though?

Why was BB on my mind? And which damn way did his name even go!?

_"Tsuki!" I heard L call from somewhere beside me. I looked over to him and gave him a little grin. _

_Busted._

_"Yeeessss?" I asked him in a sing song voice as I threw my arms around him._

_He gave me a slight annoyed look as he looked at the remains of his favorite box of chocolates that was not almost completely empty. "Did you have to eat _those_ ones?" he sighed at me hopelessly returning my embrace._

_"Yup! Know why?" I asked with a cheeky grin, "Cause they're yummy in my tummy!" _

_His expression was priceless._

_Somewhere from behind me I heard the chilling Shinigami style laughter I was all too familiar with. I looked behind me and there he was standing there with wide unblinking eyes, his fingers stuffed into a small jar of strawberry jam...some dripping from his mouth looking a startling lot like blood..._

Huh? Wait...dinner? Wasn't it just breakfast? L's not trying to be funny...where was I?...what was going on?

Why was I thinking about strawberry jam? Hm...does that sound good? No...no it doesn't I never much cared for the stuff...but I think that was because of BB...I did like strawberries...

Mmmm...strawberries are good...I want strawberries...

Is that what I'm feeling, hunger? When was the last time I ate? Wait...what day was it?...What's going on?

Why couldn't I stop picturing BB's eyes? Something seemed to say they held a significance that I should take note of...but I couldn't be sure...

Where was I again?

Who's house was this?

It's a nice place...

Wait...something about it is familiar...

Room service?...oh yah! We're in a hotel...where was this hotel again?

...China...right?

Mmmm...Chinese is good...

I know Chinese...

Well...it's not Chinese...it's Mandarin, that's the traditional form of it.

Why was I defining stuff like I was speaking to someone?

Why was I even thinking?

What was going on?

I want sugar...mmmm brownies sound good...

_"You should put strawberry jam in them Tsuki, it will increase their deliciousness by 50% easily." BB said from beside me._

_I held back a sigh; he just wouldn't let it go._

_"BB...I appreciate the advice and I will consider it, however, this batch I would rather keep as I wish to make them." He really knew how to test my patients while I was on my menstrual cycle. I was in pain, and I wanted chocolate...was there a crime against me making myself a batch of brownies so I don't put my extensive knowledge of anatomy to use against this gnat beside me?!_

_"What a pity...you're going to miss out...it makes them _so_ good." He said a small grin on his face._

_Did he know how much he was pissing me off? He must have to have _that_ grin. _

_"Then it seems I will miss out this time. I will take your advice next time." I said firmly as I continued to make my favorite type of brownies, dark fudge with dark chocolate chunks, white chocolate kisses and walnuts. The batter smells amazing...no don't drool don't drool!_

_"Very well." he said with a dramatic disheartened sigh. He looked at me for a long moment before leaning closer to me. I resisted the urge to jerk back, knowing more of BB's behavior now, I knew it was the safer choice to not give into my urge to shove him away or flinch back. He gave me a small grin and moved so quickly I doubted it happened._

_Before I could react he shuffled away out of the kitchen digging his fingers into a jar and licking them clean nosily as he got further from me._

_I wasn't sure what he had done until I touched my face feeling something on it and my hand flinched slightly as I felt a sticky sensation on my cheek. I moved my hand back and looked at it. I stared at what I saw..._

_There was strawberry jam on my hand, which meant it was on my cheek...and I was pretty sure it was in the shape of lips..._

I felt myself "wake up" slowly as I blinked and took in the surroundings of the room. I sat up slowly as I stretched and noticed L sitting beside me in his preferred position with an anxious expression. I could feel that I was more "here".

"L...I'm alright..." I said quietly. I was somewhat disoriented still, the events of what happened were fuzzy at best. I could remember what happened, that BB had destroyed Martha's letter and Captain Cuddles...but other than that...I didn't really know what had happened...

I could see the relief pass over his face as he quickly pulled me to him in a slight painful hug. I was used to him crushing me against his boney frame and hugged him back ignoring the pain of his knees digging into my chest. I kissed his cheek and leaned against him slowly going over what had happened.

Where had my mind been? It was like I was in a dark closet with photos everywhere, I couldn't see them, most of the time but once in a while the light would flicker on just enough for me to see a photo, but not enough for me to take in all the details.

What happened? Why couldn't I remember much of what happened.

"L...what day is it? The last thing I remember...I think is going into the 'Fun House' and...then...BB...and I know I talked to him...but I don't know what about...and I know...he...he burned Martha's letter...and Captain Cuddles was destroyed...it's all so fuzzy...almost like it's a fabricated memory rather than a real one..." I said with difficulty, I was struggling to recall as much of the event as I could.

"You remember more than I know then..." He said after a minute. "We went into the 'Fun House' and we were forced to go down different pathways. Once we did I would say a couple of minutes later I heard you scream and then the lights went out. I found a way out through a small opening he seemed to have made in the side of the building and went to get help. I had no way of seeing enough to be of assistance to you and I knew you could handle yourself." He paused, I could tell he didn't like admitting to the fact he couldn't help me. "When I returned with help I saw there were bombs set to the doors that were activated once the doors were closed. If anything opened or even slightly moved the door they would have detonated. After the bombs were removed I was allowed to go inside to look for you behind the police. We found you in the center of the 'Fun House' and you were blankly staring ahead of you. You looked relaxed and unharmed, but your eyes were almost hallow." He paused again and slightly buried his face into my neck. I could feel him breathing slowly against me.

I waited for him to continue but I knew from his silence he wouldn't. I vaguely remembered him suddenly in front of me. How much time had passed since what happened?

Either he remembered I had asked the question or he heard my unsaid reminder of it, "It's December 2nd, it's been four days since the incident."

I could feel my body tense in surprise. I had been catatonic for four days? L...poor thing...he...all that time just watching me just being there...what had he done?

I felt him become slightly heavy and looked down to see he was now asleep against me. He was exhausted, more so than normal, I shifted him carefully gently forcing his body to stretch out and moved to hold him against me. I grabbed the blanket from over the couch and covered us up as I leaned back against the arm of the couch.

I ran my fingers through his hair gently and made a slight face as I felt the greasiness of his hair, I don't think he really left my side while I was...away. I inspected him further and found I had been correct on a few matters, he hadn't bathed and he surely hadn't changed his clothes since they still had a small stain he had gotten from the circus when I spilled something on him. I could see the bags under his eyes seemed to be darker, though it was hard to tell since I wasn't right in his face.

The idea may seem absurd but I can honestly tell how tired he is from a simple glance at his face; specifically the bags under his eyes. They always looked like they were dark black circles under his eyes, but when he got some sleep they actually looked a really dark purplish-blue. Right now however, I could tell they were much darker as I leaned closer to him. The stress of what happened had taken its toll on him. I knew after we got home from the circus he was going to sleep that night; he hadn't slept much beforehand, even less than normal. However, since he seemed to not have slept in a longer period of time than he's used to he had almost black circles under his eyes.

Something struck me as odd about the entire situation I had been through. Well...the entire thing did but something stuck out to me in particular.

BB's appearance.

Why did he look so different this time around? Last year he looked a startling lot like L. I was used to this, of course, since he had done everything humanly possible to copy L's appearance. He even went as far as wearing makeup to further resemble L.

This time...he looked similar, but entirely different.

Why did he look so different this time?

"What were you trying to tell me BB..." I whispered to myself as I stared intently at L's face. Perhaps looking at L would help since I was picturing the differences in BB from last year to this.

What caused him to alter his appearance so much? He always made a point to look like L...so why would he let himself slip from that?

Could it be that BB hadn't seen L for a while so he let it-

No no that was wrong.

L wasn't the type to change so easily...I mean the man's been wearing the same exact wardrobe since I _met_ him! That was 13 years ago! So that wasn't a logical reason BB would change his attempts to be like L.

No it was something else...something more meaningful. BB never did anything without reason, much like L; though to me it seemed entirely different.

L did things in code because that's something he learned to do to survive and to test people.

BB did things in a complex way or in code simply because he wanted to see if someone could figure it out and notice what was...different...

Wait...that's it...

_"Tell me Tsuki...do you know what 'B' stands for?" BB said beside me quietly, his tone seemed almost sad. _

_I looked at him from my crossword puzzle and gave him a perplexed look. Why would he ask me such a thing out of the blue?_

_"No BB, I'm afraid I don't know." I said softly. _

_"It stands for Backup." He said with soft anger. _

_I felt a gasp escape my lips. "Backup?!" I almost shouted. How could he have such a cruel name? What...no I knew BB hadn't chosen to be called Backup...it had to of been...but...why would Watari call him something so cruel?_

_I understand of course, Watari was a brilliant inventor and knew the basic way of the world through an inventor's eyes: always be prepared and ready to repair. _

_But...to name a _child_ Backup?!_

_"BB..." I whispered as I reached out slowly to him. "I...I'm so sorry...that you are stuck with such a horrid name...I do understand what Watari was thinking but...I'm so sorry." He looked at me with an unreadable expression as my hand touched his shoulder. I couldn't resist the urge to and I gently pulled him to me._

_His body stiffened as I embraced him close. "What are you doing?" he asked in a tense tone._

_"Hugging you..." I said gently. I could actually feel how frail he felt, he didn't have the muscle development L seemed to have but he had some obvious strength to him. "I want you to know something BB..." he was silent in my arms so I continued. "You are _not_ a Backup. That may be the unfortunate thing you were called but that does not define you or control who you become. You are your own person. Just like everyone else you are beautifully _unique_. I don't ever want you to think of yourself as 'Backup' or 'B' anymore. You are 'BB', your own identity and your own person." I said with burning eyes. _

_"Tsuki..." he said after a minute of quiet. I tightened my hold on him and slowly I felt him return the embrace, it was more awkward than when L would first hug me and it felt tense, but sad. "Thank you...even if...to the rest of the world...all I am ever seen as is 'Backup' for L...I know to one person...I am not such a thing." He said slightly leaning his head on my shoulder._

_"No BB, you never will be. You're always going to be BB to me; I'll never look at you as just someone there to replace L. You are you and I will never see you as anything but."_

I felt my eyes burning as I broke out of the memory. BB was always treated like just a copy...like someone that wasn't a real person. How could the world do that to him? You only get one life; it's so heartbreaking to think that BB never got a fair chance to be just BB.

That's why he looked different this time. Last time, he was trying to make me reject L...and see that I can't trust everything my eyes show me. This time he looked different because he wanted me to see _BB_, not L. I was still working on my theory for why he looked like L last time I saw him, but I was almost 84% certain that I was right or as close to accurate as possible without BB telling me directly.

...I just used a percentage to predict how accurate I was again, didn't I? L is really rubbing off on me isn't he?...Oh great...I really am turning into my _awkward_ boyfriend...

I looked at L and forced myself to slowly and quietly move away from him lying him down carefully on the couch. He slightly stirred but remained asleep. I smiled slightly at him and began to search our hotel suite. Luckily we were in the same one as we had been before the incident.

BB's favorite game: find what's supposed to be there but is not. BB left a clue to why he did everything, I knew he did but I wasn't sure what.

Sargent Justice followed me around quietly and made a small barking sound. I knelt beside him and pet him gently trying to make sure he stayed quiet. L needed rest and given the condition I had been in I doubted he made any effort to look for what BB had done to the room.

No...this was for me. I didn't want L to help me look for anything and I didn't want any clues. I had to do this myself. I was going to get answers.

The most frustrating thing, I couldn't remember what I had talked with him about when I saw him. The memory was there but it was so fuzzy I couldn't entirely recall it. It was a clear as trying to read a message underwater. You could make out just enough detail to guess what it said but you couldn't be entirely sure.

I wanted to be sure.

I spent what felt like hours searching the hotel room and stopped in my tracks getting an idea. It wasn't BB's style, entirely, but it would make sense with the situation: Look where I had kept the letter and Captain Cuddles.

I went into L and my room and searched through my temporary drawers in the dresser until I found the little plastic box I had put them in so long ago. I felt my eyes slightly burning as I looked at the box.

This is where I had kept my most precious memories, even Coony was in here.

I opened it slowly and slightly jerked my head back in surprise. The sheet protector Martha's letter had been in was occupied by a paper I knew was not her letter. In place of Captain Cuddles was a small jar. I took out the jar and stared at it in disbelief.

It was a jar of strawberry jam with a label on it reading: B's Strawberry Jam: April 4, 1994

This...I almost didn't want to believe that this was one of the same jars that we had used the first time we made jam together but sure enough it was. The jar was slightly chipped on one side and had the same flower designs adorning it.

I couldn't believe he had kept something that we had worked on together over 10 years ago...

I looked at the box again and saw that Coony was gone.

I felt myself slightly panic but I decided that I needed to look at the letter in the sheet protector before I react further.

I carefully pulled it out and saw it was a few pages long, I could instantly tell it was BB's handwriting and the date was the date of the incident, November 28, 2003.

I felt hesitant and wary as I gazed at the letter not allowing myself to skim it, what had BB wanted to say to me that he took the time to write a letter?

I felt unsure and sad as I began to read the long letter. Tears filled my eyes as I read it over slowly; by the end of it I was sobbing clutching the letter to me. I could feel my heart aching at his words. I never knew...

Oh...BB..._I'm so sorry_...

"Dear Takara,

By the time you've read this I will be out of the country so don't bother looking for me.

Now, onto what I wanted to say to you:

I bet you want the _real_ reason for what happened last year...well I decided I'm going to give it to you.

I knew you always wanted to have your own children. And I knew that L would be the father of any children you had. But I saw this as a _waste_.

You are a beautiful, intelligent, strong, independent woman that L does **_not_** deserve. I'm sorry to know that I caused your genetic line to end. Your children would have been breathtaking...

I committed those murders because I needed to make a point to L. I was trying to bring in the best detective to find me because I needed to speak to you as well. I had to see how you were doing. I had to show him how much you _should_ mean to him...

Each time I caught a glimpse of you or L when you left the hotel I could tell you were happy, but something was missing.

L didn't appreciate you like I know he does now.

I should explain, shouldn't I? Since you could have your own children and could have a happy future with L, he couldn't appreciate what he was lucky enough to have. A night of passionate sex leading to a life...it didn't suit you Takara. It didn't suit the life you _deserve_.

Now that you can no longer have your own children, L will _treasure_ you more, as he should. You deserve to be treated with love each moment you have and I know now that you will get exactly that because now, L only has you. No possible future L Jr.'s. I can't help but smile at this knowledge...

I bet L is much more affectionate now hm? He was crazy not to be before...and that is coming from _me_!

I honestly wouldn't have done that to you had I known you were pregnant, but by time I discovered it, it was too late. I am sorry for that.

I know someday you and L will adopt children and you will be a deeply loving and devoted mother. I know L will step up and do his best to be a good parent as well, but no matter what I know he will be _nothing_ compared to _you_.

I hope you adopt many children so they can know what it truly means to be loved and appreciated for what they are. I know you had an unpleasant past, and I'm sorry I added to your pains. But...I know this will further devote you to loving the children you will become a mother to. I hope you find broken children...because with your love alone, you could rebuild them with your bright and shining love that they forget they ever suffered.

You did that for me...I forgot how much I detested existing and people in general with your kindness and warmth in my existence...

Takara...I know you didn't believe me when I said I loved you, but I honestly do. I've never known love in my life...well I did from my parents but I lost them young so those memories are hazy.

I bet you're also wondering why I took Martha's letter and that stuffed bear of hers. The truth of the matter: I hated knowing you were hanging onto something so sad.

You have a beautiful spark of life in you and it hurt me to know you had something so tragic you carried around with you all these years. She died a long time ago Takara, you shouldn't be holding onto something so sad.

That's why I destroyed them in front of you...you had to _let go_.

I do understand...wanting to hold onto the last shred of her that this world had...but you were not meant to carry death around with you...

You are not someone that needs to have the constant burden of death. It's not a pleasant life and you of all people should _not_ know it.

So I made the decision I would destroy both of her possessions in your presence. You needed to let go of the past. You need to _live_.

I remember how you were when A died...I could see you crumbling inside. It was destroying you being reminded that suicide is something that happens in life. I understand, of course, how tragic it is for young life to end in such a way...but you can't let every death, especially suicide, destroy you. Life ends. That's how the world goes. Sometimes it's from accidents or old age, sometimes it is from disease or murder...it even ends at one's own hand. That's life Takara...just because other life ends, don't let it end yours as well...don't lose that stunning spark of yours I love most of all.

Never give up...it doesn't suit you. You are too good for that kind of end...I couldn't handle if you just gave up...

I need to thank you Takara, though I'm sure you don't know what for. When I came to Wammy House and was told I was to be called "Backup" I couldn't show it, but it made me sad. I remember that day you told me that I shouldn't think of myself like that; it made me really _happy_. I know I always made you nervous and on edge, and I'm sorry I did so...but that day I knew you pushed past that to make me feel better. It worked, more than I think you could ever realize.

Other than my parents I vaguely remember, you have been the only person to show me complete kindness, despite the times you would lose your temper with me. No matter how I pushed you, you were able to push past your feelings of me and show me kindness, even if it ended up being slightly forced. It surprised me most of all when I would purposely anger you to see how you would react towards me, I was met with a sharp tongue, but I could see your kindness and care in your actions.

Ah...if only I was in L's place...

Thank you Takara, for making me forget what it was like to be constantly surrounded by death. My memories with you will always be my most treasured.

I hope when you think of me, you don't resent me for things I have done and will do. I hope you can understand why I did the things I did and look on my memory with some form of fondness, as I will do with you. I will always resent L for being the one that gets to have you at his side. I will always wish that it was me that you loved so dearly instead of _him_.

_Every time_ I hear piano music, I will think of your breathtaking skill. _Every time_ I look at the night sky, I'll see your beautiful smile. _Every time_ I eat strawberry jam, I'll smile genuinely and remember the first time we made jam together. _Every time_ I shut my eyes I'll see your eyes looking at me, your beautiful sparkling sapphire gems. _Every time_ I hear someone humming I'll remember all the times I was lucky enough to hear you humming your favorite tunes. _Every time_ I fall asleep, you'll be in my dreams and I'll be the one holding you tightly, the one able to soothe you through your insomnia into a deep restful sleep each night. _Every time_ I hear your name, no matter the language it's in, I'll feel sad, but happy knowing you're alive and well somewhere protecting the world one case at a time. _Every time_ I converse with someone, I'll wish it was you and I'll hear your witty remarks within my mind and feel better. _Every time_ I walk in the moon's bright and thriving glow, I'll think of you and wish you were walking beside me. _Every time_ I think about the things I have done, I'll wish I hadn't taken the route I had; you make me wish I was a better person. _Every time_ I see a pregnant woman, I'll be sad because of the pain I caused you. _Every time_ I see a woman with black hair and blue eyes, I won't know a moment of peace while she's around because all I will see is you. _Every time_ this date comes up, I'll think about you...and remember the tears I caused you to shed. _Every time_ your birthday comes around, I'll wonder if you're enjoying the day and celebrating your beautiful life and are happy with the man you keep at your side. _Every time_ I feel any form of pain, I'll remind myself it's nothing compared to the anguish I have caused you. _Every time_ I breathe, I'll hope that just one of the molecules of the oxygen have passed through your lips so we're even closer. _Every time_ I see someone hug another, I'll think back to when I was wrapped safe in your loving embrace and the warmth that came from you. _Every time_ I see a couple kiss, I'll think back to when I kissed you this time last year and savor the feeling of your soft lips against mine. _Every time_ I feel a smooth material, I'll think of the feel of your skin under my fingers I was lucky enough to experience last year regardless of the conditions of it.

I don't believe perfection can exist in such an ugly world, but you made me believe this world wasn't so grotesque and that there are things _close_ to perfect. You made the world I know brighter with your beautiful moonlight shining all around me.

I know that I love you far more than L does. How do I know this, you might ask? Well simply because I do not get to have you and he does. He's always had you beside him from the moment he met you so long ago. He's been spoiled by your constant love and comfort. He's never had to be without you. The only time he came close to that is just a year ago when I threatened your life...

Takara...I hope you know I never planned on actually killing you...I just wanted L to know the fear of losing you.

After all, a _treasure_ as precious as you should be held tightly and admired at all times. He forgot that along the way and he needed to be reminded.

Today will be the last time you will ever see me. I hope you don't forget me...because I will never forget you. Who could ever forget you?

You know...I'm always going to wonder...what if I had met you first? Would you have fallen in love with me instead? Would I be the one that gets the chance to kiss you and tell you every day how much I love you? Would I be the one to make you cry out in ecstasy and know you were safe wrapped in my arms every night? Would I be the one showing you the deep love and affection you should be showered in every moment? I hope L steps up his game...because if he doesn't he will lose you in one way or another. I hope he makes you increasingly happy and keeps you constantly safe.

Did you like how I looked? I'll wonder about that too...I hoped you could distinguish me from L now...when you look back on me.

If you remember nothing else about me Takara, please...remember how much I love you...how much your memory has and will mean to me for the rest of my life whether it is one more day or decades more. I will love you until the day I die and even after that...

All my love for now and ever,

Beyond Birthday

P.S. I took your precious "Coony" because I needed something sweet to keep with me. I gave you my most prized possession hoping it would be enough to compensate for yours. I treasured that jar of jam since the day we made it because for once, I was truly happy. No jam could ever be as sweet as you."


	27. You Can't Run From The Past Part D

Hey all sorry it's taking me so long to get more story out, I've been working hard on this and am trying to do it justice! (ha pun intended!) I have been switching between L and Tsuki and BB's mindset, it's not difficult but I've been rereading and rewording a lot so the characters aren't muddled together. Very excited for the approaching series. After this part of the section You Can't Run From The Past there will be THREE more parts and then the series! :D The next chapter is a surprise event and the last two parts will be the Los Angeles: BB Murder Cases.

:D I worked really hard on this chapter it's over 10,000 words!

Onto the main event:

**L POV**, Italics are memories!

* * *

I was warm as I woke up, but not as warm as I had been when I fell asleep. I don't hear Tsuki's heartbeat or her breathing. I was lying down now.

I stretched slightly as I woke up and looked around, Tsuki wasn't in sight but I could hear her.

She was...crying? No, she wasn't crying, she was sobbing.

I got up quickly, slightly stumbling as I forced myself to move quickly after waking, and went to our room where the source of the sound was coming from.

Sargent Justice was sitting beside Tsuki whining softly as she clutched papers to her and sobbed uncontrollably. I went to her and knelt beside her. She looked at me slowly and her expression was that of deep pain and heartache, but I could see she was conflicted about her emotions.

I went to hold her to me and she shook her head holding the paper closer to her, if possible. I noticed a small container in front of her and saw it was a jar. I picked it up and examined it. I stared in disbelief at what I was holding.

A jar of jam...a jar of BB's jam. April 4, 1994...I remember her telling me about that day. That was the first time she made jam with B and learned his name.

Why did she have a jar of it? What was on the paper she was clutching to her so desperately?

* * *

_"I thought you were going to the kitchen for a quick snack?" I asked Tsuki curiously as she walked into my room._

_She beamed at me as she took her seat beside me again, "I was...but the strangest thing happened...I was on my way down the hall and B was there...he asked if I wanted to make jam with him and I figured why not. I could get to know him a little better and maybe pinpoint why he unnerves me like he does. Besides, he was also being pleasant. As we made the jam I saw a different side of B than I ever have before. He was genuinely happy. It was kind of cute...in a weird...confusing way." She trailed off with a perplexed expression. _

_I slightly tightened my grip on my knees listening to her. I wasn't very fond of B and I greatly disliked the fact she spent alone time with him. He seemed evil to me and I knew that she had a similar conclusion, if not the exact same. I looked at her slowly; I could feel how on edge I was at the moment and fought to keep from showing it. She was happy..._

_"Oh! I also learned his name!" She exclaimed in a whisper. She leaned close to me, "His name is Birthday Beyond." She said softly before giving me a light kiss on the cheek._

_I smiled slightly at her, I wasn't thrilled she had spent time with him but I couldn't seem to hold onto my annoyance as firmly as I saw her smile. She was really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Typical Tsuki..._

* * *

Had he treasured that day so much he kept a jar of jam from it? Did that experience really mean so much to him? If so...why had he hurt Tsuki as he had? What was the purpose of all of this...

As if she could read my mind Tsuki handed me the papers she had been desperately clutching to her. Once her hands were free she scooped up Sargent Justice and held him tightly. I could see her tears were running dry, but she was still just as distort by whatever the papers said.

I looked to the papers and felt my body tense slightly as I began to read them. He had written her a letter...

He left the country already, there was no doubt knowing him. The **_real_** reason? I resisted the urge to scoff. Of course I would have been the father...what does he mean that her baring my children would be a **_waste_**? I can't disagree with Beyond's analysis of her or what our children would have been like. Was he truly sorry?

So...he resulted to killing to make a point to me? Why would he result to murdering to send me a message? What does he mean "show him how much you _should_ mean to him"? Does he truly believe I take her for granted? What...something was missing? What was missing from our happiness?

He has the nerve to believe it took _that_ for me to appreciate her?! Yes he needs to explain what he means...

In a way...I can see what he means. Tsuki deserves a beautiful life full of love and free of the tragedies we face on a regular basis. I also can't deny he is also correct on another matter: I am extremely lucky to have Tsuki by my side. I'm not an easy person to be around or love and to truly love someone you have to work at it, and I know Tsuki had to work harder than I would ever have to.

She was radiant with life, despite the pains she's been through. They haven't torn her down and each time she gets knocked down she gets up twice as strong. I didn't believe it was possible for someone that has suffered so much agony in their life to be so warm and full of life but Tsuki was.

I, on the other hand, seemed dead in almost every way possible. I never seemed to show much life, and if I did it was only because Tsuki forced it out of me. I do try to display more emotion...more life than I know I actually show. It's not that I don't want to show it more; in all honesty I don't really know how to show it.

So...B believes he has done us a favor...he believes that now since we will have to go through other means to be parents I will treat her better. How can I treat her any better? If I knew how I would be doing so. I do treat her with love in every way I could fathom. Of course I treasure her...she means more to me than I could ever express...no words or actions could capture the depths of my feelings towards Tsuki. No L Jr.'s hm? What a comedian...yes I'm sure you are smiling B...

I've always been affectionate towards her, not once have I held back my emotions from her. When we were both underage of course we hid our relationship, though obviously not very well, but I never denied her affections in any way.

You wouldn't have done that if you knew she had been pregnant. I find this very hard to believe. Wouldn't that of been more motive for him to do what he had? He clearly said he didn't want us to have any "L Jr.'s" so why would he have changed his motives knowing she was pregnant?

Yes...I agree once more...she will be a stupendous mother. I also agree that I won't be as good of a parent as her. How could someone such as me be a good parent? For Tsuki I will try, but to be honest I had no hopes of being a good father...I would love any children we brought into our lives and do my best to teach them what I know...but as far as my confidence in my potential success will go...I dare not even think of a percentage.

...I have no doubt in my mind that Birthday was exceptionally accurate in his assumption of how Tsuki will be as a mother. No matter the life the children had before, it would be nothing but a distant memory with her deep rooted love. She will be the best mother to ever walk the earth, this I am absolutely certain of.

Why did he add to her pains if he knew how deeply she has suffered? How did he even find out how much she endured? Or is he merely speculating? After all...orphans often have painful pasts so it's no great leap to come to such a conclusion...

If Tsuki did something so wonderful for you, B, then why did you make her suffer so much? Why did you pain her with the most devastating thing imaginable?

You love her hm? Yes...of course you do. That's why you threatened her life, made her watch as you removed her reproductive system and showed her she had been with child. How could one not interpret these as a sign of deep love and affection?

Never known love...yes most orphans don't know what it means to be loved. Tsuki didn't and the love she did know was very short lived. Petty excuse Beyond...

Do tell why you would take those mementoes from her. They were all she had left from someone she cared deeply about. No BB, they weren't a reminder of something sad. They were a reminder of the beloved memories they made together. The bear represented the care and compassion that Martha had felt for Tsuki, she trusted her to take care of the stuffed bear she valued most. Tsuki revealed that Martha took the bear with her everywhere she went, so the bear was there for every moment they were together. Tsuki relished in that knowledge whenever she felt nostalgic or sad remembering her lost friend. Each time it was a different memory she was able to relive and she would always speak of all the memories fondly.

The letter while it was sad yes, it was something Tsuki viewed should be cherished. She made a point to savor the last words she spoke to anyone or them to her because she strongly believed the philosophy "treasure each day as if it was your last, you never know when your time will be up". They were sad words of goodbye, but they were Martha's last words that Tsuki felt she was honored enough to be blessed with. In Tsuki's view of things, Martha could have given her last words to anyone, but she chose Tsuki. The words weren't all sad as well, they were a promise that their friendship would not end with Martha's death. Martha promised she would be there for Tsuki no matter what...

You were selfish BB; don't try to justify it through any other means. You saw only what you wanted to, not the truth of the matter. She _did_ let go of Martha, but just because you let go of someone that passed away, that doesn't mean you have to let go of their memory. You destroyed them in front of her because it was some egocentric mission you were on. If you understood, why did you take them from her you selfish ba-

Why do I sense multiple meanings in his way of wording that she wasn't meant to carry death with her? Why does he make it sound as if he lives with a constant reminder of death? What could this mean? An illness? The memories of the murders he committed? What could it be?

Easy for you to say she needs to let go of the past. You're not the one with a scar baring the mark of the past. You aren't the one that will constantly be reminded of what happened. You will only be reminded if something triggers the memory. Tsuki will be reminded every month when her menstrual cycle does not come, every time she sees a small child, at every glimpse of a pregnant woman, each time she sees her bare lower abdomen, every nightmare of the incident. You honestly have no idea how deeply you wounded her Birthday...

How could a child suicide not get to her? It affected everyone in Wammy House, not just Tsuki. It's always sad when someone dies, especially a child. Of course Tsuki crumbled under the memory, she is a strong woman without argument, but she is not invincible. It brought up painful memories that she had to relive. Who wouldn't fall apart, even if just slightly, at something so painful? If you knew the truth about Martha's death, as only Tsuki and I do, you wouldn't have judged the matter so harshly Beyond.

You were so fixated on her you failed to notice the staff took it very hard as well. A was a social child; he got along with everyone and had many friends. He had even been friends with Tsuki and a good acquaintance of mine. Martha had been socially shy, much like your or myself, or even Tsuki...Tsuki had been her only friend so of course she took Martha's death hard, much harder than anyone else at Wammy House did simply because they didn't know her very well. Just because she reacted negatively to A's death does not mean she wouldn't recover from it. Tsuki knows as well as any of us that death is not something avoidable. She is far too wise and, unfortunately, experienced with the topic for that to ever be a questionable matter.

Tsuki does not give up, she never has and she never will. It's not in her personality, it's not something I believe she is even capable of doing.

Thank her...for what? I see...yes...being labeled "Backup" is a terrible thing. I remember Tsuki was in tears telling me about the matter...I think it pained her far more than you Birthday. Tsuki went on, it seemed endless, how you were a valuable human being and that you shouldn't have such an atrocious label. She was enraged with Watari for quite some time. I still don't believe she let that go...I know I'm smiling right now, Tsuki was that way. No matter how she felt about a person she was devastated when they weren't treated with the respect she felt all people deserved. Even though you made her nervous...she was happy to know you and did everything she could to make you see that you mattered.

Even if Tsuki was the only one to show you kindness BB, there is no other person to demonstrate it better than her. No matter what she's met with, she will show kindness. That's just who she is. She's a kind and giving person that somehow manages to see past all the wickedness a person can put forth and show unconditional compassion. Even now, after everything you've done...she's crying _for_ you.

If only you were in my place? No, she can care about you and feel sorry for you...but I don't believe Tsuki could ever love you. And I know she feels guilty at the moment because she _can't_ love you.

Surrounded by death? What do you mean by this exactly? You'll treasure memories with her...how sweet.

No...unfortunately she won't resent you for the things you have done...will do...now what are you up to Beyond? Yes...she will look on your memories with some form of fondness...because that's her loving nature. You resent me? Wish all you want B...perhaps if you played your cards differently...your wish would have come true...

You aren't in love with her Beyond...you are obsessed with her. Mentioning everything that will remind you of her can seem kind, but dangerous as well. Surely every second of your time won't be dedicated to thinking about Tsuki. If that were the case you would try to do away with me so you can have a chance with her.

You kissed her...I'm still not happy about that

Perfection cannot exist in the world, humans are not perfect nor is anything produced or thought of by humans perfect. Nature is the closest thing to perfection we humans will ever experience in this world, and even then that is not possible because we are destroying nature. However, I do agree to an extent, Tsuki is perfection, in her own way. The world is not black and meaningless B...the world around us is filled with many wonderful things, you have to know how to look for them though. Any life Tsuki touches will radiate more warmth and happiness than ever thought imaginable. She loves so deeply and genuinely, it's almost hard to believe...

You love her more than I do hm? That idea is absolutely absurd. There is no possible way anyone could care for Tsuki more than I do. I value her more than anyone could comprehend and I know how incredibly fortunate I have been in my life to know her warmth...her smile...her love...

What you say is the truth though; I've never had to be without her since I met her. If nothing else goes right in my life, I would be forever content with this knowledge. I did not have a bad childhood before I met her, but it wasn't incredible either. Each day I have had inner peace and true happiness with Tsuki by my side.

I will never forget that day last year when you threatened her life. I have never experienced such a level of rage or fear, and I doubt I ever will again. My life without Tsuki...is an bizarre idea because if something were to ever happen to the point she was no longer in my life or she passed away...I would no longer exist, not because I would end my life...but I would be like someone that needs life-support no longer having it. Without Tsuki, there is no L.

Whether your threat was real or not, it does not matter. The fact of the matter is that you threatened her life; you made the declaration that you would do so and you are not one to say something meaningless. The idea itself I don't even want to humor but what if I hadn't gotten to her by midnight that night, what would you have done B?

Do you honestly think I haven't known the fear of losing her? I live with it every day for a few reasons.

I could never forget how precious Tsuki is! How dare you suggest otherwise!

How fortunate, we will no longer be burdened by your presence. The next time you come along...you will be caught...and sentenced to death.

No BB...she will _never_ forget you...the scar you gave her will guarantee that, or have _you_ forgotten?

What if she had met you first instead of me...an intriguing question indeed. There is a possibility she might have grown to love you, provided you treated her better. You tried to manipulate her and you always talked down to her. You said it yourself; she deserves the best...so why did you never treat her with such?

How did you look? You spent years perfecting my appearance so why change it all of the sudden?

You honestly believe you love her? If only I could show you I'm fighting the urge to laugh. You do not know what love is and Tsuki is the last person that should care for someone like _you_.

Ha, how amusing, she's had your name wrong all this time. Doesn't that say something?

You took her only memorabilia from her childhood...her mother. That stuffed raccoon she treasured as much as she treasured the momentous from Martha.

You took something from dear her that represented her childhood and replaced it with a decade old jar of jam.

How touching.

I set the letter aside and looked at Tsuki once more. She looked so upset and confused as she held Sargent Justice to her. She wanted to believe that Beyond Birthday's words were true, that there was something genuine and warm about him; but I could see her distrust on the matter.

"L...I'm so confused..." she finally said. I felt sadness looking at her. How do I comfort her? My opinion and hers will vary greatly and no matter what is sad...nothing will change what has happened.

"I know..." I said softly. I moved closer to her and pulled her to me. I could feel her body stiffen as I touched her but she instantly relaxed in my embrace. She set aside Sargent Justice silently and grabbed onto me tightly softly sobbing into my chest. It pained me to see her so distraught, but there was nothing I could do to comfort her nor change the situation for the better.

Sargent Justice leaned against me and let out a soft whine as he looked up at us. I looked at him slowly and he stared at me for a long silent moment. He huffed and moved so his head was rested on Tsuki's leg while still leaning against me. I almost smiled at his action; he is a very intelligent dog, very suited for Tsuki.

Finally Tsuki calmed enough and pulled herself from me slowly. I watched as she got up and grabbed clothes before silently heading towards the bathroom. She hesitated at the door frame and spoke without looking at me, "You could use a shower as well..." Her tone was exhausted and deeply saddened.

Wordlessly I mocked her actions and followed her to the bathroom. I stepped into the shower after her and watched as the water fell onto her skin. She looked like a beautiful, yet sad, angel. I watched as the water made her hair straighten out from the excess weight, her skin quickly accumulating numerous drops of water clinging to her flesh before leaving her. Her face was somber, tear tracks, puffy eyes and a slightly stopped up nose remained from her long crying fit. She stretched in an almost graceful way as the water continued to rain upon her.

I could no longer resist the urge to touch her as I stepped closer to her and gently cupped her face. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked at me despite the water heavily falling on her face. I gave her a soft look before leaning down capturing her lips in the sweetest kiss I could. It had been days since I was able to show her any sign of love or affection and I couldn't take the abstinence of such simple actions any longer.

She kissed me back almost hesitantly for a moment before she moved closer to me gently hugging close to me; I almost shivered feeling her body against me once more. I moved one hand down to her side and gently traced it before moving it to her back lightly pushing her closer to me. I outlined her cheek lovingly with my thumb as our lips molded together in their familiar action. She clutched my upper back slightly and moved a hand to my head running her fingers through my now half-damp hair.

I wasn't sure how long we stood under the water kissing but I knew I felt the longing to show her more affection than I was. I didn't desire sex at the moment, but I wanted to show her how much I loved her with endless touches and kisses. I wanted to show every inch of her body how deeply my feelings ran. I knew she was in a state of shock after the incident and I knew she would recover in a few days' time, but I still worried deeply about her.

We mutually ended the kiss and she rested her head against my shoulder before gradually moving her hand that was tangled in my hair to my chest stopping over my heart. I glanced down at her as I rested my head against hers and watched as she slowly traced the tattoo I had gotten. I moved my hands to her upper back and lightly started massaging the skin as I began to hum one of her favorite tunes.

She smiled slightly against my skin and gave my chest a light kiss as she closed her eyes and leaned against me relaxing more. I smiled as I felt her calming down more; gradually I moved my hands lower lightly rubbing her back. She let out soft sounds of relaxed pleasure as I worked the stress and slight stiffness from her back.

Both of us lightly laughed as her knees buckled slightly as she began falling asleep. She pulled from me and grabbed what was necessary to bathe and began washing herself. I was about to stop her so I could wash her myself but thought better of it. I had spent the past few days watching her sit and do nothing, something she had a hard time doing even if she was ill, so watching her do something so simple was a treat at the moment. I drank in her movements and couldn't help but feel joy as I watched her. She knew I was watching but ignored me as she began to hum a random tune while she worked. The tune was something between happy and sad, but at the same time it was neither.

I could hear her confusion on the matter as well as her conflicting emotions. It would take a great amount of time for her to understand how she felt about this situation. I would have to do what I could to not push any of my personal feelings on the matter towards her and let her handle things as she saw fit.

I wanted to childishly destroy the letter by putting it through a paper shredder before scattering it throughout the hotel we were currently staying in. I wanted to peal the label from the jar, to light it on fire, and take the jar to the balcony window before throwing it over into the streets below so cars could run over it. Such childish notions were well below Tsuki and I almost felt ashamed with how I wanted to handle the situation.

After she washed herself I quickly did so and pulled her to me once more. She gave me a small smile before hugging me tightly; again I fought a shiver off. I held her close and whispered warm and loving things to her as I ran my fingers through her sopping hair. She softly hummed and I joined in her tune adding lower more harsh notes while she turned her tune to higher more mellow notes. Together it seemed like something a love song would be recited to but thankfully no words surrounded us.

We got out of the shower eventually and ordered room service before sitting cuddled together on the couch. Thankfully she was in a tank top and shorts so I was able to freely explore her exposed skin. She lightly giggled as my fingers traced her flesh in some places. She in turn ran her fingers through my hair in lazy random patterns causing me to relax to the point I began yawning, something I didn't do often. It was a perfect moment between us, until room service arrived.

We uneventfully ate the meal and decided we would go lie down in bed together. Before she let me lie down with her she made me strip down to my boxers. It wasn't often she made me do so and I indulged in her request each time she made it; most of the time she requested I do so was when she had a rough day or something upsetting happened. I held her to me as she contently rested against me; I almost shivered as she started tracing my torso lightly. I slid my hands up the back of her top tracing and lightly rubbing her back earning a few pleased sounds and shivers from her.

She was softly humming at the moment; mostly they were meaningless tunes that came to her mind. She stopped after a short while and began to sing "Breathe" by Faith Hill, a song she had grown quite fond of from moments such as this. I wasn't a fan of her music but I thoroughly enjoyed the song when Tsuki would sing it. I smiled softly at some of the lines; it perfectly defined the moment between us and gave insight to how simple our relationship could be.

She loved to make jokes at my expense that I liked sex more than what would be considered healthy, but one glance at Tsuki's form, or an indulging conversation with her would be all the proof needed as to why I enjoyed intimacy so much. She was an exceedingly attractive woman; she had a mature yet innocent sense of beauty about her. Her dazzling personality and vastly intelligent mind would appeal to any that could resist the temptation of her curvy form. Her persona radiated such warmth and love; it could draw in even the coldest person. Her immense intelligence would be enough to turn anyone on with just a simple conversation; she had a way of making things painfully complicated or shockingly simple. Funny enough, she enjoys sex as much as I and desires it as often as I do; she initiates it enough that there is no definitive answer as to who does so more. I still found myself wondering why I was the one she chose...

She was..._perfect_...

I could feel my mind fogging over with the desire to sleep and somewhere in the depths of my mind I found this odd, I had just slept earlier today. Why was I sleepy? Tsuki moved closer to my face and was softly singing now as she ran her fingers through my hair and across my skin. The action was so simple but it relaxed me to the point I was struggling to stay awake. Finally I surrendered to the embrace of sleep perfectly content with my Moonbeam in my embrace safe and sound.

* * *

_As soon as the door to my room was shut Tsuki let out a squeal as she bounced around slightly waving her hands, I couldn't help but laugh slightly. "What is it?"_

_"B! He's so creepy!" she exclaimed while squealing again. _

_I laughed a little more, "Yes...he is unnerving..." I admitted softly as I moved over to the chair in my room only to be stopped by Tsuki._

_"Unnerving?! No L he's _waaaay_ past unnerving!" she cried as she slightly gripped my shoulders. "He's so freaking creepy!" she exclaimed as she lightly shook my shoulders, I couldn't help but laugh more. It's been a while since she was _this_ entertaining..._

_"Yes...he's creepy." I said agreeing with her for amusement's sake slightly laughing as I did so._

_"It's noooooottttt fuuuuunnnnyyyy!" she cried out slightly laughing as she shook me. _

_I laughed more before gripping her arms suddenly slightly shaking her; she laughed in surprise and finally stopped shaking me. I released her as well and she pouted at me. _

_"Can you believe how much he looked like you?! I mean..._what_?! Could he be related to you or something or...just ah! I don't get it too creepy far too creepy!" she fussed as she walked around. "And that laugh! It made me think of a sound a Shinigami would make!" I slightly shivered as she mentioned Shinigami and she stopped in her tracks looking at me, apparently she noticed. "What is it?"_

_"It's nothing." I said quietly._

_"L..." she sighed as she walked over to me. "What is it?" _

_I sighed, she wasn't going to let this go now I was sure. "I...the idea of...Shinigami..." I floundered slightly, how do you say something like this?_

_She looked at me for a silent moment before her eyes slightly widened in realization, "You're scared of them..." She whispered._

_I gave her a slight look before looking away; it wasn't something I liked to acknowledge. _

_"Hey...it's nothing to be ashamed of...everyone's scared of something..." She said softly._

_"I know..." I sighed._

_"What is it about them that scares you?"_

_"Death." I was avoiding looking at her._

_"...You mean you're afraid to die?" She asked._

_"No...I'm afraid of..." I hesitated._

_"What comes after death?" _

_When I didn't respond she kissed my cheek and hugged me close, "I am too."_

_I stiffened slightly but hugged her back after a minute. I was afraid of what would happen after death, what waited for us all after we died? Was it a god of some sort? Some utopia we all dream about? A hellish nightmare that will show us true fear? Or was there simply...nothing? I believe that thought scared me the most._

_"It's ok to be afraid L, we all are. But...something I want you to know." She moved to look at me, I glanced off for a moment then looked back at her, "Whether I die first or you do, whether it's hours, days, weeks, months or even years...I'll be with you after we die...no matter what," she grinned cutely, "you're stuck with me for eternity!"_

_I smiled at her words then couldn't help but smirk at her words. I cupped her face and kissed her sweetly. She smiled at me and I promptly shoved her onto my bed with a small amused grin._

_"I feel so relieved to know I am stuck with you for eternity." I said in a dry tone._

_ She gaped at me for a second then pouted, "You're a real Jerk McMeany-Face!" she cried as she blew me a raspberry. _

_I laughed at this and gave her a small grin, "And who is dating this 'Jerk McMeany-Face'?" I challenged slightly. _

_She huffed slightly as she crossed her arms looking away, "This Dork Le StupidBrain de Countess." There was a 92% chance she was fighting a grin._

_I chuckled slightly, "When did you become a Countess?" I wondered how long this joke would go on for. Sometimes we carried them on for weeks._

_She gave me a playful shocked expression, "You mean...I never told you?"_

_I gave her a thoughtful expression, "I don't believe so...hm..."_

_"Well! That explains everything doesn't it!?" she gave me an amused expression. "From now on treat me with respect."_

_I looked at her for a long silent moment before giving her a small growing smile. "Yes, of course."_

_"There that's much-" _

_I promptly shoved her over on my bed cutting her off and smiled down at her. _

_She gave me a surprised look before a pouting mean expression crossed her face, "Jerk! Don't you have anything to say for yourself?!"_

_I paused and thought a moment, "Yes...I do."_

_"Well?" She raised an eyebrow at me expectantly. _

_"I'm hungry and cake sounds good. Will you make me some?"_

_She stared at me for a long moment before laughing so hard tears were flowing from her eyes. She laid back on my bed holding her sides laughing._

_I pouted slightly looking at her, "I was serious."_

_To this, she just laughed harder._

* * *

_I sighed as I shuffled into the kitchen, Tsuki was talking with Rodger about something and Watari wasn't here so I had to go to the kitchen to get something to eat. I looked around with slight annoyance, there weren't many appetizing sweets available and I couldn't cook. _

_"Aww...is the mighty detective hungry?" I heard the familiar voice of one of my successors ask me. I turned to look at him and gave him a dull stare. _

_"What is it B?" I asked uncaringly._

_"Why are _you_ in here? Shouldn't you be asking your little girlfriend? I mean she does do _everything_ for you right?" he asked with what I suppose he would have called kind expression._

_I stared at him uncaring and slightly annoyed; I wasn't sure how he managed to annoy me so easily. He stared back at me intently and glanced up slightly above my head then looked back to my face. "9136. Such a low number. What a shame..." He murmured quietly. "It's almost sad..."_

_I slightly narrowed my eyes at him, what was the significance of that number? What did he mean it was a shame? In what context is that a low number? What does-_

_"Don't think too hard L...can't have the greatest detective in the world hurting his precious brain can we?" he chuckled before getting a jar of strawberry jam out of the refrigerator and walked off leaving the door open. _

_I rolled my eyes slightly before I closed the door, only because it was in my way. I grabbed a package of holiday cookies that had been left for children to snack on as they pleased and went back to my room._

_9136...what does that number mean? Could it mean numbers on a phone? If that were the case the number was 9136...9 was either w, x, y, z...1 was nothing...no...that wasn't the case then, he wouldn't tell me a useless number..._

_Could it be a lock combination that was somewhere in Wammy House or something he told Tsuki? Hm..._

_Those conclusions make little sense...he said the number was low and that it was a shame...that it was almost sad...what could that mean...the only logical thing would mean time or a date..._

_Though if I were to convert it with age as Tsuki and I do...that would put me at 25 years old, and five days...the date would be November 5, 2007. However, if I put it to context from my present age to which I am 4790, the date would be December 17, 2019 and I would be 37 years old and 47 days. Yet, I am more confident in the probability that it was my first conclusion, the possibility of my accuracy is just over 30%. Not a high number, but the probability that I am correct with the latter number is well under 20%. _

_Is that date significant somehow? Why would he tell me a date that was 4346 days, over 10 years, away?_

_It didn't make any sense...but knowing B...it meant something important._

_Perhaps Tsuki knows what the number means...or at the very least she could help me figure it out. Could the numbers be something to do with Tsuki's age or...no...if that were the case he would had said it while she was around and he would have worded it differently. Hm...maybe I should mention this to Tsuki..._

_Yet if I did that, she would automatically think of the date I did, therefore she would be on edge until that date arrived despite it being over 10 years from now. She would do everything she could to figure out if the date had significance and would drive herself mad in the process. No, it's best she doesn't know about this for her own mental health._

_How clever B...you made sure I couldn't talk to her about this because you know the conclusion she would come to. _

_I will figure out what the number means and I will not mention it to Tsuki._

_Could it really be a date...November 5, 2007..._

* * *

_"L! Guess what!" Tsuki exclaimed as she rushed into my room closing the door behind her. I found it amusing she managed to remember to close my door but never her own. Before I could actually guess what she was going to say she continued. "B is really good at anatomy too! I have a challenge finally!" She beamed before pouting at me, "You always manage to kick my but in _everything_..." she sighed. "I swear you're part computer or something!" She said accusingly as she pointed at me trying to withhold her grin._

_I slightly chuckled at her behavior; she was always most animated when she came back from class, unable to contain herself any longer before spilling all the information just learned. I always looked forward to when she actually went to class for this reason. It was quite...cute, how she carried on so enthusiastically about what she recently learned. Some of it I knew beforehand, most I did not and I enjoyed learning things from her this way. _

_"Is that so?" I asked slightly amused._

_"Yah!" she exclaimed before hugging me around my shoulders. I kissed her cheek before leaning against her. She lightly giggled and rested her head on mine for a moment. We hadn't had a chance to see each other today and..._I missed her_...I glanced at the clock noting it was close to dinner time, it was no wonder I missed her so much._

_After a few moments she let me go and sat on the edge of my hardly used bed. "He tried to be Mr. I'm-So-Cool and pulled the 'let's see how the girl that works with L did'." I almost laughed at how she altered her voice to mimic B, "And made a biiiiig fuss about wanting to see my exam. Of course I didn't want to indulge in his childishness but he started getting louder as a threat so _hmph_! I let him see my test...Hehe he wasn't very happy I did better than him but it wasn't even by much! But how he reacted was insulting, he sounded so surprised I did better than him!" he glowered slightly before continuing, "And I told him it wasn't anything to worry about, I only got one more answer correct over him, I didn't want to be _too_ mean when I replied to him so I just said I would need to try extra hard. Of cooourse," she sighed as she rolled her eyes, "he had to be a jerk and say 'it seems now I'll actually have to try'. What a jerk!" she fussed as she kicked her feet slightly in annoyance. "Jerk jerk jerk jerk!" she chanted as she let off her annoyance._

_I slightly laughed at her reaction and smiled watching her fuss. It was always very entertaining to see her fuss about something, especially when it was one of the other children getting on her nerves about something. _

_"Seems you'll just have to show him what you're truly capable of now hm Tsuki?" I said with some amusement. _

_She stopped in the midst of her fussing and looked at me with a cute grin, "Yep!"  
"Tsuki...are you alright?" B voiced from beside us as we sat in the living room of A's wake. I glared slightly at him for his question, but before I could say anything Tsuki beat me to it._

_"No...B I'm not..." she said quietly staring off at nothing. She was holding Captain Cuddles to her tightly as if she would never see it again. "This is the second suicide I've been here to live through..." _

_"Oh really? Who was the first?" he asked intrigued. _

_"Someone you wouldn't know anything about." She said in a far off tone. Even hearing all about Martha from Tsuki, I knew very little about her._

_"Were you close?" B pressed._

_"Yes." Was all Tsuki offered him._

_"What was their name?"_

_"B...I understand your curiosity but please...I would rather not talk about this..." I could hear the unsaid of her comment. _

_Death was something she knew too well, she was putting on a brave face right now, but she wasn't doing the best job. She was slowly cracking under the emotions of those around us. Tsuki understood the pain everyone was feeling, she had lost Martha not long ago. However, she knew that no one here understood death as she did; I was nowhere close to understanding as she did. The closest thing I have ever experienced to losing someone was never seeing my mother again; even then I never knew what happened to her. _

_"Yes...of course." B said quietly, "But Tsuki...please keep in mind...death is as natural as eating." _

_Tsuki looked at him and gave him a slight perplexed look, "I've never heard that expression before."_

_He gave an oblivious look, "Oh, isn't that how the saying goes? Oh well it doesn't matter...but some people die more than once so it fits."_

_Her perplexed expression grew more so, "How can someone die more than once? You only have one life to lose."_

_"Ah ha...they do don't they?...well what about the people that are technically dead but at the last second they come back to life before they are officially counted as so?" B questioned with a slight tilt of his head._

_"Yes...I see what you mean B, touché. I suggest you copyright that saying...someone will want to use it someday." She said with the smallest hint of a smile that I was sure no one could see but me._

_"People will, won't they?" He smiled at her, "You're right I should...I'll look into the matter as soon as this bore is over..." he said before he shuffled off once more._

* * *

_I watched Tsuki as she went into the music room to unwind from the most recent case we completed. It was a difficult one that took it's mental and emotional toll on us both. She didn't know I was following her but I had to make sure she was ok. She had looked close to tears and I hated whenever she was alone when she cried or was in dire need of company._

_I felt my eyes narrow slightly as B approached her and spoke to Tsuki in a condescending manner. After the case we had worked on she was in no mood for such behavior on B's part. I felt a small smirk cross my face as she fired back against B's verbal assault. She handled it in a mature, yet obviously annoyed, fashion; her voice was laced with venom and the desire to lash out at B but she kept herself in check while putting B in his place. _

_She walked off after her lengthy comment and B responded faintly, seeming to think no one would hear him. Not only did he admit he was wrong but he also voiced she had his respect. The chuckle he emitted sent a shiver down my spine. I fully understood why Tsuki would rather not be in B's presence for long, the chuckle or laugh he produced added to the reasoning. B was _creepy_; there was no other word for it. _

_I regained my composure a moment later and gave B a hard stare as he turned his gaze to me. He walked over silently and stared at me, it was a rare occurrence we were face-to-face, especially so close. Personally I detested being face-to-face with B, it was as if I was looking into a mirror showing my darker side. _

_"Just had to come check on your little girlfriend hm?" B asked with a smug tone. "Don't have faith in her inability to cry?"_

_I resisted the urge to kick him in the face, "When you care for someone you feel the need to check on them when you know they are distressed." I said flatly._

_He slowly tilted his head at me and gave me a small grin, "She doesn't have the need to check on you it seems..." _

_I almost rolled my eyes, "She did actually, before she left the room." I said, possibly sounding slightly smug, as I moved to walk around him towards the kitchen._

_"You're a fool and she's wasting her time with the likes of you." He said darkly. _

_I turned to face him only to find him gone. I glanced around and found it odd I couldn't find him, he obviously left the room but he made no sound as opposed to normal..._

_Where did he go? I found myself wondering before mentally shrugging it off as I continued my way to the kitchen._

_Hm...now for a tough decision:_

_Fruit cake or strawberry cake?_

* * *

_I looked up from the computer I was busying myself on as my door silently opened and closed. Watari would have knocked and Tsuki always made some exaggerated entrance. Who could be coming into my room?_

_I found myself greatly surprised as my eyes landed on Tsuki, she had the most perplexed and unsure I had seen on her yet. What happened that was so confusing, so strange, for her to look like that?_

_"Tsuki?" I questioned as I slowly rose from my chair and walked over to her. _

_"Do you think BB's a sociopath?"_

_A sociopath, yes...B did seem to fit the criteria for one. That knowledge worried me with Tsuki around. She has a big heart...and I was afraid to let my mind come up with the probability of B finding some way to hurt Tsuki. _

_But what do I say to Tsuki? If I say no, she wouldn't believe me. If I said I wasn't sure, she wouldn't believe me either. One of her favorite subjects is psychology; therefore if I couldn't make some kind of conclusion, she would know something was amiss. If I said yes, it could scare her..._

_What do I do?_

_"You do...don't you..." she said quietly. _

_"Yes." I finally said._

_She hesitated for a few long, silent moments, "What should we do?" she sounded exceedingly sad and unsure._

_"I'm not sure." I admitted. Just because he was a sociopath didn't mean he would be dangerous, it simply meant he was more at risk. "I suppose...just continue with him as you have been, just..._be careful_." I said softly. _

_It was a tight spot we were in, specifically Tsuki. B had taken a liking to her, whether it was as a friend or something more I couldn't entirely decide yet. I wasn't happy with either idea to be honest but what could I do, especially now? _

_"I will L..." she said as she walked closer to me and pulled me to her in a tight embrace. I could feel how nervous she was. The truth she must have just realized was hitting her hard. It wasn't the knowledge that B was more than likely a sociopath that upset her, but the fact what that could mean for any of us here in Wammy House. What if B snapped one day? Sociopaths could be extremely dangerous because they don't have a conscious. What would he do to Tsuki if he had the chance?_

_The thought terrified me._

* * *

_"L...we have a problem..." Tsuki said as she forcefully shut my door walking over to me, an intense fear was written across her face. _

_"What is it?" I voiced evenly hoping to ease her in some way._

_"BB knows my name somehow. He called me Takara...I...I don't know if he knows my last name...but...it's not that far of a reach if he knows my first name...and if he knows my name..."_

_"There's a strong possibility that he knows my name as well." I finished for her trying to keep my tone even. _

_"And apparently he didn't want me to know he knew or he did it on purpose." She began then told me the events that had unfolded in specific detail._

_"There's no telling what his intentions were Tsuki." I said, either option sounded like something B would do. Either it was a slip of the tongue, as all humans are guilty of multiple times in their lives or he did it on purpose to unnerve her. _

_"It freakin' scared the crap out of me!" She sighed dramatically as she flopped over on my bed. I couldn't help but smile slightly at her childish action. _

_I moved over to her silently and sat on the bed beside her, my legs stretched out with my feet touching the floor. She looked at me for a long moment before sitting up and hugging me tightly. I returned the embrace holding her close, shifting to move her in my lap. She complied and cuddled close to me as I held her. _

_Now that my reputation was spreading both of us were at risk if anyone learned our identities. Tsuki wasn't known to the world as I was, but if someone learned that she worked closely with me and learned her identity...the possibility of either of us dying from the knowledge was higher than I was comfortable with. _

_Slowly Tsuki relaxed in my arms as I held her to me, eventually falling asleep. I looked down at her sleeping form and smiled. She looked free of any fear or panic she had been feeling her expression was now peaceful and relaxed. I kissed her forehead earning a small smile from Tsuki. Even in her sleep my signs of affection made her happy. _

_"Tsuki...I will protect you with everything I am..." I vowed to her sleeping form. _

_She mumbled something and shifted slightly in my arms before speaking once more, "L...is a...dummy..." _

_I fought to not let her comment make me laugh. She never spoke so clearly in her sleep and this was the first thing she says? _

_"I suppose I am..." I murmured to her sleeping form._

_"Yes." She said with a small cute grin before becoming completely still and softly snoring._

_I almost laughed again. Yes Tsuki...I'm your dummy..._

_I always will be. _

* * *

_"What's wrong L?" B asked as he walked over to us._

_I let Tsuki go and looked at him, I could feel annoyance instantly. He had jam dripping from his face, it almost looked like poorly made stage blood. _

_"Oh...nothing's wrong!" Tsuki said happily, a cute little grin on her face._

_"But L looks kinda down..." B said in a mocking tone._

_I almost rolled my eyes, "No I am not."_

_He chuckled, "Of course not..." he looked at Tsuki, "That was so mean of you to do T-suki..." he said. For a moment it sounded like he was going to say "ta". Was he going to call her Takara again?_

_She pouted at B and stomped her foot, "Oh shut it B! They weren't just for him, I could have some too!"_

_"Looks like more than some." B said without missing a beat. _

_"You have no room to talk B!" she slightly glared at him. "At the rate you go through jam, it's no wonder you have to make your own! And L goes through sweets at a faster rate than you go through jam. I _am_ allowed to eat you know!" She huffed._

_He looked at her and slowly his eyes traveled over her body, "You do look like you miss meals don't you?" he said before walking off in the direction of the hallway his room was in._

_She stared at him surprised. I narrowed my eyes slowly at B's retreating form. Tsuki was _not_ fat nor was she on the large side. She has always been a perfectly healthy weight and did not look to be unhealthy in any way. Each year every child of Wammy House went to the doctor to have a regular health checkup and physical and each year Tsuki is told she is a perfect weight given her height, muscle mass, bone density and body structure. _

_"That...that jackass!" she cried in a loud whisper, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of hearing her._

_"I agree." I said with annoyance._

_She sighed and looked down at the box of almost depleted chocolates before turning to look at me once more. A grin plastered on her face once more. I sighed as I glanced down at the box of chocolates Tsuki had eaten. Why those? I had just gotten those yesterday. I looked at Tsuki and she just continued to grin at me as I evaluated the remains of the chocolates, some chocolate still smudged on her lips. _

_It looked like fudge..._

_I felt my mouth water slightly as I looked at her lips. I wonder how much chocolate is coating her tongue...hm...perhaps it isn't _so_ bad she ate the chocolates..._

* * *

_"I swear I was so close to decking him this time!" Tsuki grumbled as she came into the room with a pan of freshly made brownies._

_"What happened this time?" I asked slightly eyeing the pan she was holding. _

_She sat on my bed and grabbed one of the pre-cut brownies before taking a forceful bite from it. I forced my eyes to her face instead of on the brownie. _

_"Jerk wouldn't leave me alone while I was making these." She growled. I almost laughed when she, once again, called B a jerk. That was her favorite thing to call him. "He kept telling me to add jam to them to make them taste better. Yah...I'm going to add _strawberry jam_ to dark fudge brownies with dark chocolate chunks, white chocolate kisses and walnuts! EW! That just sounds so gross! Maybe if they were plain brownies, yah I woulda given it a whirl...but..._these_?! He's just a jerk and...waaayyy to obsessed with strawberry jam..."_

_I laughed, "Yes that does sound like it wouldn't have been very pleasant." I said as I looked down at the pan of brownies._

_"Here." She said handing me one. "You deserve one for listening." She grinned at me before biting into her brownie once more._

_I took it without complaint and scarfed it down. Any sweets that Tsuki made were far better than any other I ingested. I pouted at her before she slightly laughed. _

_"Sorry L...these are so I don't kill you this week." She said before taking another eating it._

_I instantly stopped pouting knowing what she meant. Was it that time again already? Hm...how many of my sweets will disappear this time? I almost pouted again._

_"Oh yah...the strangest thing happened when that jerk finally got the hint and left..." she trailed off before touching her cheek slowly._

_I stared at her for a long silent moment before I spoke, "He kissed you." I hoped my tone was as even as I wanted it to be. _

_"Y-yah...on the cheek! So don't get your panties in a knot..." she joked trying to calm me. I gave her a slight smile but I knew it was tense._

_"Be careful around him Tsuki." For him to have kissed her, regardless of where...this was not good, it meant he cared far deeper for her than I was comfortable with. Whether or not he cared for her genuinely or not was still up for debate but since we were certain he was a sociopath, it seems he is going to try to get under Tsuki's skin and manipulate her large, loving heart._

_"I...I will..." she said slowly before attacking her brownie once more. _

_How much do you care for her B?_

* * *

_"I _hate_ Watari!" Tsuki yelled as she opened my door and slammed it so hard behind her it made the wall rattle._

_I jumped slightly at her entrance and looked at her slowly; I was deeply confused by her reaction. I was even more confused as to why she was crying. _

_"Tsuki...what happened? And why do you hate Watari?"_

_"That...that old bastard! Do you even know what 'B' stands for?! It stands for 'Backup'! He had the nerve to call a _child_ 'Backup'!" she ranted as she began to pace, angry tears falling. _

_I stared at her silently, I hadn't known what 'B' stood for but I hadn't thought it would stand for 'Backup'. It was no wonder Tsuki was so upset. _

_"How could he do that to poor BB?! It makes me sick thinking about it!" she said through angry sobbing. "I can't believe it! I don't want to!" she said furiously. _

_I went over to her and gently took her arm. She moved with me silently and sat on the bed hugging to me tightly as she crawled into my lap. She continued to angrily sob shaking slightly as I gently slid a hand along her back holding her. _

_There was nothing I could say to calm her or make her feel better. I understood her anger towards Watari; she respected him a great deal, especially for how well he treated all the children here._

_However, to find out he would name a child 'Backup'...I wasn't sure how much respect she had for him any longer. _

_I didn't know Tsuki's past but from how she spoke about it, she wasn't treated with human decency, or much cared about. To learn that Watari of all people would do something so cold to a child, though I did understand his reasoning's as I was sure she did as well, it probably brought up painful memories._

_After a while she calmed down and looked at me with tired blazing eyes, "You're not allowed to call him 'B' unless we're around other children."_

_I nodded without hesitation, Tsuki wasn't one that got so worked up very easily and while I've never been on the receiving end of her wrath, I have heard enough stories about it to know not to risk facing it myself. _

_She nodded with a small angry and tired smile on her face before it melted into a look of tired sadness. "He...was so sad...when he told me that..." she said sadly, I was sure if she was able to she would have started crying again, "I hugged him and told him never to think of himself as 'Backup', that he is his own person and to never forget that. And...he looked happy..." She smiled slightly. _

_I smiled at the sight of her smile, "I'm sure he was...to have someone as caring as you say something like that to him...it had to mean a lot." I said softly._

_She nodded and turned in my arms facing me more before hugging closer to me once more. _

_Tsuki...you probably don't even realize how much that meant to him..._


	28. Super Important Note! PLEASE READ!

Hey all,

I don't want to burden all of you with my problems but I have a lot of personal drama going on right now (lots of issues with anxiety and it's taking it's toll on me) and I'm not sure when I'll be able to continue writing. I just haven't felt like it too much...my love life right now is very painful (my first love too so yah...makes it even more fun) and the last thing I can focus on is writing a love story. Again, don't want to burden you with my issues but I felt you needed to know it might be a little while before I can continue this story.

_I WILL finish this story no matter what!_ I am NOT going to end this now! I will take this until the end of the Death Note anime and there will even be an epilogue chapter!

**However, until further notice my fic is on HIATUS.**

I am sorry to do this to all of you but I don't want to give you anything less than 140%

I welcome any and all ideas about the fic that I can incorporate in the future.

I feel horrible to leave this story hanging for now but I will make up for it I promise.

Thank you all for understanding,

-Yami Hirugashi-


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